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help…before I loose it!

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Lots of good advice on this thread….. one more thing… {{{Cheryl}}}  {{{{Cheryl’s daughter}}}} The only other thing I can do from here is keep y’all in my prayers that everything turns out alright.  All these positive energies/thoughts have to go *somewhere* don’t they? Prayers are great!  And then there’s always my friend Fiona’s Distant Healing List.  There are Reiki practitioners all over the world who participate in this list.  Every evening, Fiona sends us an updated list.  Here’s the URL if you’re interested. http://www.coerdelion.demon.co.uk/reiki_helplistinfo.html Light, Love, & Laughter, Kitten, Goddess of Mischief

Thanks so much Kitten and everyone else who’s been so helpful and nice. Jill seems to be doing good.  She’s looking into the different forms of martial art…we will consider all you guys have offered. Her….uhh…bite…(it still bothers me!)….looks a tad bit better.(there’s that word again …bit).  It almost looks like a really bad burn…as if she was pushed real hard up against the muffler of a motorcycle.  Still sore, but some improvement noted.  The other girl is no longer doing so well.  When the two of them "went down" to the ground the other girl landed on her knee.  Apparently she’s having surgery this week on it.  Something about a "water pocket" on her knee?  Please keep her in your thoughts and  prayers too.  I cannot stand to even think of what she did to Jill, but I hate that this other girl has to actually have surgery.  I’m such a "weanie"…… Cheryl

Response:

Thanks Kitten, thanks Buny for the encouraging words….I needed them. Cheryl

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The other girl is no longer doing so well.  When the two of them "went down" to the ground the other girl landed on her knee.  Apparently she’s having surgery this week on it.  Something about a "water pocket" on her knee?  Please keep her in your thoughts and  prayers too.  I cannot stand to even think of what she did to Jill, but I hate that this other girl has to actually have surgery.  I’m such a "weanie"…… Yep, from the whole situation, it seems that the other girl is in need of some kind of help….. As far as being a "weanie", no you are not, you are just caring enough to want someone else to learn from their mistakes, but not to have to "pay" an amount that is too much.  There is nothing wrong with ;etting the punishment fit the crime, but sometimes the natural consequences(in her case, the knee injury from a fight she herself started) can seem a bit much. Also, it shows that you are a good enough mother to worry a tad about other people’s kids as well…. Buny

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I cannot stand to even think of what she did to Jill, but I hate that this other girl has to actually have surgery.  I’m such a "weanie"……

Nah.  You’re not a weanie.  You’re a caring person. — Light, Love, & Laughter, Kitten, Goddess of Mischief "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." – Anonymous "Just for today, do not worry;  Just for today, do not anger; Earn your living honestly; Honor your parents, teachers and elders; Show gratitude for every living thing."- Dr. Mikao Usui Before you buy.

Response:

His [judo] skill level is increasing faster than his self-control is developing. Any ideas? Just from you’re description here’s my idea.  Judo lessons area privilege.  If he’s abusing it (i.e. throwing younger bother), remove the privilege.  Tell him in advance that if he uses Judo techniques on to fight his brother (or any time when he loses control) he doesn’t get to go to Judo class for say half a month (assuming weekly lessons).  But ultimately that’s just a treatment for the symptom.

Ah yes, but that’s where the ADD comes in. He does not stop to think that he might lose a Judo lesson. Impulsively, he reacts. Using consequences as a punishment means little to him, because he does not think before the event of what the consequences might be.   What your 7 yr old really needs is to learn to control himself.  I know that’s what you said, but I’m not sure the best way to do that in your case.  It is, IMO, a very individualized thing.

Yeah, that’s the problem. CONTROL. My ADDlet is Vveeeeery sloooooow in learning impulse control. He’s improving. But we’re talking years here, not weeks. He’s got the impulsiveness of a 3-4yr old, with the size and judo technique of a 7.5 yr old. Bad mix. Medication is great, but we try not to have him medicated all the time. Of course the fights with younger brother (or younger *bother*, as you said!) happen, you know, when the meds wear off in the evening, just around dinner/bed time. At that time we’re down to regular ADD type behaviour, and the combination of tiredness, meds wearing off….. oh well, maybe he should skip martial arts until he’s older, and has the self-control of a 7 yr old! LJ

Response:

The other girl is no longer doing so well.  When the two of them "went down" to the ground the other girl landed on her knee.  Apparently she’s having surgery this week on it.  Something about a "water pocket" on her knee?  Please keep her in your thoughts and  prayers too.  I cannot stand to even think of what she did to Jill, but I hate that this other girl has to actually have surgery.  I’m such a "weanie"……

Yep, from the whole situation, it seems that the other girl is in need of some kind of help….. As far as being a "weanie", no you are not, you are just caring enough to want someone else to learn from their mistakes, but not to have to "pay" an amount that is too much.  There is nothing wrong with ;etting the punishment fit the crime, but sometimes the natural consequences(in her case, the knee injury from a fight she herself started) can seem a bit much. Also, it shows that you are a good enough mother to worry a tad about other people’s kids as well…. Buny

Response:

    "I do not like the fact that my daughter is being treated like a crimminal when she did everything humanly possible to avoid fighting other than not be at school.  She has as much right to an education as anyone maybe more so than the girl who assualted her.

