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Child Psychologist for 3 year old?

Question:

I am new to this newsgroup, so please forgive me if I breach its etiquette: But I am a counselor who does custody evaluations and specializes in marriage and divorce therapy and mediation. The behavior of the children you’ve all described is not atypical or abnormal. It is often the only way  small children  can express their anger, frustration, fear and fury at their lives being turned upside down. They do not understand how two people (their Mommy and Daddy) can choose to live apart and mess up their lives. They feel that it must be their fault, or they worry if one parent can leave the other – then that parent can also leave them. The most important thing (more important even than consistent discipline, at this point) is to love and re-assure the child that you will not leave or reject them – NO MATTER WHAT they do or say. The negative behavior often occurs when the child is very tired, or when a transition back to the other parent is about to happen, or has just happened.  Just remember not to take it personally – it is not because your child truly hates you – it is his/her only way to express his/her intense emotions about the situation and how it affects him/her. Also, take solace in the fact that the child will usually give the harder time to the parent with whom they feel more comfortable: If they are secure in your love, they can push you away harder and know (hope) you’ll stick around. Don’t disappoint them – it is NEVER better for a parent to remove him/herself from their child’s life! If the behavior continues for a long time, intensifies or gets destructive – to property or people – it is definitely time to consult a child psychologist. I commend any parent who has attended a "Children Cope with Divorce" type group – or has read any of the numerous excellent books on the market in order to learn how to keep their children out of the middle, and minimize the inevitable stress the divorce causes their chidren. I have a list of worthy books to be read by parents that I make available to my clients, and would be happy to e-mail the list to anyone who would like it. Send the request to me directly. By the way, my experience with all this is personal as well as professional. I, too, am divorced and share custody of our child. It is, undoubtably, one of the most painful and difficult human experiences – but one that can teach and strengthen if you make the choice to allow it to do that. All my sincere best wishes, Leslye

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – [Story about 3-year old son having difficulty snipped.] My ex and I found a child psychologist for our son when he was 4.5 – she specialized in play therapy. She had some games she would play with our son to help her learn about what was going on with him and help him deal with things. He went for about a year and I think it was helpful. Why not at least look into this?  Ask the daycare people if they know anyone or ask the guidance counselors at your local grade school if they know local child psychologists. Or ask the pediatrician. — Gail

My children were a bit older when my s2bx and I started having difficulties.  Theraphy didn’t save our marriage, but it did help my kids understand what was going on, and helped me to understand what to say and do for them. Take care.  Shelley

Response:

Wow, Biff… I can completely empathize with your situation.  My marriage was only six years old and my son not quite two when she left, but it sounds like something similar happened to me. Now the situation I have is a bit different from yours, but my soon-to-be-ex has reported instances of our son strongly resisting her efforts to get him to bed, into the bath, etc. and he even threw a cup in her face recently. I think it would be a good idea to go to counseling with and without your son; if it is possible I think your S2BX or ex-wife ought to go, too.  When the goal is your child’s welfare, I bet she would seriously consider attending with you. My wife and I did some joint and individual sessions with the same counselor; in fact, we both still see this counselor regularly.  In any case, we affirmed to each other our intense desire that our son should not be hurt by our inability to work out our lives together. I don’t know how realistic a suggestion this might be for your situation, but it’s helped mine a lot.  FWIW

Response:

<posted and e-mailed I am new to this newsgroup, so please forgive me if I breach its etiquette:

No breach of etiquette that I saw. Now, if you had added ‘…and everyone who reads this needs to send me $5 to compensate me for my professional opinion’ or ‘I am a counselor. Write me for an estimate,’ THAT would have been a breach of etiquette. Welcome, Leslye. Tracey

Response:

[[ regarding 3 year old outbursts to divorced parents ]] Although I am not trained in child psychology (being an experimentalist), I’ve done a bit of the literature search as well. Leslye makes some excellent points in how kids of that age have a limited repertory to express their feelings. Even though their verbal skills are on the sharp increase, they are still trying to make a good deal of sense of their world. Channeling anger and frustration into physical acts *is* normal even with intact families. I strongly agree that giving the child as much reassurance and love as possible is best. Telling them and acting that you will never abandon them and that you love them no matter what they do can only help. I, too, am struggling with a similar situation and many folks here: shared custody, difficult transitions, a 3.5 year-old who sometimes "acts out" especially around times of transition and absence of the other parent. However, I would amend Leslye’s comments by suggesting that you consider how you would deal with the same situation in an intact family. The cause may be different, but the behavior is similar. Without sacrificing compassion and empathy, I also try to keep with three tenets of raising a child: limits, consistency, and communication. In my house, certain behaviors are inappropriate: hitting, biting, spitting, for example. I use a variety of different techniques to help my daughter use other strategies. I reassure her that I love her no matter what. I often say, "Even when you are really mad, I still love you a lot" and "Even when I’m far away and don’t get to see you, I still love you and want you to be happy." When she is doing the hitting, I tell her to "use her words" (a phrase often repeated in different contexts) and suggest other ways of expressing her feelings (stamping the floor, hitting a toy or a pillow, yelling but verbalizing). I try to limit time-outs to extreme physical outbursts that hurt, though I worry about the negative reinforcement of time-outs to angry feelings. I feel consistency in setting the limits AND reassurances is important. I’m not sure that allowing a child free reign for otherwise socially inappropriate behavior, simply because you feel the cause is the anxiety over the divorce (and therefore possibly assuaging one’s own guilt) is in the ultimate best interest of the child. Again, how would you deal with the same behavior in other family circumstances? Now, how my erstwhile with space and I deal with the consistency issue is another long and somewhat painful thread. In my case, I feel the different parenting styles exacerbate some of the problems. While I’m cautious about putting a 3 year-old into the mental health system unless it’s really warranted (as Leslye said), a session or two with the parent may help provide some additional skills and options for the *parent* to deal with the child’s behaviors and feelings. That, I do recommend (and my erstwhile with unmet needs is actually doing).         -Peter "but I play one on TV" Marvit : 3815 Walnut St., Philadelphia, PA 19104  w:215/573-3991 fax:215/898-7301 :

Response:

[Divorced, his 3-year-old son visits him several nights a week.] At night, usually after his bath but more frequently before, my son will hit me, tell me that he hates me, tell me that he wants to go back to Mommy’s house, tell me that he misses Mommy, tells me that he’s scared, tell me that I’m stupid, etc. When he hits, he goes into ‘time-out’ where he whimpers until the 5 minutes are up – then it’s 10 minutes of ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ before the hitting (scratching, biting, etc.) resume. And then it’s back in time-out until he is finally exhausted. My take on this is that, even after four months of the visiting routine, he is still not in ‘his house’ in ‘his bed’ with ‘his things’, etc., and that he blames me for leaving (it was my wife and the court that made me move, of course – I wanted to seek marriage counselling – anything). I’m not going to tell my son that it is his mother’s fault that I don’t live with him any longer and that circumstances changed because it was what she wanted, but I am in a dilemma over WHAT TO DO. I almost feel as if I should just bow out and that my son would be healthier for my absence.

Have you read anything about child psychological development? His behavior is normal for an angry, confused toddler whose world was just destroyed. What he needs is your acceptance of his volatile emotional states.  Time outs are like punishing him for having emotions. And no, he would NOT be healthier if you bowed out and were absent. Now, I’m not opposed to psychologists at all, but I am somewhat nauseated by the fact that my wife seems to think that my son’s life is going to be put into perspective for him by a child psychologist… he just turned 3 YEARS OLD on January 24th. His grasp of what is real, what he is feeling and _why_ he is feeling something, are very undeveloped. WHAT GOOD IS A PSYCHOLOGIST GOING TO FOR A 3 YEAR OLD?

A good child psychologist can do a lot for a three-year-old. Children and infants can have psychological and emotional problems. Those aren’t limited to adults. However, this is a family issue – your son is just acting out the problems, but both you and your ex have problems too. It sounds like you’re feeling rejected and confused, and it would be very convenient not to see your son anymore, and hence eliminate these stresses.  But it would be absolutely disastrous for this little boy to be abandoned and dumped by his father (which is how he’d feel about it). best, Karen

Response:

[Story about 3-year old son having difficulty snipped.] My ex and I found a child psychologist for our son when he was 4.5 – she specialized in play therapy. She had some games she would play with our son to help her learn about what was going on with him and help him deal with things. He went for about a year and I think it was helpful. Why not at least look into this?  Ask the daycare people if they know anyone or ask the guidance counselors at your local grade school if they know local child psychologists. Or ask the pediatrician. — Gail

