Act Acting » Acting Lessons » I'm divorced, but this is SO depressing!

I'm divorced, but this is SO depressing!

Question:

This is my first time on this newsgroup. I feel for most of you (men AND women!). I find it hard to read a lot of it though because it is just so depressing. I could tell you my story, but I’ll skip it. A few things I’ve learned along the way: 1) Choose your battles wisely, some things are NOT worth fighting with your ex over, even if you ex is clearly  wrong. 2) If you have children, they should come FIRST. You’ve had your childhood, now let them have theirs. Anyway, most of us are pretty young, after the kids are grown there is still a lot of time for being single. If you ignore your children now, they will ignore you when they grow up and you grow old. 3) Live a moral life. Really. Don’t have a string of relationships. Forget sex. Don’t expose your kid(s) to your latest love. Your kids will get the message that they don’t count. If you want your kids growing up to be people with values, then you have to be an example for them! How can you tell your kids with a straight face to "wait until you’re married" when you’re sleeping around? How can you expect your children to respect you as an authority if you have no control over yourself? 4) He or she may be acting pretty bad, but you don’t have to stoop to their level. I’ve bit my tongue quite a number of times, I’ve taken the higher road. I can honestly say that I’ve kept my honor and my dignity. I can’t say that about my ex. When I feel depressed, I can honestly say that I am proud of the way I’ve behaved. I don’t have to explain myself to my child, I don’t have to defend what I did, I don’t need a counseler for advice, and most of all …. I DIDN’T SELL OUT WHAT I BELIEVED IN FOR A TEMPORARY THRILL!!!!! 5) Most of you won’t like me saying this, but I’ve found that returning to my faith has been a great source of comfort for me. It also has been a great guide for the difficulties I’ve had to  face. Well, that’s it. I hope I’ve helped someone out there.  I’m sure I’m going to get at least one note telling me to "get with it" or "its the nineties"! To that I say, "Who does your thinking for you? You or other people?" P.S. If you are a married person contemplating divorce take my advice. Unless it’s something really bad, like physical abuse, try to stick it out. The likelihood of you living happily ever after with someone else is not very good at all. Most people regret doing it, even when they were the ones that wanted the divorce in the first place. If you aren’t happy, that’s your responsibility, not your spouse’s. If you aren’t happy being married you certainly won’t be happy being divorced!

Response:

Hi: I’m glad you shared — nice insight there. Good lessons one and all. If it’s too depressing, skip the stories and go to the replies —  : )         The Resource list is at http://users.dicksonstreet.com/~billbo/divorce2.html I give you no flack for your stances. They are brave, concerned stances. I allow each individual to follow their own path. Many people mix up morals with those things at the end of fairy tales, and religions. But moral actually just pertains to "making the distinction between right and wrong. (3) Good or right in conduct and behavior." The trick is what info you base the decision on. Religions go far to ask the harder questions and give directions.         Most people are fairly complacent, and often when temptation comes, morals go out the window. We can be selfish — and often doing the right thing involves sacrifice.         It’s funny/sad how many of us have witnessed and often been the victim of 2 of the ten commandments being broken. Showing us very clearly why  they are placed so importantly on the big ten list. They both pertain to the difference between a safe community and a dog-eat-dog world, they have much to do with respect, trust, and doing the right thing. Coveting and adultery are heavy betrayals. You can throw in lying, stealing, breaking vows and slew of other evils that make divorces so hard. Besides showing us we can have emotions we never knew we were capable of.         Ahhh .. I’m rambling. Your words made me think about these issues.         Take Care, hope to hear from you again. — we don’t always have to have depressing threads — threads like these are important in our healing.                 : ) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -This is my first time on this newsgroup. I feel for most of you (men AND women!). I find it hard to read a lot of it though because it is just so depressing. I could tell you my story, but I’ll skip it. A few things I’ve learned along the way: 1) Choose your battles wisely, some things are NOT worth fighting with your ex over, even if you ex is clearly  wrong. 2) If you have children, they should come FIRST. You’ve had your childhood, now let them have theirs. Anyway, most of us are pretty young, after the kids are grown there is still a lot of time for being single. If you ignore your children now, they will ignore you when they grow up and you grow old. 3) Live a moral life. Really. Don’t have a string of relationships. Forget sex. Don’t expose your kid(s) to your latest love. Your kids will get the message that they don’t count. If you want your kids growing up to be people with values, then you have to be an example for them! How can you tell your kids with a straight face to "wait until you’re married" when you’re sleeping around? How can you expect your children to respect you as an authority if you have no control over yourself? 4) He or she may be acting pretty bad, but you don’t have to stoop to their level. I’ve bit my tongue quite a number of times, I’ve taken the higher road. I can honestly say that I’ve kept my honor and my dignity. I can’t say that about my ex. When I feel depressed, I can honestly say that I am proud of the way I’ve behaved. I don’t have to explain myself to my child, I don’t have to defend what I did, I don’t need a counseler for advice, and most of all …. I DIDN’T SELL OUT WHAT I BELIEVED IN FOR A TEMPORARY THRILL!!!!! 5) Most of you won’t like me saying this, but I’ve found that returning to my faith has been a great source of comfort for me. It also has been a great guide for the difficulties I’ve had to  face. Well, that’s it. I hope I’ve helped someone out there.  I’m sure I’m going to get at least one note telling me to "get with it" or "its the nineties"! To that I say, "Who does your thinking for you? You or other people?" P.S. If you are a married person contemplating divorce take my advice. Unless it’s something really bad, like physical abuse, try to stick it out. The likelihood of you living happily ever after with someone else is not very good at all. Most people regret doing it, even when they were the ones that wanted the divorce in the first place. If you aren’t happy, that’s your responsibility, not your spouse’s. If you aren’t happy being married you certainly won’t be happy being divorced!

