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SP question

Question:

Man, that does sound tough.  I’ve seen myself on video tape, and that’s a strange experience.  This sounds even weirder.  I’m assuming this is some sort of group therapy thing for the SP and/or other issues, or is it a class for school or something? Brian In article <memo.20000309235118.277…@tup.dircon.co.uk>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -  Ollie wrote: > I do this weekly class where there’s a big wall full of mirrors opposite > where we all sit. God, that’s tough. Every time I look across, there’s me > in the mirror looking really awkward, I can’t seem to get myself sitting > in a position that looks natural. > But on the plus side, the mirrors don’t quite line up so sitting opposite > one of the joins it’s possible to look across and see yourself reflected > twice – when this happens, sometimes I catch a glimpse of the other > reflection of myself and because I’ve just been looking at one reflection > of myself, for a moment I don’t realise it’s me again, and see myself as > though I were looking at somebody else – and when that happens, just for > that moment before I realise, I don’t look bad. Then when I realise I look > really awkward again… > Ollie

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In article <8a9pmp$k8…@nnrp1.deja.com>, brimo…@my-deja.com (Brian) wrote: > Man, that does sound tough.  I’ve seen myself on video tape, and that’s > a strange experience.  This sounds even weirder.  I’m assuming this is > some sort of group therapy thing for the SP and/or other issues, or is > it a class for school or something?

It’s an acting class. The mirrors are nothing to do with the class; they’re there because the room is also used as a dance studio. I did another acting class a couple of years back where we had to record video-dating-type things, and then we watched them back… *That* was pretty unpleasant – but actually it was kind of cool to find out that most people were just as horrified by how they came across on videotape as I was. Ollie

Response:

Brian <brimo…@my-deja.com> wrote:

: Man, that does sound tough.  I’ve seen myself on video tape, and that’s : a strange experience.  This sounds even weirder.  I’m assuming this is : some sort of group therapy thing for the SP and/or other issues, or is : it a class for school or something? I once saw myself on TV. In full Aussie character no less. Now, that’s strange. — CAUTION: Email Spam Killer in use. Leave this line in your reply! 152680  First Law of Economics: You can’t sell product to people without money. 4968238 bytes of spam mail deleted.           http://www.wwa.com/~nospam/

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Ollie <B…@B.com> wrote:

: It’s an acting class. The mirrors are nothing to do with the class; : they’re there because the room is also used as a dance studio. I tried acting classes too, and sure enough, no mirror-walls. : I did another acting class a couple of years back where we had to record : video-dating-type things, and then we watched them back… *That* was : pretty unpleasant – but actually it was kind of cool to find out that most : people were just as horrified by how they came across on videotape as I : was. That’s funny how people always hate to see or hear tapes of themselves. What happens is the voice always sounds different to the same person on tape compared to while in use. That’s becuse when in use, the sound gets transmitted both by air AND through the body, which has better bass responce. — CAUTION: Email Spam Killer in use. Leave this line in your reply! 152680  First Law of Economics: You can’t sell product to people without money. 4968238 bytes of spam mail deleted.           http://www.wwa.com/~nospam/

Response:

How did that happen, BV? >I once saw myself on TV. In full Aussie character no less. Now, that’s >strange.

===============    Grachman, The  "Fancypants Grachman" "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark." – Shakespeare           ===============

Response:

In article <8EED78BCAwoo…@165.76.117.4>,   crate…@angelfire.com (Dean) wrote: > Thanks for the responses to my first post, I do appreciate it. > I’ll try to make this as brief as I can. > One thing that has been on my mind alot lately is my seemingly ‘over > concern’ for other people’s thoughts and perceptions of me. I’ve always > been told by people that I care too much what others think, but they don’t > know the half of it.

I think that is a common trait among many of us here.  It just comes out in different ways sometimes. > In almost every aspect of my life I always second guess myself, and > hesitate in case someone might ‘disapprove’(best way I can describe it). I > notice this in everything from mowing my lawn to standing in line at the > bank, to my interactions with others at work. It doesn’t always bother me, > just sometimes.

It bothers me all of the time in some situations and not at all in other situations.  Generally speaking, it bothers me most at work and in other formal situations. > Obviously doing yardwork concious-free is the least of my worries but you > get the idea. I know it isnt true, and that it’s all in my head, but that > is the whole problem, right? Is this what SP is about?

