Act Acting » Acting School » How do I deal with this? What daughter did Long

How do I deal with this? What daughter did Long

Question:

Take it from experience, leave it alone. It is very possible that your daughter may also have a drug problem and with an addiction the only one who can help is herself. Your only concern should be your grandchild. Take him/her out of that environment by any means necessary (including legal). If your daughter finds the strength to kick the boyfriend and her disease, she will thank you. Kim – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Freaked Out Mom wrote: > I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post > anonymously this time. > My dd and her boyfriend live together. They have a baby together. > Today my dd calls me up crying because her pet rabbit died.  She told > me that it hadn’t had any food for two weeks. The deadbeat she lives > with is a drug addict and is lazy and won’t work so they free load off > of people and have pawned anything of value they own.  She has a job > she got a few weeks ago. > How could my daughter just let her pet rabbit starve to death? I just > can’t get my mind to comprehend it. > I thought I knew my daughter but I guess I really don’t. > Over the weekend she has had me and her grandparents and her best > friend all jumping through hoops trying to help her get out of the > situation with the bf.  She said she was going to move in with the > Grandparents and I offered to pay for her college.  Her best friends > Mom teaches CNA courses and offered her a spot on the next course and > a job.  The best friend offered to watch the baby for free.  My ex > offered to buy her a car. > I get up there and she wants to bury the rabbit in the back yard.  She > didn’t tell me that the boyfriend was coming.  I had told her a few > months ago I didn’t want him around me as he cussed me out and I just > don’t want to be around a drug addict.  They both get in the back seat > and I politely said I didn’t want him to go.  I wanted to blow up at > him but I didn’t.  Then they get out of the car and take the baby back > inside.  She comes out and starts laying me out saying I am > interfering with her life. Then 2 minutes later she was complaining > that I failed to make a counselor appointment for her.  So I just > couldn’t win. She wants to be independant and do her own thing.  When > I try to help her, she says I am butting in but when I back off she > says I don’t care about her. She went on about her friend and > Grandparents butting in her life.  She says I am never there for her. > She complains that I dont come over. I don’t feel welcome there as her > bf is always rude to me.  Plus I don’t feel safe going to the > neighborhood where she lives. She was complaining that her > Grandparents never came to visit her. Her grandparents live a 2 hour > drive away and they are in their 70s and have serious health problems. > She just went on and one and by the time she was done, I felt about > 1/2 inch tall.  Here everyone was trying to help her get out of a bad > situation and she turns around and gives all of us a kick in the ass. > I have said I wasn’t going to help her anymore as she has done this > before and I am so soft hearted that I keep trying to help her. I am > wondering if I should just let her live her consequences no matter how > bad they are.  I can’t get it out of my mind that she let her pet > rabbit starve to death.  I am hoping that she wouldn’t allow her baby > to starve to death.  The past couple of weeks they have been going to > neighbors bumming baby formula or the baby wouldn’ have had anything > to eat either. > Freaked Mom

Response:

Freaked Out Mom wrote: > That makes sense. She has been sort of spoiled.  Me and her > Grandparents have jumped through hoops trying to please this girl. > She was a sweet caring considerate girl until she turned 13.

———————- Read this as: "She was our browbeaten little toady child till she got big and horny and wouldn’t take our shit anymore." >  She got > in with the rough trashy crowd and got on drugs.

———————– The girls who are authority abused by YOU antisexual idiots ALWAYS do, to get the fuck AWAY from that idiotic control crap of yours!! >  Ever since then she > has been different.  Hard somehow. Then it has been hell ever since.

———————– She realized in the back of her mind how parents were SUPPOSED to be toward her, but she sees she has to hang around with trash to have any freedom because of oppressors like you, and it pisses her off. > I have tried to let go and back off since she moved out and just stay > out of it

———————— After she ran away you decided to stop screaming, novel how that works! > but what is going on is just getting so bad, I find it hard > to stay out of it.

———————– In other words you’re doing it AGAIN!!  You just don’t fucking LEARN!! >  If I get invloved, I am butting in.  If I stay out > of it I am an uncaring ass.  I have found that nothing is ever good > enough for her.  The caring etc. is a two way street.

———————— Nope! Not a bit of your garbage!! YOU want to help, but the way you "help" most of us call HURTING!! You don’t REALLY just want to support her plans and her desires, you just want to buy her obediance to your stupidity, get the last word and act smug, no wonder she’s pissed at you!! > It is Bullshit!  I have had some hard times but would never let a pet > starve to death.

———————- But you’d let your daughter die of your emotional abuse! How stupid!! > Life means something to me

———————— Don’t lie, you don’t even take care of your own YOUNG!! > and I am sorry it doesn’t > mean  much to her.

————————– And that’s why she cried about it, right??? >  She wasnt raised that way.   > Freaked Out Mom

——————————- Boy you’d sure didn’t raise her to hate you, you just made sure she’d have to!! You’ll find ANY WAY POSSIBLE to try to shit on her!! If it wasn’t the fucking $2 rabbit like the one I ATE last week it would be something else!! We can count on that out of a cunt like you!! > They always seem to > have plenty of money for his drugs or whatever HE wants.

—————————- "He" (who is probably your REAL problem here) probably has nothing to do with all your crap, except that he won’t take YOUR bullshit!! I’m beginning to even doubt whether he’s the bad guy here!! I’ve seen obnoxious little upwardly mobile cunts like you  even INVENT this sort of slander in order to get your way!! I’m beginning to think you made your daughter a head case so you could control her, except that she keeps escaping!! She’s confused about where to go because she is resisting your crazy-making crap! Steve

