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Help w/4 yr old's temper tantrums

Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –  Studies indicate that temper tantrum stop by themselves once the child has matured a little. It’s not something that other people can control so far as the child not having a tantrum. Studies, schmudies.  I have gone through 4 yrs of temper tantrums and in denial that child will outgrow temper tantrums, and the solution of putting him in his room.  For some children maybe it will happen.  For others, like me, it didn’t. When I stopped accepting my son’s tantrums as being the norm, the tantrums decreased in number.  Your son was older by then. What makes you think that the incidence of tantrums wasn’t going down as a result of your child maturing? As happens for everyone else.  If you’re convinced that you’re really onto something as far as an adult influencing the frequency of small children’s temper tantrums, maybe you should contact the top child psychologist in the nation to inform them of this fact?

Ask yourself this Elaine, do you believe that parental influence has some affect on the way children behave?  Why do think that parents are there? Just to house and nourish children?  One of the biggest jobs is to raise children to be responsible adults, how do you think a parent could achieve this? I started taking a pro-active approach.  I told they were not acceptable, and that he was going to have to stop doing them.  So what leads you to believe that he had not recently gained the emotional maturity to connect his tantrum with your decree?

Well, duh, once I told him that I wasn’t accepting them anymore, they suddenly disappeared and I have seen him heading towards a tantrum and he stops himself.That is what I am talking about, teaching the child to recognize when they are upset and not go into a tantrum of kicking and screaming, but rather say he is mad and why.  Just sending him to his room was not enough.  I could not send him to his room when he would have them in pre-school, or in Kindergarten or in grade 1.   There were consequences and denial of privileges, the whole gammit of negative consequences.  And none of the reprimands worked up to that point. So why would one more reprimand of a negative consequence change anything?

You snipped too much, and took my words out of context.  What I said was that, yes, at home, he was sent to his room during a tantrum. But at school I couldn’t obviously send him to his room.  Sending a child to his room, does essentially nothing, there has to be followup of consequences after the tantrum.It is you that feels that sending a child to his room, will control the tantrums, it will not.  He has to be taught that there are consequences for having a tantrum, be it denial of priveleges,  or any other kind of negative consequences.  If he is never taught that having a tantrum is not good, he will always continue with them. How can a child learn anything, sitting alone in his room? How will he ever learn to control his temper, sitting alone in his room?  How will he ever communicate that he is angry without screaming and yelling if he is alone in his room?   For some children, not all, this has to be taught, like the ABC’s or math. Jennifer

Response:

The most powerful tool I had in helping Jenny with her tantrums was to realize that she did indeed have control over them. Most everything I read said the child can’t control them.  They made it sound as if some evil spirit had just invaded her body, and she was helpless to stop it from throwing the temper tantrum.  They made it sound as if the tantrum was happening *to* her.  One book even claimed the tantrums were some kind of terrible event that was happening and left the child frightened that it would come back, and I was supposed to comfort her throughout the temper tantrum!  Hogwash!

Yes to a certain degree my son was like your daughter.  My babysitter,(who had her own children and dealt with tantrums before) told me that my son was more severe than her daughters.  Once he was into the tantrum, there was nothing stopping it. He was in complete rage.  I realize that most kids are not like this, but he was. The difference in stopping them has been a combination of things.  He has been diagnosed with severe language disorder and so it was very hard to communicate with him when he was in a good mood, when he was in the midst of a temper tantrum, there was no reasoning with him.  I couldn’t get him to stop.  Since he has matured a little, it is easier to talk with him after he has his tantrum,  tell him that it wasn’t acceptable, and then I could dele out his punishment. This is why I believe you’re finding that your son is having fewer of them once you stopped accepting his temper tantrums.  Learning how to work with Jenny’s temper tantrums was one of the first things that made me really think twice about the advice offered in the books I had. Some of it was great!  But some of it was just the opposite of what I needed to do with my child!  I’d hate to think of where we’d be if I followed the advice of the books that suggested that I ignore her temper tantrums.