Oh yeah.  I worry about what other people are going to think of me, even though I realize that they probably don’t care about me at all.  I wish I could be more like a friend of my brother, who never worries about what people will think of him out in public, as he says — "the majority of them will never even see me again." Brian > Thanks again > Dean

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Dean,  I mostly have this problem with people reacting to what I say, rather than how I look or how I say it.  I’m petrified that others will think I sound stupid or that I don’t know what I’m talking about.  I think this is a big part of SP, because I have few of the "physical" symptoms of SP(blushing, sweating, trembling)  but I still was diagnosed, mostly due to the preoccupation with what others think. –meg In article <8EED78BCAwoo…@165.76.117.4>,  crate…@angelfire.com (Dean) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Thanks for the responses to my first post, I do appreciate it. > I’ll try to make this as brief as I can. > One thing that has been on my mind alot lately is my seemingly ‘over > concern’ for other people’s thoughts and perceptions of me. I’ve always > been told by people that I care too much what others think, but they don’t > know the half of it. > In almost every aspect of my life I always second guess myself, and > hesitate in case someone might ‘disapprove’(best way I can describe it). I > notice this in everything from mowing my lawn to standing in line at the > bank, to my interactions with others at work. It doesn’t always bother me, > just sometimes. > Obviously doing yardwork concious-free is the least of my worries but you > get the idea. I know it isnt true, and that it’s all in my head, but that > is the whole problem, right? Is this what SP is about? > Thanks again > Dean

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Response:

A tecnique that  I sometime do ( when I can remember to do it ) is to look past a person.  I’ll look behind them, just to the right or left of their eyes.  The trick is to not to stare continually on one spot behind them, but move your gaze around the area of their head – it depends on the distance between you and the person. I would find this so amusing when a former therapist would be surprised when I would appear to be making eye contact when I was actually not, and so when he was thinking I was not making eye, I actually could make eye contact…and then I’d giggle like a silly little girl. Anyway….I can be so easily amused at times :)

Response:

Jubilee I used to employ a technique like yours to make eye contact at job interviews more tolerable.  Then I made the mistake of going to group therapy.  The group leader said the appropriate amount of eye contact was eighty percent eye contact twenty percent no eye contact AND when you break the eye contact you’re never supposed to break it by looking down always to the side or up, which is impossible IMHO.  Now I’m so preoccupied trying to follow these rules that I get really flustered.  I think I end up looking kind of shifty and disinterested too. oh well, –meg In article <38c37…@queeg.apci.net>,  "Jubilee" <jubi…@innocent.com> wrote: > A tecnique that  I sometime do ( when I can remember to do it ) is to look > past a person.  I’ll look behind them, just to the right or left of their > eyes.  The trick is to not to stare continually on one spot behind them, but > move your gaze around the area of their head – it depends on the distance > between you and the person. > I would find this so amusing when a former therapist would be surprised when > I would appear to be making eye contact when I was actually not, and so when > he was thinking I was not making eye, I actually could make eye > contact…and then I’d giggle like a silly little girl. Anyway….I can be > so easily amused at times :)

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Response:

When I feel the need to break eye contact ( or out of the direction of their eyes ), I try to look like I’m pondering over what the person is saying. I’ll nod or mutter affirmatives to let them know I’m listening. Or if I’m doing the talking, once in a while I will look away for a second or two to think ( or at least look like I’m thinking) over what I’m going to say next… hrm, I’ve never heard about never looking down to break eye contact. It seems like most people will occasionally glance down when thinking about something during a conversation… -Jubilee

Response:

Thanks for the responses to my first post, I do appreciate it. I’ll try to make this as brief as I can. One thing that has been on my mind alot lately is my seemingly ‘over concern’ for other people’s thoughts and perceptions of me. I’ve always been told by people that I care too much what others think, but they don’t know the half of it. In almost every aspect of my life I always second guess myself, and hesitate in case someone might ‘disapprove’(best way I can describe it). I notice this in everything from mowing my lawn to standing in line at the bank, to my interactions with others at work. It doesn’t always bother me, just sometimes. Obviously doing yardwork concious-free is the least of my worries but you get the idea. I know it isnt true, and that it’s all in my head, but that is the whole problem, right? Is this what SP is about?   Thanks again Dean

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->From: crate…@angelfire.com  (Dean) >Thanks for the responses to my first post, I do appreciate it. >I’ll try to make this as brief as I can. >One thing that has been on my mind alot lately is my seemingly ‘over >concern’ for other people’s thoughts and perceptions of me. I’ve always >been told by people that I care too much what others think, but they don’t >know the half of it. >In almost every aspect of my life I always second guess myself, and >hesitate in case someone might ‘disapprove’(best way I can describe it). I >notice this in everything from mowing my lawn to standing in line at the >bank, to my interactions with others at work. It doesn’t always bother me, >just sometimes. >Obviously doing yardwork concious-free is the least of my worries but you >get the idea. I know it isnt true, and that it’s all in my head, but that >is the whole problem, right? Is this what SP is about?   >Thanks again >Dean

