Act Acting » Acting Classes » Dealing with loneliness
Dealing with loneliness
Question:
I truely feel that until you live with loneliness for many years you will never find true fealings that really define whats important to you as an independant person IMPO
Response:
how many have of you really know whats going on
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I dont know what im doing so please help me talk to someone who has been on this program. please respone.
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I think that you can deal with lonelyness by getting into maybe clubs or getting a new job
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Cat wrote: > Being alone and being lonely are two separate issues. Some of the > lonliest people i know are married or in a relationship! Now that IS > sad.
I think lonliness has two levels too… in my past relationship I was lonely (so I broke it off) but it was different than now (single)… where I really want to meet the right person… maybe this doesn’t make sense??? Jeff.
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u1006…@host.warwick.net (Generic User u1006057) wrote: > Karl > <marx>
I liked the post myself, but what’s this Karl Marx business?
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On 24 May 1997 11:13:42 GMT, "John Underhay" <junde…@peinet.pe.ca> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I agree that we are a naturally social species, but there is enough >individual variation in our social needs that generalizations are hard to >make. Many people do function well in large impersonal settings, but many >of us prefer smaller groups. I have always struggled with integrating >myself into a group of strangers. I am much more comfortable with a small >group of friends. Even there I can be challenged by feeling that I may >offend one (or more) of them by not dividing my time equally among them. >In the same way that music and art preferences differ among individuals, >social needs differ as well. There is no right or wrong in these >preferences. Difficulties arise when a jazz lover is forced to hear ONLY >rock music. >The main point I would like to make is that as each of us moves through our >lives, we must find the pieces and parts that make US more comfortable in >our own skins and not try to live to satisfy others.
Amen on all counts, John! The Long Rifle
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u1006…@host.warwick.net (Generic User u1006057) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->So, here are my thoughts. I should mention that I’m speaking >from a "naturalist" perspective – that is, I believe that humans >are just another animal, albeit one which engages in far more >complicated social relationships than most others. Anyway, my >first thought is that "loneliness" is the feeling of "not belonging" >- specifically, not belonging to a "tribe". Obviously, the cure >for loneliness would be to warp one’s own brain and surrender to >the "common culture". However, from what I’ve seen, both I and >most other lonely people do not like the common culture that we >live in, and so we find it impossible to overcome our dislike >and join the culture. >When people tell us, "get off the computer, have a drink, and >get a life", what they’re really advising us to do is to give up >our resistance and dislike of their culture, and let them brainwash >us into becoming happy members of their tribe. Of course, we lonely >people resist doing so for a wide variety of reasons. It is my belief >that unless one creates one’s own tribe (via pets, etc.), a lonely >person cannot be "cured".
A good point, but not always true. Sometimes, one is not accepted by a "tribe." For example, a black person in a white area might never be accepted no matter what ideal he tries to adhere to. I think Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison helps to explain this point. Matt – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->So, then, what to do to survive with our loneliness? Well, I would >like to point out that the desire to belong to a tribe is not the >*only* desire we have as humans, although I recognize its potency. >Since a lonely person cannot expect to satisfy this desire, he/she/it/ >whatever must abandon this and seek other drives to satisfy. Thus, >I recommend healthy levels of self-indulgence – sex, food, music, >reading for pleasure, philosophy, etc. I do not recommend the use >of illegal drugs, for most of these are simply too expensive for one >with a lonely lifestyle to afford, and those which are affordable >(alcohol) have a nasty tendancy to reduce one’s income. Legal >drugs, such as Prozac, Zoloft, etc. I find useful – they increase >one’s sense of well-being without significantly decreasing the >reality of one’s well-being. >In conclusion, I’d like to point out that a lonely life *is* >"worth living". One does not need to be a member of a tribe to >enjoy all the things life has to offer – one can still enjoy good >food, good sex, good excercise, good music, etc, etc. Of course, >it is a hard life, for humans do have a hard time struggling without >the emotional support of others. But despite this, I think it >can still be a good life. And of course, pets help greatly 