Yes, some of the books sucked!  I was lost and felt like I was going crazy.  I did alot of things wrong, when I look back. ie..spankings.  When I think back of how many times I would get upset and angry and only feed into what was happening and the result was my son in his room angry, upset and crying because of a spanking.  I feel a great guilt with all my mistakes, but can only try to improve and pass on information to other parents who are going through the same terrible cycle.  My son still has his moments, but they are controllable now, and I can just raise my eyebrow the right way, to get him to snap out of it. I must say that I have more patience and fortitude today than when I first started dealing with him. Jennifer

Response:

 Studies indicate that temper tantrum stop by themselves once the child has matured a little. It’s not something that other people can control so far as the child not having a tantrum. Studies, schmudies.  I have gone through 4 yrs of temper tantrums and in denial that child will outgrow temper tantrums, and the solution of putting him in his room.  For some children maybe it will happen.  For others, like me, it didn’t. When I stopped accepting my son’s tantrums as being the norm, the tantrums decreased in number.

 Your son was older by then. What makes you think that the incidence of tantrums wasn’t going down as a result of your child maturing? As happens for everyone else.  If you’re convinced that you’re really onto something as far as an adult influencing the frequency of small children’s temper tantrums, maybe you should contact the top child psychologist in the nation to inform them of this fact? I started taking a pro-active approach.  I told they were not acceptable, and that he was going to have to stop doing them.

 So what leads you to believe that he had not recently gained the emotional maturity to connect his tantrum with your decree?  Just sending him to his room was not enough.  I could not send him to his room when he would have them in pre-school, or in Kindergarten or in grade 1.   There were consequences and denial of privileges, the whole gammit of negative consequences.

 And none of the reprimands worked up to that point. So why would one more reprimand of a negative consequence change anything?

Response:

 If you have him sequestered in his room during the tantrum, you just controlled him.

 You’re the queen of denying the obvious. No, that is not controlling him,

 Sure you are, and that’s good.  the tantrum is still happening,  Yes. Obviously. the child is not under control.

 Sure he is. He may not be in control of himself, but you’re taking care of him until he feels better.  He is still kicking, and screaming.  That’s why it’s called a temper tantrum. There is no control.

 Sure there is. You put him in his room. You’re taking control. He is just sequestered.  You want to get the child to control himself, so he doesn’t have a screaming fit at home or in public because he is disgruntled or out of sorts.

 Yes, isn’t that the point? To truely overcome and control tantrums is when you get the child to stop having them.

 Studies indicate that temper tantrum stop by themselves once the child has matured a little. It’s not something that other people can control so far as the child not having a tantrum. To get the child to see that it is alright to be mad, sad, tired or hungry, but it is not alright to scream, kick or throw things.

 Most people learn that. Some don’t.

Response:

My newly 4 year old son displays so much frustration that I can’t seem to get him to calm down at times.  Any suggestions for techniques to help deal with the problem?

I don’t know if this will help.  My daughter was older when she had her first and only tantrum.  I stayed in the same room with her and basically ignored her till she was done.  I patiently had a conversation with her brother.  If she tried to leave the room (I think she did only once)  I told her she had to stay where she was till she was calm and could talk with us.  She sat on the floor wailing for a good 40 minutes.  Thank goodness for tylenol.   Once I knew she was ok, and was in fact just having a temper tantrum I made no attempts to pacify her in any way.  Since it has never happened again it worked for us. Good luck

Response:

 If you have him sequestered in his room during the tantrum, you just controlled him.  You’re the queen of denying the obvious.

Well Elaine, please don’t start or even hint at name calling because I won’t respond to it or start name calling back.  I don’t do these name games. I find them somewhat immature. No, that is not controlling him,  Sure you are, and that’s good.

You are not controlling the child, you are controlling the environment.  Even the most basic psychology books differentiate the two.  Please stop confusing what you are controlling.   Some temper tantrums do not always take place at home, so this is not the best solution.  Sequestering child to his room only addresses the short term solution of not watching or listening to child go through a tantrum, it does not control the tantrum.  You cannot stop a tantrum any more than you can stop the wind or rain during a hurricane.  You have to address the long term solution of getting the child to handle his anger. the child is not under control.  Sure he is. He may not be in control of himself, but you’re taking care of him until he feels better.

Well you said right there….he is not in control of himself….and neither is the parent in control until you can reason with the child and try to get child to handle his anger.  Of course, you can take care of him until he feels better, but like I said before some tantrums take place in school or in a public place. The solution of placing the child in his room will not defer any future tantrums. There is no control.  Sure there is. You put him in his room. You’re taking control.

The problem does not lie with the parent having a temper tantrum, it lies with how the child is dealing with his anger.  Whether the child is having a tantrum in the kitchen, living room, or his bedroom makes no difference.  It is not the control of the parent that is the problem, it is the child’s self-control or lack of it that is the problem. He is just sequestered.  You want to get the child to control himself, so he doesn’t have a screaming fit at home or in public because he is disgruntled or out of sorts.  Yes, isn’t that the point?