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Freaked Out Mom wrote: > On Sun, 17 Sep 2000 22:24:08 -0700, Steve <rste…@armory.com> wrote: > >Freaked Out Mom wrote: > >> I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post > >> anonymously this time. > >> My dd and her boyfriend live together. They have a baby together. > >> Today my dd calls me up crying because her pet rabbit died.  She told > >> me that it hadn’t had any food for two weeks. The deadbeat she lives > >> with is a drug addict and is lazy and won’t work so they free load off > >> of people and have pawned anything of value they own.  She has a job > >> she got a few weeks ago. > >> How could my daughter just let her pet rabbit starve to death? I just > >> can’t get my mind to comprehend it. > >———————- > >The rabbit was less important to her than the baby. Be GLAD the rabbit > >died!! She may not have to learn that lesson twice now!! > >> I thought I knew my daughter but I guess I really don’t. > >———————– > >What is SHE supposed to do about it? She has a baby!! You must have made > >a reasonable life with you impossible or she wouldn’t have chose a > >partner to protect her from you and hate you for her!! > >> Over the weekend she has had me and her grandparents and her best > >> friend all jumping through hoops trying to help her get out of the > >> situation with the bf.  She said she was going to move in with the > >> Grandparents and I offered to pay for her college.  Her best friends > >> Mom teaches CNA courses and offered her a spot on the next course and > >> a job.  The best friend offered to watch the baby for free.  My ex > >> offered to buy her a car. > >—————————- > >She is drawn to him EVEN *IF* she hates her b/f’s guts, because somehow > >YOU have been enough of a prick about her feelings and her desires that > >she feels she’d RATHER live in THAT SHITHOLE with THAT ASSHOLE instead > >of being with somebody with whom she can be on good terms with YOU!! > >Think about it!! Kids do EVERYTHING for a reason, even if they can’t > >write it all down for you!! YOU have MADE her do this because she can’t > >handle YOU!! You made her weak by not supporting her doing things her > >way when she was a lot younger!! If you were nice to her and she KNEW > >she could handle living with you then she leaving him would be EASY!! > >> I get up there and she wants to bury the rabbit in the back yard.  She > >> didn’t tell me that the boyfriend was coming. > >—————– > >He probably showed up and she couldn’t stop him!! He’s possibly being > >abusive and she has no where to go, to her mind!! Somehow YOU have done > >that!! It’s usually fights with parents about her sexuality and you > >being consistently annoying, patronizing, condescending, controlling and > >disrespectful of her in such a manner that she would rather live in SHIT > >than live with you, so that’s exactly what she’s doing!! > >If you ever want this to be alright, you’re REALLY gonna have to get the > >fuck off your high horse and help her WITHOUT the option of CONTROLLING > >her, because she’d would much rather she and her baby BOTH die than have > >to eat SHIT FROM YOU!! > >THAT’S what restrictivism and authoritarianism does to children!! > >>  I had told her a few > >> months ago I didn’t want him around me as he cussed me out and I just > >> don’t want to be around a drug addict.  They both get in the back seat > >> and I politely said I didn’t want him to go.  I wanted to blow up at > >> him but I didn’t. > >———————— > >Were you going to be a judgmental bitch, or what? HE won’t knuckle UNDER > >like SHE will to you, will he!!?? Why the fuck do you think she HIRED a > >goon like him??? That’s WHY!!! To handle YOU, because she CAN’T!!! > >>  Then they get out of the car and take the baby back > >> inside.  She comes out and starts laying me out saying I am > >> interfering with her life. Then 2 minutes later she was complaining > >> that I failed to make a counselor appointment for her.  So I just > >> couldn’t win. She wants to be independant and do her own thing.  When > >> I try to help her, she says I am butting in but when I back off she > >> says I don’t care about her. She went on about her friend and > >> Grandparents butting in her life.  She says I am never there for her. > >> She complains that I dont come over. I don’t feel welcome there as her > >> bf is always rude to me. > >————————- > >YOU wanted to control her and you got what you fucking deserve, a child > >who can’t control HERSELF!!! That’s what you GET from that!! > >NOW you can either try to nervously insecurely justify your giving up on > >the mess you made of her, like you CLEARLY are begging PERMISSION to > >with this pitiful embarrassing post. Or else: > >Or else YOU can now grow up, and suck up your controlling bullshit and > >instead help her out of what YOU CAUSED!!! YOU are going to have to do > >some growing up first, and that means helping without saying anything, > >and loving without criticizing, all the stuff you should have done > >before WITHOUT lacing it with your controlling vicious judgmental > >POISON!! > Steve, as usual, you have your head up your ass.  You think that > because your parents treated you like shit and messed your head up, > you think that everyone else is like that.

——————– You can wish it were true all you want, that might gratify you. Too bad for you it wasn’t. I’m sensitive to this crap precisely BECAUSE none of it was done to me, I only watched others get screwed up. Hell, most people who are screwed up even confusedly SUPPORT their abusers and their abuse, a predictable psychological phenomenon, but that wouldn’t be me here then, since I make WAAAY too much noise to be a victim. Steve

Response:

On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 10:40:14 GMT, "Lesa" <lschm…@nycap.rr.com> wrote: >You need to get a grip on life.  When my first was born, we "killed" our >hamster.  I wasn’t a teen, I was 23.  DH had a new job and was working 12 >hours days, sometimes 7 days a week.  My family was over 1,000 miles away, >and it was January in upstate NY.  I was overwhelmed, and the poor little >guy was just totally forgotten about.  A dead pet rabbit does not indicate >that the baby is being neglected.

Were you living with a drug addict (or possibly one yourself)? Were you begging the neighbors for baby formula so the baby would have something to eat? Did you fail to feed your hamster for an extended period of time? Would you treat a dog or horse this way?  Critters, like people, do die but to neglect them when they are in your care suggests a problem to my rational, lizard brain. >As to the emotional roller coaster this young woman seems to be on, it is >quite understandable.  She is a new mom, which is overhwhelming in itself,

How do you know how new a mom she is?  I saw no mention of the baby’s age other than it eats formula … if the child was breast fed initially, it could be any age under 18 months. >and is in a questionable relationship and finding herself questioning the >man she loves and her committment to him (and their new baby now too) which >is more than ovewhelming.  She needs time and unquestioning support in order >to break free from him, not lectures or CPS knocking on her door.

She bites the hands that try to help her and they are to stand by for more of the same, enabling this crummy behavior?   What incentive does she have to change when she can jerk people around this way? I think your situation and the one described here are very different. Frankly I hope the original post was a troll to get things stirred up … it is quite unusual to see a cross-post between APS and ASM. Floridanewbie

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -On Sun, 17 Sep 2000 22:56:09 -0700, Steve <rste…@armory.com> wrote: >floridanewbie wrote: >> On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 03:24:50 GMT, freakedout…@frekedmom.com (Freaked >> Out Mom) wrote: >> >I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post >> >anonymously this time. >> Get child protective services involved … that baby is at risk from >> these to irresponsible people.   Then butt out and let her slide as >> far down the chute as she is going to go … right now she is having a >> dandy time making her family, friends and neighbors feel guilty for >> not kissing her ass.  She does not want help!  There is nothing you >> can do for your daughter but pray if you are religious … at least >> not until she gets rid of the jerk and comes to her senses, which >> unfortunately may never happen.   She couldn’t turn the rabbit loose >> or go out in a field and get it something to eat?  Bullshit! >> Floridanewbie >——————— >Yes, you really ARE a newbie. >CPS won’t do ANYTHING unless there is clear neglect. Keeping the baby >warm and fed and dry and in sight is considered sufficient. If they >wanted more they have to take a third of the babies in town. So forget >that.

Given the statement of the original poster, it is quite unlikely CPS will find these people or that "home" to be a suitable environment for a helpless baby … you seem to have information other than what was presented.  Did you notice the remark which said "The past couple of weeks they have been going to neighbors bumming baby formula or the baby wouldn’ have had anything to eat either" … I think CPS should be called as a last resort .. if they determine the baby is not at risk, so be it. >CPS is not the answer to everything. Sometimes you just have to suck it >up and help if you want to. Don’t give money, don’t make it horribly >easy, nothing that can be resold, etc. and simply wait for whomever to >get tired of the other one and do something different. >Steve

By the way, drug addicts can trade cans of baby formula or baby clothes for cash or drugs … there is a market for everything.  Given the mood swings of the baby’s mother, I think she sounds irrational and, at this time, beyond help, especially since any help is going to be viewed as an attempt at control.   I should have added in my original post I would NOT underwrite a car for these people .. there is no way they will keep it insured.  There have been court cases in the US where the parents or grandparents were sued for providing a vehicle to someone who proved to be irresponsible & held liable for the subsequent damages. Floridanewbie

Response:

On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 10:40:14 GMT, "Lesa" <lschm…@nycap.rr.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->"floridanewbie" <floridanew…@hotmail.com> wrote in message >news:39c5955a.9546883@news.mindspring.com… >> On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 03:24:50 GMT, freakedout…@frekedmom.com (Freaked >> Out Mom) wrote: >> >I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post >> >anonymously this time. >> Get child protective services involved … that baby is at risk from >> these to irresponsible people.   Then butt out and let her slide as >> far down the chute as she is going to go … right now she is having a >> dandy time making her family, friends and neighbors feel guilty for >> not kissing her ass.  She does not want help!  There is nothing you >> can do for your daughter but pray if you are religious … at least >> not until she gets rid of the jerk and comes to her senses, which >> unfortunately may never happen.   She couldn’t turn the rabbit loose >> or go out in a field and get it something to eat?  Bullshit! >> Floridanewbie >You need to get a grip on life.