Don’t forget that the new "buzzwords" these days are "the right to a safe learning environment"… I have had these words thrown at my ADHD/gifted/PDD-NOS son who used to react physically after a day full of multiple, but individually minor, taunts.  I threw them right back–"yes, my son also has the right to a safe learning environment, free from verbal harrassment from the other children, and discrimintaion against his disability by the teachers who were aware of it and allowed it to continue…" One of the parents of the little tormenters actually mentioned charging my son with assault, until it came out that her daughter had a long history of verbally harrassing him, assaulting him(verbal is assault, physical is battery), and then going crying to momma when he finally reacted by pushing her down(which she further exaggerated-lying).  I pulled him from the gifted program for the year because of this(the only class they had together). Aparrently, she did it again, today.  Her mother claimed that she has been told to abvoid him at all costs, but they apparently played chess today, and when he bumped against her knee, she accused him of kicking her…..I wrote back that yes, this never should have happened because both of them know they are NOT to be together….so she is in as much wrong as he is. FWIW, the girl’s mother works as an assistant at the school, and once had me in the asst. principal’s office(where she threatened the leagl action) because I was "such a bad, ineffective mother" that my son knocked her daughter down……her daughter who could do no wrong….her daughter who is NT, harrassing my ADHD/autistic son and expected no retaliation, other than just enough to get him in trouble-for her enjoyment. Oh, so sorry, but this triggered a huckuva rant, due to today’s "deja vu" Buny

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sorry to get off topic here, but moths are moths, and one just flew by and led me to this- After many suggestions here of how martial arts can be a good sport for ADDlets, we tried our 7yr old with Judo. He has done two terms and absolutely loves it. BUT… Problem is that he’s getting good. Add that to his lousy impulse control = when teased by his younger brother, he uses his technique. Now, he’s been warned, and warned and warned. By his sensei, and by his parents – NO judo to be used on younger brothers. Judo only to be used in self-defence, etc, etc, ad nauseum. When he gets angry (very easily and often) he just doesn’t stop and think. Previously, he’d just shove, or wrestle. Little damage done, got sent to his room. Now he’s actually inflicting damage, before a parent can break up the fight and issue punishment. His skill level is increasing faster than his self-control is developing. Any ideas?

Just from you’re description here’s my idea.  Judo lessons area privilege.  If he’s abusing it (i.e. throwing younger bother), remove the privilege.  Tell him in advance that if he uses Judo techniques on to fight his brother (or any time when he loses control) he doesn’t get to go to Judo class for say half a month (assuming weekly lessons).  But ultimately that’s just a treatment for the symptom.  What your 7 yr old really needs is to learn to control himself.  I know that’s what you said, but I’m not sure the best way to do that in your case.  It is, IMO, a very individualized thing. — – Todd Rogers "I’ve been asked what I mean by word of honor.  I will tell you.  Place me behind prison walls – walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground – there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it.  Can I get out of the circle?  No.  Never!  I’d die first!" -Karl G. Maeser, Founder of Brigham Young University

Response:

Cheryl, what a horrible incident. I’m so sorry your daughter had to endure that. We all know ADHD is no excuse for that kind of behavior. That girl is dealing with bigger problems than that,and evidently has a parent/s unwilling or unequiped to take responsibility for her actions and treatment. Best of luck in all that ensues from this-health,legal,emotional…       Judy LJ, Has anyone ever recommended Aikido? Try it you’ll- like it.. Its a non-aggressive martial art in which the person getting attacked is using the momentum of his attacker and turning it back on to him/her. There is a slight similarity to Judo. The movements involve forward and backward rolling,break-falling. Turning of wrists and shoulders,as in twisting the attacker’s wrist to remove the knife from his/her hand. The techniques are based on those of the Samurai swordsman. The techniques *could* be used IRL, but are mostly about harnessing energy and self-awareness. I don’t know if Aikido would be better or not for your son, but the switch to another Dojo alone could make a difference if the  new Sensei is more savvy on disciplining the kids than the old one.  If the Sensei is*really*really advanced in his training ,he should be up for the challenge of reigning in even the more rambunctious kids. IMHO.  Judy

