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my pissy boyfriend

Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -In article <3883999E.6E348…@efn.org>, a…@efn.org wrote: > im pissed off, this is nothing but a whine. > damn he pisses me off. of course hes been coming over, trying to be all > nice to me but still, for instance i tried to discuss this ssi thing > with him last night.. dead silence…. > nothing. > nada. > nuthin. > nowhere. > he’ll be all buttery and nice until that comes up again. then stone cold silence. > so, i got pissed off and told him i needed him to leave. i told him i > didnt want him to come over, call me or write me until he decided > whether he was going to be a real friend to me. and that meant, > listening to, discussing, or being a part of *whatever* i was going > through, not this fair-weather crap…. > so i thought that would give me some free time but he wrote me this > morning. > saying he does want to be my friend, but asking, so whats the problem? > like he still doesnt know. > aaarrrrrrrgggggggggg > what am i missing…. what what what what??

Maybe he just doesn’t have anything to say about the ssi issue. sp

Response:

<enter Jon> rainbows wrote in message <38850BDA.617A7…@efn.org>… >dirtry rotten bastards -}} nice bubbles!  i like cows. >anna

Bwag! is socially difficult but what can we really do? You don’t turn your back on a friend. (grin) BTW…I haven’t looked lately but I think BWAG! is really a bull. (grin) Regards, Jon

Response:

rainbows wrote: > Spiritus wrote: > > Maybe he just doesn’t have anything to say about the ssi issue. > > sp > that would be ok. its the way he just *ignores* it……. changes the subject…. > it makes me feel like im crazy. i dont like it.

Hi Anna, This ignoring it, and changing the subject? and how it makes you feel *crazy*?  I do understand. It’s at least partly a communication style, or lack of communication skills, depending on how you look at it. When I’ve encountered it, I’ve been alternately frustrated and resigned to it. You pour your heart out, and want some kind of response, even if it’s just a reflection of your own words. Even if they have no answers or solutions. Something to let you know you’ve been heard, and that perhaps, this person cares. Silence, *especially* when it’s followed by a change of subject (!!!) does *seem* uncaring. But that’s the way some people are. They may or may not have other redeeming qualities. Only you know that. Peace, Sandie > — > —————————— > ‘the softest of all soft things > overrides the hardest of things….’ > — i ching > "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" > ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

– For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail: h…@anon.twwells.com   — for an automatically returned help message ad…@anon.twwells.com  – for the service’s administrator ano…@anon.twwells.com — anonymous mail to the administrator

Response:

I don’t like to take stands and make tough tough decisions. It scares me sometimes when others do. It really spooks me if I feel I am responsible for the wa a person decides. However. In one of my systems analysis classes I was taught that a well defined problem is often the solution. If you’ve defined the problem the answer might be implied Rainbow. Yu don’t need to have this problem you face with s.s.i. be exsasserbated by others. I know this because of my present situation. I would say it’s physically dangerous for someone to do that to me at this point. I wish you did not have that feeling also. Damo

Response:

I think it should not be the main topic of discussion always this problem. this may be a big problem, but talked about say once a day. relationships are hard. they need to be worked at. if you find you cannot ever discuss things that bother you then this relationship is no good. maybe it is time to move on even if that is hard. good luck girl

Response:

Spiritus wrote: > Maybe he just doesn’t have anything to say about the ssi issue. > sp

that would be ok. its the way he just *ignores* it……. changes the subject…. it makes me feel like im crazy. i dont like it. — —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

"Dan Coyote, Jon Steiner, Fritz on the fritz, BWAG!, Morpheus" wrote: > Bwag! is socially difficult but what can we really do? > You don’t turn your back on a friend. (grin) > BTW…I haven’t looked lately but I think BWAG! is really a bull. (grin)

i was wondering aobut that :) ) > Regards, > Jon

– —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

damod…@webtv.net wrote: > Rainbow…. > You are aware of how my benefits have been stopped and I can’teven find > ou why?

yes. And tat congressional regional offices have vacillated and > everyone ignores what I say like a stone wall of locked arms pushing me > off the face of the earth and no one can or will do anything to help me > be treated wth basic human rspect? They can say or do anything they > imagine because I am powerless?

yes. > Whe I’ve explained this to my friends they just stare at me too.

