Act Acting » Acting Jobs » My story and experience with anxiety

My story and experience with anxiety

Question:

Hi, it is kind of hard to write this because I am not used to asking strangers for help but you all seem like good people.  I want to write to you a bit about my life and how I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.  Basically now I’m trying to decide what to do about it. I am 22 and I live in eastern Canada.  I just finished a Bachelor of Science from Acadia Univeristy, but I am still unemployed.  I had a slow start looking for work after University because of horrible problems I was having with my stomach.  I’ve always had a high level of anxiety – even when I was young I remember worrying every time my folks went out that something would happen and they wouldn’t come home again. Well I didn’t realize how much of a problem my anxiety had become until I was put on a drug called Prevacid because of horrible pain I would in my stomach 15-30 minutes after eating anything.  Basically it stops your stomach from producing acid so it can heal.  While I was on the prevacid I had to stop smoking cigarettes & cannabis for the drug to work.  I used to smoke a lot of joints in university to cope with anxiety which worked fine until my stomach quit on me. After 2 weeks on Prevacid I started to feel a lot better and I was going to Ottawa to look for work – I had a huge meal with my family and the next day I felt a bit worse, and the day after my stomach was acting up again so I had to cancel my trip.  At this point I started to think there was something seriously wrong with me and that I was going to die.  The pain was very bad again but I had to keep eating.  I felt a bit better after another couple weeks but was very anxious about eating food and my mouth would get completely dry before a meal and my appetite wasn’t coming back like it did before. I remember trying to eat a tuna sandwitch and I had to take little sips of water with every bite because I had no salvia.  I also remember getting hot & dizzy while I was eating even though I was trying to just relax like my Doctor suggested.  I thought I had something more serious than an ulcer, cancer or gall bladder infection maybe.  I had an GA ultrasound and they didn’t find anything, but to look at my stomach they would have to stick a camera down my throat (endoscopy) which terrified me. My MD suggested I couple stop taking prevacid since the recommended treatment with it is 2 months.  I decided one day to stop taking it and see what happened.  Well I remember that day was hell – I was convinced I was going to get sick again and I didn’t think I could take everything I ate making me sick for a third time.  I was sitting in the living room wondering what was going to be for supper and my heart started beating very fast and I felt nauseous and weak.  I decided I had better take the prevacid after all and I felt a bit better – but not much.  That night I was asleep about 2 hours when I woke up totally awake with my heart beating very fast and I couldn’t breathe well.  I felt all of a sudden like I was going to die, and I didn’t get back to sleep that night.  The next few nights the same thing happened and after that I don’t think I slept more than 10 hours in a week.  By the end of the week I wanted to go jump in front of a truck on the highway near my house just to end the hell I was going through. I went to talk to my Doctor and I told him I wasn’t sleeping and was scared I was just going to burn another hole in my gut if I stopped taking prevacid.  He said he thought my stomach problems were caused by stress / anxiety of finishing university and trying to find a job, and said he’d like to put me back on prozac (I had taken it for 8 months when I was 19 because of depression) and suggested that I should talk to someone about how I was feeling.  I said that I wasn’t depressed and that prozac was a stimulating SSRI and that is the last thing I need since I wasn’t sleeping (I knew a bit about this stuff because I majored in Psychology).  So I ended up with a script for Paxil 10mg/day even though I didn’t know what good it was going to do. He told me to take it at night and maybe it would help me get to sleep.  