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sorry to get off topic here, but moths are moths, and one just flew by and led me to this- After many suggestions here of how martial arts can be a good sport for ADDlets, we tried our 7yr old with Judo. He has done two terms and absolutely loves it. BUT… Problem is that he’s getting good. Add that to his lousy impulse control = when teased by his younger brother, he uses his technique. Now, he’s been warned, and warned and warned. By his sensei, and by his parents – NO judo to be used on younger brothers. Judo only to be used in self-defence, etc, etc, ad nauseum. When he gets angry (very easily and often) he just doesn’t stop and think. Previously, he’d just shove, or wrestle. Little damage done, got sent to his room. Now he’s actually inflicting damage, before a parent can break up the fight and issue punishment. His skill level is increasing faster than his self-control is developing. Any ideas? PS Younger brother tried Judo, but spent the class climbing the security grilles on the windows. He’s unmedicated. He doesn’t go to Judo any more. Might try again when he’s older! LJ <snip 4)  I’d suggest martial arts classes.  OS told me last night that a bully from his school (who happens to be bigger than OS, of course… as is everyone else) jumped him on the way home yesterday.  He also told me that he was able to block most of what the bully threw and get in a few hits himself, until he hurt the bully enough that he could walk away.  Before he started karate a couple months ago, he couldn’t do that.

Response:

says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Boy oh boy…..what a day it turned out to be.  I go to pick my daughter up from school.  I get there just like always and the first thing I notice  is that several teacher’s (including my daughters) is out front of the building.  I then notice a girl holding a bag of ice on her face…….I then notice a police cruiser parked to the side of the entrance…..Before the teacher reached the car I was out and moving.  Come to find out this other girl challenged my daughter to a "fight" .  Jill (mine) knows better than to fight unless she’s defending herself…I have then told her to do what she must do to protect herself….never anymore.   Well, this other girl first pushed her backward, Jill tried to back off, the other girl then took a swing at her (can you believe this?), Jill dodged this one and the next one.  The girl then literally jumped on her knocking her to the ground and hang on…….you’re not gonna believe this…..she then bit Jill.  Not just bit her.  I mean she took her teeth…..sunk them directly into the flesh which covers her chest (the sternum area).  Smack dab in the center of her chest.  She hung on and hung on until my daughter that she was going to just pass out from the pain.  The janitor was trying to get the two of them apart but not succeeding well.  Finally….after what seemed like an eternity to her, she got the girl to turn loose and pushed her off of her. Jumping to her feet Jill proceeded to kick this girl.  Once in the side(upper torso) and once on the side of her head.  (Tennis shoes on thank goodness and not her hard toed shoes..other girl is fine).  I immediately take my daughter to the family doctor where he gives her a healthy injection of penicillin.  He then tells me to make an appointment for tomorrow to bring her in for some "testing"….testing?  I say….He says, yes Cheryl, if one of my family members received a bite like this, or one of my nurses me the lovely list.   My poor 15 year old is barely holding it together as we wait.  I try to reassure her that all will be fine…but she says, Mom….what if comes back positive?  I keep saying "it won’t, odds are it won’t." Of course it’s just hear say (which I normally would never listen to) but what I hear from my daughter about this other young lady is not good…..(very sexually active) rather scary in light of what has happened.. The doc said this is a criminal act if he ever saw one (it is a really, really bad bite, she may have to have plastic surgery.)  Anyway, the police are acting like both these kids are in trouble…..both?  I’m way to ticked off to address them (I swear ya’ll…. I’ll end up in jail…I’m really livid about this.!) and my husband’s in worse shape them me…..It’s one thing to fight, to punch, even pull hair…but she bit her,,almost took a chunk out!….Does anyone have any suggestions on what we should do at this point..or should we just wait and see how the testing turns out?   Oh yeah, I almost forgot…..the girl is ADHD…..the other mom told police she had a problem with "impulse control"….and often times lost control of herself……I actually haven’t lost my control yet….but I’m teetering on it!!

What a terrible thing to happen.  I hope your daughter makes a full recovery. — — –John Reply to jclarke at eye bee em dot net

Response:

Sorry to get off topic here, but moths are moths, and one just flew by and led me to this- After many suggestions here of how martial arts can be a good sport for ADDlets, we tried our 7yr old with Judo. He has done two terms and absolutely loves it. BUT… Problem is that he’s getting good. Add that to his lousy impulse control = when teased by his younger brother, he uses his technique. Now, he’s been warned, and warned and warned. By his sensei, and by his parents – NO judo to be used on younger brothers. Judo only to be used in self-defence, etc, etc, ad nauseum. When he gets angry (very easily and often) he just doesn’t stop and think. Previously, he’d just shove, or wrestle. Little damage done, got sent to his room. Now he’s actually inflicting damage, before a parent can break up the fight and issue punishment. His skill level is increasing faster than his self-control is developing. Any ideas? PS Younger brother tried Judo, but spent the class climbing the security grilles on the windows. He’s unmedicated. He doesn’t go to Judo any more. Might try again when he’s older! LJ

<snip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – 4)  I’d suggest martial arts classes.  OS told me last night that a bully from his school (who happens to be bigger than OS, of course… as is everyone else) jumped him on the way home yesterday.  He also told me that he was able to block most of what the bully threw and get in a few hits himself, until he hurt the bully enough that he could walk away.  Before he started karate a couple months ago, he couldn’t do that.