>Well, anyway, flame away > Karl > <marx>
Response:
Chipper (chip…@rbdc.rbdc.com) wrote:
: just join in and get with the program??" The "tribe" as you pointed out is : quick to label you as anything from "shy" to "anti-social" and other : things that aren’t even as kind as that. I did a lot of agonizing and : twisting myself into a pretzel to conform, before I realized I could either : do a great job of being "me", or a lousy job of being "one of them". I’ve My way of solving this is by means of being like an actor, and I found that I like people who ARE actors. Actors do it on a stage (or set) while I do acting in real life. Actors (in the normal sense) are often on the fringes themselves like I am. There are not many social situations I like, but I certainly seek them out. Acting classes are nice for me, and doing my acting in bars. The problem with bars, of course, is the attendant problems with alcohol. The costs of alcohol is the price I pay in order to socialise. It’s either drink on my weekends or get awful isolated from people. When I’m out drinking it up, I fire up my favourite accent (heavy Aussie) as it’s a great way to start small talk, and I’m certainly an expert on why I have it!. Without the accent, I would be nearly as much a loner (outside of work) as the UNABOMBER suspect was until he got caught. A major problem I have is that I can’t live with other people, as I also have a need to be alone and hence "offstage". I can’t be around others 24/7 like I was in the Navy. Nobody can act continuously. — CAUTION: Email Spam Killer in use. Leave this line in your reply! 152680 http://www.ripco.com/~pentius/
Response:
I am not flaming Karl, just adding my thoughts to yours. John Generic User u1006057 <u1006…@host.warwick.net> wrote in article <5m4s2b$…@host.warwick.net>… > Hi everyone.
<<<<Some snippage>>>>> > So, here are my thoughts. I should mention that I’m speaking > from a "naturalist" perspective – that is, I believe that humans > are just another animal, albeit one which engages in far more > complicated social relationships than most others. Anyway, my > first thought is that "loneliness" is the feeling of "not belonging" > – specifically, not belonging to a "tribe". Obviously, the cure > for loneliness would be to warp one’s own brain and surrender to > the "common culture". However, from what I’ve seen, both I and > most other lonely people do not like the common culture that we > live in, and so we find it impossible to overcome our dislike > and join the culture.
I agree that we are a naturally social species, but there is enough individual variation in our social needs that generalizations are hard to make. Many people do function well in large impersonal settings, but many of us prefer smaller groups. I have always struggled with integrating myself into a group of strangers. I am much more comfortable with a small group of friends. Even there I can be challenged by feeling that I may offend one (or more) of them by not dividing my time equally among them. In the same way that music and art preferences differ among individuals, social needs differ as well. There is no right or wrong in these preferences. Difficulties arise when a jazz lover is forced to hear ONLY rock music. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> So, then, what to do to survive with our loneliness? Well, I would > like to point out that the desire to belong to a tribe is not the > *only* desire we have as humans, although I recognize its potency. > Since a lonely person cannot expect to satisfy this desire, he/she/it/ > whatever must abandon this and seek other drives to satisfy. Thus, > I recommend healthy levels of self-indulgence – sex, food, music, > reading for pleasure, philosophy, etc. I do not recommend the use > of illegal drugs, for most of these are simply too expensive for one > with a lonely lifestyle to afford, and those which are affordable > (alcohol) have a nasty tendancy to reduce one’s income. Legal > drugs, such as Prozac, Zoloft, etc. I find useful – they increase > one’s sense of well-being without significantly decreasing the > reality of one’s well-being. > In conclusion, I’d like to point out that a lonely life *is* > "worth living". One does not need to be a member of a tribe to > enjoy all the things life has to offer – one can still enjoy good > food, good sex, good excercise, good music, etc, etc. Of course, > it is a hard life, for humans do have a hard time struggling without > the emotional support of others. But despite this, I think it > can still be a good life. And of course, pets help greatly > Well, anyway, flame away > Karl
The main point I would like to make is that as each of us moves through our lives, we must find the pieces and parts that make US more comfortable in our own skins and not try to live to satisfy others. — ———————————————————————– John Underhay | "I must live this chaos" junde…@peinet.pe.ca | Anais Nin Prince Edward Island
Response:
Cat wrote: > Being alone and being lonely are two separate issues. Some of the > lonliest people i know are married or in a relationship! Now that IS > sad.