For a short term solution, so you don’t have to listen and watch a child going through a tantrm, it is the best thing to put him in his room. I have never denied this.  But it is not the long term solution as to how to get him to deal with his anger. To truely overcome and control tantrums is when you get the child to stop having them.  Studies indicate that temper tantrum stop by themselves once the child has matured a little. It’s not something that other people can control so far as the child not having a tantrum.

Studies, schmudies.  I have gone through 4 yrs of temper tantrums and in denial that child will outgrow temper tantrums, and the solution of putting him in his room.  For some children maybe it will happen.  For others, like me, it didn’t. When I stopped accepting my son’s tantrums as being the norm, the tantrums decreased in number.  I started taking a pro-active approach.  I told they were not acceptable, and that he was going to have to stop doing them.  Just sending him to his room was not enough.  I could not send him to his room when he would have them in pre-school, or in Kindergarten or in grade 1.   There were consequences and denial of privileges, the whole gammit of negative consequences. To get the child to see that it is alright to be mad, sad, tired or hungry, but it is not alright to scream, kick or throw things.  Most people learn that. Some don’t.

The some that don’t maybe were never taught that, so they never could learn. Jennifer

Response:

 If you have him sequestered in his room during the tantrum, you just controlled him.

No, that is not controlling him, the tantrum is still happening, the child is not under control. He is still kicking, and screaming. There is no control. He is just sequestered.  You want to get the child to control himself, so he doesn’t have a screaming fit at home or in public because he is disgruntled or out of sorts.To truely overcome and control tantrums is when you get the child to stop having them.  To get the child to see that it is alright to be mad, sad, tired or hungry, but it is not alright to scream, kick or throw things.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –  You are taking this person at their word that the child becomes completely uncontrollable when angry. I don’t believe that. Well I can only conclude that you have no experience with temper tantrums from the above statement.  That is what a temper tantrum is all about.  A child is completely uncontrollable, cannot be reasoned with, and cannot be calmed down as easy as someone talking to them.   I am certain that I know what I am talking about.  I would have never entered my son’s room when he was having one of his tantrums, unless I liked the sensation of Duplo blocks being bounced off my head!

 If you have him sequestered in his room during the tantrum, you just controlled him.

Response:

I ran into the same problems with trying to help Jenny with her temper tantrums when she was younger.  She would not go in a time out (unless I physically restrained her which did nothing but make her worse).  Nor would she go to her room (without restraining her just like with time outs).  Trying to hold her (either lovingly or by restraining her in a time out) only infuriated her and escalated the situation with her trying to hit or bite me.  And when I tried ignoring her, she made her temper tantrums even stronger and louder – and could keep it up for over 30 minutes.  She was extremely strong willed at those times.  I was at a complete loss of what to do. Then I turned the whole thing around.  It seemed Jenny loved the attention she received with the tantrums (even while being ignored, she knew we could hear her or she would run up to me and hit me or otherwise involve me directly to ensure she had my attention).  So rather than try to stop the tantrums, I "helped" her to have them.  I "coached" her on how to "improve" her tantrums by *calmly* offering her suggestions (hey, Jenny, maybe you should yell even louder – how about trying to kick your hands and feet around? – do you think you should cry a little harder?). The main thing was to remain *calm* – don’t smile, don’t be angry – just be very calm.  I didn’t yell at her nor did I show any sign of anger or distress.  I just calmly gave her suggestions and ideas of how to improve on her temper tantrum.  It pulled the rug right out from under her.  My behavior was so different from what she expected (the attention-getter wasn’t getting attention after all!) that she stopped her tantrums right in her tracks. After she calmed down from the tantrum, I could then calmly talk with her about what was upsetting her and how she could express her emotions and needs in a more effective way.  The key was to give her real ideas of how to express herself more appropriately that she could understand and agree to doing.  I gave her ideas of what to do and also what she could say.  After a while, she started joining in with her own ideas. Sometimes she even went as far as to demonstrate what she could do (she’d go into her room and hit her pillow talking about how she will do this next time or she’d recite a sentence that she could say).  I complimented her on her good thinking when she came up with her own ideas. I only had to "coach" her about 2 or 3 times to break the tantrum cycle with about 1 or 2 follow up episodes over the next couple of months. After that, when she began to start, I could calmly remind her of some of the better ways of expressing herself (would you like to go hit your pillow right now?).  She usually stormed out mad, but she still went to her room and hit that pillow.  She also learned how to talk with me (still angry or upset, but not screaming) when she was upset about something.  The whole process built on itself so that tantrums were quickly stopped even when we were out in public. I also was quick to compliment her when she did use her better methods of expressing herself.  I did my best to always let her know that I saw she was using her new skills and let her know how proud I was that she was growing up to be such a well behaved big girl (hitting her pillow is good behavior in my eyes).  This helped give her the attention she was wanting in the first place which helped to reinforce the preferred behavior. I have never heard of anyone doing this, and some may find the idea very strange.  But it changed a 6 month tantrum cycle in just a week or so. It also allowed me to remain completely calm and work with Jenny and her need to express her emotions rather than just punish her.  It was what worked for her. Take Care! Vicki Surratt Proud Mom of Kathy (just turned 6) and Jenny (9)! :-) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – When my daughter was smaller she could throw some doosies too!  We tried picking her up and carrying her to her bed, the time out corner, somewhere away from the tantrum site.   That didn’t stop them.  We tried saying "Ok no videos"—-nope.  What we finally figured out was she was just looking for the reaction.  She was mad at us for something and so she threw a fit to upset us.  As soon as we started ignoring the fits and waiting for her to calm down and talk with us, they stopped happening. I would suggest you try that at home first.  It’s a lot easier to ignore the behavior (there is always something you can clean right?)  And the child will feel more secure at home.   Being ignored by Mom and Dad could be scary out in public. Good luck!! Sharon