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After many suggestions here of how martial arts can be a good sport for ADDlets,

Ever tried Tai Chi? after all it IS a martial art and it could be presented to an ADD child as a preparation to more "active" martiel arts for when he/she will have learned to control impulsivity….. Maroussia "live, grow stronger, fight another day"     Methos

Response:

Cheryl, I am so sorry, what an awful thing to have to deal with. It’s horrible to have your child attacked, but adds so much unnecessary extra stress to have the authorities try to hold your daughter responsible for someone else attacking her. She must be allowed to defend herself. And then to have to worry about what she got from the bite. I am sure that testing is just a precaution, but it is so had not to let something like that gnaw at you. You are in my thoughts. I hope everything will turn out fine. Nikki it does sound like some sort of martial arts class could be helpful. It is so important to feel like we all have some personal control. I hope your daughter heals quickly. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

Response:

After many suggestions here of how martial arts can be a good sport for ADDlets, Ever tried Tai Chi? after all it IS a martial art and it could be presented to an ADD child as a preparation to more "active" martiel arts for when he/she will have learned to control impulsivity…..

We do Reiki (Viking is a level 2 practitioner & I’ve been trained to master level) and the kids do tang soo do, a form of karate.  Both Reiki and tang soo do help Viking with concentration and OS/YD with impulse control. — Light, Love, & Laughter, Kitten, Goddess of Mischief "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." – Anonymous "Just for today, do not worry;  Just for today, do not anger; Earn your living honestly; Honor your parents, teachers and elders; Show gratitude for every living thing."- Dr. Mikao Usui Before you buy.

Response:

<snipped Excellent suggestion Kitten, thank you.  I  mentioned it to Jill and she’s very excited about the idea.  Thinking, talking about this Karate stuff will also be a good "distraction" for her over the next few days.   Why didn’t I think of something along those lines?

Be sure you watch different teachers training their classes before settling on one specific teacher/school.  One of the most important things (IMO) is that it be a school teaching self-control and self-defense, not a school teaching kids to go out and win trophies for the school.  I have absolutely no respect for the schools/teachers that focus on winning and not on the internal aspects that are so much a part of the martial arts. I think it’s because every time I look at her I see that horrendous bite.  It’s extremely sore, so she cannot wear a blouse or shirt which would cover it, cannot put a bandage over it at this point, so we just have to look at it…and ohhhh myyy when I see it…….well..I just can’t tell you how it makes me feel.

From what you described, she’ll be sore for a few days.  But the young tend to be resilient (thank goodness!). What is happening to people that a young 16 yr. old girl would react this way….?    It’s so hard to understand?

Years ago, people who did things like that were locked away where the public never saw them.  They were not talked about, not acknowledged. It was as though they were dead. Now they’re not locked away.  And if noone gets them help, things like this happen.  My guess would be that the girl doesn’t have the support/help at home that your children do. — Light, Love, & Laughter, Kitten, Goddess of Mischief "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." – Anonymous "Just for today, do not worry;  Just for today, do not anger; Earn your living honestly; Honor your parents, teachers and elders; Show gratitude for every living thing."- Dr. Mikao Usui Before you buy.

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What is happening to people that a young 16 yr. old girl would react this way….?    It’s so hard to understand? Years ago, people who did things like that were locked away where the public never saw them.  They were not talked about, not acknowledged. It was as though they were dead. Now they’re not locked away.  And if noone gets them help, things like this happen.  My guess would be that the girl doesn’t have the support/help at home that your children do.

Yeah, you’re probably right about that.  And I actually feel bad for this other girl, but I sure hate what she did to my daughter. Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

Response:

After many suggestions here of how martial arts can be a good sport for ADDlets, Ever tried Tai Chi? after all it IS a martial art and it could be presented to an ADD child as a preparation to more "active" martiel arts for when he/she will have learned to control impulsivity…..

In our kwoon(chinese  for dojo/school), t’ai chi is not for beginners, at one time, one must earn his/her black belt to see it.  The master of our lineage id see the usefullness of it, but one still cannot be a white belt to learn it, one must show some dedication and some self discipline to take the class. As a black belt in Chinese Kung Fu, I can appreciate this distinction.  Even though t’ai chi *appears* to be non-combative, when you look at what t’ai chi chuan actually means("grand ultimate fist"), you will begin to appreciate its potential.  Most people see the slow and "easy"(they are *not* easy to do correctly!) movements, but that is only when done meditatively.  Imagine these movements done at 5-10 times the speed, and you can see how deadly they can be. Personally, if I had the choice of sparring against a master of any of the forms, I would *not* choose a t’ai chi master, because it *is* so deadly….the form teaches how to avoid being hit(good) by "not being there", but it also teaches how to redirect the opponents actions against themselves, magnified by your own energy("chi"). Not for beginners, this form. Buny

Response:

Be sure you watch different teachers training their classes before settling on one specific teacher/school.  One of the most important things (IMO) is that it be a school teaching self-control and self-defense, not a school teaching kids to go out and win trophies for the school.  I have absolutely no respect for the schools/teachers that focus on winning and not on the internal aspects that are so much a part of the martial arts.