And so true! The desperation with which I see so many cling to unworkable relationships is a product of the *fear* of being alone. RJ — The Open I a journal of self transcendence… http://www.geocities.com/Athens/6812 ———————————————————— OpenChat http://www.geocities.com/Athens/6812/chat.html
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—–BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE—– In article <01bc67f4$e00f1fe0$8c53abc7@pat>, "Chipper " <chip…@rbdc.rbdc.com> wrote: >One of the biggest pitfalls of not having the support of "others", is the >tendency I’ve had in the past to assume that "it must be me…that many >people can’t all be wrong…there’s something wrong with me…why can’t I >just join in and get with the program??" The "tribe" as you pointed out is >quick to label you as anything from "shy" to "anti-social" and other >things that aren’t even as kind as that. I did a lot of agonizing and >twisting myself into a pretzel to conform, before I realized I could either >do a great job of being "me", or a lousy job of being "one of them". I’ve >finally come to realize that I like it here on the fringes…I can hear the >water talking to the trees and feel the silver of the moon on my skin…
I thought this was very well expressed, not least for its slightly wistful and certainly poetic quality. It certainly struck a chord with me and reminded me of that song I hear on the radio sometimes which goes something like "Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy, sunshine in my eyes sometimes makes me cry". Can anybody tell me proper title of that song, and who it’s sung by? I’d really like to know. This thread is called "dealing with loneliness", though I must confess that, on the occasions when I have felt lonely, I’ve tended to feel that I wasn’t so much "dealing" with it as putting it to good use by forcing myself to look more closely at the positive aspects of life. Maybe that *is* "dealing" with it? VADER .-. |_:_| /(_Y_) ( /M/ ) ’. _.’-/’-'-’._ ’: _/.–’[[[[]‘–._ ’: /_’ : |::"| : ’. ’: // ./ |oUU| .’ : ’: _:’..’ _|___|_/ : 
’:. .’ |_[___]_| :.’: [:: | : | | : ; : ’-’ /’.| |.’ .;.’ | |_ ’-’ : | | .: : | | | | ‘. : | / :. .; | / | | :_ / : | | | : : | || / : : |: / |__| /| | : : :_/_: /’._ ’–|_ /___.-/_|-’ ’-’ ~~~ This PGP signature only certifies the sender and date of the message. It implies no approval from the administrators (ad…@nym.alias.net). Date: Sat May 24 10:51:19 1997 GMT From: va…@nym.alias.net —–BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE—– Version: 2.6.2 iQEVAwUBM4bIKE5NDhYLYPHNAQFE0wf9EHN1LxB22xSY/kqqFnxJwVlpdxHckoE9 S6PiKyqpu+5lCzFBHaySNzzZmcDrOioT2fE49W7FIwiyJMsFoRLSXzmrMuvWX8xy M0U/wMQeE+McS2YsCJnlk0s3+C2TsgRpnausAa7KvYgkMDowxQuqoKonMwOgCRMO dEDLopNiSE/WbylPksG57HVBj3gZRKG0RKodmHLoXzjaQzT9Gyj3l6mXQhH/gCEp FLjKnDzl35sUD2m9Mf5DX2mhP+HepBACJmBM2Zv5GLJRgF64pMlsUSyZiRBBtv1X bIOuAdbC/rHQVS/SduUxP1Y+RDSSEVVG0WLDNGcjUnw2BhyodvuR/g== =eas/ —–END PGP SIGNATURE—–
Response:
Hi everyone. It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted on USENET… until recently I had a job and so I was a bit too stressed out to think coherently and post. But now that I’ve been fired, I’m feeling much better and I think I can now add to the ongoing conversation here… Anyway, as the subject indicates, I’m not going to offer any advice on how to *cure* loneliness – I have a funny suspicion that’s impossible. Rather, I’m going to offer my opinions on how to avoid letting loneliness ruin one’s life. So, here are my thoughts. I should mention that I’m speaking from a "naturalist" perspective – that is, I believe that humans are just another animal, albeit one which engages in far more complicated social relationships than most others. Anyway, my first thought is that "loneliness" is the feeling of "not belonging" – specifically, not belonging to a "tribe". Obviously, the cure for loneliness would be to warp one’s own brain and surrender to the "common culture". However, from