i dont stare when my friends tell me stuff like that. i get real. i think. i plan. i help. becuase i know how to survive, and i know that responsibility for survival is up to the individual in *every* case. otherwise you are just playing the victim and wayyyyyyyyy too many people do that already. > What can they say? > What can they do?

they can think, they can plan, they can be a shoulder to cry on, a bouncing board for ideas, someone to play with to get ther mind off things….. a million and one things a good friend can do. > They give me attention and they listen. > Maybe boyfriend doesn’t know what to say. So he listns and hopes that > will be fortification enoug.

he doesnt even listen. thats the problem. he just doesnt want it around him. he thinks that i can control it, and just am not well enough. he thinks that i could and should just keep it away from him and out of our life. he is an infant in his understanding of other humans and what they need. > And remember you are not in a cal and serne place with this.

what does that mean? > I’ve evolved a little and have gotten a grip on my blood pressure and no > longer fear Iwill dop dead. I’ve been doing my practice and rceiving > it’s rewards. > Why don’t you focus on your practice with this. Meditate. Don’t blame > your boyfriend because he’s a guy and doesn’t know how to respond.

look man. i was a deadhead for 15 years. i dont buy that ‘guy’ crap. i was with my first bf for almost 7 years, and we are still friends today. my second bf is the father of my daughter, and we are still friends today. i know what men are like and not like. i know what humans are like and not like. it has nothing to do with being a guy.. its just that, i do believe that he was quite sheltered and overprotected growing up, and is actually pretty spoiled and just doesnt really realize it.. he just hasnt really had to deal with reality on any level like people like us have to do all the time. so, he wants to believe it doesnt exist, and he is enabled by others in his life to continue believing that.. he may never have to give it up for all i know. i cant participate in living any type of lie. No > one who I have taken the time to talk with knows what to say.My country > has turned on me. And are attempting to push me over the edge is all it > seems like when I examine the facts. > I will try to send some healing energy for your emotional response.

thank you. > Maybe it will work.

i know it will. :) ) > Fortify your self. Yoga…medittion.

im trying really hard. it pisses me off even worse that he is still sucking my energy………… you know? that is what it comes down to. it pisses me off. but you are right. i jsut have to breathe. i told him not to call me or write me. he wrote me right away, and he is still saying that i am the one being unreasonable, that i jsut want to ’start arguments’. you are right i should send a registered letter. geez. i suppose, if i want him to do something, that is what i should concentrate on. i just wish he would freaking grow up……. anna > Damo > I will not accept this treatment. > You could be past all of this by the forth. >     ————————————————————— >  [Play audio for button (1)] >  [Image]

– —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

Grizz wrote: > — > maybe you need a break from it all and maybe he just does not know how to > be there for you about things like that, silence don’t mean heartless. > Tell you what, start all over, go out for a good dinner of bean burritos > & onions and then tell the dude to pull your finger and see what kind of > response you get to that.  then get down to the serious stuff.

he asks me to pull his finger all the time :( (((((   ((at least guys are good for methane)) but either way, its been a two year argument…. its been thorroughly discussed… he wants no part of it. he is still hoping he can only be with the ‘good’ me , and just cut out when the other me’s show up. i just dont think that i can work that way :) )))) he is as stubborn as i am. he WILL NOT see it. just refuses. i sent him an absolute heartfelt plea last night for him to explain what it is that i might be missing… for him to justify that he cares about me even though he wants no part of so much of my life…… this morning he just sent me an e-joke…. some canned retarded e-humor from somewhere. not a word in response to my note.  its like that. he just….  wont…. see…     it…. > Crazy Lou > http://www.grizzadam.com/ > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Before you buy.

– —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

"Dan Coyote, Jon Steiner, Fritz on the fritz, BWAG!, Morpheus" wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> <enter Bwag!> > We bovines have been blamed for ozone damage ’cause we like to fart. > Good to know a hooman admits other hoomans are responsible too…and there > are 6 billion of ewes! > I tink it is NSA dis-in-form-ation to discredit us bovines! >                              o >                   O >                                o >                         O >                             .<< >                           / >     |___/|           | > <- @ @  ->—–|— >     )   |   (     (      *      ) >   ( o _ o ) |–|  |—|  | >       .U. | || |   | |     | | >    .    .   OO   O     O

dirtry rotten bastards -}} nice bubbles!  i like cows. anna > Bwag!

