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Running Away (rant)

Question:

I nearly ran away this week – sold everything, cleaned out my bank account and just disappeared into the wide blue yonder. I was at a travel agents booking a plane ticket when I pulled myself up short and realised what the hell I was doing. I had told everyone I was going away for a weekend, I just hadn’t told them that I wasn’t coming back…… Crashed a week ago – the whole world seems grey, flat and lifeless. I have to force myself not to run away. I feel as if my world is closing in on me like a steel mesh cage and I will just cease to function soon. I can’t function socially anymore already. I don’t even know whether my posts are getting to ASD at the moment – apparently my ISP’s news feed has dropped out. At the moment I’m not even scared anymore – I’m just staring the inevitable in the face, going to my doom calmly like an animal to the slaughter. Ms. V (Victoria)

Response:

I can see your post at 8:45 PM in New York.  What happened to you this past week or so that made you want to disappear?  With caring. Stan. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I nearly ran away this week – sold everything, cleaned out my bank account and just disappeared into the wide blue yonder. I was at a travel agents booking a plane ticket when I pulled myself up short and realised what the hell I was doing. I had told everyone I was going away for a weekend, I just hadn’t told them that I wasn’t coming back…… Crashed a week ago – the whole world seems grey, flat and lifeless. I have to force myself not to run away. I feel as if my world is closing in on me like a steel mesh cage and I will just cease to function soon. I can’t function socially anymore already. I don’t even know whether my posts are getting to ASD at the moment – apparently my ISP’s news feed has dropped out. At the moment I’m not even scared anymore – I’m just staring the inevitable in the face, going to my doom calmly like an animal to the slaughter. Ms. V (Victoria)

Response:

I nearly ran away this week – sold everything, cleaned out my bank account and just disappeared into the wide blue yonder. I was at a travel agents booking a plane ticket when I pulled myself up short and realised what the hell I was doing.

Good. I did that last year and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. At the moment I’m not even scared anymore – I’m just staring the inevitable in the face, going to my doom calmly like an animal to the slaughter.

Wait it out. As long as you do nothing drastic, you survive. Grey, flat and lifeless world is a matter of sensation, perception and cognition, all mediated by the state of the chemicals in the body. Same with the urge to flight. And that whole mix is the same one the docs point at for depression. So if you’ve got medication, what you’ve got isn’t working and if you haven’t got medication then you haven’t got any help for it at all. Either way, that sort of perception and the urge to flee indicate it’s time to see the doc. You don’t have to be social there, you just have to be present.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I nearly ran away this week – sold everything, cleaned out my bank account and just disappeared into the wide blue yonder. I was at a travel agents booking a plane ticket when I pulled myself up short and realised what the hell I was doing. Good. I did that last year and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. At the moment I’m not even scared anymore – I’m just staring the inevitable in the face, going to my doom calmly like an animal to the slaughter. Wait it out. As long as you do nothing drastic, you survive. Grey, flat and lifeless world is a matter of sensation, perception and cognition, all mediated by the state of the chemicals in the body. Same with the urge to flight. And that whole mix is the same one the docs point at for depression. So if you’ve got medication, what you’ve got isn’t working and if you haven’t got medication then you haven’t got any help for it at all. Either way, that sort of perception and the urge to flee indicate it’s time to see the doc. You don’t have to be social there, you just have to be present.

Thanks Bev, The urge to run is still strongly there. I am up and down on a daily basis, and I’m finding that frightening, usually I have long lows and long highs. Everything seems so pointless at the moment. But if I go, I go. There will be no coming back. I wont be welcome back after that. Especially in my family, who I’ve managed to do a brilliant acting job on so far, they have no idea that I’ve felt this way for most of my life. They think I’m the only one in the family that’s got it together…. And running away is so attractive….. No reminders of how pathetic I really am. I alternate between disgust and self pity. Not a pretty combination. I don’t want to give myself a break. Sorry, another rant…. Thanks again Bev. Ms.V

Response:

And running away is so attractive…..

Was for me too. But I learned my lesson. Next time, I’m running to. don’t want to give myself a break.

"You deserve a break today, so get up and get away to McDonald’s," – too much tv for me.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I can see your post at 8:45 PM in New York.  What happened to you this past week or so that made you want to disappear?  With caring. Stan. I nearly ran away this week – sold everything, cleaned out my bank account and just disappeared into the wide blue yonder. I was at a travel agents booking a plane ticket when I pulled myself up short and realised what the hell I was doing. I had told everyone I was going away for a weekend, I just hadn’t told them that I wasn’t coming back…… Crashed a week ago – the whole world seems grey, flat and lifeless. I have to force myself not to run away. I feel as if my world is closing in on me like a steel mesh cage and I will just cease to function soon. I can’t function socially anymore already. I don’t even know whether my posts are getting to ASD at the moment – apparently my ISP’s news feed has dropped out. At the moment I’m not even scared anymore – I’m just staring the inevitable in the face, going to my doom calmly like an animal to the slaughter. Ms. V (Victoria)

Thanks for your reply Stan, I just saw it today, my ISP is stuffed. In answer to your question…. what made me want to disappear…. I can’t even say, everything, I guess I put my foot down and told some people to get out of my life this week. People who make me feel like cutting myself after I have a conversation with them People like my ex-boyfriend of 8 years He never seems to go away though…… So I guess, no change. I am refusing all social invitations and have been for weeks. People are asking after me. I don’t know whether this is time I need to myself to recover, or I’m isolating from all I know in order to make the break and disappear. Time will tell I suppose. Thanks again Ms. V

Response:

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