what I’ve seen, both I and most other lonely people do not like the common culture that we live in, and so we find it impossible to overcome our dislike and join the culture. When people tell us, "get off the computer, have a drink, and get a life", what they’re really advising us to do is to give up our resistance and dislike of their culture, and let them brainwash us into becoming happy members of their tribe. Of course, we lonely people resist doing so for a wide variety of reasons. It is my belief that unless one creates one’s own tribe (via pets, etc.), a lonely person cannot be "cured". So, then, what to do to survive with our loneliness? Well, I would like to point out that the desire to belong to a tribe is not the *only* desire we have as humans, although I recognize its potency. Since a lonely person cannot expect to satisfy this desire, he/she/it/ whatever must abandon this and seek other drives to satisfy. Thus, I recommend healthy levels of self-indulgence – sex, food, music, reading for pleasure, philosophy, etc. I do not recommend the use of illegal drugs, for most of these are simply too expensive for one with a lonely lifestyle to afford, and those which are affordable (alcohol) have a nasty tendancy to reduce one’s income. Legal drugs, such as Prozac, Zoloft, etc. I find useful – they increase one’s sense of well-being without significantly decreasing the reality of one’s well-being. In conclusion, I’d like to point out that a lonely life *is* "worth living". One does not need to be a member of a tribe to enjoy all the things life has to offer – one can still enjoy good food, good sex, good excercise, good music, etc, etc. Of course, it is a hard life, for humans do have a hard time struggling without the emotional support of others. But despite this, I think it can still be a good life. And of course, pets help greatly Well, anyway, flame away Karl <marx>
Response:
Karl…I agree with many of your points, disagree with few, but overall enjoyed your post…no flames here… jen
Response:
Generic User u1006057 wrote: > …my first thought is that "loneliness" is the feeling of "not belonging" > – specifically, not belonging to a "tribe". Obviously, the cure > for loneliness would be to warp one’s own brain and surrender to > the "common culture". However, from what I’ve seen, both I and > most other lonely people do not like the common culture that we > live in, and so we find it impossible to overcome our dislike > and join the culture.
I like to think that there are ways to relate to people other than through the "common culture". There are ways to transcend this culture through personal contacts. Simply posting here and expressing your views (and finding some degree of agreement) is proof that there are people who are part of an "alternative culture" who don’t buy into every or even most of what the mainstream culture promotes. > … It is my belief > that unless one creates one’s own tribe (via pets, etc.), a lonely > person cannot be "cured".
Creating any kind of tribe can lead to alienation and conflict. Our only hope is to see that there is a unifying theme or form of awareness that dissolves the false barrier of self or tribe. There is a kind of basic human experience that makes all of the trappings of culture fall away. I’m not saying it’s easy to reach this kind of awareness, but pulling into yourself and associating only with those who think and act like yourself is not going to solve your problem — it will only isolate you more. > So, then, what to do to survive with our loneliness? Well, I would > like to point out that the desire to belong to a tribe is not the > *only* desire we have as humans, although I recognize its potency. > Since a lonely person cannot expect to satisfy this desire, he/she/it/ > whatever must abandon this and seek other drives to satisfy. Thus, > I recommend healthy levels of self-indulgence – sex, food, music, > reading for pleasure, philosophy, etc.