Floridanewbie has a grip on life.  He/she thinks that all life is important. Even an animal.  Just because you killed your pet with neglect doesn’t make it alright.  I never could understand how people take on the responsibility of getting an animal and then they forget about it. > When my first was born, we "killed" our >hamster.  I wasn’t a teen, I was 23.

You must be very proud. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> DH had a new job and was working 12 >hours days, sometimes 7 days a week.  My family was over 1,000 miles away, >and it was January in upstate NY.  I was overwhelmed, and the poor little >guy was just totally forgotten about.  A dead pet rabbit does not indicate >that the baby is being neglected. >As to the emotional roller coaster this young woman seems to be on, it is >quite understandable.  She is a new mom, which is overhwhelming in itself, >and is in a questionable relationship and finding herself questioning the >man she loves and her committment to him (and their new baby now too) which >is more than ovewhelming.  She needs time and unquestioning support in order >to break free from him, not lectures or CPS knocking on her door.

Response:

On Sun, 17 Sep 2000 23:29:45 -0700, bo…@mindspring.com (Tamara) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->First, like some of the other posters, I’d do my damndest, interference >or not, to make sure that baby was safe.  Your daughter can do whatever >the hell she wants, but the baby doesn’t have a choice.   >Secondly, after making sure the baby is going to be okay, I’m going to >have to say that there are way too many kids that grow up in spite of >good upbringings.  You’re going to have to let go.  I don’t think she’s >going to be able to get herself out of this mess, if that’s even what she >wants to do, unless she can understand what exactly she’s in.  And that >might take hitting rock bottom.  She’s going to either have to take some >responsibility for herself, or live this way forever… and neither >choice is something you can do something about. >Another poster mentioned that she might be on drugs too.  I see this as a >very high possibility.  Have you asked her about it?  Would you even feel >comfortable doing so?  

I haven’t asked her lately.  She was on drugs a couple of years ago. She stopped doin them and went to therapy.  I don’t know if she is doing them now.  I can ask her. >I really think you’re going to have to stop offering to help her.   >Everyone is.  I’m so sorry it’s turned out this way for you.

I think you are right.   Freaked Out Mom – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Tamara

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->From: freakedout…@frekedmom.com >I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post >anonymously this time. >My dd and her boyfriend live together. They have a baby together. >Today my dd calls me up crying because her pet rabbit died.  She told >me that it hadn’t had any food for two weeks. The deadbeat she lives >with is a drug addict and is lazy and won’t work so they free load off >of people and have pawned anything of value they own.  She has a job >she got a few weeks ago. >How could my daughter just let her pet rabbit starve to death? I just >can’t get my mind to comprehend it.   >I thought I knew my daughter but I guess I really don’t. >Over the weekend she has had me and her grandparents and her best >friend all jumping through hoops trying to help her get out of the >situation with the bf.  She said she was going to move in with the >Grandparents and I offered to pay for her college.  Her best friends >Mom teaches CNA courses and offered her a spot on the next course and >a job.  The best friend offered to watch the baby for free.  My ex >offered to buy her a car. >I get up there and she wants to bury the rabbit in the back yard.  She >didn’t tell me that the boyfriend was coming.  I had told her a few >months ago I didn’t want him around me as he cussed me out and I just >don’t want to be around a drug addict.  They both get in the back seat >and I politely said I didn’t want him to go.  I wanted to blow up at >him but I didn’t.  Then they get out of the car and take the baby back >inside.  She comes out and starts laying me out saying I am >interfering with her >life. Then 2 minutes later she was complaining >that I failed to make a counselor appointment for her.  So I just >couldn’t win. She wants to be independant and do her own thing.  When >I try to help her, she says I am butting in but when I back off she >says I don’t care about her. She went on about her friend and >Grandparents butting in her life.  She says I am never there for her. >She complains that I dont come over. I don’t feel welcome there as her >bf is always rude to me.  Plus I don’t feel safe going to the >neighborhood where she lives. She was complaining that her >Grandparents never came to visit her. Her grandparents live a 2 hour >drive away and they are in their 70s and have serious health problems. >She just went on and one and by the time she was done, I felt about >1/2 inch tall.  Here everyone was trying to help her get out of a bad >situation and she turns around and gives all of us a kick in the ass. >I have said I wasn’t going to help her anymore as she has done this >before and I am so soft hearted that I keep trying to help her. I am >wondering if I should just let her live her consequences no matter how >bad they are.  I can’t get it out of my mind that she let her pet >rabbit starve to death.  I am hoping that she wouldn’t allow her baby >to starve to death.  The past couple of weeks they have been going to >neighbors bumming baby formula or the baby wouldn’ have had anything >to eat either. >Freaked Mom

Have you notified child protective services?  Sounds like your daughter is on drugs, too.  Instead of trying to help someone who clearly doesn’t want to be helped, focus on the innocent child in this mess, and I don’t mean your daughter.

Response:

On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 02:07:52 -0700, Steve <rste…@armory.com> wrote: >Tamara wrote: >> That’s rediculous.  People *can* be effected by their upbringing, but >> that doesn’t necessarily make them who they are.  At some point you have >> to grow up and be responsible for yourself.  Saying "I’m this way because >> it’s what my parents made me" is BULLSHIT. >> Tamara >——————————- >Nope, they are precisely what they were made to be. They do not get >over having been mistreated for a VERY long time in life.

We can see that Steve.  You claim to be in your 50s and you are still pissed off at Mom and Dad. How we feel about people and things lies within us.  To keep blaming parents for how fucked up our lives are; if they are, gives them way too much power over today.  You are letting the past eat you up and ruin today and tomorrow for you. When are you going to let it go Steve?  You hated your parents so you get revenge on them every day by becoming a paranoid, anti social, child molester.  When are you going to forgive your parents? Freaked Out Mom  Your >confidence comes from being far luckier than she was, possibly not >emotionally abused nearly as badly, and so you imagine everyone >simply IS the way you are, and it is just not true!! >Steve

Isn’t that what you do Steve?  You think everyone who isn’t screwing anything with a hole is sexaly repressed.  You think that anyone who isn’t haven’t sex with their kids is sick.  You go on about freedom and choices and letting people be who they are but you want to force everyone to be like you. Freaked Out Mom – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> > Igor said… >> > Hi Freaked Mom, I must confess that I am a freaked out reader of your >> > post. >> > I have no advice, however I wonder what do you think, if anything, >> > helped create your daughter into what she is. Did she get enough >> > attention from her parents? Did you two spend enough time with her? >> > igor

Response:

On Sun, 17 Sep 2000 23:25:31 -0700, bo…@mindspring.com (Tamara) wrote: >That’s rediculous.  People *can* be effected by their upbringing, but >that doesn’t necessarily make them who they are.  At some point you have >to grow up and be responsible for yourself.  Saying "I’m this way because >it’s what my parents made me" is BULLSHIT.  

