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cycles and when it counts the most

Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Yep.  And to top it off,  the thing that drives me to <insert random unsocial behavior is when I’m ranting to friends ‘I can’t, I can’t',  and they respond,  ’Oh, I know you’ll do it, you always do, I have faith in you.’  I have this unrational desire to NOT do something, just to prove them wrong! The worst so far was my Master’s thesis.  I think one of the reasons it took me 3 years to complete was because everyone ‘just knew’ that I could do it. (of course lack of concentration, inability to read scientific papers without falling asleep, and the sheer hatred of writing didn’t help…  (as I’m guessing some of you can relate to.)) Shirley (who goes in for her first ADD evaluation in a month…) oh this leads me a to a very nice representative story.  you ever go into a new environemnt and just want to soak up all that info.  of course all the knowledge you have about this environ.  was the result of informal goofing around with it (i.e. computers) .  anyway, i remember going into the mac/unix lab to work with mathematica and ftp and direct connections ( a bit trickier than modem stuff).  well, after my initial nagging, it looked like i knew nothing about anything and the assistant tufgirl chick babied me and held my hand through some processes.  i took it like a man figuring i was too clueless.  after an hour or so, i caught on and was going nutso.  i called her in for help again, baffled her with a question after which she was everywhere trying to figure shit out.  by the end of my little session, she was a bit pissed off.  see, i guess to her it seemed like i was acting stupid in the beginning for attention or something.  anyway, im currently trying to get a tutor in a math class because my add is giving me real problems with the way the class is set up (believe me, its NOT the math). he’ll probably get pissed off at me for wasting valuable resources (namely himself) on a guy who catches the stuff so quickly. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.   kinda makes you wanna scream, don’t it george?

Y’know.  I think it’s time we ADDers got together and took over the world.  We could change the school structure.  Five minutes of math then five minutes of history.  Grade people on intuitive leaps  of logic.   But seriously,  It drives me nutso when (and this happens every quarter) I master the first few weeks of a class with no effort and then the last few are a complete struggle, especially when I have anticipated the later portion of the course. I know the grammar is shit but I’m tired and hate VI. — Edmond Dantes

Response:

: Yep.  And to top it off,  the thing that drives me to <insert random unsocial : behavior is when I’m ranting to friends ‘I can’t, I can’t',  and they : respond,  ’Oh, I know you’ll do it, you always do, I have faith in you.’  I : have this unrational desire to NOT do something, just to prove them wrong! : The worst so far was my Master’s thesis.  I think one of the reasons it took : me 3 years to complete was because everyone ‘just knew’ that I could do it. : (of course lack of concentration, inability to read scientific papers without : falling asleep, and the sheer hatred of writing didn’t help…  (as I’m : guessing some of you can relate to.)) I can relate quite well. I am a bit euphoric at this point as I have finally reached the right balance of medication and coaching techniques. Now my biggest problem is getting everything done without having to stay upp all night. At least before I could take solace in the fact that remaining on task was virtually impossible and only the high stimulus of a threatening situation would allow me to complete the task. Now I have learned how to prioritise and schedule so with the right dosage I can stay on task. I have learned to accept that ADD is an integral part of who I am and there are certain things which no matter what I can not change. Letting go of things which I would truly like to accomplish is still difficult, but the satisfaction of accomplishing those things which I decide are truly important are well worth it. More importantly I like who I am and for the first time in my life I don’t have to worry about somebody coming up to me and shouting "You may think you have everybody fooled, but your not so smart" (I can hear the gasps now.), : Shirley (who goes in for her first ADD evaluation in a month…) : oh this leads me a to a very nice representative story.  you ever go into a : new environemnt and just want to soak up all that info.  of course all the : knowledge you have about this environ.  was the result of informal goofing : around with it (i.e. computers) .  anyway, i remember going into the : mac/unix lab to work with mathematica and ftp and direct connections ( a bit : trickier than modem stuff).  well, after my initial nagging, it looked like : i knew nothing about anything and the assistant tufgirl chick babied me and : held my hand through some processes.  i took it like a man figuring i was : too clueless.  after an hour or so, i caught on and was going nutso.  i : called her in for help again, baffled her with a question after which she : was everywhere trying to figure shit out.  by the end of my little session, : she was a bit pissed off.  see, i guess to her it seemed like i was acting : stupid in the beginning for attention or something.  anyway, im currently : trying to get a tutor in a math class because my add is giving me real : problems with the way the class is set up (believe me, its NOT the math). : he’ll probably get pissed off at me for wasting valuable resources (namely : himself) on a guy who catches the stuff so quickly. : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.   kinda makes you wanna scream, : don’t it george? It certainly has made me do so. The greatest problem is finding that one thread that makes it all come together. Then because of our unique perspective of relationships it leads us to areas that the average person would never think of. That is part of the reason I think I enjoy Software QA so much. My unique ability to see interdependencies allows me to analyze consequences which most of my colleagues never realise exist. As well as come up with creative solutions to resolve these problems. My greatest difficulty remained in detailing these solutions in a manner that the programmers could implement them. Now I have learned to just explain what needs to be done verbally or outline it in a memo and let them figure out the details. LS