– —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

<enter Bwag!> rainbows wrote in message <3884BF44.A99EA…@efn.org>… >he asks me to pull his finger all the time :( (((((   ((at least guys are >good for methane))

We bovines have been blamed for ozone damage ’cause we like to fart. Good to know a hooman admits other hoomans are responsible too…and there are 6 billion of ewes! I tink it is NSA dis-in-form-ation to discredit us bovines!                              o                   O                                o                         O                             .<<                           /     |___/|           | <- @ @  ->—–|—     )   |   (     (      *      )   ( o _ o ) |–|  |—|  |       .U. | || |   | |     | |    .    .   OO   O     O Bwag!

Response:

Philippe Tusler wrote: > I’d say that he is having trouble handling it.  Have you had an open and > honest conversation with ‘pissy’ about what it’s like being you?

ii have tried to involve him from the very start. come to the doctors, read the information. he shows no interest. mind like a sieve. just doesnt care. if i push it at all, we fight.  I know I > get all upset when my wife starts in with her delusions.  I don’t know > whether to go along, deny, or ignore. > It could be that ‘pissy’ just doesn’t want the burden of your burden.  In > that case, it may time to tell him to piss or get off the pot!

thats about what im doing. i already asked him to move out 2 months ago. (hes gone) but keeps coming around. he claims to ‘love me’. but the way he acts does not really show it. he comes over and gets my mail for me… but he will not be a shoulder when i need to cry…. i just dont understand, and he will not explain!! that makes it even harder. his actions are very confusing. basically i think he is looking for a relationship  equaling a cosy nest, somewhere he will be taken care of, given good sex, good pot, good jokes… not having to pay rent.. not having to pay bills…. cause as soon as anything gets the tiniest bit challenging, i mean tiny, he is gone like a flash, help me interpret this…… he has no job, no apartment, he a total whining loser basically. i think he looks at me as a place to live, where he has to invest just only enought to maintain his spot…….. but not a single tiny bit more……….. he is definitely one of those men that if he had to live the life i live, mentally ill, single mom, he would be on his knees crying for mommy in half a day. > Good luck Rainbow.  You deserve someone who can love all that you are: > thorns, leaves, and flowers!

thats what i think. thats what i was wondering if anyone would say. he claims that its *my* fault, that *im* unreasonable to want him to be exposed to any ‘unpleasantness’ in our relationship…….. that its *my* duty to keep my problems  away from him, to make a comfy cosy life for ‘us’ with only pleasant comfortable things for him. i just think that sounds like total crap. i have no intention of living like that. i think hes living in a fantasy world. you dont do that to your wife do you?? i mean, even if you dont understand her, even if you wish to god she would just shut up, even if you totally think she is delusional and full of shit, you *still* dont get angry with her becuase shes not ‘holding it in’ good enough right????? you still dont get huffy becuase she dares to openly cry in the same room with you? you recognize that she has a disease that she cant  control right???? that she could use a little empathy and caring to get through her troubles…?? right??? i mean, you understand that she is sick and that you choose to be a part of that by being her husbsand???? you understand you must accept it in her life or get a different wife right????? this is driving me insane. his tenacity is overwhelming. his ’substance’ is underwhelming….. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> rainbows <a…@efn.org> wrote in message news:3883999E.6E34886B@efn.org… > > im pissed off, this is nothing but a whine. > > damn he pisses me off. of course hes been coming over, trying to be all > > nice to me but still, for instance i tried to discuss this ssi thing > > with him last night.. dead silence…. > > nothing. > > nada. > > nuthin. > > nowhere. > > he’ll be all buttery and nice until that comes up again. then stone cold > silence. > > so, i got pissed off and told him i needed him to leave. i told him i > > didnt want him to come over, call me or write me until he decided > > whether he was going to be a real friend to me. and that meant, > > listening to, discussing, or being a part of *whatever* i was going > > through, not this fair-weather crap…. > > so i thought that would give me some free time but he wrote me this > > morning. > > saying he does want to be my friend, but asking, so whats the problem? > > like he still doesnt know. > > aaarrrrrrrgggggggggg > > what am i missing…. what what what what?? > > — > > —————————— > > ‘the softest of all soft things > > overrides the hardest of things….’ > > — i ching > > "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" > > ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

