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Beauty?

Question:

Dear, dear jane – this message was relayed to me via a friend, and I wanted to assure you of my safety. I am drained and pretty much focusing on keeping my life in as much order as I can manage. I was gone out of town for over two weeks caring for my mthr who had quad. bypass srgry – it brought up all kinds of feelings, which only emerged about a week after I got home. She is a vital, strong woman of 69, has a personal trainer, works as an attorney, works at various things at the chrch, etc. To see her looking so torn apart and  to see her so weak and sick was horrific. But she is going to be fine – she is much, much her old self by now, I can tell by talking w/her on the telephone. Thank you for thinking of me and asking. I am searching for something for myself – searching, wondering, often feeling lost, angry, sad, etc. But safe. I hope you are well. Please write to me privately if you ever care to. You are always welcome in my in-box. Very best regards – Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane

Response:

ah k, id wondred too. hope shes cool. C.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane she was out of town for awhile…we visited with her…we’ve been in touch since she’s returned home…think she’s just laying low. Ravensong In black, there are all colors,      Where darkness, always the light,              Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight.                                  – Brooke Medicine Eagle

Response:

I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane

Response:

I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane

she was out of town for awhile…we visited with her…we’ve been in touch since she’s returned home…think she’s just laying low. Ravensong In black, there are all colors,      Where darkness, always the light,              Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight.                                  – Brooke Medicine Eagle

Response:

Thanks Ravensong for this help. Your answer is just about as succinct and correct as anyone could have made it. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane she was out of town for awhile…we visited with her…we’ve been in touch since she’s returned home…think she’s just laying low. Ravensong In black, there are all colors,      Where darkness, always the light,              Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight.                                  – Brooke Medicine Eagle

Response:

Wow – you cared enough to wonder? Thank you. My heart glows. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ah k, id wondred too. hope shes cool. C. I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane she was out of town for awhile…we visited with her…we’ve been in touch since she’s returned home…think she’s just laying low. Ravensong In black, there are all colors,     Where darkness, always the light,             Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight.                                 — Brooke Medicine Eagle

Response:

yup, n good to see ur name back up there :) sorry youve had such a time with ur m*th*r. hope you r able to recover as she has. havin m*th*r probs myself right now, not fun. C.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Wow – you cared enough to wonder? Thank you. My heart glows. Beauty. ah k, id wondred too. hope shes cool. C. I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane she was out of town for awhile…we visited with her…we’ve been in touch since she’s returned home…think she’s just laying low. Ravensong In black, there are all colors,     Where darkness, always the light,             Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight.                                 — Brooke Medicine Eagle

Response:

she’s always cool. *warm smiles to both* jt

ah k, id wondred too. hope shes cool. C. I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane she was out of town for awhile…we visited with

her…we’ve been in touch – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – since she’s returned home…think she’s just laying low. Ravensong In black, there are all colors,      Where darkness, always the light,              Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight.                                  – Brooke Medicine Eagle

Response:

So glad you are okayish Beauty friend. Relieved that you are here. jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear, dear jane – this message was relayed to me via a friend, and I wanted to assure you of my safety. I am drained and pretty much focusing on keeping my life in as much order as I can manage. I was gone out of town for over two weeks caring for my mthr who had quad. bypass srgry – it brought up all kinds of feelings, which only emerged about a week after I got home. She is a vital, strong woman of 69, has a personal trainer, works as an attorney, works at various things at the chrch, etc. To see her looking so torn apart and  to see her so weak and sick was horrific. But she is going to be fine – she is much, much her old self by now, I can tell by talking w/her on the telephone. Thank you for thinking of me and asking. I am searching for something for myself – searching, wondering, often feeling lost, angry, sad, etc. But safe. I hope you are well. Please write to me privately if you ever care to. You are always welcome in my in-box. Very best regards – Beauty. I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane

Response:

me finds way late – thanks we working on new karate demo where we get to show school kids how to be a woman and k*ck some guy’s b*tt if he gets too close when we’ve already said no whew funny-cute thing: guy is also redhead – but – soooo mild-mannered that he can’t be "mean" so we have to make up just a few lines for him and mainly make it an "acting out moving into my ‘bubble’" kind of thing we think *that’s* cool (the new skit), and we esp. think it’s cool that one of our bestest friends at the dojang who wasn’t there when we were first devising the skit "filled in the blanks" as soon as we started describing the scenario – he even "got it" about what the last move is going to be: the drop to the floor and deliver repeated upward kicks routine (don’t try this at home, friends: take a women’s self-defense course first – like I*M*P*A*C*T) Oh, did we say that this bestest friend accidentally k*cked us in the back during a drill – for those of you who don’t know, I’ve had 2 spinal s*rgrys and have spurs, osteo-arthritis, natural bone fusion, dengerative disc disease, etc. – so one of the only things I am really, really worried about is what if I hyperextend my back or get h*t or all!!! Was that m*gic? One guy at the dojang – our heart and soul student-trainer – said, "That’s great. Maybe it means it’s healing." Right. Not medically possible, *but* – well – hey – like, bone is calcium, and if spurs and fusing can grow, they could conceivably un-grow, too right? I mean, that’s why you get osteoporosis, is that calcium can dissolve as well as get deposited. Just because the bod has been depositing calcium in inconvenient places for years, does that mean  it can’t maybe change it’s mind? Well, anyhow we can hope. Well, anyhow, we can be so, so, so happy to have taken the h*t (he didn’t tag hard – we never do at that school, unless it’s after class and a couple of the younger cubs agree to go at it a bit harder – another story as far as what that is doing for my son – well – okay – not another story, another paragraph). The son has been kind of sh*ved around a lot during his life – he is extremely strong-willed, yet, he has a fthr who is even more strong-willed (and I won’t even go any further into the complexities of any of all of that). Well, my son has been shy of actually sparring – I mean, he does it, but he mostly maneuvers so as not to get h*t (remember: we don’t go hard, as in, we don’t usually even walk away w/br**ses, never mind anything else, and we don’t have any contact at all until right up until Black Belt, and even then, *never* to the face, back, kidneys, etc. – very, very, very strict rules for safety), and only occasionally my son gets a point in, because he won’t go on the offensive. Recently, the aforementioned all-out trainer has been working w/him on his sparring, and about a month ago, something kind of opened, blossomed, in my son – who is about to turn twelve and over the summer went from boy to young-man-almost-sort-of. He’s nearly as tall as I am and fully fully,etc. I love it that this other guy has taken him under his wing. I stay after a lot to get some office paperwork out of the way (yes, I get to be on the clock for that – need to prove my monetary worth and all, earn my right to study karate, don’t you know) – and while I’m doing that, they’re doing their thing – cause D. stays after every night anyhow, so if my son is there, they’re both there together. And D. is a social sole, esp. when it comes to the martial arts – that is, he can and does work out alone perfectly happily, but he is also delighted to have a playmate. So D. has been teaching my son some moves, teaching him to protect *and* be assertive. Last night was sooooo interesting. D. perceived that my son was actually "afraid" to h*t someone. (My son has just never been in that kind of situation of h*tting and being h*t – oh, except give or take having a lunch box slung at his head or so by some pug kid at school in 2nd grade.) So D. decided this had to stop: my son had to learn that he could h*t in sparring, and use some power, but still not h*rt the other person – right? So he was letting him h*t him – D. was letting my son, that is. See, D. works out for about four hours every day (not counting all his teaching and training in the dojang – P.S. – he’s unemployed living w/his mthr, and the cartilege in his knees is so bad the Army turned him down – for which I am deeply grateful: sometime inj*ries can help us in way unexpected ways). So my point is that h*tting D. in the solar plexus (if you’re my son, age almost-12 w/arms like, oh, Sculpey), is like whopping a piece of hard rubber with a sausage. Ain’t gonna hurt the hard rubber – and, because it gives, it ain’t gonna hurt the sausage either. So last night, D. finally got my son getting into the feeling of dodging an att*ck and launching a p*nch – all choreographed, okay, because it was a drill – and the point was to get my son over the hump of being fearful about h*tting. D. is soooo generous w/his time and knowledge: the only limitation is that he will not "h*t a girl," which therefore leaves me out as far as really, really needing to know just exactly what I can take. I think I’m going to have to turn to my favoritest friend in the dojang, JJ, let’s call him – because one of the reason I respect him is that he respects me enouh to h*t me. (Remember – always remember: we are not trying to h*rt one another, we are well aware of the others’ limitations – and if they have to do w/injury or disability, we respectfully work around that.) So am I cool? Some peoples think so. Even at a street fair where my b*l*ved son was playing in a band, total strangers came up to me to tell me I looke beautiful. Not guys – I mean,   it wasn’t like peoples were hitting one  me  - it was womennn’s. incl. some of my fellow celebs. (very big frog in a very small town – e.g., I am co-celebs w/the Captain of the Salv. Army, one of the candidates for town supervisor, and the pres. of the local hist. soc., who likes to dress up in buckskin and stirr pots of bullet-making stuff, or something. His wife – the first celeb we met when we arrived on the scene, and a celeb (as well as infamous – ‘nother story) in her own right came to interview us "important" folk from the land of culture shortly after we moved here . . . I am *really* losing my  point here. Well, yeah, one was that some people saay I am cools But back to my son: we were talking about anger and about failure today. Okay – he is so incredibly wise sometimes, and recently has caused me to gape and wonder who is whose parent – Deserves it’s own post – Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – she’s always cool. *warm smiles to both* jt ah k, id wondred too. hope shes cool. C. I’m getting worried about Beauty. Maybe I missed some post explaining her absence or something. Anyone know anything? Is she okay? Hoping so and fretting… jane she was out of town for awhile…we visited with her…we’ve been in touch since she’s returned home…think she’s just laying low. Ravensong In black, there are all colors,     Where darkness, always the light,             Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight.                                 — Brooke Medicine Eagle

