Act Acting » Acting School » ex of 3 yrs, why does he do this crap!!

ex of 3 yrs, why does he do this crap!!

Question:

<<Sure I can fix it for you and it will only cost you a couple hours of afternoon delight!!!

The *sshole actually asked for a "couple hours"??  He sounds more like a 5-minute quickie type of guy.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – my stereo broke, anybody that really knows me knows how my music means to me…he has a degree in electroncis….i asked him if he’d fix it and I would pay him for it I leave in small town, there is only one shop that does electronic repair, I dealt with the man…he’s a total rip off get email back from ex and he’s back to "that" game!  this what he said: <<Sure I can fix it for you and it will only cost you a couple hours of afternoon delight!!! am I dense!!  what’s with the sex thing I treat him decently, it’s been 3 yrs now why can’t I get the same treatment from him

You ask, "after 3 years, why does he do this crap?" That’s a question only he can answer. And the implied next question is "how can I make him stop?" and you can’t do that either. The questions you should be asking are "after 3 years, why am I still doing this crap?" and "how can I make myself stop?" By "this crap," I mean continuing to stay in contact with him (even if it’s only to reply to his questions about your family, or ask him to work on your stereo). Ignore him. Don’t contact him, don’t reply to his emails (or better year, block him). Unless he’s a real psycho, he’ll get bored pretty quickly and go away for good.

Response:

Try this: "Hi.  Just a heads-up:  you and I will NEVER have sex again.  EVER.  So quit asking.  Quit joking.  Quit hinting.  It ain’t gonna happen." -b

Response:

(Ensoul100) wrote I think the one problem here is that he knows it bugs you.

It would bug anyone.  It’s blatantly disrespectful, even outright creepy. Until you stop letting it bug you and you are able to communicate that fact, he will continue with this stuff — much like the school bully.

I have a better idea:  how about she communicates that it bugs her, and he knocks it off.  He has the responsibility to quit acting like an ass:  she has no responsibility to tolerate his ass-like behavior. -b

Response:

"B. Allen" wrote "Michaela" wrote (Ensoul100) wrote I think the one problem here is that he knows it bugs you. It would bug anyone. It’s blatantly disrespectful, even outright creepy. Until you stop letting it bug you and you are able to communicate that fact, he will continue with this stuff — much like the school bully. I have a better idea:  how about she communicates that it bugs her, and he knocks it off.

How do you propose she does that? The one way he will change is if he develops stronger EQ and is positively aware of his actions.  Essentially though the he is not aware and therefore is not impacted on and will not see that change is necessary.  The only other way to get him to change is to for her to decide to change her approach to break the cycle.  He has the responsibility to quit acting like an ass:  she has no responsibility to tolerate his ass-like behavior.

The OP hasn’t managed to resolve the situation in her own mind and that’s why she keeps going back for more. OP knows (I think) that she has allowed her ex to walk over her and she is trying to set things right. -b

You don’t think it’s possible that the OP taught him to treat her like this? We all have egos and very few people are that developed that they do not abuse situations — maybe not all situations, but certainly some. Communicating that it bugs her was the point of my post. But there is a vast difference between saying something and making yourself heard. That’s why the wife/husband who threatens to leave her/his husband/wife (for bad behaviour) is often only _really heard_ when she packs her bags and files for divorce. The OP’s ex knows she will keep coming back for more and he doesn’t respect her for that. – Michaela

Response:

"You and I will NEVER have sex again.  EVER.

…with each other, I mean.  We will have sex again, but with other people, separately.  Well, I will at any rate."

Response:

(Ensoul100) wrote ] I think the one problem here is that he knows it bugs you.

] ] It would bug anyone.  It’s blatantly disrespectful, even outright creepy. ] Until you stop letting it bug you and you are able to communicate that fact, he will continue with this stuff — much like the school bully.