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Well, I’ll dispense with the why’s and wherefore’s of the divorce – suffice it to say that after seven years of marriage and one child, my wife decided that she had to find out who she really was and that she couldn’t do it while married to me. Anyway, I moved from our home on October 1, 1997 and our divorce was final, with joint custody of our son, on October 23, 1997. Since then my son visits me about two nights out of the week. From the time I moved out, my (now ex) wife has done all of the things that we were instructed _not_ to do in the court-ordered "Helping Children Cope with Divorce" seminar; i.e., she uses him as a courier for mail, messages, etc., she "forgets" about parties he has been invited to on the days that he is to spend with me – the list goes on and on. When I pick my son up from daycare, he is always excited to see me and always wants to go to "Daddy’s Place." He tells me how much he loves me and how much he misses me. The problems seem to occur: 1) at night, and; 2) when he is ‘returned’ to daycare (the ‘daycare’ is the prime pick up/drop-off spot, I suppose, because my ex’s male friend moved in the day after I moved out "to help with the mortgage). At night, usually after his bath but more frequently before, my son will hit me, tell me that he hates me, tell me that he wants to go back to Mommy’s house, tell me that he misses Mommy, tells me that he’s scared, tell me that I’m stupid, etc. When he hits, he goes into ‘time-out’ where he whimpers until the 5 minutes are up – then it’s 10 minutes of ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ before the hitting (scratching, biting, etc.) resume. And then it’s back in time-out until he is finally exhausted. My take on this is that, even after four months of the visiting routine, he is still not in ‘his house’ in ‘his bed’ with ‘his things’, etc., and that he blames me for leaving (it was my wife and the court that made me move, of course – I wanted to seek marriage counselling – anything). I’m not going to tell my son that it is his mother’s fault that I don’t live with him any longer and that circumstances changed because it was what she wanted, but I am in a dilemma over WHAT TO DO. I almost feel as if I should just bow out and that my son would be healthier for my absence. When I take my son to daycare (or we are preparing to go to daycare), there are more ‘episodes.’ He ‘doesn’t want to go,’ he wants to ’stay at Daddy’s Place.’ Both scenarios are extremely traumatic for him. My ex-wife maintains no dialog and refuses to enter into any sort of adult dialog (she says that she is afraid that she will become ‘too emotional’ if she talks to me) concerning our son unless I become angry and call her. After two days of being bitten, hit, etc., by a very confused three year old, I _did_ call my ex and she said "He’ll just have to see a child psychologist," and told me that she would ask his pediatrician for a referral. Now, I’m not opposed to psychologists at all, but I am somewhat nauseated by the fact that my wife seems to think that my son’s life is going to be put into perspective for him by a child psychologist… he just turned 3 YEARS OLD on January 24th. His grasp of what is real, what he is feeling and _why_ he is feeling something, are very undeveloped. WHAT GOOD IS A PSYCHOLOGIST GOING TO FOR A 3 YEAR OLD? As I said earlier, I have always done what was in the best interest of my son (one of the reasons my wife got the house without having to pay me my share of the equity – I didn’t want to break THAT continuity in his life). Although I wasn’t the parent that breached the marriage or the parental contract, my son’s anger is directed at me (and I assume not my wife as when I told her of this she did not report similar incidences). Is it in the best (short term) interest of my son that I remove myself from his life until he is older and can understand? Is it possible that he’s going to have a theraputic breakthrough via his meetings with a child psychologist? Any responses (via e-mail or in this forum) would be greatly appreciated.

Why don’t you agree to take the child and see what the therapist can do to help YOU deal with your child.  I don’t think it’s a bad idea. "I do not at all resent criticism, even when, for the sake of emphasis, it for a time parts company with reality"

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – [Story about 3-year old son having difficulty snipped.] My ex and I found a child psychologist for our son when he was 4.5 – she specialized in play therapy. She had some games she would play with our son to help her learn about what was going on with him and help him deal with things. He went for about a year and I think it was helpful. Why not at least look into this?  Ask the daycare people if they know anyone or ask the guidance counselors at your local grade school if they know local child psychologists. Or ask the pediatrician. — Gail My children were a bit older when my s2bx and I started having difficulties.  Theraphy didn’t save our marriage, but it did help my kids understand what was going on, and helped me to understand what to say and do for them. Take care.  Shelley