Response:

Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind!

me too, beauty, i miss you too. maybe you’re busy with learning to poke veins?  :-) -kelly

Response:

I hope it is just that she is studying and stuff….. hope she’s okay… jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky

Response:

i miss ya to Beauty!

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

we used to call these dream flowers because of the colors – thank you – beautys. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No, me way depressed, into fetal mode. But back w/human feelings today. Beauty. oh, beautys, i’m so very sorry to hear that. well, i have extra good energy now, so will send a big bunch of it your way. think of blue hydrangeas. be well… -kelly

Response:

good for feeling better – take cares – beautys. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hmmmm….  feeling better some here, maybe because we’ve all decided to never talk to the newt again…. jane and hers No, me bad, but better today – you see my "1st Day" post. Hope you okay, too. Beauts. I hope it is just that she is studying and stuff….. hope she’s okay… jane Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky

Response:

Hmmmm….  feeling better some here, maybe because we’ve all decided to never talk to the newt again…. jane and hers – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No, me bad, but better today – you see my "1st Day" post. Hope you okay, too. Beauts. I hope it is just that she is studying and stuff….. hope she’s okay… jane Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky

Response:

No, me way depressed, into fetal mode. But back w/human feelings today. Beauty.

oh, beautys, i’m so very sorry to hear that. well, i have extra good energy now, so will send a big bunch of it your way. think of blue hydrangeas. be well… -kelly

Response:

heya! :) good to see ya back! :) kinda ok here thx, settlin slowly back into colege.  swiching a lot, T talked to baby n me on phone earlyer n baby told her bout talkin to a boy inside we didnt know of, n mebbe thats a part of the why but not sure, seein her tomorow n we’re just gonna jump in the deep end i think n try n sort out as much as we can as quick as we can.  try n make some sense of things.  seems things are a just a bit jumbled inside, or we hit a plase to close to others, cos this one is the second whos come forward resently.  but at lest one of them seems to be prety happy n no problem, not so sure bout the boy, but not bcos of anythin negative realy he seems to of come with just my own feelins bout wot little baby has said.  ie. his name d*vid (a), wich is the name of our fthr but also the name of 90% of mthrs partners. so bothers me some, but mebbe dosnt bother him so much, no idea.  have joked for many years in a kinda sour way bout mthr mebbe havin been in some ‘d*vid’ c*lt.  im sure it cant be posible to have soooooooo many partners with the same name, common name or not.  i mean im not talkin 2/3 here. anyhow im ramblin cos tendansy to make up for lost time, n say evrythin that comes into my mind for lack of havin much other time to say anythin. very good to see ya n hear your news! :) C.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey – we misses you, too. You okay? Beauts. i miss ya to Beauty! Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

Me nots good on making lots of posts. Me too in bed, not even have machine on. But now better. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Yeah, me too. And I _also_ miss more posts! :) Rainbow Colors (Jill) i miss ya to Beauty! Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

No, me bad, but better today – you see my "1st Day" post. Hope you okay, too. Beauts. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I hope it is just that she is studying and stuff….. hope she’s okay… jane Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky

Response:

No, me way depressed, into fetal mode. But back w/human feelings today. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! me too, beauty, i miss you too. maybe you’re busy with learning to poke veins?  :-) -kelly

Response:

Hey – we misses you, too. You okay? Beauts. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i miss ya to Beauty! Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

Me been bad. But you will see. Me better today. Thanks for think of me. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

Yeah, me too. And I _also_ miss more posts! :) Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i miss ya to Beauty! Beauty hasn’t posted in almost a week, which is unusual for her. Beauty, are you listening? You’re about 60 posts behind! nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

–      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

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