] ] I have a better idea:  how about she communicates that it bugs her, and he ] knocks it off.  He has the responsibility to quit acting like an ass:  she ] has no responsibility to tolerate his ass-like behavior. ] ] -b Thank you, whoever you are.  I have never understood why someone with that is the recipient of that behavior is told to modify _their_ behavior. The guy needs a size 3 saucepan upside his face.  Since he likes games, he also needs to be told he has the intelectual agility of a _small_ soap dish. Miss, if you need the receiver fixed, and dont mind shipping it, let me know, soldering iron is on stand-by. Morgan Sarges                                    Phone:  605-357-5741 Eclectic Network Engineer                        Fax:  605-335-1173 Midcontinent Communications

Response:

I suggest definitely not asking him again for anything of any sort, ever. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – my ex, it’s been 3 yrs now and he’s the one who wanted out, told mr he didn’t love me anymore and the last year of the relationship he totally shut of sexually the break up was like an amputation, yes I lived through it but part of me will be gone forever abt year after the spilt up he sold off his stuff, leaving state for his online love I send him an e-card told him I wished him love and that he would find happiness and he came back with, thanks why don’t we do the sex thing it was great WTF…guess we weren’t in the same relationship he did it once more when he heard through grapevine I was trying to get muscle relaxants cuz my back was bad, he offered them again for sex after that he’d just send me an occasional email, a joke, URL, or asking abt my daughter or even my Mom…by occasional I mean less one a month and he stopped the asking about sex thing, one of his resume’s was saved on my floppy’s when he asked for no problem I emailed it to him my stereo broke, anybody that really knows me knows how my music means to me…he has a degree in electroncis….i asked him if he’d fix it and I would pay him for it I leave in small town, there is only one shop that does electronic repair, I dealt with the man…he’s a total rip off get email back from ex and he’s back to "that" game!  this what he said: <<Sure I can fix it for you and it will only cost you a couple hours of afternoon delight!!! am I dense!!  what’s with the sex thing I treat him decently, it’s been 3 yrs now why can’t I get the same treatment from him read the email and I sobbed it’s like he’s mocking me ens If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad. ~Sylvia Plath

–                     Usenet Newsgroup Service

Response:

(Ensoul100) wrote – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – my ex, it’s been 3 yrs now and he’s the one who wanted out, told mr he didn’t love me anymore and the last year of the relationship he totally shut of sexually the break up was like an amputation, yes I lived through it but part of me will be gone forever abt year after the spilt up he sold off his stuff, leaving state for his online love I send him an e-card told him I wished him love and that he would find happiness and he came back with, thanks why don’t we do the sex thing it was great WTF…guess we weren’t in the same relationship he did it once more when he heard through grapevine I was trying to get muscle relaxants cuz my back was bad, he offered them again for sex after that he’d just send me an occasional email, a joke, URL, or asking abt my daughter or even my Mom…by occasional I mean less one a month and he stopped the asking about sex thing, one of his resume’s was saved on my floppy’s when he asked for no problem I emailed it to him my stereo broke, anybody that really knows me knows how my music means to me…he has a degree in electroncis….i asked him if he’d fix it and I would pay him for it I leave in small town, there is only one shop that does electronic repair, I dealt with the man…he’s a total rip off get email back from ex and he’s back to "that" game!  this what he said: <<Sure I can fix it for you and it will only cost you a couple hours of afternoon delight!!! am I dense!!  what’s with the sex thing I treat him decently, it’s been 3 yrs now why can’t I get the same treatment from him read the email and I sobbed it’s like he’s mocking me ens If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad. ~Sylvia Plath

I think the one problem here is that he knows it bugs you. Until you stop letting it bug you and you are able to communicate that fact, he will continue with this stuff — much like the school bully. * The other thing to consider is that perhaps because you are dependent on his help, you are compromising how you feel about being treated that way. If so, then try to stop feeling like that. You are asking him to do you a favour and if he doesn’t feel like helping you out all he need do is say "No". * Last thing I want to put out there is that there is a possibility that you may feel that the failure of your relationship is a reflection on you and how you handled similar situations in your marriage and you would like to restore the balance that you once had with him in order to feel better about yourself. And that’s perhaps why you keep going back to him for help and finding excuses for not going to the local repair-shop. Sure, you should get someone else to fix your sound, but if you can’t/won’t be bothered, then the only way (imo of course) to deal with it is to (there are other ways, but I forget them before I finish the current sentence. Should make notes, huh?) make a joke about his comments by saying anything like: "Come on, from what I can remember sex with you wasn’t that good. Why on earth would I want to try it again?" Even though you both might know that this sentence is a lie, it doesn’t matter, the point is that you will have played him at his own game. (And the funny thing is that he will like that!!!) or "Is there a more enjoyable way I could repay you? I don’t relish the thought of sleeping with you again." or Stop him mid-sentence and say "How predictable or "You’ll never change, will you?" (Tone is important here, you want to sound bored not bitter.). or "Can’t you get it the honest way anymore?" I realise that these are put-downs, and there are more mature things you can say, but I can’t think of any right now. I hope someone else can come up with some. It’s back to the old "we teach people how to treat us". He’s got you in that box that says "Take the piss out of me" and until you jump out of that box and into another one that says "Nothing you can say affects me anymore", he is going to continue. – Michaela