Yeah, Dean, that’s pretty much it for me.   Funny that you mentioned doing yardwork worry free, I never got to that point. I am very self conscious, half of what I compose as a post gets deleted. I have a hard time deciding what to wear to work, a hard time getting a haircut, and I have an especially hard time at work. I have a hard time around people, and I get my feelings hurt easily, but I cover for it by being a smart ass (as many of my posts in the past couple days have proved) Pam

Response:

I do this weekly class where there’s a big wall full of mirrors opposite where we all sit. God, that’s tough. Every time I look across, there’s me in the mirror looking really awkward, I can’t seem to get myself sitting in a position that looks natural. But on the plus side, the mirrors don’t quite line up so sitting opposite one of the joins it’s possible to look across and see yourself reflected twice – when this happens, sometimes I catch a glimpse of the other reflection of myself and because I’ve just been looking at one reflection of myself, for a moment I don’t realise it’s me again, and see myself as though I were looking at somebody else – and when that happens, just for that moment before I realise, I don’t look bad. Then when I realise I look really awkward again… Ollie

Response:

jubi…@innocent.com (Jubilee) wrote in <38c18…@queeg.apci.net>: >Yes…. >I’m always wondering what people might be thinking of me, whether they’re >complete strangers or family and friends. >It’s one of the reasons why I have a hard time making eye contact. I’m >worried about what I might see in their eyes…plus it’s also sort of that >childish idea where if I can’t see them,  they can’t see me :)

Yes, I agree..eye contact has always been hard, I never know where to look, or how long to look. Looking someone right in the eyes why you are talking to them is uncomfortable for me, but staring at their chin is equally as odd. I never know when to change the direction of my glance and usually end up feeling neurotic about the whole thing. :) Dean

Response:

I really understand your comments about avoiding eye contact. I used to have a problem with this too.  For many years I wore sunglasses in public as a way of avoiding others eyes.  I also used to drive a taxi cab for a living, as I found that it allowed me to talk to other people without having to look directly at them – I could just keep my eyes on the road while I chatted to them. I now tend to look at the spot directly between people’s eyes when I talk to them, or just sort of try to look at their whole face without actually focusing on their pupils.  I find this makes things much easier. AndyP Dean <crate…@angelfire.com> wrote in message

news:8EEE86217woohoo@165.76.117.4… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> jubi…@innocent.com (Jubilee) wrote in <38c18…@queeg.apci.net>: > >Yes…. > >I’m always wondering what people might be thinking of me, whether they’re > >complete strangers or family and friends. > >It’s one of the reasons why I have a hard time making eye contact. I’m > >worried about what I might see in their eyes…plus it’s also sort of that > >childish idea where if I can’t see them,  they can’t see me :) > Yes, I agree..eye contact has always been hard, I never know where to look, > or how long to look. Looking someone right in the eyes why you are talking > to them is uncomfortable for me, but staring at their chin is equally as > odd. I never know when to change the direction of my glance and usually end > up feeling neurotic about the whole thing. :) > Dean

Response:

Yes…. I’m always wondering what people might be thinking of me, whether they’re complete strangers or family and friends. It’s one of the reasons why I have a hard time making eye contact. I’m worried about what I might see in their eyes…plus it’s also sort of that childish idea where if I can’t see them,  they can’t see me :)

Response:

Dean <crate…@angelfire.com> wrote in message

news:8EED78BCAwoohoo@165.76.117.4… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Thanks for the responses to my first post, I do appreciate it. > I’ll try to make this as brief as I can. > One thing that has been on my mind alot lately is my seemingly ‘over > concern’ for other people’s thoughts and perceptions of me. I’ve always > been told by people that I care too much what others think, but they don’t > know the half of it. > In almost every aspect of my life I always second guess myself, and > hesitate in case someone might ‘disapprove’(best way I can describe it). I > notice this in everything from mowing my lawn to standing in line at the > bank, to my interactions with others at work. It doesn’t always bother me, > just sometimes. > Obviously doing yardwork concious-free is the least of my worries but you > get the idea. I know it isnt true, and that it’s all in my head, but that > is the whole problem, right? Is this what SP is about?

Dean,     This is 101% what SP is about – an all-pervasive disability of stratospherically uncomfortable proportions. Keep posting. Nickf – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Thanks again > Dean

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