Totally agree with this one… Any sensei/sifu/simu/instructor worth his/her salt will actually *encourage* the parent to sit and observe, not only classes before the child begins, but the actual classes the child attends.  After all, the parent needs to know what the child is being taught(philosophy as well as the physical techniques) in order to help the child do his/her "homework"(and yes, this should be practiced daily if possible). I was an assistant instructor at my kung fu kwoon, and worked a lot with kids.  We had a couple of ADDlets there, and being the mother of a couple, I was the "resident expert" in that area.  I always touched base with the parents of my students, especially those with special needs–how are they coming along, are they using the techniques(and how?), is there anything I can do to reinforce positive behavior for the kids, etc.  Some parents became students themselves… The point being, any school that doesn’t go out of its way to make the parents feel welcome to either observe or join their kids in the class, should be avoided at all costs…. Buny

Response:

Lots of good advice on this thread….. one more thing… {{{Cheryl}}}  {{{{Cheryl’s daughter}}}} The only other thing I can do from here is keep y’all in my prayers that everything turns out alright.  All these positive energies/thoughts have to go *somewhere* don’t they? Buny

Response:

Lots of good advice on this thread….. one more thing… {{{Cheryl}}}  {{{{Cheryl’s daughter}}}} The only other thing I can do from here is keep y’all in my prayers that everything turns out alright.  All these positive energies/thoughts have to go *somewhere* don’t they?

Prayers are great!  And then there’s always my friend Fiona’s Distant Healing List.  There are Reiki practitioners all over the world who participate in this list.  Every evening, Fiona sends us an updated list.  Here’s the URL if you’re interested. http://www.coerdelion.demon.co.uk/reiki_helplistinfo.html — Light, Love, & Laughter, Kitten, Goddess of Mischief "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." – Anonymous "Just for today, do not worry;  Just for today, do not anger; Earn your living honestly; Honor your parents, teachers and elders; Show gratitude for every living thing."- Dr. Mikao Usui Before you buy.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Boy oh boy…..what a day it turned out to be.  I go to pick my daughter up from school.  I get there just like always and the first thing I notice  is that several teacher’s (including my daughters) is out front of the building.  I then notice a girl holding a bag of ice on her face…….I then notice a police cruiser parked to the side of the entrance…..Before the teacher reached the car I was out and moving. Come to find out this other girl challenged my daughter to a "fight" . Jill (mine) knows better than to fight unless she’s defending herself…I have then told her to do what she must do to protect herself….never anymore.   Well, this other girl first pushed her backward, Jill tried to back off, the other girl then took a swing at her (can you believe this?), Jill dodged this one and the next one.  The girl then literally jumped on her knocking her to the ground and hang on…….you’re not gonna believe this…..she then bit Jill.  Not just bit her.  I mean she took her teeth…..sunk them directly into the flesh which covers her chest (the sternum area).  Smack dab in the center of her chest.  She hung on and hung on until my daughter that she was going to just pass out from the pain.  The janitor was trying to get the two of them apart but not succeeding well.  Finally….after what seemed like an eternity to her, she got the girl to turn loose and pushed her off of her. Jumping to her feet Jill proceeded to kick this girl.  Once in the side(upper torso) and once on the side of her head. (Tennis shoes on thank goodness and not her hard toed shoes..other girl is fine).  I immediately take my daughter to the family doctor where he gives her a healthy injection of penicillin.  He then tells me to make an appointment for tomorrow to bring her in for some "testing"….testing?  I say….He says, yes Cheryl, if one of my family members received a bite like this, or one of my nurses I’d have them lovely list.   My poor 15 year old is barely holding it together as we wait.  I try to reassure her that all will be fine…but she says, Mom….what if comes back positive?  I keep saying "it won’t, odds are it won’t." Of course it’s just hear say (which I normally would never listen to) but what I hear from my daughter about this other young lady is not good…..(very sexually active) rather scary in light of what has happened.. The doc said this is a criminal act if he ever saw one (it is a really, really bad bite, she may have to have plastic surgery.) Anyway, the police are acting like both these kids are in trouble…..both?  I’m way to ticked off to address them (I swear ya’ll…. I’ll end up in jail…I’m really livid about this.!) and my husband’s in worse shape them me…..It’s one thing to fight, to punch, even pull hair…but she bit her,,almost took a chunk out!….Does anyone have any suggestions on what we should do at this point..or should we just wait and see how the testing turns out?   Oh yeah, I almost forgot…..the girl is ADHD…..the other mom told police she had a problem with "impulse control"….and often times lost control of herself……I actually haven’t lost my control yet….but I’m teetering on it!! Cheryl "When you’ve reached the end of your rope….Tie a knot and hang on!" http://help4add-adhd.faithweb.com/