– —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

im pissed off, this is nothing but a whine. damn he pisses me off. of course hes been coming over, trying to be all nice to me but still, for instance i tried to discuss this ssi thing with him last night.. dead silence…. nothing. nada. nuthin. nowhere. he’ll be all buttery and nice until that comes up again. then stone cold silence. so, i got pissed off and told him i needed him to leave. i told him i didnt want him to come over, call me or write me until he decided whether he was going to be a real friend to me. and that meant, listening to, discussing, or being a part of *whatever* i was going through, not this fair-weather crap…. so i thought that would give me some free time but he wrote me this morning. saying he does want to be my friend, but asking, so whats the problem? like he still doesnt know. aaarrrrrrrgggggggggg what am i missing…. what what what what?? — —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

im pissed off, this is nothing but a whine. damn he pisses me off. of course hes been coming over, trying to be all nice to me but still, for instance i tried to discuss this ssi thing with him last night.. dead silence…. nothing. nada. nuthin. nowhere. he’ll be all buttery and nice until that comes up again. then stone cold silence. so, i got pissed off and told him i needed him to leave. i told him i didnt want him to come over, call me or write me until he decided whether he was going to be a real friend to me. and that meant, listening to, discussing, or being a part of *whatever* i was going through, not this fair-weather crap…. so i thought that would give me some free time but he wrote me this morning. saying he does want to be my friend, but asking, so whats the problem? like he still doesnt know. aaarrrrrrrgggggggggg what am i missing…. what what what what?? — —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~ — —————————— ‘the softest of all soft things overrides the hardest of things….’ — i ching "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

rainbows <a…@efn.org> wrote in message news:3884C26C.A0FDACFE@efn.org… > > Good luck Rainbow.  You deserve someone who can love all that you are: > > thorns, leaves, and flowers! > thats what i think. thats what i was wondering if anyone would say.

Perhaps no one else said it because it’s so obvious.  If you wrote this to ‘Dear Abbey," you know what she’d answer, don’t you?  "He wants a mother, not an adult relationship.  If you don’t want to breastfeed him for the rest of your life, change the locks on your doors and find someone grown up." > he claims that its *my* fault, that *im* unreasonable to want him to be > exposed to any ‘unpleasantness’ in our relationship…….. that its > *my* duty to keep my problems  away from him, to make a comfy cosy life > for ‘us’ with only pleasant comfortable things for him. > i just think that sounds like total crap.

It sounds like it, because it is.  Of course it’s your ‘fault.’  You’re reality.  He doesn’t want reality.  He wants shelter, protection, warmth, food, and to be sheilded from anything unpleasant.  We wants June Cleaver, with sex. > i have no intention of living like that.

Good for you.  Otherwise you’d have to take up acting classes.  And get a lobotomy. > i think hes living in a fantasy world.

No, but he’d like to.  He wants you to furnish that for him.  You don’t charge him nearly enough for that kind of service.  He could never afford that kind of service.  Bill Gates might.  But he wouldn’t want it. > you dont do that to your wife do you?? i mean, even if you dont > understand her, even if you wish to god she would just shut up, even if > you totally think she is delusional and full of shit, you *still* dont > get angry with her becuase shes not ‘holding it in’ good enough right?????

No.  Well, I have ‘lost it’ a couple times.  But I try not to.  I’m taking Paxil now so that I can better support her, even when she’s in deep panic. She really tries hard and I love her all the more for that. > you still dont get huffy becuase she dares to openly cry in the same > room with you?

NO, NO, NO!  And she doesn’t get huffy when I cry with her.  It hasn’t happened much.  The hardest part is trying to sense whether she needs to cry alone, or cry on my shoulder.   Sometimes I have to decide for her… > you recognize that she has a disease that she cant  control right???? > that she could use a little empathy and caring to get through her > troubles…?? right???

YES!  In fact, her psychiatrist and I are in complete agreement.  What she needs most is to feel secure, confident, loved, and supported.  It’s helped me to be more open and affectionate, and it has helped her feel more secure. Our daughters even understand that instinctively.  Our eldest (15) has taken to hiding little ‘love’ notes throughout the house…. > i mean, you understand that she is sick and that you choose to be a part > of that by being her husbsand????

