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On Being a Child emtionally

Question:

hey heather… totally can relate… a year ago when i started seeing my therapist he put my emotional age at about seven years old… half a year ago i graduated to ten years and now i’m a not-so-sweet sixteen. ;) anyhow… it’s really easy to freak out over emotions… i’ve done it all my life. Here are some of the activities that have been most effective over the years: ART… try painting a picture LARGER than your emotions. get a big sheet or something and spraypaint it out in your yard, or paint with brushes and your hands. Or get lots of posterboard and do poster size pictures. one of the best ones i ever did was this angry screaming face (i ended up crying SO HARD about halfway through, it was really intense to actually depict the way i felt inside) with the word FUCK smeared across it. if you don’t like them after, burn them. it feels good. art has a lot of power to it. ugly, angry, violent, sensitive, beautiful, and just plain intense images all give you power… it doesn’t have to conform to any idea of what an image SHOULD be either… it can just be bright, searing colours or somber, thick blacks… mediums like collage, charcoal, paint… all have a lot of potential. smashing glass or plates. go to the thrift store and buy some cheapo ugly plates. smash them and make a mosaic from it using grout and a spare piece of wood. singing, dancing, jumping up and down, walking into your room and just falling down… physical activities. often when it’s inappropriate for me to show my emotions (like when my mum asks me if i’m gaining weight or not) i excuse myself and walk into the bathroom or another such room where no one can see, and i squich up and contort my whole body and my face in this almost comic silent scream of horror and anger. tensing up the whole body and RELEASING the muscle tension on purpose really helps. now that life is getting a little better i also walk into the bathroom to give myself the silent cheer, wave, and general positive reinforcement. i find that making my body caricature the feeling helps me get it out in a reasonable fashion. bake bread. kneading dough does wonders for the emotions. go for a long walk down a busy street and talk to myself really really loudly, bitching about everything. by the time the walk is over i’ve usually talked myself into being happy again. changing clothes to wear bright, angry colours. rent kung fu movies. also steven seagal, jackie chan, quentin tarantino… cheer whenever the bad guys bite the dust. in the long run… yoga, tai chi, meditation. breathing exercises to move the energy through the whole body. grounding exercises to let the angry bad childish energy flow down the spine into the earth to be transformed into good happy relaxed energy coming up through the feet all the way up into the third eye. contemplate something in nature… allow yourself to exist in peace… it’s something i stopped doing when the frenzy of eating disordered activity came in… allowing silence, allowing no-thought, allowing yourself to hear the gentle rushing of water, the buzzing of sap in trees… contemplating the changes of the seasons, being observant about the world around you helps you to move outside yourself and gain some perspective. letting yourself have the feeling in a way which creates something new, for which you have something to show when it’s all over, without guilt or judgement of any kind. seeing the emotions as being a natural part of life that everyone works through in their own ways, emotions that ebb and flow and will pass through you if you allow them to. reminding yourself that trying to control emotions simply obstructs their flow out of you. if you need to cry, cry. follow your instinct and do what feels natural and right and most of all, nurturing to you. also, feel the feeling. love feeling it, even if it hurts. don’t self-medicate, don’t run away or try to numb the feelings. just feel, recognized ‘this is sadness’ or ‘this is anger’ or ‘this is a sort of sad-angry-guilty for no reason-powerful feeling’… or even ‘this is so complex a feeling i can’t define it, i can just feel it’, put on some good music, have a cry or an art session or sit and write in your diary. something i’ve learned is that allowing myself to grow up emotionally has a lot to do with allowing myself to LET GO of the feeling once the time has passed. tantrums have a lot to do with not wanting to allow change of any sort, not wanting to have whatever change brought on the tantrum, and not wanting to leave the tantrum state. the calm AFTER the storm is a beautiful, ultra-clear time. above all, respect yourself and your emotions. they’re all valid, however they are expressed. love and peace, zakira.

Response:

Hi Heather, If you are willing to give art a try-I would recommend working with clay.  You can pound and twist and flatten it, smear it, squish it, even beat it!! And if you don’t like what you make, you can just smash it flat again. I can relate to what you are going through.  I never believed that my B/P-ing was a way to stifle emotions until I stopped doing it and they (my feelings) were all over the place. Esp. anger.  I pulled weeds in my garden alot and rode my neighbors horse (who is fairly stupid and very stubborn so also good for relieving tension).  It’s harder in the winter though. Take care, Amy