Cheryl, I hope things go better. What an awful thing to have happened.   — Norma Destination —- Procrastination

Response:

Good grief!!!  My prayers are with you, Cheryl. 1)  You’re daughter shouldn’t be held responsible for being attacked by this other girl.  There was an adult present (janitor) to attest for the fact that your daughter was attacked. 2)  You know as well as I do that ADHD is *no* justification for such behavior.  (We’re constantly working on this one with our kids – responsibility, responsibility, responsibility.)  Sounds to me like the other mother is using it as an excuse to do nothing about her daughter’s discipline problems. 3)  You’re right that the chances are that you’re daughter will be fine. You’re doctor is just being precautious.  Good doctor.  But your doc being precautious is no reason for your family to panic. 4)  I’d suggest martial arts classes.  OS told me last night that a bully from his school (who happens to be bigger than OS, of course… as is everyone else) jumped him on the way home yesterday.  He also told me that he was able to block most of what the bully threw and get in a few hits himself, until he hurt the bully enough that he could walk away.  Before he started karate a couple months ago, he couldn’t do that. — Light, Love, & Laughter, Kitten, Goddess of Mischief "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." – Anonymous "Just for today, do not worry;  Just for today, do not anger; Earn your living honestly; Honor your parents, teachers and elders; Show gratitude for every living thing."- Dr. Mikao Usui Before you buy.

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Good grief!!!  My prayers are with you, Cheryl. 1)  You’re daughter shouldn’t be held responsible for being attacked by this other girl.  There was an adult present (janitor) to attest for the fact that your daughter was attacked.

Yes, the janitor and 3 other teens have verified Jill’s story…thank goodness. 2)  You know as well as I do that ADHD is *no* justification for such behavior.  (We’re constantly working on this one with our kids – responsibility, responsibility, responsibility.)  Sounds to me like the other mother is using it as an excuse to do nothing about her daughter’s discipline problems.

Absolutely…When I think of all the many, many times my son had trouble, I never…not once…..tried to excuse what happened on his ADHD.  I agree, regardless of our personal disorders, diseases whatever…..we must be responsible for our actions.  Period. 3)  You’re right that the chances are that you’re daughter will be fine. You’re doctor is just being precautious.  Good doctor.  But your doc being precautious is no reason for your family to panic.

Well, we’re not actually in a panic…just extreme concern.  It’s just every time I think that the test "could" come back positive, I just sort of go blank…..and feel real "heavy" inside…I just pray that we do  not have to deal with this. 4)  I’d suggest martial arts classes.  OS told me last night that a bully from his school (who happens to be bigger than OS, of course… as is everyone else) jumped him on the way home yesterday.  He also told me that he was able to block most of what the bully threw and get in a few hits himself, until he hurt the bully enough that he could walk away.  Before he started karate a couple months ago, he couldn’t do that.

Excellent suggestion Kitten, thank you.  I  mentioned it to Jill and she’s very excited about the idea.  Thinking, talking about this Karate stuff will also be a good "distraction" for her over the next few days.   Why didn’t I think of something along those lines?   I think it’s because every time I look at her I see that horrendous bite.  It’s extremely sore, so she cannot wear a blouse or shirt which would cover it, cannot put a bandage over it at this point, so we just have to look at it…and ohhhh myyy when I see it…….well..I just can’t tell you how it makes me feel. What is happening to people that a young 16 yr. old girl would react this way….?    It’s so hard to understand? Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — Light, Love, & Laughter, Kitten, Goddess of Mischief "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." – Anonymous "Just for today, do not worry;  Just for today, do not anger; Earn your living honestly; Honor your parents, teachers and elders; Show gratitude for every living thing."- Dr. Mikao Usui Before you buy.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Boy oh boy…..what a day it turned out to be.  I go to pick my daughter up from school.  I get there just like always and the first thing I notice  is that several teacher’s (including my daughters) is out front of the building.  I then notice a girl holding a bag of ice on her face…….I then notice a police cruiser parked to the side of the entrance…..Before the teacher reached the car I was out and moving.  Come to find out this other girl challenged my daughter to a "fight" .  Jill (mine) knows better than to fight unless she’s defending herself…I have then told her to do what she must do to protect herself….never anymore.   Well, this other girl first pushed her backward, Jill tried to back off, the other girl then took a swing at her (can you believe this?), Jill dodged this one and the next one.  The girl then literally jumped on her knocking her to the ground and hang on…….you’re not gonna believe this…..she then bit Jill.  Not just bit her.  I mean she took her teeth…..sunk them directly into the flesh which covers her chest (the sternum area).  Smack dab in the center of her chest.  She hung on and hung on until my daughter that she was going to just pass out from the pain.  The janitor was trying to get the two of them apart but not succeeding well.