I know. how long are people going to use the excuse, my parents were jerks so I am a jerk.  Age 25 Age 35? 45?  Whatever happened to free choice and personal responsibilty? Freaked Out Mom – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Tamara >> Igor said… >> Hi Freaked Mom, I must confess that I am a freaked out reader of your >> post. >> I have no advice, however I wonder what do you think, if anything, >> helped create your daughter into what she is. Did she get enough >> attention from her parents? Did you two spend enough time with her? >> igor >– >It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw. -Calvin

Response:

On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 04:13:35 GMT, floridanew…@hotmail.com (floridanewbie) wrote: >On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 03:24:50 GMT, freakedout…@frekedmom.com (Freaked >Out Mom) wrote: >>I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post >>anonymously this time. >Get child protective services involved … that baby is at risk from >these to irresponsible people.   Then butt out and let her slide as >far down the chute as she is going to go … right now she is having a >dandy time making her family, friends and neighbors feel guilty for >not kissing her ass.

That makes sense. She has been sort of spoiled.  Me and her Grandparents have jumped through hoops trying to please this girl. She was a sweet caring considerate girl until she turned 13.  She got in with the rough trashy crowd and got on drugs.  Ever since then she has been different.  Hard somehow. Then it has been hell ever since. I have tried to let go and back off since she moved out and just stay out of it but what is going on is just getting so bad, I find it hard to stay out of it.  If I get invloved, I am butting in.  If I stay out of it I am an uncaring ass.  I have found that nothing is ever good enough for her.  The caring etc. is a two way street. > She does not want help!  There is nothing you >can do for your daughter but pray if you are religious … at least >not until she gets rid of the jerk and comes to her senses, which >unfortunately may never happen.   She couldn’t turn the rabbit loose >or go out in a field and get it something to eat?  Bullshit!

It is Bullshit!  I have had some hard times but would never let a pet starve to death. Life means something to me and I am sorry it doesn’t mean  much to her.  She wasnt raised that way.  They always seem to have plenty of money for his drugs or whatever HE wants. Freaked Out Mom – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Floridanewbie

Response:

On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 15:46:52 +1100, Ian <a…@anon.com> wrote: >Hi Igor, >Igor wrote: >> I have no advice, however I wonder what do you think, if anything, >> helped create your daughter into what she is. Did she get enough >> attention from her parents? Did you two spend enough time with her? >That’s bit harsh: I’d actually thought the opposite was possible, and that >she was a spoiled brat!

Yes I think she may be a spoiled brat!  I was always there for her. She never came home to an empty house. I was always there when she came home from school.  She always lived in a nice clean home with home cooked meals.  I went to every school function, plays, parent teacher meetings, donated my time to the school, girl scouts, sleep over, summer camp, horse back riding lesson, gymastics.  I would go out and help her with her gymastics whever she wanted me to.  I taught her to drive and took her to get her license.  I got fired from my job because I had to leave work to come get her as she was causing trouble in school.  She would run away all the time. Her Grandmother was in the hospital very sick and I went down there and took her with me so I could help my Parents and she ran away down there.  She asked me for money to walk over to the store for candy and she didn’t come back. The next day my Dad calls me at work and said he saw her sleeping in the porch swing but when he went to open the door, she ran off. My boss told me if I left, I would be fired so I said this job is great but my daughter comes first and I left to go hunt for her. Later on I found out she had been doing drugs, acid and pot.  She then wanted to go into therapy so I took her to a therapise and she got off the drugs.  I asked her why she ran away all the time and she told me because it was fun and she didn’t have to go to school. This girl has set fire to my home, had some of her trashy friends rob my house while I was gone taking her little brother to speech therapy. She did severalthousands of dollars of damage to the house. Her trashy friends would come over and she would want to leave and I would say no not on a school night and she would get pissed off and started kicking holes in the walls.  I fell down the stairs carrying a load of laundry and tore a ligament in my ankle. She ran off while I was at the doctor getting an air cast.  Someone called me a day later and told me she was outside walking around. I saw her and took off after her with my cast on.  She was standing there taunting me and laughing at me becase I couldn’t catch her. It broke my heart seeing how cruel she was. This year my dog had died and I was devestated.  He was important to me.  Two days before that, she had jumped out her bedroom window to go lay around with the guy she has the baby with now.  When I foudn the dog dead, I called over to that boys parents and left a message for her to call me that it was an emergency.  She called and I told her what happened and asked her to come home as I needed her to be there. She gave me a quick I am sorry about the dog but she never showed up. By that time I gave up running after her and chasing her down. When she ran off like that, I just let it go. 3 days later she FINALLY decides to come home.  Why?  Because it was her birthday and she came home expecting me to take her shopping and buy her a bunch of expensive gifts.  I had told her a few months before, that I would take her shopping for her birthday.  I guess I had just had it of her inconsiderate behavior and I told her I wasn’t taking her shopping period.  I got her nothing for her birthday. First time I had ever down anything like that.  She had some nerve showing up after runnin away for almost a week expecting me to fork out a grand or so. > However, what’s coming through to me here is that >there is something else driving.  I have to wonder if Freaked Out Mom’s >daughter isn’t using the same drug.  Depending on what drug it is, it may be >very hard to help them: having them move in and sell YOUR television, >video-recorder, etc. while you’re out won’t help anyone.

She used to use drugs.  I have no idea if she is now.  There is no way in hell I would let them move in to my home. So he can lay around and freeload off of me.  I live in a very nice neighborhood and I don’t want a bunch of crack smokers around me. He is a man now.  He needs to start acting like one. >Honestly, if it’s drug addiction, I don’t know how much a parent can be >responsible for that or what they can really do to help.  The baby is >another matter. >The only way people can get off some drugs is with whole-hearted commitment >and dedication.  They have to want to!  If they don’t, well the drug may >well be the highest priority in life (certainly above feeding the bunny). >As far as issues of personal responsibility go, the rabbit aside, they are >BOTH responsible.  Still, that she is holding down a job is a good sign. >Is there any evidence that she may also be an addict?