BillBo                                  .’ ‘.            __ http://comp.uark.edu/~wborsodi/ .         .         . -{{_(|8) bzzzzzzz                          ’ .  . ‘ ‘ .  . ‘     (__/` ICQ: 4673467 *reply to address masked – replace ? with w = real email address

Response:

Jumbles, very cool thoughts and very true.  As for your return to faith, I applaud you & have joined you on that road.  I was actually a Pastor for 4 years & left partialy because of my wife’s "issues".  I have spent years trying to be the person she needed and compromising so much of what I know to be right along the way.  Since she left, I have slowly been able to regain my perspective & have returned to what I know is right.  It is so hard sometimes to do the right thing, but we just have to trust that there is a bigger plan out there & we just need to be patient & faithful. Good Luck & God Bless, Shawn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -This is my first time on this newsgroup. I feel for most of you (men AND women!). I find it hard to read a lot of it though because it is just so depressing. I could tell you my story, but I’ll skip it. A few things I’ve learned along the way: 1) Choose your battles wisely, some things are NOT worth fighting with your ex over, even if you ex is clearly  wrong. 2) If you have children, they should come FIRST. You’ve had your childhood, now let them have theirs. Anyway, most of us are pretty young, after the kids are grown there is still a lot of time for being single. If you ignore your children now, they will ignore you when they grow up and you grow old. 3) Live a moral life. Really. Don’t have a string of relationships. Forget sex. Don’t expose your kid(s) to your latest love. Your kids will get the message that they don’t count. If you want your kids growing up to be people with values, then you have to be an example for them! How can you tell your kids with a straight face to "wait until you’re married" when you’re sleeping around? How can you expect your children to respect you as an authority if you have no control over yourself? 4) He or she may be acting pretty bad, but you don’t have to stoop to their level. I’ve bit my tongue quite a number of times, I’ve taken the higher road. I can honestly say that I’ve kept my honor and my dignity. I can’t say that about my ex. When I feel depressed, I can honestly say that I am proud of the way I’ve behaved. I don’t have to explain myself to my child, I don’t have to defend what I did, I don’t need a counseler for advice, and most of all …. I DIDN’T SELL OUT WHAT I BELIEVED IN FOR A TEMPORARY THRILL!!!!! 5) Most of you won’t like me saying this, but I’ve found that returning to my faith has been a great source of comfort for me. It also has been a great guide for the difficulties I’ve had to  face. Well, that’s it. I hope I’ve helped someone out there.  I’m sure I’m going to get at least one note telling me to "get with it" or "its the nineties"! To that I say, "Who does your thinking for you? You or other people?" P.S. If you are a married person contemplating divorce take my advice. Unless it’s something really bad, like physical abuse, try to stick it out. The likelihood of you living happily ever after with someone else is not very good at all. Most people regret doing it, even when they were the ones that wanted the divorce in the first place. If you aren’t happy, that’s your responsibility, not your spouse’s. If you aren’t happy being married you certainly won’t be happy being divorced!

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