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My newly 4 year old son displays so much frustration that I can’t seem to get him to calm down at times.  Any suggestions for techniques to help deal with the problem?  Time outs don’t work, quiet time doesn’t work, consequences don’t seem to affect him at all.  Please help. The best place to start trying to do anything about your son’s tantrums, is to figure out the cause.  Why? What difference does is make why someone has an emotion? I GUESS we could eliminate child abuse as to a cause of the child’s tantrums and frustrations. That would leave internal causes and his own interpretation of events.

Well, Elaine, I know that you don’t have children and I don’t know if you have yourself personally experienced what a temper tantrum is, but it is not just an emotion that can be compared to some children who become upset or frustrated.  I have myself dealt with a true temper tantrum, an outburst of rage and frustration together.  I did not say that the child could not have any emotions, just try to get the child to vent his emotion in other ways, other than screaming, yelling, and throwing objects.To figure out what might be triggering a child’s temper tantrum is the first step in teaching them that it is ok to cry or be upset, just not to go "off the deep end" so to speak.  You can help a child easier if they are just upset and can communicate with them, but you cannot help a child who is kicking, screaming or yelling. Is he a good communitcator, if he is having difficulty with his speech or anything like that?  Don’t we all sometimes?

Yes we do, but sometimes, a lack of communication between parent and child is one of the most frustrating experiences.  I never knew how badly my son was at speech until he was side by side with other children his age in school. Sometimes the obvious can be overlooked by any parent. Is it when he is tired or hungry?  Who DOESN’T get grumpy and testy when they’re tired and hungry? Low blood sugar alone will put people in bad moods.

Well it might help to figure out this one because, a parent could have supper 15 minutes or 1/2 hr earlier, thus eradicating that particular tantrum. Getting him to bed earlier would do the same thing.  Is it usually in a certain environment or is it all the time?  Nothing can be done to eliminate all anger making effects. There is always going to be something that makes us have feelings.

I never mentioned eliminating any emotions.  A parent might not recognize that one environment is overstimulating a child.  It is from the child’s point of view.  For example, my husband used to take my son to the supermarket.  Around the age of 2 1/2, my son’s tantrums became too much and my husband just couldn’t take him their any more.  Fortunately, my mother-in-law, moved into town and was able to baby-sit while my husband went shopping.  When I look back, I would have to guess that for some reason, the supermarket was too much for him, but today he no longer has a problem now with going there.  Also, how do you handle your own anger? I have a tempermental son, so I did look at myself to see how I handle my anger or expressed my anger.  It might be a case of "monkey see, monkey do".  Most of us learn to control our behavior when we are angry. That’s one of the advantages of starting life out small. If we are not yet able to control acting out, our parents can protect us from ourselves until the tantrum passes.