  from Joe White: I would like to hear more from people who have children that developed problems then went to some type of therapy.  My son (5 yrs.) has been doing very well up until the last couple of weeks.  I have my own theories (ie: my ex had a part-time live in with kids and evidently something has happened and they aren’t around much anymore) as to why he is suddenly showing some major behavior problems. He is having problems in his kindergarten.  My ex called today (he was out of school) and he was kicking her, biting, telling her he hated her and the house, etc…ran away from her screaming through the neighborhood, etc..evidently as a result of the fact that he is missing me.  Although, as long as her friend was around with his kids he never acted in this manner. My heart breaks for him and we both sat down and told him it was ok to be sad, ok to be mad, ok to feel all those things.  He doesn’t like that mom and dad don’t live together, but I told him (just like I have several times before) that: (1) mom and dad are not going to live together anymore simple as that (he knows we’re divorced), (2) we both love him very much and we love each other, but not in the way you have to love someone to be married, (3) that we will both always love him, protect him, and spend as much time with him as we can.  He was ok while they were here, but when it was time to leave he really lost it. Any suggestions other than tons of love and therapy? Joe

Response:

I’ll agree with Gary.  It’s worth a try.  But here’s another thought.  It’s not so much what the "shrink" can do with a 3 year old, but what a shrink can tell you about the 3 year old.  Sounds to me that the child has feels that he he isn’t capable with expressing in an appropriate manner.  Perhaps the shrink can help him learn how to express himself appropriately and shed some light for you on how to help him.  Good luck. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I sure as hell don’t know anything about this, so take what I say any way it fits. You say you aren’t telling him what happened with the situation and his moms responsibility in it. You also say you send him to ‘time out’. Just a thought, maybe holding him tight and hugging him while explaining the ‘why’ of it all, based on asking him questions to see what he wants to know, might break the cycle. It seems he might want answers is my point and putting him off and by himself isn’t making the grade here, that’s maybe what he’s reacting to? I think he might need to talk this through, in his way, so he isn’t scared of the future. I agree with your feelings about the shrink, but as I said, what do I know. Gary Well, I’ll dispense with the why’s and wherefore’s of the divorce – suffice it to say that after seven years of marriage and one child, my wife decided that she had to find out who she really was and that she couldn’t do it while married to me. Anyway, I moved from our home on October 1, 1997 and our divorce was final, with joint custody of our son, on October 23, 1997. Since then my son visits me about two nights out of the week. From the time I moved out, my (now ex) wife has done all of the things that we were instructed _not_ to do in the court-ordered "Helping Children Cope with Divorce" seminar; i.e., she uses him as a courier for mail, messages, etc., she "forgets" about parties he has been invited to on the days that he is to spend with me – the list goes on and on. When I pick my son up from daycare, he is always excited to see me and always wants to go to "Daddy’s Place." He tells me how much he loves me and how much he misses me. The problems seem to occur: 1) at night, and; 2) when he is ‘returned’ to daycare (the ‘daycare’ is the prime pick up/drop-off spot, I suppose, because my ex’s male friend moved in the day after I moved out "to help with the mortgage). At night, usually after his bath but more frequently before, my son will hit me, tell me that he hates me, tell me that he wants to go back to Mommy’s house, tell me that he misses Mommy, tells me that he’s scared, tell me that I’m stupid, etc. When he hits, he goes into ‘time-out’ where he whimpers until the 5 minutes are up – then it’s 10 minutes of ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ before the hitting (scratching, biting, etc.) resume. And then it’s back in time-out until he is finally exhausted. My take on this is that, even after four months of the visiting routine, he is still not in ‘his house’ in ‘his bed’ with ‘his things’, etc., and that he blames me for leaving (it was my wife and the court that made me move, of course – I wanted to seek marriage counselling – anything). I’m not going to tell my son that it is his mother’s fault that I don’t live with him any longer and that circumstances changed because it was what she wanted, but I am in a dilemma over WHAT TO DO. I almost feel as if I should just bow out and that my son would be healthier for my absence. When I take my son to daycare (or we are preparing to go to daycare), there are more ‘episodes.’ He ‘doesn’t want to go,’ he wants to ’stay at Daddy’s Place.’ Both scenarios are extremely traumatic for him. My ex-wife maintains no dialog and refuses to enter into any sort of adult dialog (she says that she is afraid that she will become ‘too emotional’ if she talks to me) concerning our son unless I become angry and call her. After two days of being bitten, hit, etc., by a very confused three year old, I _did_ call my ex and she said "He’ll just have to see a child psychologist," and told me that she would ask his pediatrician for a referral. Now, I’m not opposed to psychologists at all, but I am somewhat nauseated by the fact that my wife seems to think that my son’s life is going to be put into perspective for him by a child psychologist… he just turned 3 YEARS OLD on January 24th. His grasp of what is real, what he is feeling and _why_ he is feeling something, are very undeveloped. WHAT GOOD IS A PSYCHOLOGIST GOING TO FOR A 3 YEAR OLD? As I said earlier, I have always done what was in the best interest of my son (one of the reasons my wife got the house without having to pay me my share of the equity – I didn’t want to break THAT continuity in his life). Although I wasn’t the parent that breached the marriage or the parental contract, my son’s anger is directed at me (and I assume not my wife as when I told her of this she did not report similar incidences). Is it in the best (short term) interest of my son that I remove myself from his life until he is older and can understand? Is it possible that he’s going to have a theraputic breakthrough via his meetings with a child psychologist? Any responses (via e-mail or in this forum) would be greatly appreciated. -B-

