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Difficult People

Question:

Hey Chloe… Bottom line is… the boss is the guy with the money that pays you.  :-) Smiles, Gina "I have lived my life my way For tonight and for today It’s the strongest hearts they say That always survive…."           — Greg Allman

Response:

Dear Chloe… I got it.  ;-)  :-) I just had a thought…yeah…I know it’s dangerous….but….we have to have boxes, like a place for everything and everything in its place….otherwise, wouldn’t it be total chaos?  I mean…difficult is a real "word" and it does have a real "meaning"…. and it’s not a dirty word.  Either something or someone is "easy" or "difficult" … "amenable" or "disagreeable"….. unless, of course you have someone that is totally apathetic….and that would, of course, be yet another box.  No…I dont’ think there is a way to throw away the boxes and labels….otherwise, everyone and everything becomes nondescript. Smiles…(real ones) Gina "I have lived my life my way For tonight and for today It’s the strongest hearts they say That always survive…."           — Greg Allman

Response:

Your comments made me think again. Ask me how it happened, search me!;-):). About what a boss is or what the idea of "needing a boss" woudl ever be. I sort of have this odd way to think about ti that no one seems to agree with…. Which si in fact that a boss should be someone that has a knoeldge and experience about a sepcific line of work where he then knows each component of the chain of work doen by his employees and is then liek a resource person woudlthey need help. In my mind, a boss is someoen that is **at the service* of his employees, and therefore is paid more, for his greater expetrience or knoweldge of that fiekld, and for having to excatly be the resource person for a team of say 12 poepe oer 6 or whatever number. Yet…I found exceot in one blessed occasion in my life (Chantal Leblanc Belanger, this one’s for you woudl you or someoen ever read this!:)) only ONE boss that both had the knowledge, competence, and acted in a way where she coordionated the efforts and was at the service of her team of writer/editors/translators. I guess toi me, "aithority" I see as not beign supposed to be who shouts the louder or looks the scarier or hatever image I see poeple seem to put on authority. To me, authority means the old old meaning of the word, i.e. "speaking/acting competently (English?)"? The shouter and defeatist type you describe here were usually the type of bosses I had…. Never saw them as having authority, just complexes…. Or being simply bullies….People that felt for themselves they were incompetent (soemtimes when they actually were competent in knowledge, not in ""personal relating?) and were *fearing*, feeling insecure…. But I saw that way in some colleagues too in life…. Does not depend on the title or function, it is present in all spheres…. Just random thoughts that your words brought, John…. Chloe – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text - John (J…@Smith.com) writes: > On Tue, 3 Nov 1998 00:01:10 -0500, "Mike Brady" <mikebr…@spacey.net> > wrote: >>I like this article.  Long live lifting our society above mediocrity and >>making our corner of the world a better place! >>Mike Brady >    Yes but people like that account for the maybe 5% of the really > disagreeable people on earth. The rest are neurotics taking out their > frustrations on others due to inferiority complexes, grouches, > slimeballs who blame everyone else for the world’s problems, etc. etc. > For me life is not long enough to waste time being anywhere near > people like that. >     One guy told me about how his boss would come in to the office and > couldnt find things HE misplaced the day before. His boss would then > call him in and scream at him, blaming him for all his problems until > he would accidently stumble onto the item he had lost! I asked him why > in the hell he stuck around in that job. He seemed to feel he couldnt > find another job. HE eventually did leave and found a much better job. >        Ive heard of other jobs like that too. In fact there was an > article in "US News and Reports" about how the workplace has gotten > extremely hostile in recent times. >        The truth is – there are a lot of weirdly neurotic and sick > people out there who do become bosses and take out their weird > resentments and frustrations on others. Bosses do hae a responsibility > to get the job done efficiently and on time – but they also have an > obligation to insure that the workplace has an atmosphere of basic > civility.