I don’t know.  If she is on drugs too, there isnt much I can do about it. >Best regards, >Ian

I guess I should try harder to just let go.  He is supposed to be a man and she is supposed to be a grown woman with a baby to care for. They need to start taking responsibility for themselves and suffering the consequences of their actions. Freaked Out Mom

Response:

On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 04:04:49 GMT, Glen Ashton <gash…@my-deja.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->In article <39c58457.716…@news.alt.net>, >  freakedout…@frekedmom.com (Freaked Out Mom) wrote: >> [snip] >I’m very sorry to read about this bad bad situation. >Here are some considerations: >- do not believe what your daughter says – judge her by her actions not >her words >- having rabbit starve to dead is awful, you are right to be stressed >out >- baby is #1 priority – you have very strong grounds to involve the >authorities >- too much/too strong offers of help is counter-productive – a new car! >if she takes a step (a concrete action) towards making things better, >then reward the step in a limited, cautious way.  Forget about movie >type endings, where all a sudden she wakes up from the nightmare, >everybody pitches in, and she instantly turns it around – smiles all >around – expect slow progress if it all – it can also get worse when >hard drugs are involved. >- get help dealing with the problem – the newsgroup posting is good and >also look for help via community organizations >- back to the baby – send over baby formula and other stuff that would >be hard to resell. >–

Thanks for your input.  It is hard watching her slide down in the gutter like this. Freaked Out Mom

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -On Sun, 17 Sep 2000 22:24:08 -0700, Steve <rste…@armory.com> wrote: >Freaked Out Mom wrote: >> I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post >> anonymously this time. >> My dd and her boyfriend live together. They have a baby together. >> Today my dd calls me up crying because her pet rabbit died.  She told >> me that it hadn’t had any food for two weeks. The deadbeat she lives >> with is a drug addict and is lazy and won’t work so they free load off >> of people and have pawned anything of value they own.  She has a job >> she got a few weeks ago. >> How could my daughter just let her pet rabbit starve to death? I just >> can’t get my mind to comprehend it. >———————- >The rabbit was less important to her than the baby. Be GLAD the rabbit >died!! She may not have to learn that lesson twice now!! >> I thought I knew my daughter but I guess I really don’t. >———————– >What is SHE supposed to do about it? She has a baby!! You must have made >a reasonable life with you impossible or she wouldn’t have chose a >partner to protect her from you and hate you for her!! >> Over the weekend she has had me and her grandparents and her best >> friend all jumping through hoops trying to help her get out of the >> situation with the bf.  She said she was going to move in with the >> Grandparents and I offered to pay for her college.  Her best friends >> Mom teaches CNA courses and offered her a spot on the next course and >> a job.  The best friend offered to watch the baby for free.  My ex >> offered to buy her a car. >—————————- >She is drawn to him EVEN *IF* she hates her b/f’s guts, because somehow >YOU have been enough of a prick about her feelings and her desires that >she feels she’d RATHER live in THAT SHITHOLE with THAT ASSHOLE instead >of being with somebody with whom she can be on good terms with YOU!! >Think about it!! Kids do EVERYTHING for a reason, even if they can’t >write it all down for you!! YOU have MADE her do this because she can’t >handle YOU!! You made her weak by not supporting her doing things her >way when she was a lot younger!! If you were nice to her and she KNEW >she could handle living with you then she leaving him would be EASY!! >> I get up there and she wants to bury the rabbit in the back yard.  She >> didn’t tell me that the boyfriend was coming. >—————– >He probably showed up and she couldn’t stop him!! He’s possibly being >abusive and she has no where to go, to her mind!! Somehow YOU have done >that!! It’s usually fights with parents about her sexuality and you >being consistently annoying, patronizing, condescending, controlling and >disrespectful of her in such a manner that she would rather live in SHIT >than live with you, so that’s exactly what she’s doing!! >If you ever want this to be alright, you’re REALLY gonna have to get the >fuck off your high horse and help her WITHOUT the option of CONTROLLING >her, because she’d would much rather she and her baby BOTH die than have >to eat SHIT FROM YOU!! >THAT’S what restrictivism and authoritarianism does to children!! >>  I had told her a few >> months ago I didn’t want him around me as he cussed me out and I just >> don’t want to be around a drug addict.  They both get in the back seat >> and I politely said I didn’t want him to go.  I wanted to blow up at >> him but I didn’t. >———————— >Were you going to be a judgmental bitch, or what? HE won’t knuckle UNDER >like SHE will to you, will he!!?? Why the fuck do you think she HIRED a >goon like him??? That’s WHY!!! To handle YOU, because she CAN’T!!! >>  Then they get out of the car and take the baby back >> inside.  She comes out and starts laying me out saying I am >> interfering with her life. Then 2 minutes later she was complaining >> that I failed to make a counselor appointment for her.  So I just >> couldn’t win. She wants to be independant and do her own thing.  When >> I try to help her, she says I am butting in but when I back off she >> says I don’t care about her. She went on about her friend and >> Grandparents butting in her life.  She says I am never there for her. >> She complains that I dont come over. I don’t feel welcome there as her >> bf is always rude to me. >————————- >YOU wanted to control her and you got what you fucking deserve, a child >who can’t control HERSELF!!! That’s what you GET from that!! >NOW you can either try to nervously insecurely justify your giving up on >the mess you made of her, like you CLEARLY are begging PERMISSION to >with this pitiful embarrassing post. Or else: >Or else YOU can now grow up, and suck up your controlling bullshit and >instead help her out of what YOU CAUSED!!! YOU are going to have to do >some growing up first, and that means helping without saying anything, >and loving without criticizing, all the stuff you should have done >before WITHOUT lacing it with your controlling vicious judgmental >POISON!!

Steve, as usual, you have your head up your ass.  You think that because your parents treated you like shit and messed your head up, you think that everyone else is like that.

Response:

"floridanewbie" <floridanew…@hotmail.com> wrote in message

news:39c5955a.9546883@news.mindspring.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 03:24:50 GMT, freakedout…@frekedmom.com (Freaked > Out Mom) wrote: > >I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post > >anonymously this time. > Get child protective services involved … that baby is at risk from > these to irresponsible people.   Then butt out and let her slide as > far down the chute as she is going to go … right now she is having a > dandy time making her family, friends and neighbors feel guilty for > not kissing her ass.  She does not want help!  There is nothing you > can do for your daughter but pray if you are religious … at least > not until she gets rid of the jerk and comes to her senses, which > unfortunately may never happen.   She couldn’t turn the rabbit loose > or go out in a field and get it something to eat?  Bullshit! > Floridanewbie

You need to get a grip on life.  When my first was born, we "killed" our hamster.  I wasn’t a teen, I was 23.  DH had a new job and was working 12 hours days, sometimes 7 days a week.  My family was over 1,000 miles away, and it was January in upstate NY.  I was overwhelmed, and the poor little guy was just totally forgotten about.  A dead pet rabbit does not indicate that the baby is being neglected. As to the emotional roller coaster this young woman seems to be on, it is quite understandable.  She is a new mom, which is overhwhelming in itself, and is in a questionable relationship and finding herself questioning the man she loves and her committment to him (and their new baby now too) which is more than ovewhelming.  She needs time and unquestioning support in order to break free from him, not lectures or CPS knocking on her door.