Response:

I sure as hell don’t know anything about this, so take what I say any way it fits. You say you aren’t telling him what happened with the situation and his moms responsibility in it. You also say you send him to ‘time out’. Just a thought, maybe holding him tight and hugging him while explaining the ‘why’ of it all, based on asking him questions to see what he wants to know, might break the cycle. It seems he might want answers is my point and putting him off and by himself isn’t making the grade here, that’s maybe what he’s reacting to? I think he might need to talk this through, in his way, so he isn’t scared of the future. I agree with your feelings about the shrink, but as I said, what do I know. Gary – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well, I’ll dispense with the why’s and wherefore’s of the divorce – suffice it to say that after seven years of marriage and one child, my wife decided that she had to find out who she really was and that she couldn’t do it while married to me. Anyway, I moved from our home on October 1, 1997 and our divorce was final, with joint custody of our son, on October 23, 1997. Since then my son visits me about two nights out of the week. From the time I moved out, my (now ex) wife has done all of the things that we were instructed _not_ to do in the court-ordered "Helping Children Cope with Divorce" seminar; i.e., she uses him as a courier for mail, messages, etc., she "forgets" about parties he has been invited to on the days that he is to spend with me – the list goes on and on. When I pick my son up from daycare, he is always excited to see me and always wants to go to "Daddy’s Place." He tells me how much he loves me and how much he misses me. The problems seem to occur: 1) at night, and; 2) when he is ‘returned’ to daycare (the ‘daycare’ is the prime pick up/drop-off spot, I suppose, because my ex’s male friend moved in the day after I moved out "to help with the mortgage). At night, usually after his bath but more frequently before, my son will hit me, tell me that he hates me, tell me that he wants to go back to Mommy’s house, tell me that he misses Mommy, tells me that he’s scared, tell me that I’m stupid, etc. When he hits, he goes into ‘time-out’ where he whimpers until the 5 minutes are up – then it’s 10 minutes of ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ before the hitting (scratching, biting, etc.) resume. And then it’s back in time-out until he is finally exhausted. My take on this is that, even after four months of the visiting routine, he is still not in ‘his house’ in ‘his bed’ with ‘his things’, etc., and that he blames me for leaving (it was my wife and the court that made me move, of course – I wanted to seek marriage counselling – anything). I’m not going to tell my son that it is his mother’s fault that I don’t live with him any longer and that circumstances changed because it was what she wanted, but I am in a dilemma over WHAT TO DO. I almost feel as if I should just bow out and that my son would be healthier for my absence. When I take my son to daycare (or we are preparing to go to daycare), there are more ‘episodes.’ He ‘doesn’t want to go,’ he wants to ’stay at Daddy’s Place.’ Both scenarios are extremely traumatic for him. My ex-wife maintains no dialog and refuses to enter into any sort of adult dialog (she says that she is afraid that she will become ‘too emotional’ if she talks to me) concerning our son unless I become angry and call her. After two days of being bitten, hit, etc., by a very confused three year old, I _did_ call my ex and she said "He’ll just have to see a child psychologist," and told me that she would ask his pediatrician for a referral. Now, I’m not opposed to psychologists at all, but I am somewhat nauseated by the fact that my wife seems to think that my son’s life is going to be put into perspective for him by a child psychologist… he just turned 3 YEARS OLD on January 24th. His grasp of what is real, what he is feeling and _why_ he is feeling something, are very undeveloped. WHAT GOOD IS A PSYCHOLOGIST GOING TO FOR A 3 YEAR OLD? As I said earlier, I have always done what was in the best interest of my son (one of the reasons my wife got the house without having to pay me my share of the equity – I didn’t want to break THAT continuity in his life). Although I wasn’t the parent that breached the marriage or the parental contract, my son’s anger is directed at me (and I assume not my wife as when I told her of this she did not report similar incidences). Is it in the best (short term) interest of my son that I remove myself from his life until he is older and can understand? Is it possible that he’s going to have a theraputic breakthrough via his meetings with a child psychologist? Any responses (via e-mail or in this forum) would be greatly appreciated. -B-