Well you can press charges against her for assualt and battery.  There should be a statue protecting self-defense so your daughter should be ok.  If she isn’t once the nature of what happened goes before a judge he’ll be lenient if he charges her at all.  It’s important that you tell her that you are proud of her for rejecting the challenge and you will support her no matter what.  You have a good daughter a very good daughter and you should be proud of her.  She needs your help.  She’s probably scared now. As you should tell the judge or anyone who asked she did everything humanly possible to avoid the fight that resulted but had the courage to deal with it when it happened.  Since the schools don’t seem to care at all I recommend a punching bag for all of you to beat out your aggressions on so that you’ll stay out of trouble.  I recommend your daughter take Taekwondo since the schools in your area let an animal run loose and assualt your daughter.  Tell them in my words to express your displeasure.     "I do not like the fact that my daughter is being treated like a crimminal when she did everything humanly possible to avoid fighting other than not be at school.  She has as much right to an education as anyone maybe more so than the girl who assualted her.  Yes I say assualt because that’s what the other girl did.  I don’t know what it was on that girls mind that horrible day and I don’t want to know.  My daughter did what I taught her to do never to fight unless to defend herself and I am proud of her.  I will stand by her no matter what.  I had hoped to avoid any legal unpleasantries but I may have to resort to such measures if you continue to act like my daughter is a crimminal.  My daughter is still a child but she has proven herself better than all of you because she has integrity and knows right from wrong.  I know that if it results in legal unpleasantries I am certain to lose but I am going to see to it that your reputation is ruined and you will never get a job in this town again not even a job shovelling manure.  Before we lose our heads and take any course of action we will both regret later let’s stop and think what is best for all our children.  What values do we want to teach them. How do we want them to look at us.  If we punish the one who attacked first then we send the message that we aren’t going to put up with that kind of behavior and the matter will be resolved for the moment. If we punish both of them in this case it will be as bad as letting both of them off maybe worse because we send the message that we don’t care about anything except looking good and presenting an image to the general public.  Things will get completely out of hand because students aren’t stupid they know that if they are going to be punished no matter what they do in a bad situation then they might as well just do anything they feel like because the end result however bad it is will be the same no matter what they do.  So they might as well just be bad all the time.  Cut class, do drugs, screw up, lash out at everyone because life sucks and you might as well do it all if you are going to be treated like a crimminal no matter what you do.  If you want anarchy as a result of being crimminally unfair then tell me that when you write back and I’ll withdraw my daughter from your school before that animal that should have been kept on a leash and not allowed to roam loose in the school who assualted my daughter finishes her off." Finally….after what seemed like an eternity to her, she got the girl to turn loose and pushed her off of her. Jumping to her feet Jill proceeded to kick this girl.  Once in the side(upper torso) and once on the side of her head.  (Tennis shoes on thank goodness and not her hard toed shoes..other girl is fine).

It might as well have been hard toed because usually they punish both students for fighting.  So she’s going down for it so the next time something like this happens she probably should pound her opponent straight into the ground and do not let her up until someone shows up to rip her off.  It’s the system I know it sucks but I didn’t make the rules I’m only telling you how it is.  If you know you aren’t going to be treated with consideration and you are just another number to them then why not got all out.  That’s why that girl did what she did.  I know what she did was unpardonable in your eyes and I think she should be punished but your daughter had nothing to do with it.  That girl wanted to beat someone up and she picked your daughter.  She’s a pred plain and simple.  When there is no reason to discipline it becomes oppression some people become pred’s and some become prey the chronically abused.  In this system someone attacks you if you defend yourself then you get treated like you wanted to fight instead of not having a choice in the matter.  It’s unfair I know and it make you reluctant to trust anyone.  You bribe the janitor not to tell anyone and you try to pretend it never happened that’s the best course of action keep a roll of bandages and another set of clothes in your locker just in case.  Make up a plausable story to explain your injuries that can be seen and get through the day.  Then tell your parents or get yourself to the doctor somehow.  You on your own kid and that ain’t a joke. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I immediately take my daughter to the family doctor where he gives her a healthy injection of penicillin.  He then tells me to make an appointment for tomorrow to bring her in for some "testing"….testing?  I say….He says, yes Cheryl, if one of my family members received a bite like this, or one of my nurses gives me the lovely list.   My poor 15 year old is barely holding it together as we wait.  I try to reassure her that all will be fine…but she says, Mom….what if comes back positive?  I keep saying "it won’t, odds are it won’t." Of course it’s just hear say (which I normally would never listen to) but what I hear from my daughter about this other young lady is not good…..(very sexually active) rather scary in light of what has happened.. The doc said this is a criminal act if he ever saw one (it is a really, really bad bite, she may have to have plastic surgery.)