Some children do have be taught how to control themselves.  Some children (like my daughter) just are calmer, less influenced by external factors, have a higher level of tolerance, and don’t feel the rage within.  Teaching children on how to conduct themselves is one the most primary lessons that we do as parents or caregivers.  Our job is just not to water and house the children.  You are taking this person at their word that the child becomes completely uncontrollable when angry. I don’t believe that.

Well I can only conclude that you have no experience with temper tantrums from the above statement.  That is what a temper tantrum is all about.  A child is completely uncontrollable, cannot be reasoned with, and cannot be calmed down as easy as someone talking to them.   I am certain that I know what I am talking about.  I would have never entered my son’s room when he was having one of his tantrums, unless I liked the sensation of Duplo blocks being bounced off my head!  Your recommendations about handling the tantrum do sound very good though.

Thank you, I am glad that you had something positive to say. Jennifer

Response:

My son (he’ll be 4 in May) has some terrific tantrums. I have found that when he is having one, the best way to help him calm down is to take him into a dark room (window shades pulled down, lights off), hold him very tightly & whisper to him "SHHHH, it’s okay". Another technique that sometimes works is to look him in the eye, tell him to take a deep breath & count to 10. They say that temper tantrums are still perfectly normal for 3 and 4 year olds, but if you are worried, I’d talk to his pediatrician. Good Luck Heidi

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My newly 4 year old son displays so much frustration that I can’t seem to get him to calm down at times.  Any suggestions for techniques to help deal with the problem?  Time outs don’t work, quiet time doesn’t work, consequences don’t seem to affect him at all.  Please help. The best place to start trying to do anything about your son’s tantrums, is to figure out the cause.

 Why? What difference does is make why someone has an emotion? I GUESS we could eliminate child abuse as to a cause of the child’s tantrums and frustrations. That would leave internal causes and his own interpretation of events. Is he a good communitcator, if he is having difficulty with his speech or anything like that?

 Don’t we all sometimes? Is it when he is tired or hungry?

 Who DOESN’T get grumpy and testy when they’re tired and hungry? Low blood sugar alone will put people in bad moods.  Is it usually in a certain environment or is it all the time?

 Nothing can be done to eliminate all anger making effects. There is always going to be something that makes us have feelings.  Also, how do you handle your own anger? I have a tempermental son, so I did look at myself to see how I handle my anger or expressed my anger.  It might be a case of "monkey see, monkey do".

 Most of us learn to control our behavior when we are angry. That’s one of the advantages of starting life out small. If we are not yet able to control acting out, our parents can protect us from ourselves until the tantrum passes.  You are taking this person at their word that the child becomes completely uncontrollable when angry. I don’t believe that.  Your recommendations about handling the tantrum do sound very good though. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Techniques that I have used to calm my own son down have been varied.  It took me a while to learn, but do not try to discpiline your son when the tantrum is taking place. Remove him from the general area, and if you are at home, let the tantrum continue in his room, if you are in public, get to your car, or a washroom. You cannot stop the tantrum while it is in progress, you have to wait until the "storm" is done before the cleanup can be done.  After the tantrum is done, you can then do your discipline.   I am not talking about corporal punishment, during the tantrum or after, I have found that it doesn’t work.  You can then talk to your son and explain that his tantrums will not be acceptable any more. Then you can give the consequences for his outburst.  Whether it is taking away TV privileges or taking away certain toys or time out in his bedroom for 15 min or 1/2 (use a timer for this). Let him know that in the future that his tantrums are not going to work and when he has them, there will be consequences.  Don’t get mad when he is having his tantrum (I know this is very hard),  because it just feeds into his anger. Be as matter of fact as possible and like I said punishment comes after the tantrum is finished, not during. But try to find the source of the temper tantrums.  You stated that he is your new 4 yr old son.  It could be he is "testing" you, or trying to push your buttons.  Try to look at the situation objectively.  Remember he is just a little boy and doesn’t know too many ways to get attention or know how to vent properly. Also, take him to his doctor and get him a physical. Tell the doc what has been happening.  Maybe there might be further testing that is necessary. Good Luck Jennifer

Response:

When my daughter was smaller she could throw some doosies too!  We tried picking her up and carrying her to her bed, the time out corner, somewhere away from the tantrum site.   That didn’t stop them.  We tried saying "Ok no videos"—-nope.  What we finally figured out was she was just looking for the reaction.  She was mad at us for something and so she threw a fit to upset us.  As soon as we started ignoring the fits and waiting for her to calm down and talk with us, they stopped happening. I would suggest you try that at home first.  It’s a lot easier to ignore the behavior (there is always something you can clean right?)  And the child will feel more secure at home.   Being ignored by Mom and Dad could be scary out in public. Good luck!! Sharon