Well, it didn’t help me sleep and if anything I felt more agitated.  On the 5th day I started to feel general malaise and started having dry heaves / nausea.  This frightened me a lot because I was worried about my stomach in the first place.  I thought I was going crazy and I asked my mother to take me to the psychiatric ward at the hospital.  I felt totally disconnected between myself and the rest of the world.  She suggested I call my Doctor first so they paged him and I said I wanted to stop taking the Paxil and he said he wanted me to stick with the Paxil, and said he would phone me in some Ativan so I could get some sleep at night.  At that point I had slept maybe 1 hour a night for two weeks, so the thought that I might actually sleep that night calmed me down a bit. This is where my story gets a bit more positive because I took 1mg of Ativan and actually slept 6 or 7 hours that night.  My nerves were still killing me during the day but I figured if I could at least sleep at night I could cope and give the SSRI time to work.  I got off the prevacid and my stomach problems did not reoccur.  The next time I saw the Dr. he upped my prescription of Paxil to 20mg / day and 60mg of Ativan / month as needed.  I went off to Ottawa to look for work in tech around the 1st of September.  I applied for around 40 jobs in Ottawa and only got 1 interview, so I came home after a month.  One of my worse anxiety in university was that the economy would go bad and I wouldn’t be able to find a job and it seems to have come true.  A few days after I came home the war started, and I started taking the Ativan during the day because I figured if we are all going to die of anthrax anyway why should I suffer in the meantime – it was 8-10 weeks after I started on the Paxil and I don’t know if it helped that much I still had a lot of free floating anxiety.  I think the Paxil might help my anxiety in social situations a bit but overall I have to give it a thumbs down especially considering that it made me feel worse to begin with! I called my Doctor and told him I was back home and that I was taking 1.5mg of Ativan a day and expressed my doubts about the Paxil.  He said he’d like me to come in so we could increase the dose of Paxil to 30mg.  I said if I was going to be depended on a drug I’d rather it be one that actually helps.  He told me if I kept taking the Ativan he’d eventually be giving me 10mg a day to control the anxiety and suggested we try another SSRI like Zoloft.  This kind of scared me because I don’t want to be drugged I just don’t want to feel anxious all the time.  So I cut back on the Ativan to .5mg in the evening and another .5mg before I go to bed – even though it’s been 2 months since I was waking up sweating I still feel more nervous when it gets dark. I don’t want the only thing that I feel is really helping to lose its effectiveness. I’m trying to get an appointment with a Psychiatric Doctor in the city who specializes in Anxiety Disorders but I don’t know how long it’s going to take as yet.  I made an appointment with my Doctor for this Tuesday and I guess I will try another antidepressant if that is what he wants, I am very grateful to him for recognizing that anxiety was the root of all my problems (I just thought I was going crazy as funny as that sounds now).  I don’t however know how Zoloft is going to help if Paxil didn’t and I am not comfortable going on a high dose of anti-depressants or Ativan for that matter.  Another thing is that I’m still unemployed and I don’t have any health coverage (I was on my parents plan before); I got my own blue cross plan this month but the bastards won’t cover me for gastrointestinal problems or nervous system disorders.  Ativan isn’t a problem because it’s only like $4 for 60×1mg but 30×20mg Paxil is $55 a month and god knows how much Zoloft costs. Does anyone know what I should do?  I know now that I can’t live with so much anxiety because of all the mental and even physical problems it can cause.  I wish I could just tell my mind to stop thinking / worrying so much but I can’t.  I don’t know if I’m ever going to find a job.  Does anyone even know what is wrong with me? Thanks for reading this far, and for your advice. Thank you, Chris Campbell