Response:

Well, I’ll dispense with the why’s and wherefore’s of the divorce – suffice it to say that after seven years of marriage and one child, my wife decided that she had to find out who she really was and that she couldn’t do it while married to me. Anyway, I moved from our home on October 1, 1997 and our divorce was final, with joint custody of our son, on October 23, 1997. Since then my son visits me about two nights out of the week. From the time I moved out, my (now ex) wife has done all of the things that we were instructed _not_ to do in the court-ordered "Helping Children Cope with Divorce" seminar; i.e., she uses him as a courier for mail, messages, etc., she "forgets" about parties he has been invited to on the days that he is to spend with me – the list goes on and on. When I pick my son up from daycare, he is always excited to see me and always wants to go to "Daddy’s Place." He tells me how much he loves me and how much he misses me. The problems seem to occur: 1) at night, and; 2) when he is ‘returned’ to daycare (the ‘daycare’ is the prime pick up/drop-off spot, I suppose, because my ex’s male friend moved in the day after I moved out "to help with the mortgage). At night, usually after his bath but more frequently before, my son will hit me, tell me that he hates me, tell me that he wants to go back to Mommy’s house, tell me that he misses Mommy, tells me that he’s scared, tell me that I’m stupid, etc. When he hits, he goes into ‘time-out’ where he whimpers until the 5 minutes are up – then it’s 10 minutes of ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ before the hitting (scratching, biting, etc.) resume. And then it’s back in time-out until he is finally exhausted. My take on this is that, even after four months of the visiting routine, he is still not in ‘his house’ in ‘his bed’ with ‘his things’, etc., and that he blames me for leaving (it was my wife and the court that made me move, of course – I wanted to seek marriage counselling – anything). I’m not going to tell my son that it is his mother’s fault that I don’t live with him any longer and that circumstances changed because it was what she wanted, but I am in a dilemma over WHAT TO DO. I almost feel as if I should just bow out and that my son would be healthier for my absence. When I take my son to daycare (or we are preparing to go to daycare), there are more ‘episodes.’ He ‘doesn’t want to go,’ he wants to ’stay at Daddy’s Place.’ Both scenarios are extremely traumatic for him. My ex-wife maintains no dialog and refuses to enter into any sort of adult dialog (she says that she is afraid that she will become ‘too emotional’ if she talks to me) concerning our son unless I become angry and call her. After two days of being bitten, hit, etc., by a very confused three year old, I _did_ call my ex and she said "He’ll just have to see a child psychologist," and told me that she would ask his pediatrician for a referral. Now, I’m not opposed to psychologists at all, but I am somewhat nauseated by the fact that my wife seems to think that my son’s life is going to be put into perspective for him by a child psychologist… he just turned 3 YEARS OLD on January 24th. His grasp of what is real, what he is feeling and _why_ he is feeling something, are very undeveloped. WHAT GOOD IS A PSYCHOLOGIST GOING TO FOR A 3 YEAR OLD? As I said earlier, I have always done what was in the best interest of my son (one of the reasons my wife got the house without having to pay me my share of the equity – I didn’t want to break THAT continuity in his life). Although I wasn’t the parent that breached the marriage or the parental contract, my son’s anger is directed at me (and I assume not my wife as when I told her of this she did not report similar incidences). Is it in the best (short term) interest of my son that I remove myself from his life until he is older and can understand? Is it possible that he’s going to have a theraputic breakthrough via his meetings with a child psychologist? Any responses (via e-mail or in this forum) would be greatly appreciated. -B-

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