Making Peace with The STranger…..
I for one.am beginngint to see the advantages.of being me, and am beginning to accept all facets of my personality, though seems I have no choice…if ever want to be happy, going to embrace .all of me…without further defense, explanatior or apology.
good for you… umm.. all of you!….. every one. :-0|} anna — "it is so easy to return to our spirit world from where we came. life is not easy. but life is not nearly so hard when we honor the self…." ~~ blessed are we to dwell in these beautiful temples ~~
Lord Knows, I have tried to deep six my multifaceted personality, in favor of a one dimensional personality, pleasing to the world, for social acceptance, and success, etc . I initially started to at age 15, when I was still totally me, and my high school advisor.went off on me about my having chosen basket weaving as my major! She had to sign my course schedule for sophomore year, and REFUSED to do so…until I took the summer to think about some things..she decided to inform me of First, she chose to SHOCK me into listening, telling this playful, fun lover, who had never before opened a school book in their life, that I had.scored the highest test scores, in the school history. Told me if I didnt stop playing around, and pull in my wings and fly straight, and buckle down and take college prep, and go to college and get an education, I would be a very, very sorry..woman… Then she told me, that sooner or later I realize I was way smarter and more capable than the others, and by the time I did, it be too late, and then I would spend my life eaten way by and consumed in envy and jealousy..of those I am more intelligent then, more capable than, better than. "Life is no rehearsal" she said, the curtain is up, the show is on. and if I dont face that reality and buckle down now, I be very vry very sorry. and she went on to paint the bleakest picture..one can paint…of an uneducated, intelligent women’s life! That was at the end of 9th grade. She did get me to THINK. All I did that summer was think about what she had said. Then day before my sophomore year, I went down to the HS and changed my class schedule to college prep, changing the entire trajectory of my life…by doing so.. I deep sixed facets of my personality, which were not helpful to becoming an educated, successful and socially acceptable person. a mask, emerged…did allow me to go on to become a highly educated, professional successful, and extraordinarily successful woman. . The rewards and benefits were beyond even my wildest dreams, and I soon had it ALL. So how come I wasnt happy, at all, as that Miss goody two shoes, and highly educated, professionally successful, extremely socially acceptable woman walking the hallowed grounds of the upper crust? My ADVISOR may have been totally wrong..to advise me as she did. Perhaps..she was projecting..that she be unhappy with her personality if she didnt go on to become educated, and professiona, and socially acceptable mongst better classes. Maybe I ought to have been left to find my own dreams, and with my multifaceted personality left whole, and in tact.. I dont know.that advising me to buckle down was such a good thing..so early in my lfie..inciting fear to get me to do so.. Who knows.. The psychologists I went to at the time I was so unhappy living a life beyond anyones wildest imaginings..suggested it was because I had deep sixed, facets of my personality…integral to my happiness, to achieve all that. nnfortunately, those discussions of the reality, that I have was keeping a tight rein..on an extremely multifaceted personality ceased, because my unhappiness ceased..as I became a mother, and that made me happy again…for a while at least. yet another facet of my personality emerged, Mother, Lioness..etc..and that facet of my personality took over…during the early years I was a mother and happily mothered my son UNTIl he started school and I had idle time on my hands, sigh.. soon as I had some breathing room, free time, the other facets of my personaltiy competed bout what I ought to do with myself. I was seeking and recieving offers for professional..employment.. The prolbme with that..was the MOTHER in me..thought the hours I needed to put in, in my professional field made it an ill advised choice to go put on the superwoman mask.. Then too, I been a good girl for over 25 years..and been through hell seeing to my sons medical treatments..and the minx..was itching to play, not buckle down.more and be SUPERWOMAN to the horror of the other facets of my personality.in middle age, I suddenly decided I like to play poker…. ..lol I wonder if people who do not have multifaceted personality can grasp how difficult it is for those of us who do have many facets to our personality …to cope with such.. As a mother, I think one..thing..Been very stable…there, know my responsibilities and obligations..and happily forgo..and sacrifice lots..now for 15 years..sheparding my boy..to man hood.and doing good job there. BUT, as woman..all this inconsistency..caused by all these various facets of personality as miss goody two shoes and another as a mnix, .probably many more…but those two..causing most problems..at odds..and all..lol Whatever I set my mind..to and whichever facet of my personality i face to the world..I sure am successful, at taking such to the limit… but they are hard to reconcile..and makes defining..who I am very complex.. Capable of thinking and feeling and actions…calling upon the greatest essence of my humanity and doing so so much that is good…for many people.. then turn right around..and want to be a BAD girl for a bit..and go play poker lol then deny that poker playing..gal…is me..lol EXCEPT I am doing such…so it is me…too… Now reconcile that! Without deciding that is all I am, either! I had such Big fights with an EX boyfriend who wanted to define me as a gambler..when that was such a small part of my life..while I was doing it.. Now..I stopped..its probably going to be a footnote..in my life. just something I engaged in during one phase of my life, while also up to and doing some incredibly good things at the very same time..as well as all else I also achived, and done the rest of my life..besides acting on some .desire to be poker queen. for a bit…lol .I see people trying to define..other people…categorize them..ME, as these one diminsiaonal..one personaltiy people… and in my case, they totally and completely FAIL as I got many facets to my personality…and no one can define me as one dimensional, ..like its all so friggne black and white..when its far from such… when you are multifaceted..and extremeely INCONSISTENT.. Whats even funnier..is when those who want to define you as one dimensioal personatly, when you are not…get upset cause you are NOT…and slander you with personality disorders..cause they are unable to grasp you are multifaceted.. their problem….as being inconsistent is said to be amongst our greatest freedoms… I for one.am beginngint to see the advantages.of being me, and am beginning to accept all facets of my personality, though seems I have no choice…if ever want to be happy, going to embrace .all of me…without further defense, explanatior or apology.
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