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Clarification Needed

Question:

I need some clarification to a few things I have done lately if I am going to keep my bargain for this week. 1} Was I wrong to write an abuse report to a person’s ISP providor? 2}Does anyone think I was out of line to speak for the group? 3} Does anyone know an appropriate way for me to show how mixed up I feel when I have a mixture of loyalty ,sympathy,and empathy with betrayal, hurt and distrust that causes a general distrust toweard a lot of good pple without sounding crazy? I do truly apologize for my wrong methods of handling things like I did. 4} As a basically new computer user how do I avoid getting caught up in flaming by pple I care about and want to help? 5} I do trust this grp on a 99% basis and I do need your help when I get out of bounds~so I do thank all the pple who used I messages or even went somewhat out of bounds if they had in most cases been fair to me in the past~so keep me in bounds if you think I am out if I usually respond well to you~not strangers or pple who I feel uncomfortable with yet. I feel that the pple I respond well to know who they are as they have helped me babystep my way thru what they think should now be on a more mature level. 6} Not really a clarification Question or on the same level~but I foolishly used my true name last nite and {not that I think al’ens will jump out and eat me} hope that name can just be somewhat forgotten on this grp.Not that some pple did not already at my own discretion have it. Thanks~I appreciate each and every true {as pple in need of this grp} member here and I hope you can forgive me if I have hurt you.                                   Songbird Sometimes

Response:

I need some clarification to a few things I have done lately if I am going to keep my bargain for this week.

Hi Songbird! First, I aint gonna answer yes or no, just my opinion, and what I feel would be right for me and my group, ok? 1} Was I wrong to write an abuse report to a person’s ISP providor?

Doant think so. 2}Does anyone think I was out of line to speak for the group?

Hmm, I just spoke for the group in a message to a trouble maker here, but I based that on several responses to him, as well as my own feelings about it, and the knowledge about his trouble making in other news groups. So, no, I doant think you were wrong. 3} Does anyone know an appropriate way for me to show how mixed up I

Hmmm…."gee, I feel all confused today, feel like my left foot is going in one direction, the right foot going in the opposite direction, and my head is going in another direction, my heart in another, and…there’s like 1,000 directions we really want to go in, all in one step!" Another words, how do you feel about the color green, when there are a dozen opposing feelings coming from within the same body? Like, everyone in my system likes the color orange, so orange is a kool color for us, but if we’re to say green, that would only be one alter saying or wanting green, cuz the others doant want us to wear green. Right now, we’re thinking real hard on how to alter our systems behavioral elements so that everyone is mostly happy about it…but will it be an act of futility? "I" think so…but time will tell. feel when I have a mixture of loyalty ,sympathy,and empathy with betrayal, hurt and distrust that causes a general distrust toweard a lot of good pple without sounding crazy?

You figure this one out, let me know, please! I do truly apologize for my wrong methods of handling things like I did.

I tend to have this issue in my life, I apologise for everything, even before I know that I have need to apologise. What’s the mechanics of an apology anyway? Thinking that we’ve done something wrong…paying a high price for whatever it was that someone else percieved as wrong…  There is nothing wrong about anger, or speaking up about something that touches you in someway, unless you do so with the intent to hurt the other person. I am trying really hard not to be so apologetic, to me, apologising all the time is simply showing low self esteem. (speaking only for my own system here, the reasons why some other people apologise alot may well be completely different than my own) 4} As a basically new computer user how do I avoid getting caught up in flaming by pple I care about and want to help?

This is a hard one, cuz a person always wants to be supportive of their friend or someone they care about. Also, by doing so, we run the risk of the flames coming our way, putting ourselves on the hot seat, so to speak, and we all know that can be pretty uncomfortable! I was on the schools debate team, I was captain of our Junior & Senior High debate teams, I’ve won awards and trophys for debate. I’ve done classes (given and recieved) on debate and effective complaining. I can debate both sides of the coin very effectively. But on a personal level, anothers opposing views can destroy me, effectively. (my achilles heel) Sometimes, we just got to pass on by a potential sore spot. Maybe, being supportive in private would help, then again, no public support can be really hurtful too, to the person needing support. On the other hand, to continue the flames does no one any good, it keeps the hard feelings alive for weeks, when the initial comment was uttered weeks before. Bait me 10 times on 10 different subjects, I’m apt to bite 3 or 4 times out of 10, and maybe nibble a few times, but the rest, I pass on by. 5} I do trust this grp on a 99% basis and I do need your help when I get out of bounds