Response:

I find if I calmly talk to my son (almost 4 yo) very calmly, it always works.  We go through a nightly tantrum when it is time to pick up his toys.  He doesn’t do it the first few times I ask him to, so I turn his tv off.  At this point, he starts crying hysterically.  So I sit down with him and calmly say, "All you have to do is clean your room and I will gladly turn your tv on."  He still cries, but it’s not as hysterical and his room gets cleaned. Leslie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My newly 4 year old son displays so much frustration that I can’t seem to get him to calm down at times.  Any suggestions for techniques to help deal with the problem?  Time outs don’t work, quiet time doesn’t work, consequences don’t seem to affect him at all.  Please help.

Response:

My newly 4 year old son displays so much frustration that I can’t seem to get him to calm down at times.  Any suggestions for techniques to help deal with the problem?  Time outs don’t work, quiet time doesn’t work, consequences don’t seem to affect him at all.  Please help.

Response:

My newly 4 year old son displays so much frustration that I can’t seem to get him to calm down at times.  Any suggestions for techniques to help deal with the problem?  Time outs don’t work, quiet time doesn’t work, consequences don’t seem to affect him at all.  Please help.

Where is his frustration coming from?  Is it becasue of something going on inside of him or from a more concrete matter. ‘lil kathi

Response:

My newly 4 year old son displays so much frustration that I can’t seem to get him to calm down at times.  Any suggestions for techniques to help deal with the problem?  Time outs don’t work, quiet time doesn’t work,

 What do you mean "time outs and quiet time don’t work"? All emotions pass in time. If he’s confined during the time of a tantrum, it will pass. consequences don’t seem to affect him at all.  Please help.

 Ah well… He feels as he feels.  Many four year olds are mentally incapable of considering consequences of rage. This is also true of many adults, if you think about it.  Other adults use passive aggressive expressions that in the end can be as bad as exploding directly. Yet, if someone does lose it, they’re invariably sorry afterwards if they go too far.  It seems reasonable for you to find a way to confine him until his tantrum passes. It will. Maybe just not as quickly as you hope that it will. He’s still just four, and should not be that hard to control physically if that’s what is required.

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My newly 4 year old son displays so much frustration that I can’t seem to get him to calm down at times.  Any suggestions for techniques to help deal with the problem?  Time outs don’t work, quiet time doesn’t work, consequences don’t seem to affect him at all.  Please help.

The best place to start trying to do anything about your son’s tantrums, is to figure out the cause.  Is he a good communitcator, if he is having difficulty with his speech or anything like that? Is it when he is tired or hungry?  Is it usually in a certain environment or is it all the time?  Also, how do you handle your own anger? I have a tempermental son, so I did look at myself to see how I handle my anger or expressed my anger.  It might be a case of "monkey see, monkey do". Techniques that I have used to calm my own son down have been varied.  It took me a while to learn, but do not try to discpiline your son when the tantrum is taking place. Remove him from the general area, and if you are at home, let the tantrum continue in his room, if you are in public, get to your car, or a washroom. You cannot stop the tantrum while it is in progress, you have to wait until the "storm" is done before the cleanup can be done.  After the tantrum is done, you can then do your discipline.   I am not talking about corporal punishment, during the tantrum or after, I have found that it doesn’t work.  You can then talk to your son and explain that his tantrums will not be acceptable any more.  Then you can give the consequences for his outburst.  Whether it is taking away TV privileges or taking away certain toys or time out in his bedroom for 15 min or 1/2 (use a timer for this). Let him know that in the future that his tantrums are not going to work and when he has them, there will be consequences.  Don’t get mad when he is having his tantrum (I know this is very hard),  because it just feeds into his anger. Be as matter of fact as possible and like I said punishment comes after the tantrum is finished, not during. But try to find the source of the temper tantrums.  You stated that he is your new 4 yr old son.  It could be he is "testing" you, or trying to push your buttons.  Try to look at the situation objectively.  Remember he is just a little boy and doesn’t know too many ways to get attention or know how to vent properly. Also, take him to his doctor and get him a physical. Tell the doc what has been happening.  Maybe there might be further testing that is necessary. Good Luck Jennifer

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