You might be able to find out what insurance company covers the school and make contact with them I’d hold the school responsible and make the story public if a calmly worded complaint to the people in charge isn’t enough make sure to sue the school system and settle out of court.  If they fire all of the administrators in the school and replace them then you’ll go away or put them somewhere else.  then if you have anymore problems you can inform them of who was responsible for their predecesors removal and tell them if I hear anymore unpleasant rumors from anyone then the same thing might happen to you.  I might walk careful if I were you. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Anyway, the police are acting like both these kids are in trouble…..both?  I’m way to ticked off to address them (I swear ya’ll…. I’ll end up in jail…I’m really livid about this.!) and my husband’s in worse shape them me…..It’s one thing to fight, to punch, even pull hair…but she bit her,,almost took a chunk out!….Does anyone have any suggestions on what we should do at this point..or should we just wait and see how the testing turns out?   Oh yeah, I almost forgot…..the girl is ADHD…..the other mom told police she had a problem with "impulse control"….and often times lost control of herself……I actually haven’t lost my control yet….but I’m teetering on it!! Cheryl "When you’ve reached the end of your rope….Tie a knot and hang on!" http://help4add-adhd.faithweb.com/

Don’t get mad get even and make sure the other guy suffers a lot better yet doesn’t even want to live anymore.  You rip him up and leave nothing but blood.  You gotta play it smart.  Use the media to beat up the schools after legitamate pleas were ignored and use the courts to finish off their reputation you have a legitament case.  Go to a lawyer he’ll tell you that you’ll probably win and also that you want to sue both the school system and the girl’s parents if possible and tell him you would not be a good person to put on the stands neither you nor your husband. If the crimminal justice system doesn’t work use the civil justice system.  Also press charges against the girl for assualt you have to do that before the statue of limitations has run out.  It’s

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Boy oh boy…..what a day it turned out to be.  I go to pick my daughter up from school.  I get there just like always and the first thing I notice  is that several teacher’s (including my daughters) is out front of the building.  I then notice a girl holding a bag of ice on her face…….I then notice a police cruiser parked to the side of the entrance…..Before the teacher reached the car I was out and moving.  Come to find out this other girl challenged my daughter to a "fight" .  Jill (mine) knows better than to fight unless she’s defending herself…I have then told her to do what she must do to protect herself….never anymore.   Well, this other girl first pushed her backward, Jill tried to back off, the other girl then took a swing at her (can you believe this?), Jill dodged this one and the next one.  The girl then literally jumped on her knocking her to the ground and hang on…….you’re not gonna believe this…..she then bit Jill.  Not just bit her.  I mean she took her teeth…..sunk them directly into the flesh which covers her chest (the sternum area).  Smack dab in the center of her chest.  She hung on and hung on until my daughter that she was going to just pass out from the pain.  The janitor was trying to get the two of them apart but not succeeding well.  Finally….after what seemed like an eternity to her, she got the girl to turn loose and pushed her off of her. Jumping to her feet Jill proceeded to kick this girl.  Once in the side(upper torso) and once on the side of her head.  (Tennis shoes on thank goodness and not her hard toed shoes..other girl is fine).  I immediately take my daughter to the family doctor where he gives her a healthy injection of penicillin.  He then tells me to make an appointment for tomorrow to bring her in for some "testing"….testing?  I say….He says, yes Cheryl, if one of my family members received a bite like this, or one of my nurses me the lovely list.   My poor 15 year old is barely holding it together as we wait.  I try to reassure her that all will be fine…but she says, Mom….what if comes back positive?  I keep saying "it won’t, odds are it won’t." Of course it’s just hear say (which I normally would never listen to) but what I hear from my daughter about this other young lady is not good…..(very sexually active) rather scary in light of what has happened.. The doc said this is a criminal act if he ever saw one (it is a really, really bad bite, she may have to have plastic surgery.)  Anyway, the police are acting like both these kids are in trouble…..both?  I’m way to ticked off to address them (I swear ya’ll…. I’ll end up in jail…I’m really livid about this.!) and my husband’s in worse shape them me…..It’s one thing to fight, to punch, even pull hair…but she bit her,,almost took a chunk out!….Does anyone have any suggestions on what we should do at this point..or should we just wait and see how the testing turns out?   Oh yeah, I almost forgot…..the girl is ADHD…..the other mom told police she had a problem with "impulse control"….and often times lost control of herself……I actually haven’t lost my control yet….but I’m teetering on it!! Cheryl "When you’ve reached the end of your rope….Tie a knot and hang on!" http://help4add-adhd.faithweb.com/

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