Response:

I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post anonymously this time. My dd and her boyfriend live together. They have a baby together. Today my dd calls me up crying because her pet rabbit died.  She told me that it hadn’t had any food for two weeks. The deadbeat she lives with is a drug addict and is lazy and won’t work so they free load off of people and have pawned anything of value they own.  She has a job she got a few weeks ago. How could my daughter just let her pet rabbit starve to death? I just can’t get my mind to comprehend it.   I thought I knew my daughter but I guess I really don’t. Over the weekend she has had me and her grandparents and her best friend all jumping through hoops trying to help her get out of the situation with the bf.  She said she was going to move in with the Grandparents and I offered to pay for her college.  Her best friends Mom teaches CNA courses and offered her a spot on the next course and a job.  The best friend offered to watch the baby for free.  My ex offered to buy her a car. I get up there and she wants to bury the rabbit in the back yard.  She didn’t tell me that the boyfriend was coming.  I had told her a few months ago I didn’t want him around me as he cussed me out and I just don’t want to be around a drug addict.  They both get in the back seat and I politely said I didn’t want him to go.  I wanted to blow up at him but I didn’t.  Then they get out of the car and take the baby back inside.  She comes out and starts laying me out saying I am interfering with her life. Then 2 minutes later she was complaining that I failed to make a counselor appointment for her.  So I just couldn’t win. She wants to be independant and do her own thing.  When I try to help her, she says I am butting in but when I back off she says I don’t care about her. She went on about her friend and Grandparents butting in her life.  She says I am never there for her. She complains that I dont come over. I don’t feel welcome there as her bf is always rude to me.  Plus I don’t feel safe going to the neighborhood where she lives. She was complaining that her Grandparents never came to visit her. Her grandparents live a 2 hour drive away and they are in their 70s and have serious health problems. She just went on and one and by the time she was done, I felt about 1/2 inch tall.  Here everyone was trying to help her get out of a bad situation and she turns around and gives all of us a kick in the ass. I have said I wasn’t going to help her anymore as she has done this before and I am so soft hearted that I keep trying to help her. I am wondering if I should just let her live her consequences no matter how bad they are.  I can’t get it out of my mind that she let her pet rabbit starve to death.  I am hoping that she wouldn’t allow her baby to starve to death.  The past couple of weeks they have been going to neighbors bumming baby formula or the baby wouldn’ have had anything to eat either. Freaked Mom

Response:

First, like some of the other posters, I’d do my damndest, interference or not, to make sure that baby was safe.  Your daughter can do whatever the hell she wants, but the baby doesn’t have a choice.   Secondly, after making sure the baby is going to be okay, I’m going to have to say that there are way too many kids that grow up in spite of good upbringings.  You’re going to have to let go.  I don’t think she’s going to be able to get herself out of this mess, if that’s even what she wants to do, unless she can understand what exactly she’s in.  And that might take hitting rock bottom.  She’s going to either have to take some responsibility for herself, or live this way forever… and neither choice is something you can do something about. Another poster mentioned that she might be on drugs too.  I see this as a very high possibility.  Have you asked her about it?  Would you even feel comfortable doing so?   I really think you’re going to have to stop offering to help her.   Everyone is.  I’m so sorry it’s turned out this way for you. Tamara – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Freaked Out Mom said… > I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post > anonymously this time. > My dd and her boyfriend live together. They have a baby together. > Today my dd calls me up crying because her pet rabbit died.  She told > me that it hadn’t had any food for two weeks. The deadbeat she lives > with is a drug addict and is lazy and won’t work so they free load off > of people and have pawned anything of value they own.  She has a job > she got a few weeks ago. > How could my daughter just let her pet rabbit starve to death? I just > can’t get my mind to comprehend it.   > I thought I knew my daughter but I guess I really don’t. > Over the weekend she has had me and her grandparents and her best > friend all jumping through hoops trying to help her get out of the > situation with the bf.  She said she was going to move in with the > Grandparents and I offered to pay for her college.  Her best friends > Mom teaches CNA courses and offered her a spot on the next course and > a job.  The best friend offered to watch the baby for free.  My ex > offered to buy her a car. > I get up there and she wants to bury the rabbit in the back yard.  She > didn’t tell me that the boyfriend was coming.  I had told her a few > months ago I didn’t want him around me as he cussed me out and I just > don’t want to be around a drug addict.  They both get in the back seat > and I politely said I didn’t want him to go.  I wanted to blow up at > him but I didn’t.  Then they get out of the car and take the baby back > inside.  She comes out and starts laying me out saying I am > interfering with her life. Then 2 minutes later she was complaining > that I failed to make a counselor appointment for her.  So I just > couldn’t win. She wants to be independant and do her own thing.  When > I try to help her, she says I am butting in but when I back off she > says I don’t care about her. She went on about her friend and > Grandparents butting in her life.  She says I am never there for her. > She complains that I dont come over. I don’t feel welcome there as her > bf is always rude to me.  Plus I don’t feel safe going to the > neighborhood where she lives. She was complaining that her > Grandparents never came to visit her. Her grandparents live a 2 hour > drive away and they are in their 70s and have serious health problems. > She just went on and one and by the time she was done, I felt about > 1/2 inch tall.  Here everyone was trying to help her get out of a bad > situation and she turns around and gives all of us a kick in the ass. > I have said I wasn’t going to help her anymore as she has done this > before and I am so soft hearted that I keep trying to help her. I am > wondering if I should just let her live her consequences no matter how > bad they are.  I can’t get it out of my mind that she let her pet > rabbit starve to death.  I am hoping that she wouldn’t allow her baby > to starve to death.  The past couple of weeks they have been going to > neighbors bumming baby formula or the baby wouldn’ have had anything > to eat either. > Freaked Mom

– It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw. -Calvin

Response:

Tamara wrote: > First, like some of the other posters, I’d do my damndest, interference > or not, to make sure that baby was safe.  Your daughter can do whatever > the hell she wants, but the baby doesn’t have a choice.

————————– There’s nothing she can do about that, or they’d have to pick up a third of all babies!! An unbelievable number of young homes are this bad off. > Secondly, after making sure the baby is going to be okay, I’m going to > have to say that there are way too many kids that grow up in spite of > good upbringings.  You’re going to have to let go.  I don’t think she’s > going to be able to get herself out of this mess, if that’s even what she > wants to do, unless she can understand what exactly she’s in.  And that > might take hitting rock bottom.

——————— She probably cannot. That doesn’t mean she should be abandoned. What this mom seems to want to do is get permission from all of us to let her daughter rot, after she’s abused the fuck out of her emotionally all her life with controlling bullshit. So now she wants to compound her mistake by abandonment. That’s like keeping her daughter in a closet all her life and throwing her out at 18!! She wanted to control her daughter, and so logically she got a daughter who doesn’t know HOW to control herself! This idiot mom should finally get around to the job of supporting her daughter at this late date, and keep all the fucking judgemental abuse to herself, she’d done enough of that for a HELL of a long time now. Kids do not get this bad off from good treatment!! >  She’s going to either have to take some > responsibility for herself, or live this way forever… and neither > choice is something you can do something about.

————————– That stuff’s ONLY for humans and monkeys made strong by being allowed to try things and always having a supportive safe place to come back to where you weren’t emotionally abused for even TRYING!! This daughter was ragged all her life and told she was shit, and now you’re surprised she BELIEVED it???? Get real!! > Another poster mentioned that she might be on drugs too.  I see this as a > very high possibility.  Have you asked her about it?  Would you even feel > comfortable doing so?