Response:

hi heather, and *HUGS*…just wanted to say that while i know it may feel like things are so nuts right now, it actually makes sense to me what’s going on with you…if you’ve been using food for so long to keep all the feelings under control, well, they don’t go away, so when you stop, they burst out all over the place.  boy, can i relate!  so, thoughts on some self-soothing behaviors… what about some kind of drawing?  i used pastels and things like that, and just scribble away…give myself permission for it to be whatever it is (and not be some perfect work of art), and just go to it! clay work is good, but it can really stir you up, so you might want to be careful with that… are you house sitting by yourself?  what about putting onyour favorite music and singing as loud as you can?  and dancing? sometimes i also (okay, this may sound silly) i "write" movie scenes in my head and act them out, the cathartic fight, the oscar winning monologue…it helps me both get them out, and distance myself from it a bit… just some thoughts…         dolphin

: Dear ASED, : I am still around for those who were wondering- I just an house sitting so I am : not on line every day.  But I am trying still to give up my Binging and Purging : and I am finding out that my emotions are running crazy right now. : This is spoilered for behavior: : @ : @ : @ : @ : @ : @ : @ : @ : @ : @ : @ : I am fining out that being without binging and Purging is really awful in a lot : ways- I feel like a child having tamtrums and being all out of control. I feell : so helpless and although I know that the choices are mine- I find myself acting : out again and again., : I am angry all the time and I am reverting to other self distructive behaviors- : drinking more then usual…. smoking pot and wanting to rather then just doing : in once a year or so socially….. Being late for everything so that I am : endangering my jobs….. My therapist says that I am punishing myself for : something and have just switched from using food to using other behaviors.  I : knew that she is right but I feel so out of control. We are trying to find a : trasition behavior that might help me get through this- Any suggestions? I need : some help. We have talked about art of various forms but I am not sure that : will help. : Anyway, any thoughts would help. I will try to chechin tomorow. : To Better Days : Love Heather — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

Dear ASED, I am still around for those who were wondering- I just an house sitting so I am not on line every day.  But I am trying still to give up my Binging and Purging and I am finding out that my emotions are running crazy right now. This is spoilered for behavior: @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I am fining out that being without binging and Purging is really awful in a lot ways- I feel like a child having tamtrums and being all out of control. I feell so helpless and although I know that the choices are mine- I find myself acting out again and again., I am angry all the time and I am reverting to other self distructive behaviors- drinking more then usual…. smoking pot and wanting to rather then just doing in once a year or so socially….. Being late for everything so that I am endangering my jobs….. My therapist says that I am punishing myself for something and have just switched from using food to using other behaviors.  I knew that she is right but I feel so out of control. We are trying to find a trasition behavior that might help me get through this- Any suggestions? I need some help. We have talked about art of various forms but I am not sure that will help. Anyway, any thoughts would help. I will try to chechin tomorow. To Better Days Love Heather

Response:

lalalallalal!!!!!! Jenn, my sweet, this is your cue to join in! I’m right here beside you Gazelle!!!! You’ll have to let me know where you found the purple suit ;-) You, me and Barry need a night out at the Coba, coba cobana…lalalala! Don’t forget Neil too. Rumour has it Whtmountin loves that song? Teehee!! Now I’m in trouble ;-)

Uh oh, Jenn – you may have people coming after you! But this reminds me, talking about FUN music, I was in the car today, and on the radio was a countdown of the top 500 dance songs – I only caught the top 5, but here they are: 5.  Le Freak, by Chic (sp.?) 4.  YMCA, by the Village People 3.  Last Dance by Donna Summers 2.  I Will Survive, by Gloria Gaynor and number one…. Talk about music to put you in a good mood – just too bouncy to be able to sit still while listening……so if you want music to put you in a happier frame of mind… love, Gazelle, still humming……hell no – dancing around the room!!!!!!! — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

lalalallalal!!!!!! Jenn, my sweet, this is your cue to join in!

I’m right here beside you Gazelle!!!! You’ll have to let me know where you found the purple suit ;-) You, me and Barry need a night out at the Coba, coba cobana…lalalala! Don’t forget Neil too. Rumour has it Whtmountin loves that song? Teehee!! Now I’m in trouble ;-) Love, Jenn Singing the blues tonight but I hear Manilow has many good songs to bring out those tears…"this one’s for you wherever you are, lalala" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – love, Gazelle, wearing her purple Manilow-esque jumpsuit?

Response:

are you house sitting by yourself?  what about putting onyour favorite music and singing as loud as you can?  

AH!  Here’s my cue!  How ’bout putting on some Barry Manilow, and acting like a singing and dancing fool? Can’t smile..without you…I’m finding it hard, to do anything….. lalalallalal!!!!!! Jenn, my sweet, this is your cue to join in! love, Gazelle, wearing her purple Manilow-esque jumpsuit? — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

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