Self-indulgence may be the heart of the problem for many lonely people. Concentrating on the self and associated "needs" cuts us off from others. That doesn’t mean I recommend austerity and stoicism. But helping others is an important component of helping ourselves because each one of us is so much a part of everyone else’s life. > In conclusion, I’d like to point out that a lonely life *is* > "worth living". One does not need to be a member of a tribe to > enjoy all the things life has to offer – one can still enjoy good > food, good sex, good excercise, good music, etc, etc. Of course, > it is a hard life, for humans do have a hard time struggling without > the emotional support of others. But despite this, I think it > can still be a good life. And of course, pets help greatly
There are many times in our lives when loneliness may be unavoidable. We shouldn’t give up on ourselves or despair that our lives aren’t worth living because of that — I agree with you on this point. But ultimately living a life apart from everyone else will not be a satisfying one. There are subtle but important ways that we impact on others (you’ve done this simply by posting). Focusing on this can help us encourage these tendencies toward involvement and sharing within ourselves, helping us move beyond the trap of living only for the self. RJ — The Open I a journal of self transcendence… http://www.geocities.com/Athens/6812 ———————————————————— OpenChat http://www.geocities.com/Athens/6812/chat.html
Response:
> . Anyway, my > first thought is that "loneliness" is the feeling of "not belonging" > – specifically, not belonging to a "tribe". Obviously, the cure > for loneliness would be to warp one’s own brain and surrender to > the "common culture". However, from what I’ve seen, both I and > most other lonely people do not like the common culture that we > live in, and so we find it impossible to overcome our dislike > and join the culture. (snip) > When people tell us, "get off the computer, have a drink, and > get a life", what they’re really advising us to do is to give up > our resistance and dislike of their culture, and let them brainwash > us into becoming happy members of their tribe. (snip)
I couldn’t agree more. I’m sitting here laughing because this whole scenario reminds me of Tigger (of Winnie-the-pooh fame) who sees honey and is sure he loves it, only to try it and say with disgust "Tiggers don’t like honey"……It took me awhile to realize that the reason the "tribe at large", which includes the majority of people, looks so happy when they’re doing a "tribal" thing, is that they really are having a good time! That’s what suits them. However, everytime I’ve tried joining in, I’ve ended up drooling with boredom with the usual varieties of chest-beating and small-talk, feeling claustrophobic, and generally needing to escape with my own thoughts and listen to the wind and lick my ruffled fur…There are things worse than loneliness. For me, loneliness seems to be the lesser of evils. > (snip) > In conclusion, I’d like to point out that a lonely life *is* > "worth living". One does not need to be a member of a tribe to > enjoy all the things life has to offer – one can still enjoy good > food, good sex, good excercise, good music, etc, etc. Of course, > it is a hard life, for humans do have a hard time struggling without > the emotional support of others. But despite this, I think it > can still be a good life. And of course, pets help greatly > Well, anyway, flame away > Karl
One of the biggest pitfalls of not having the support of "others", is the tendency I’ve had in the past to assume that "it must be me…that many people can’t all be wrong…there’s something wrong with me…why can’t I just join in and get with the program??" The "tribe" as you pointed out is quick to label you as anything from "shy" to "anti-social" and other things that aren’t even as kind as that. I did a lot of agonizing and twisting myself into a pretzel to conform, before I realized I could either do a great job of being "me", or a lousy job of being "one of them". I’ve finally come to realize that I like it here on the fringes…I can hear the water talking to the trees and feel the silver of the moon on my skin… chipper
Response:
I seem to fit your definition of lonliness but I am very happy with my life about 80% of the time. I truly enjoy my solitary pleasures (and yes I have ALOT of animals). I don’t want to be cured. I really don’t consider myself lonely, (not that there aren’t times, there are) but the life i have carved out for myself allows me to function within the common culture on my terms, supplying me with the finances to live the life i do. As for self-indulgence, i DO treat myself well, everyone should. That doesn’t mean that i don’t help others, i do, but my momma always told me you have to "love yourself first" and i am finally doing that. Being alone and being lonely are two separate issues. Some of the lonliest people i know are married or in a relationship! Now that IS sad. cat
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