Response:

<story of woman who’s ex asks for sex

Isn’t it about time that you found someone else who can fix your stereo, and isn’t it about time that you stopping caring about anything this bozo did.  Okay, so he’s a jerk… that was easy enuff to fathom from the divorce. He was probably getting sex somewhere else then and now he’s hard up… screw ‘im (figuratively). –Roger–

Response:

Why would you have sex with him?  There are plenty of people who could fix your stereo, and you could pay them with cash.  Or even cook a nice dinner. Tell the guy to get lost.  He’s just looking for an easy piece of *ss.  And he’s trying to hurt you.  Don’t let him. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – my ex, it’s been 3 yrs now and he’s the one who wanted out, told mr he didn’t love me anymore and the last year of the relationship he totally shut of sexually the break up was like an amputation, yes I lived through it but part of me will be gone forever abt year after the spilt up he sold off his stuff, leaving state for his online love I send him an e-card told him I wished him love and that he would find happiness and he came back with, thanks why don’t we do the sex thing it was great WTF…guess we weren’t in the same relationship he did it once more when he heard through grapevine I was trying to get muscle relaxants cuz my back was bad, he offered them again for sex after that he’d just send me an occasional email, a joke, URL, or asking abt my daughter or even my Mom…by occasional I mean less one a month and he stopped the asking about sex thing, one of his resume’s was saved on my floppy’s when he asked for no problem I emailed it to him my stereo broke, anybody that really knows me knows how my music means to me…he has a degree in electroncis….i asked him if he’d fix it and I would pay him for it I leave in small town, there is only one shop that does electronic repair, I dealt with the man…he’s a total rip off get email back from ex and he’s back to "that" game!  this what he said: <<Sure I can fix it for you and it will only cost you a couple hours of afternoon delight!!! am I dense!!  what’s with the sex thing I treat him decently, it’s been 3 yrs now why can’t I get the same treatment from him read the email and I sobbed it’s like he’s mocking me ens If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad. ~Sylvia Plath

Response:

my ex, it’s been 3 yrs now and he’s the one who wanted out, told mr he didn’t love me anymore and the last year of the relationship he totally shut of sexually the break up was like an amputation, yes I lived through it but part of me will be gone forever abt year after the spilt up he sold off his stuff, leaving state for his online love I send him an e-card told him I wished him love and that he would find happiness and he came back with, thanks why don’t we do the sex thing it was great WTF…guess we weren’t in the same relationship he did it once more when he heard through grapevine I was trying to get muscle relaxants cuz my back was bad, he offered them again for sex after that he’d just send me an occasional email, a joke, URL, or asking abt my daughter or even my Mom…by occasional I mean less one a month and he stopped the asking about sex thing, one of his resume’s was saved on my floppy’s when he asked for no problem I emailed it to him my stereo broke, anybody that really knows me knows how my music means to me…he has a degree in electroncis….i asked him if he’d fix it and I would pay him for it I leave in small town, there is only one shop that does electronic repair, I dealt with the man…he’s a total rip off get email back from ex and he’s back to "that" game!  this what he said: <<Sure I can fix it for you and it will only cost you a couple hours of afternoon delight!!! am I dense!!  what’s with the sex thing I treat him decently, it’s been 3 yrs now why can’t I get the same treatment from him read the email and I sobbed it’s like he’s mocking me ens If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad. ~Sylvia Plath

Response:

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