Indeed.  "For better, for worse, in sickness and in health."  I swore that to her, in front of our families, before God and Christ.  In a way, it’s a gift.  What is a relationship without being needed.   We need each other all the more now. > you understand you must accept it in her life or get a different wife

right????? No question. > this is driving me insane. his tenacity is overwhelming. his ’substance’ > is underwhelming…..

Reminds me of the Ally McBeal episode where they determine how to ‘dump’ Ally’s unwanted suitor.  How do you dump him?  Write him a registered letter telling him that you are you and since he can’t take the bad with the good, he gets none of it.  Life is too short and you have more important things to do with your life than be a halfway house for unweaned men. A bad relationship is NOT better than none.  It wastes your energy, dissipates your drive to find a good relationship.  You have no place in your life for another dependent. He’s a parasite.  Get some bug spray.        Wazzoo

Response:

Rainbow…. You are aware of how my benefits have been stopped and I can’teven find ou why? And tat congressional regional offices have vacillated and everyone ignores what I say like a stone wall of locked arms pushing me off the face of the earth and no one can or will do anything to help me be treated wth basic human rspect? They can say or do anything they imagine because I am powerless? Whe I’ve explained this to my friends they just stare at me too. What can they say? What can they do? They give me attention and they listen. Maybe boyfriend doesn’t know what to say. So he listns and hopes that will be fortification enoug. And remember you are not in a cal and serne place with this. I’ve evolved a little and have gotten a grip on my blood pressure and no longer fear Iwill dop dead. I’ve been doing my practice and rceiving it’s rewards. Why don’t you focus on your practice with this. Meditate. Don’t blame your boyfriend because he’s a guy and doesn’t know how to respond. No one who I have taken the time to talk with knows what to say.My country has turned on me. And are attempting to push me over the edge is all it seems like when I examine the facts. I will try to send some healing energy for your emotional response. Maybe it will work. Fortify your self. Yoga…medittion. Damo I will not accept this treatment. You could be past all of this by the forth.

Response:

I’d say that he is having trouble handling it.  Have you had an open and honest conversation with ‘pissy’ about what it’s like being you?  I know I get all upset when my wife starts in with her delusions.  I don’t know whether to go along, deny, or ignore. It could be that ‘pissy’ just doesn’t want the burden of your burden.  In that case, it may time to tell him to piss or get off the pot! Good luck Rainbow.  You deserve someone who can love all that you are: thorns, leaves, and flowers! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -rainbows <a…@efn.org> wrote in message news:3883999E.6E34886B@efn.org… > im pissed off, this is nothing but a whine. > damn he pisses me off. of course hes been coming over, trying to be all > nice to me but still, for instance i tried to discuss this ssi thing > with him last night.. dead silence…. > nothing. > nada. > nuthin. > nowhere. > he’ll be all buttery and nice until that comes up again. then stone cold silence. > so, i got pissed off and told him i needed him to leave. i told him i > didnt want him to come over, call me or write me until he decided > whether he was going to be a real friend to me. and that meant, > listening to, discussing, or being a part of *whatever* i was going > through, not this fair-weather crap…. > so i thought that would give me some free time but he wrote me this > morning. > saying he does want to be my friend, but asking, so whats the problem? > like he still doesnt know. > aaarrrrrrrgggggggggg > what am i missing…. what what what what?? > — > —————————— > ‘the softest of all soft things > overrides the hardest of things….’ > — i ching > "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" > ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

In article <3883EE6A.5FA66…@efn.org>,   a…@efn.org wrote: > im pissed off, this is nothing but a whine. > damn he pisses me off. of course hes been coming over, trying to be all > nice to me but still, for instance i tried to discuss this ssi thing > with him last night.. dead silence….

– maybe you need a break from it all and maybe he just does not know how to be there for you about things like that, silence don’t mean heartless. Tell you what, start all over, go out for a good dinner of bean burritos & onions and then tell the dude to pull your finger and see what kind of response you get to that.  then get down to the serious stuff. Crazy Lou http://www.grizzadam.com/ Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

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