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Response:

There’s a difference between his difficult people and your disagreeable people.  Read his article again; your disagreeable people would not fit his description. Mike – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -John wrote in message <36569e95.233638…@news1.newscene.com>… >On Tue, 3 Nov 1998 00:01:10 -0500, "Mike Brady" <mikebr…@spacey.net> >wrote: >>I like this article.  Long live lifting our society above mediocrity and >>making our corner of the world a better place! >>Mike Brady >   Yes but people like that account for the maybe 5% of the really >disagreeable people on earth. The rest are neurotics taking out their >frustrations on others due to inferiority complexes, grouches, >slimeballs who blame everyone else for the world’s problems, etc. etc. >For me life is not long enough to waste time being anywhere near >people like that. >    One guy told me about how his boss would come in to the office and >couldnt find things HE misplaced the day before. His boss would then >call him in and scream at him, blaming him for all his problems until >he would accidently stumble onto the item he had lost! I asked him why >in the hell he stuck around in that job. He seemed to feel he couldnt >find another job. HE eventually did leave and found a much better job. >       Ive heard of other jobs like that too. In fact there was an >article in "US News and Reports" about how the workplace has gotten >extremely hostile in recent times. >       The truth is – there are a lot of weirdly neurotic and sick >people out there who do become bosses and take out their weird >resentments and frustrations on others. Bosses do hae a responsibility >to get the job done efficiently and on time – but they also have an >obligation to insure that the workplace has an atmosphere of basic >civility.

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Response:

A jewel that one is! *HOWEVER* (get it?;-):) However, I wodner why the word "diffiicult". Boxes, boxes boxes!:) In the choice of the word "difficult" (persons) in fact shows people that are not the ones talked about here are the ones addressed… Why are THEY, then so dang difficult, those that call others difficult??:)L:) (Get that one too?:) Just playing difficult in humour;-):) Chloe  "Mike Brady" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -(mikebr…@spacey.net) writes: > I like this article.  Long live lifting our society above mediocrity and > making our corner of the world a better place! > Mike Brady > Rowland C. Croucher wrote in message <363F4EC3.7B2EF…@mira.net>… >>In Praise of Difficult People Who Lift Us Above Mediocrity >>If you are a difficult person, join the ranks of others who are making >>the corners of our world a better place. You are creating order out of >>chaos, excellence out of mediocrity. You may often be the brunt of the >>anger of others, for you increase the ante and raise the bar. Don=92t = > give >>up or give in to the ordinary or the unspectacular. Be proud of your >>strength and share it with others. The world needs you. >>=20 >>Dealing with perceived  criticism >>I recently spoke with a team member who is reading a book, =93How to = > Cope >>with Difficult People.=94 She is often troubled by the comments of = > those >>who criticize or challenge her, including her dentist, her patients and >>her co-workers. She often feels that their comments are unfair and that >>she=92s being picked on. She wants to learn how to neutralize the = > impact >>these people have on her since she doesn=92t respond well to their >>comments. She tends to feel small and insignificant. I=92ve suggested = > that >>her challenge is not how to negate the effect of people she finds >>difficult but rather how to use their strength to help her grow. I >>contend that as  long as these critics are not mean-spirited and unkind >>but rather are motivated to help her grow, she is indeed a lucky >>person to have them  around.=20 >>            =20 >>Many of us perceive ourselves to have a similar problem. We have >>clients, family and friends who are strong, intelligent, funny, = > talented >>and simultaneously difficult. They may be recognized by any one of the >>following characteristics:=20 >>How to recognize legitimate critics: >>They don=92t hesitate to tell us when the Emperor has no clothes. >>They demand more of us than anyone else, sometimes  even ourselves. >>They often refuse to go along with the crowd and blaze  new trails. >>They insist that visions can and must be achieved. >>They call upon us to work hard. >>They persevere in the face of resistance. >>They help us think more clearly and stay focused. >>They tell us that we and everything we do matters. >>Kind-spirited people >>Good-hearted yet difficult people may tread on our feelings. Not always >>tactful, not always gentle, these difficult people push us toward a >>superiority of thought and deed. They challenge falseness, correct poor >>performance and condemn unworthy attitudes or behavior.=20 >>They’re realists >>Difficult people are realists. They know what makes the world tick. = > They >>push us to levels of achievement we thought were either impossible  or >>too much work. They demand that we respect ourselves enough to do the >>hard tasks well. >>You know where they stand. They  speak their minds. >>In cultures which value harmony above all, tolerate unacceptable >>behavior, or are supportive of failure, we need difficult people to be >>part of our lives. They don=92t always get along. They are demanding. = > They >>don=92t respect those things that are detrimental to the values they >>consider important. They do have opinions and they speak their minds. >>They expect excellence from us. They do not allow a trend of supported >>failure. Accepting weakness does not strengthen us. >>      =20 >>Make a deliberate change >>                        =20 >>As we get older, let us change ourselves from people who think that >>getting along and not rocking the boat is better than being difficult. >>Let us ask a great deal of ourselves and a great deal of those with = > whom >>we work. Let us always give a great deal to those we serve.=20 >>The world needs to hear your voice. >>If you are a difficult person, join the ranks of others who are making >>the corners of our world a better place. You are creating order out of >>chaos, excellence out of mediocrity. You may often be the brunt of the >>anger of others, for you increase the ante and raise the bar. Don=92t = > give >>up or give in to the ordinary or the unspectacular. Be proud of your >>strength and share it with others. The world needs you. >>–=20 >>Shalom!  Rowland Croucher                     (rowla…@mira.net) >>         John Mark Ministries – resources for pastors/leaders        =20 >>      (Bookroom, library, and worldwide F.W.Boreham Trading Post) >>WEBSITE  (1600+ articles  1000+ links  7000+ hits a day) =20 >>                  http://www.pastornet.net.au/jmm > ——-=== http://www.newsfeeds.com ===——- >   Join the Largest News Server in the World! >            62,000 newsgroups Strong > ——-=== http://www.newsfeeds.com ===——- > ——-=== http://www.newsfeeds.com ===——- >   Join the Largest News Server in the World! >            62,000 newsgroups Strong > ——-=== http://www.newsfeeds.com ===——-