Response:

Hello Chris, My goodness, everything you are saying strikes a chord with me.  I understand entirely what you are going through.  I’m just a couple of years older than you and have had this forever, and have been seeing doctors about ir for 9 years now.   Please try to keep your hopes up that the doctors will be able to find a medication that works well for you.  It is a game of trial and error, just because one SSRI doesn’t that does not mean that another won’t.  It took three tries before my docs and I found an SSRI that worked for me.   I would strongly urge you to get an appointment with the Psych with the anxiety disorders specialty.  From experience I can say that a well informed careing pdoc, is the best shot at getting the beast under control, so that life can go on free of anxiety. Hang in there, help, hope, and a *normal* life are out there. Jess "Who would ever buy frozen vegetables?"  A. G. Monks when asked to be the primary investor in Bird’s Eye Foods.

Response:

Hi there, Your anxiety started very much the same my did, for 10 years I had bouts of diarohoa, they would come on very sudden, and usually when I was in a social situation out for tea etc, it was so embarassing, after I had a baby in 1999 the trouble got real bad for 12 weeks non-stop I had severe bouts of pain (gastro), I stopped eating in the end, I  felt like and looked like, death on legs. Eventually anxiety set in about even walking into a toilet, going out for tea, and eating, I had my first panic attack in the toilet, and thought I was having a stroke, I hyperventilated, passed out and ended up in hospital, after months of trying to seek help from different doctors etc, and trying every med there was for anxiety, I settled down on Codeine (for the diaroha) and paxil 20mg a day, and lorazapam (tranq) for moments of severe anxiety, after 12 weeks I stopped the codeine, and tranq, 2 years later I am still on paxil, and feel wonderfull most of the time, for the first time in my life I can go out without fear of gastro pain, the trots and anxiety, I don’t know if this helps or not, but is my story, Generally it took about 8 weeks for paxil to start working for me, and the first week was hell, I was very very anxious, felt sick, dizzy, had a dry mouth, and panic attacks on top of each other, however I stuck to the meds got through the worse of the weaning on period. Good luck, go to another Doctor for a second opinion if you can, and dont stress to much about serious illnesses etc like bowel cancer as I did, it is more likely to be anxiety related, Debbs

Response:

Hi Chris! It does sound like anxiety to me, especially with your earlier background of both anxiety and depression.

Hey Sloopy, thanks for getting in contact with me. I know that it can take a long time to see a psychiatrist in Canada, and then you’re not sure what you’ll get, but I’d think better to see a specialist. Wish there were some strings to pull to get you to a specialist sooner? A "firm" referral from your GP?

The usual waiting time is 3-4 months in this province, but the good thing about seeing a psyciatric doctor as opposed to a psychologist is that it’s covered under my health plan.  However, the pdoc I asked to be referred to is just coming back from vacation and is going to be taking some new cases right away so I hope to get an appointment by November. In the meantime, I wouldn’t hesitate to switch to Zoloft, as all SSRIs are different. You knew that when you didn’t want to take Prozac. Prozac, Zoloft, Luvox, Paxil and Celexa all may work, all may not, or one or two may. A very big YMMV.  Seeing as Paxil doesn’t seem to be (although the dose could go up to 30 or even 40 mg to find the therapeutic range for you), Zoloft might be a good switch, and I’d also think the cost would be around the same as Paxil, seeing as neither is available as a generic. Is there a program that will help with the cost? I’m not familiar with govt. programs for meds in Canada. Samples from the doc?

My doctor already mentioned that he had lots of free samples of Paxil in his office so I’ll have to see what happens when I go on Tuesday. I’m not too fussy about Paxil because it is causing me side effects like drowsiness / yawning, anorgasmia, and of course the agitation I felt in the beginning.  I don’t want to increase my dose of Paxil in particular because it’s so hard to get off of and I am already having side effects at 20mg.  I could deal with the side effects if it took away my anxiety but if it was working properly I wouldn’t feel like taking half an ativan even now would I? If I still can’t find a job I can always go on social assistance and I think the govt would pay for drugs then but I’d much rather get a job and feel I’m making a positive contribution to my society — I’m tired of sitting around. Your gut problem might be related to CCK, which some feel is part of anxiety disorders. You can check Dr. Shipko’s BBS, and ask questions at: http://www.algy.com/pdi/

Thanks for that web site, I found some of the FAQs interested especially about childhood development.  I don’t really understand what CCK is but my stomach problem was definatly more than just my nerves I must have had an ulcer or something.  The pain was way to real to be just in my head. You’re not going crazy. I felt that way, and I think most on this group felt that way at first. It’s just not so, and you’re not saying something out of left field that others can’t *completely* relate to!  Not fun for any of us, but there’s also a comfort in knowing that, yes? You’re not alone…

Thanks for that man. I’ll check out the other sides today.