————————- One more symptom of abuse that is only reversed by acceptance, it is NOT an excuse to abandon this ruined child. She didn’t "spoil" her, she RUINED her!! She always wanted to control and degrade her and now she wonders why she acts degraded, and why she picked a nasty boyfriend to scare her mother the fuck away from her!! That’s what she hired him for, don’t you know!! Because she couldn’t handle her mother’s abuse anymore! > I really think you’re going to have to stop offering to help her. > Everyone is.  I’m so sorry it’s turned out this way for you. > Tamara

——————————- Bullshit, she hasn’t done NEARLY enough to get off so lightly!! You can’t just say to a plant or a child, "grow first, and prove yourself, and THEN we’ll nurture you", you have to give FIRST and be supportive, and her mother never was!! If she had been then why is the fruit of the tree so small and weak????? By their fruits shall ye know them… The cross-guy wasn’t talking about plant genetics, but about nurturing and the lack of it!! Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Freaked Out Mom said… > > I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post > > anonymously this time. > > My dd and her boyfriend live together. They have a baby together. > > Today my dd calls me up crying because her pet rabbit died.  She told > > me that it hadn’t had any food for two weeks. The deadbeat she lives > > with is a drug addict and is lazy and won’t work so they free load off > > of people and have pawned anything of value they own.  She has a job > > she got a few weeks ago. > > How could my daughter just let her pet rabbit starve to death? I just > > can’t get my mind to comprehend it. > > I thought I knew my daughter but I guess I really don’t. > > Over the weekend she has had me and her grandparents and her best > > friend all jumping through hoops trying to help her get out of the > > situation with the bf.  She said she was going to move in with the > > Grandparents and I offered to pay for her college.  Her best friends > > Mom teaches CNA courses and offered her a spot on the next course and > > a job.  The best friend offered to watch the baby for free.  My ex > > offered to buy her a car. > > I get up there and she wants to bury the rabbit in the back yard.  She > > didn’t tell me that the boyfriend was coming.  I had told her a few > > months ago I didn’t want him around me as he cussed me out and I just > > don’t want to be around a drug addict.  They both get in the back seat > > and I politely said I didn’t want him to go.  I wanted to blow up at > > him but I didn’t.  Then they get out of the car and take the baby back > > inside.  She comes out and starts laying me out saying I am > > interfering with her life. Then 2 minutes later she was complaining > > that I failed to make a counselor appointment for her.  So I just > > couldn’t win. She wants to be independant and do her own thing.  When > > I try to help her, she says I am butting in but when I back off she > > says I don’t care about her. She went on about her friend and > > Grandparents butting in her life.  She says I am never there for her. > > She complains that I dont come over. I don’t feel welcome there as her > > bf is always rude to me.  Plus I don’t feel safe going to the > > neighborhood where she lives. She was complaining that her > > Grandparents never came to visit her. Her grandparents live a 2 hour > > drive away and they are in their 70s and have serious health problems. > > She just went on and one and by the time she was done, I felt about > > 1/2 inch tall.  Here everyone was trying to help her get out of a bad > > situation and she turns around and gives all of us a kick in the ass. > > I have said I wasn’t going to help her anymore as she has done this > > before and I am so soft hearted that I keep trying to help her. I am > > wondering if I should just let her live her consequences no matter how > > bad they are.  I can’t get it out of my mind that she let her pet > > rabbit starve to death.  I am hoping that she wouldn’t allow her baby > > to starve to death.  The past couple of weeks they have been going to > > neighbors bumming baby formula or the baby wouldn’ have had anything > > to eat either. > > Freaked Mom

Response:

Tamara wrote: > That’s rediculous.  People *can* be effected by their upbringing, but > that doesn’t necessarily make them who they are.  At some point you have > to grow up and be responsible for yourself.  Saying "I’m this way because > it’s what my parents made me" is BULLSHIT. > Tamara

——————————- Nope, they are precisely what they were made to be. They do not get over having been mistreated for a VERY long time in life. Your confidence comes from being far luckier than she was, possibly not emotionally abused nearly as badly, and so you imagine everyone simply IS the way you are, and it is just not true!! Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Igor said… > > Hi Freaked Mom, I must confess that I am a freaked out reader of your > > post. > > I have no advice, however I wonder what do you think, if anything, > > helped create your daughter into what she is. Did she get enough > > attention from her parents? Did you two spend enough time with her? > > igor

Response:

Hi Igor, Igor wrote: > I have no advice, however I wonder what do you think, if anything, > helped create your daughter into what she is. Did she get enough > attention from her parents? Did you two spend enough time with her?

That’s bit harsh: I’d actually thought the opposite was possible, and that she was a spoiled brat!  However, what’s coming through to me here is that there is something else driving.  I have to wonder if Freaked Out Mom’s daughter isn’t using the same drug.  Depending on what drug it is, it may be very hard to help them: having them move in and sell YOUR television, video-recorder, etc. while you’re out won’t help anyone. Honestly, if it’s drug addiction, I don’t know how much a parent can be responsible for that or what they can really do to help.  The baby is another matter. The only way people can get off some drugs is with whole-hearted commitment and dedication.  They have to want to!  If they don’t, well the drug may well be the highest priority in life (certainly above feeding the bunny). As far as issues of personal responsibility go, the rabbit aside, they are BOTH responsible.  Still, that she is holding down a job is a good sign. Is there any evidence that she may also be an addict? Best regards, Ian

Response:

In article <39c58457.716…@news.alt.net>,   freakedout…@frekedmom.com (Freaked Out Mom) wrote: > [snip]

I’m very sorry to read about this bad bad situation. Here are some considerations: – do not believe what your daughter says – judge her by her actions not her words – having rabbit starve to dead is awful, you are right to be stressed out – baby is #1 priority – you have very strong grounds to involve the authorities – too much/too strong offers of help is counter-productive – a new car! if she takes a step (a concrete action) towards making things better, then reward the step in a limited, cautious way.  Forget about movie type endings, where all a sudden she wakes up from the nightmare, everybody pitches in, and she instantly turns it around – smiles all around – expect slow progress if it all – it can also get worse when hard drugs are involved. – get help dealing with the problem – the newsgroup posting is good and also look for help via community organizations – back to the baby – send over baby formula and other stuff that would be hard to resell. — Glen Ashton Today’s joke: http://www.fastnewsdigest.com/ Email to xGlenAsht…@yahoo.com.invalid (remove two x and .invalid) Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 03:24:50 GMT, freakedout…@frekedmom.com (Freaked Out Mom) wrote: >I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post >anonymously this time.