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Response:

Dear John…. I agree with you that some people are just mean, hostile and disagreeable….but jeez, John, I have to believe that more than 5% are the contstructive type of disagreeable. I, too, have read an article about the abuse employees sometimes take from their bosses.  I look at this as an abuse of power…..and then some are "really" mentally and/or emotionally ill and the employee gets the brunt.  It’s kinda like an abusive relationship….and the abused one continues to live in it because they’re more "afraid" of the unknown than they are of the abuse they take. Your story about the friend’s boss really struck home.  Just yesterday I heard my boss asking one of the secretaries if she still had a voucher he had supposedly given to her approximately 6 months ago.  She denied knowledge of the voucher.  He then came to my office and didn’t inquire "if" he had given me the voucher….but asked where the voucher was that he gave me. I have no recollection of such a voucher and I asked him if he was "positive" he had given it to me.  His reply was an emphatic "yes" …. and I started laughing and told him I had heard him ask the secretary before he came into my office. I then suggested we check on his desk….which, by the way, seems to contain a black hole, where things disappear.  We checked and voila !!  ….  there was the voucher!!   I think my boss does it just so we’ll help him find it….and he doesn’t want to admit to losing it.  But he is very good-natured and takes the teasing well.   Most of us fondly refer to him as our "oldest child" … and he laughs with us.    I’m very fortunate in this regard. While some people are just "impossible" … most people can be learned….and it can be learned how to deal with them effectively to diffuse their frustration and anger….and disagreeability (is that a word?!) Hugs and Smiles, Gina "I have lived my life my way For tonight and for today It’s the strongest hearts they say That always survive…."           — Greg Allman

Response:

Dear Mike… I "love" this article !!!    I’ve just sat here and read it 3 times over…..it says much, doesn’t it ? This is good medicine for the mind and spirit and soul.  If you don’t mind, I’d like to keep a copy…..this is something I’d like to refer to often.  Thank you for posting it. Hugs and Smile, Gina – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I like this article.  Long live lifting our society above mediocrity and >making our corner of the world a better place! >Mike Brady >Rowland C. Croucher wrote in message <363F4EC3.7B2EF…@mira.net>… >>In Praise of Difficult People Who Lift Us Above Mediocrity >>If you are a difficult person, join the ranks of others who are making >>the corners of our world a better place. You are creating order out of >>chaos, excellence out of mediocrity. You may often be the brunt of the >>anger of others, for you increase the ante and raise the bar. Don=92t = >give >>up or give in to the ordinary or the unspectacular. Be proud of your >>strength and share it with others. The world needs you. >>=20 >>Dealing with perceived  criticism >>I recently spoke with a team member who is reading a book, =93How to = >Cope >>with Difficult People.=94 She is often troubled by the comments of = >those >>who criticize or challenge her, including her dentist, her patients and >>her co-workers. She often feels that their comments are unfair and that >>she=92s being picked on. She wants to learn how to neutralize the = >impact >>these people have on her since she doesn=92t respond well to their >>comments. She tends to feel small and insignificant. I=92ve suggested = >that >>her challenge is not how to negate the effect of people she finds >>difficult but rather how to use their strength to help her grow. I >>contend that as  long as these critics are not mean-spirited and unkind >>but rather are motivated to help her grow, she is indeed a lucky >>person to have them  around.=20 >>            =20 >>Many of us perceive ourselves to have a similar problem. We have >>clients, family and friends who are strong, intelligent, funny, = >talented >>and simultaneously difficult. They may be recognized by any one of the >>following characteristics:=20 >>How to recognize legitimate critics: >>They don=92t hesitate to tell us when the Emperor has no clothes. >>They demand more of us than anyone else, sometimes  even ourselves. >>They often refuse to go along with the crowd and blaze  new trails. >>They insist that visions can and must be achieved. >>They call upon us to work hard. >>They persevere in the face of resistance. >>They help us think more clearly and stay focused. >>They tell us that we and everything we do matters. >>Kind-spirited people >>Good-hearted yet difficult people may tread on our feelings. Not always >>tactful, not always gentle, these difficult people push us toward a >>superiority of thought and deed. They challenge falseness, correct poor >>performance and condemn unworthy attitudes or behavior.=20 >>They’re realists >>Difficult people are realists. They know what makes the world tick. = >They >>push us to levels of achievement we thought were either impossible  or >>too much work. They demand that we respect ourselves enough to do the >>hard tasks well. >>You know where they stand. They  speak their minds. >>In cultures which value harmony above all, tolerate unacceptable >>behavior, or are supportive of failure, we need difficult people to be >>part of our lives. They don=92t always get along. They are demanding. = >They >>don=92t respect those things that are detrimental to the values they >>consider important. They do have opinions and they speak their minds. >>They expect excellence from us. They do not allow a trend of supported >>failure. Accepting weakness does not strengthen us. >>      =20 >>Make a deliberate change >>                        =20 >>As we get older, let us change ourselves from people who think that >>getting along and not rocking the boat is better than being difficult. >>Let us ask a great deal of ourselves and a great deal of those with = >whom >>we work. Let us always give a great deal to those we serve.=20 >>The world needs to hear your voice. >>If you are a difficult person, join the ranks of others who are making >>the corners of our world a better place. You are creating order out of >>chaos, excellence out of mediocrity. You may often be the brunt of the >>anger of others, for you increase the ante and raise the bar. Don=92t = >give >>up or give in to the ordinary or the unspectacular. Be proud of your >>strength and share it with others. The world needs you. >>–=20 >>Shalom!  Rowland Croucher                     (rowla…@mira.net) >>         John Mark Ministries – resources for pastors/leaders        =20 >>      (Bookroom, library, and worldwide F.W.Boreham Trading Post) >>WEBSITE  (1600+ articles  1000+ links  7000+ hits a day) =20 >>                  http://www.pastornet.net.au/jmm

"I have lived my life my way For tonight and for today It’s the strongest hearts they say That always survive…."           — Greg Allman

Response:

I like this article.  Long live lifting our society above mediocrity and making our corner of the world a better place! Mike Brady – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Rowland C. Croucher wrote in message <363F4EC3.7B2EF…@mira.net>… >In Praise of Difficult People Who Lift Us Above Mediocrity >If you are a difficult person, join the ranks of others who are making >the corners of our world a better place. You are creating order out of >chaos, excellence out of mediocrity. You may often be the brunt of the >anger of others, for you increase the ante and raise the bar. Don

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