Response:

its a funny thing.  i KNOW that if i don’t think i can do it, i always do it.  its AMAZING sometimes.  when it counts and say to myself "i think i can i think i can i think i can," i don’t.  never.  only when i get the shit scared out of me because there is so much on the line and i don’t think i can do it is when i do it, every time.  so now i see these seemingly impossible things and can’t help but think that since they seem so impossible, once again, i’m gonna do it and do it good suprising everyone including myself.  well then, in a nutshell, "i think i can i think i can i think i can."  get it.  then i don’t do it.  this seems to contradict my little theory of "if i think i can’t, i will" and the next time gets me TRULY scared and i magically pull it off.  my life has been this cycle over and over again.  my ability to do these amazing things isn’t random at all.  if there was another person inside of me, im sure with this knowledge he could predict them all.  unfortunately, logic can’t do anything about this one. taousim’s lookin pretty damn appealing right now.  anyone else like this?

Response:

its a funny thing.  i KNOW that if i don’t think i can do it, i always do it.  its AMAZING sometimes.  when it counts and say to myself "i think i can i think i can i think i can," i don’t.  never.  only when i get the shit scared out of me because there is so much on the line and i don’t think i can do it is when i do it, every time.   …  anyone else like this?

Yep.  And to top it off,  the thing that drives me to <insert random unsocial behavior is when I’m ranting to friends ‘I can’t, I can’t',  and they respond,  ’Oh, I know you’ll do it, you always do, I have faith in you.’  I have this unrational desire to NOT do something, just to prove them wrong! The worst so far was my Master’s thesis.  I think one of the reasons it took me 3 years to complete was because everyone ‘just knew’ that I could do it. (of course lack of concentration, inability to read scientific papers without falling asleep, and the sheer hatred of writing didn’t help…  (as I’m guessing some of you can relate to.)) Shirley (who goes in for her first ADD evaluation in a month…) —                           I’d rather be sleeping!

Response:

: : its a funny thing.  i KNOW that if i don’t think i can do it, i always do : it.  its AMAZING sometimes.  when it counts and say to myself "i think i can : i think i can i think i can," i don’t.  never.  only when i get the shit : scared out of me because there is so much on the line and i don’t think i : can do it is when i do it, every time.   : … :  anyone else like this? : : Yep.  And to top it off,  the thing that drives me to <insert random unsocial : behavior is when I’m ranting to friends ‘I can’t, I can’t',  and they : respond,  ’Oh, I know you’ll do it, you always do, I have faith in you.’  I : have this unrational desire to NOT do something, just to prove them wrong! : The worst so far was my Master’s thesis.  I think one of the reasons it took : me 3 years to complete was because everyone ‘just knew’ that I could do it. : (of course lack of concentration, inability to read scientific papers without : falling asleep, and the sheer hatred of writing didn’t help…  (as I’m : guessing some of you can relate to.)) : : Shirley (who goes in for her first ADD evaluation in a month…) : — :                           I’d rather be sleeping! Since discovering this newsgroup I’ve seen my story written by other people again and again.  Whew, somehow knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way is reassuring.  Now, why did I followup?…. Oh, yeah, I remember. A while back I noticed a odd pattern in my "achievements": seems that most of them were accomplished (maybe "completed" is more accurate) while I was in a state of either rapture, or panic.  Rapture is great!  But anxiety associated with panic, and depression which often follows is damn taxing on physical and mental energies.  And, even when I *do* complete something, whether through rapture or panic, I’m disappointed with the outcome. I feel sure somebody else could’ve done a better job.  

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