Get child protective services involved … that baby is at risk from these to irresponsible people.   Then butt out and let her slide as far down the chute as she is going to go … right now she is having a dandy time making her family, friends and neighbors feel guilty for not kissing her ass.  She does not want help!  There is nothing you can do for your daughter but pray if you are religious … at least not until she gets rid of the jerk and comes to her senses, which unfortunately may never happen.   She couldn’t turn the rabbit loose or go out in a field and get it something to eat?  Bullshit! Floridanewbie

Response:

That’s rediculous.  People *can* be effected by their upbringing, but that doesn’t necessarily make them who they are.  At some point you have to grow up and be responsible for yourself.  Saying "I’m this way because it’s what my parents made me" is BULLSHIT.   Tamara > Igor said… > Hi Freaked Mom, I must confess that I am a freaked out reader of your > post. > I have no advice, however I wonder what do you think, if anything, > helped create your daughter into what she is. Did she get enough > attention from her parents? Did you two spend enough time with her? > igor

– It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw. -Calvin

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -floridanewbie wrote: > On Mon, 18 Sep 2000 03:24:50 GMT, freakedout…@frekedmom.com (Freaked > Out Mom) wrote: > >I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post > >anonymously this time. > Get child protective services involved … that baby is at risk from > these to irresponsible people.   Then butt out and let her slide as > far down the chute as she is going to go … right now she is having a > dandy time making her family, friends and neighbors feel guilty for > not kissing her ass.  She does not want help!  There is nothing you > can do for your daughter but pray if you are religious … at least > not until she gets rid of the jerk and comes to her senses, which > unfortunately may never happen.   She couldn’t turn the rabbit loose > or go out in a field and get it something to eat?  Bullshit! > Floridanewbie

——————— Yes, you really ARE a newbie. CPS won’t do ANYTHING unless there is clear neglect. Keeping the baby warm and fed and dry and in sight is considered sufficient. If they wanted more they have to take a third of the babies in town. So forget that. CPS is not the answer to everything. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and help if you want to. Don’t give money, don’t make it horribly easy, nothing that can be resold, etc. and simply wait for whomever to get tired of the other one and do something different. Steve

Response:

Freaked Out Mom wrote: > I am a regular poster on both of these groups but I wish to post > anonymously this time. > My dd and her boyfriend live together. They have a baby together. > Today my dd calls me up crying because her pet rabbit died.  She told > me that it hadn’t had any food for two weeks. The deadbeat she lives > with is a drug addict and is lazy and won’t work so they free load off > of people and have pawned anything of value they own.  She has a job > she got a few weeks ago. > How could my daughter just let her pet rabbit starve to death? I just > can’t get my mind to comprehend it.

———————- The rabbit was less important to her than the baby. Be GLAD the rabbit died!! She may not have to learn that lesson twice now!! > I thought I knew my daughter but I guess I really don’t.

———————– What is SHE supposed to do about it? She has a baby!! You must have made a reasonable life with you impossible or she wouldn’t have chose a partner to protect her from you and hate you for her!! > Over the weekend she has had me and her grandparents and her best > friend all jumping through hoops trying to help her get out of the > situation with the bf.  She said she was going to move in with the > Grandparents and I offered to pay for her college.  Her best friends > Mom teaches CNA courses and offered her a spot on the next course and > a job.  The best friend offered to watch the baby for free.  My ex > offered to buy her a car.

—————————- She is drawn to him EVEN *IF* she hates her b/f’s guts, because somehow YOU have been enough of a prick about her feelings and her desires that she feels she’d RATHER live in THAT SHITHOLE with THAT ASSHOLE instead of being with somebody with whom she can be on good terms with YOU!! Think about it!! Kids do EVERYTHING for a reason, even if they can’t write it all down for you!! YOU have MADE her do this because she can’t handle YOU!! You made her weak by not supporting her doing things her way when she was a lot younger!! If you were nice to her and she KNEW she could handle living with you then she leaving him would be EASY!! > I get up there and she wants to bury the rabbit in the back yard.  She > didn’t tell me that the boyfriend was coming.

—————– He probably showed up and she couldn’t stop him!! He’s possibly being abusive and she has no where to go, to her mind!! Somehow YOU have done that!! It’s usually fights with parents about her sexuality and you being consistently annoying, patronizing, condescending, controlling and disrespectful of her in such a manner that she would rather live in SHIT than live with you, so that’s exactly what she’s doing!! If you ever want this to be alright, you’re REALLY gonna have to get the fuck off your high horse and help her WITHOUT the option of CONTROLLING her, because she’d would much rather she and her baby BOTH die than have to eat SHIT FROM YOU!! THAT’S what restrictivism and authoritarianism does to children!! >  I had told her a few > months ago I didn’t want him around me as he cussed me out and I just > don’t want to be around a drug addict.  They both get in the back seat > and I politely said I didn’t want him to go.  I wanted to blow up at > him but I didn’t.

———————— Were you going to be a judgmental bitch, or what? HE won’t knuckle UNDER like SHE will to you, will he!!?? Why the fuck do you think she HIRED a goon like him??? That’s WHY!!! To handle YOU, because she CAN’T!!! >  Then they get out of the car and take the baby back > inside.  She comes out and starts laying me out saying I am > interfering with her life. Then 2 minutes later she was complaining > that I failed to make a counselor appointment for her.  So I just > couldn’t win. She wants to be independant and do her own thing.  When > I try to help her, she says I am butting in but when I back off she > says I don’t care about her. She went on about her friend and > Grandparents butting in her life.  She says I am never there for her. > She complains that I dont come over. I don’t feel welcome there as her > bf is always rude to me.

————————- YOU wanted to control her and you got what you fucking deserve, a child who can’t control HERSELF!!! That’s what you GET from that!! NOW you can either try to nervously insecurely justify your giving up on the mess you made of her, like you CLEARLY are begging PERMISSION to with this pitiful embarrassing post. Or else: Or else YOU can now grow up, and suck up your controlling bullshit and instead help her out of what YOU CAUSED!!! YOU are going to have to do some growing up first, and that means helping without saying anything, and loving without criticizing, all the stuff you should have done before WITHOUT lacing it with your controlling vicious judgmental POISON!! >  Plus I don’t feel safe going to the > neighborhood where she lives. She was complaining that her > Grandparents never came to visit her. Her grandparents live a 2 hour > drive away and they are in their 70s and have serious health problems. > She just went on and one and by the time she was done, I felt about > 1/2 inch tall.  Here everyone was trying to help her get out of a bad > situation and she turns around and gives all of us a kick in the ass.

——————– YOU DESERVE ONE!! > I have said I wasn’t going to help her anymore as she has done this > before and I am so soft hearted that I keep trying to help her. I am > wondering if I should just let her live her consequences no matter how > bad they are.  I can’t get it out of my mind that she let her pet > rabbit starve to death.  I am hoping that she wouldn’t allow her baby > to starve to death.  The past couple of weeks they have been going to > neighbors bumming baby formula or the baby wouldn’ have had anything > to eat either. > Freaked Mom

———————— I know it’s amazing that people can actually RAISE people to BE like this when THEY don’t seem like it themselves, but then the whole pile about setting an example is mostly garbage, because the way you raise them has to be lots different than merely being who YOU are!! If kids JUST followed examples of how YOU live instead of how they are treated emotionally BY YOU then parenthood would be a fucking snap!! Your kids can wind up rich even if you’re poor if you treat them the right way, no matter what you have or think you are. Your position in life and your pride in your moralistic judgmental "example" is not the problem OR the solution, but the way you TREAT them IS!! Steve

Response:

Related Posts

Leave a Reply