If I ask you to point out to me when I am out of bounds, or acting like a jerk, I run the risk of losing you as a friend, because chances are, I am going to get angry with you for telling me "Brian, you’re acting like a jerk", even though I asked you to tell me. "I" know I told you to tell me when I am a jerk, but the alter that was acting like a jerk will be adversely affected, and "out" when you tell me that he was being a jerk, or he probably will see or hear you calling him a jerk…poof, end of friendship.  (this is how it works in my system) I hate it, but that is the way it is, and has been a long standing problem for us. Also, when we do ask for help like you described, we’re giving others a lot of power over us. (potentially) feel that the pple I respond well to know who they are as they have

I think of when I told you that we would not want to have this "housepital" thing, and then reading another persons note saying they thought it was a good idea. I am sure other outside people would agree with her (or him) and some would agree with me, but only two replies were seen by my system, so I’m only speculating. 6} Not really a clarification Question or on the same level~but I foolishly used my true name last nite

I use my real name, and aint interested in anonymity. I’ve hidden this stuff for too long, I doant wanna hide no more. But I can certainly appreciate others who have need for their privacy and anonymity. {not that I think al’ens will jump out and eat me}

Hmm, well, maybe those as*wipes from the planet FMSF would, but that’s the only planet that I know of that is carniverous of human souls. Thanks~I appreciate each and every true {as pple in need of this grp} member here and I hope you can forgive me if I have hurt you.

Someone way way back BC asked a teacher how many times should we forgive, 70 times? And the teacher replied to him, 100 times that. Nothing you have said or done needs my forgiveness. And there are maybe a thousand things someone could be forgiven for in my book, but only one thing that I could never forgive, the cold calculating intentful & hatefully given hurt given by a vindictive person for little to no reason other than there own. Even then, I could forgive them, but to be close again? Never. But again, lest you take that wrong, you have done nothing to me that would be reason to apologise.          brians (Stormy)

Response:

I need some clarification to a few things I have done lately if I am going to keep my bargain for this week. 1} Was I wrong to write an abuse report to a person’s ISP providor?

        No. Thats your right. Its up to the ISP to decide whether any points you raise have merit. 2}Does anyone think I was out of line to speak for the group?

        I dont think you could or did. You spoke for yourself. You only complained, you did not cancel his service. His ~provider~ took on that responsibility, they ~investigate~ complaints and read the posts, they dont just decide on your sayso.   3} Does anyone know an appropriate way for me to show how mixed up I feel when I have a mixture of loyalty ,sympathy,and empathy with betrayal, hurt and distrust that causes a general distrust toweard a lot of good pple without sounding crazy?

        I dunno:) I do truly apologize for my wrong methods of handling things like I did.

        Thanks. 4} As a basically new computer user how do I avoid getting caught up in flaming by pple I care about and want to help?

        Learning how not to flame has little to do with the computer itself. Has to do with you. Sticking with the SYSK standard helps, imo. Disentangling from people who only fight helps. 5} I do trust this grp on a 99% basis and I do need your help when I get out of bounds~so I do thank all the pple who used I messages or even went somewhat out of bounds if they had in most cases been fair to me in the past~so keep me in bounds if you think I am out if I usually respond well to you~

        Well, I personally try to give feedback on what I percieve. Keeping you in bounds is too much work. I gotta keep me in bounds. :) Honest feedback is all I can ( erratically and unreliably ) offer. not strangers or pple who I feel uncomfortable with yet. I feel that the pple I respond well to know who they are as they have helped me babystep my way thru what they think should now be on a more mature level.

        Dunno? 6} Not really a clarification Question or on the same level~but I foolishly used my true name last nite and {not that I think al’ens will jump out and eat me} hope that name can just be somewhat forgotten on this grp.

        Was it x-no’d? You could go ask deja to nuke it. Not that some pple did not already at my own discretion have it. Thanks~I appreciate each and every true {as pple in need of this grp} member here and I hope you can forgive me if I have hurt you.                                  Songbird Sometimes

        NOJ Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in his shoes, that way, if he gets angry, he’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

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