Response:

Hello Chris, My goodness, everything you are saying strikes a chord with me.  I understand entirely what you are going through.  I’m just a couple of years older than you and have had this forever, and have been seeing doctors about ir for 9 years now.  

Well I certainly wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone Jessica but its nice to hear that I’m not alone in how I’ve been feeling. Please try to keep your hopes up that the doctors will be able to find a medication that works well for you.  It is a game of trial and error, just because one SSRI doesn’t that does not mean that another won’t.  It took three tries before my docs and I found an SSRI that worked for me.  

I guess I was kind of stubborn when he called about just wanting to keep taking ativan, he doesn’t seem to like the drug for long term use.  What SSRI is working for you?  I’d guess my choices when I go to see him are either Zoloft or Celexia. I would strongly urge you to get an appointment with the Psych with the anxiety disorders specialty.  From experience I can say that a well informed careing pdoc, is the best shot at getting the beast under control, so that life can go on free of anxiety. Hang in there, help, hope, and a *normal* life are out there.

Thank you so much for the encouragement, I’m hoping to get to a pdoc within a month and I don’t feel like I’m going crazy anymore.  Even if the Paxil isn’t helping much at least I don’t have to worry about my stomach anymore and the Ativan helps a lot at night. Of course hockey season has started and I can watch the leafs now, I find hockey very comforting because when I was really sick I was convinced I wouldn’t live to see another hockey season. Take care Jess, Chris

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi there, Your anxiety started very much the same my did, for 10 years I had bouts of diarohoa, they would come on very sudden, and usually when I was in a social situation out for tea etc, it was so embarassing, after I had a baby in 1999 the trouble got real bad for 12 weeks non-stop I had severe bouts of pain (gastro), I stopped eating in the end, I  felt like and looked like, death on legs. Eventually anxiety set in about even walking into a toilet, going out for tea, and eating, I had my first panic attack in the toilet, and thought I was having a stroke, I hyperventilated, passed out and ended up in hospital, after months of trying to seek help from different doctors etc, and trying every med there was for anxiety, I settled down on Codeine (for the diaroha) and paxil 20mg a day, and lorazapam (tranq) for moments of severe anxiety, after 12 weeks I stopped the codeine, and tranq, 2 years later I am still on paxil, and feel wonderfull most of the time, for the first time in my life I can go out without fear of gastro pain, the trots and anxiety, I don’t know if this helps or not, but is my story, Generally it took about 8 weeks for paxil to start working for me, and the first week was hell, I was very very anxious, felt sick, dizzy, had a dry mouth, and panic attacks on top of each other, however I stuck to the meds got through the worse of the weaning on period. Good luck, go to another Doctor for a second opinion if you can, and dont stress to much about serious illnesses etc like bowel cancer as I did, it is more likely to be anxiety related, Debbs

Hi Deb — I have to tell you I felt like just stopping to eat too because my body was being so rebellious towards me.   Maybe I would have if my family wasn’t around to bug me all the time that I wasn’t eating enough in the first place :/  Before I got a script for Lorazepam during the two weeks I had panic at night I lost another 10 pounds which bought me down to 145lbs (lowest I’ve ever been).  Three months later I’m now at 170lbs and feeling much better about my weight. I tried to keep telling myself I didn’t have cancer but when you have a lot of anxiety I find it hard not to imagine and fret about the worst case.  It’s like a bad rerun on tv that you can’t turn off at least for me. It sounds like your experience was as bad/worse than mine so I’m really glad to hear you are feeling better with Paxil.  I can’t say it isn’t helping me at all but I still feel a lot of just general anxiety especially about the economy and my prospects for work.  It seems like CNN is trying to just scare the shit out of everyone lately with all the talk about anthrax and what is happening in the world really scares me a lot. I can’t control it, but hopefully it will all be over with soon.

Response:

Related Posts

Leave a Reply