Act Acting » Acting School » how to get rid of a person?

how to get rid of a person?

Question:

Well she is obviously lonely so introduce her to your friends maybe and she’ll quit bugging you so much.  She wants to be liked she doesn’t know how to be a friend you are going to have to teach her how to be a friend.  Try calling her and asking her to something you wanna do because she hasn’t got the hang of being a friend.  She is in the beginning stages so introduce her to a nice lonely guy you know if one has been wanting your attention but you don’t like him like that you can hook him up with your other burden and maybe they will be so busy annoying the hell out of each other they will leave you alone so you can get a much needed siesta and if it doesn’t work out then give her some sisterly advice about boys a shoulder to cry on and then take her out to shop for another one pick nice ones and steer her away from the bad ones because they might hurt her.  She is feeling very vulnerable right now and scared that is why she acts so sure because she doesn’t want to look vulnerable because she knows if she is real then someone might hurt her.  That explains the clinginess she’s scared and way out of her league and thinks you are a nice person and hangs on to you like crazy rather than letting you go and feeling worthless again.  Pray for her I will too.  She needs to realize that her worth doesn’t depend on whether or not people like her or not.  She is real vulnerable right now and scared of rejection so she hangs on all that much tighter.  If she doesn’t learn not to hang on so tightly then she will lose the people who might have been her friends.  Get a frog or something and show her that if you hold the frog too tight you crush it and if you hold it to loosely it escapes and tell her people are sorta like that.  Then call her as much as she calls you for a while so that she understands what it is like on the other end. Most folks don’t have enough empathy to realize what they are doing.  That is a friendly way to break it to her without hurting her feelings at all.  Do that for a few weeks and try to wear her out until you get her to say I gotta rest I’m dead on my feet.  Then she might realize how you are feeling on the other end and if not then that gives you permission to turn down or bring a friend of yours she doesn’t really like much who is sort of obnoxious.  Or you get dead drunk and make her think what a loser and she dumps you.  The only way you are going to get rid of her is to drive her completely crazy so she dumps you she gets a boost from dumping you.  You get out of the whole situation with mild humiliation and you get to have some fun for a change. Show up to the fancy dress party stoned in ripped jeans and a grateful dead T-shirt get drunk and sing badly messing up the words.  Get a cool friend to grow a beard and dress up like a hell’s angel.  After you wreck about three parties that way she will want nothing more to do with you and you don’t have to be nasty just be really really really obnoxious and she’ll eventually find other people to pester about going to her events.   If you are really offensive smell bad act weird mention your last violent episode and that should scare her off if nothing else mention you started taking an antipsychotic to get rid of the squirrels that were eating your mind and that would terrify anyone off.  Or get drunk sing way off key the lyrics to a song no one likes but was popular about 30 years ago.  If nothing else invite her to learn sky diving with you if it doesn’t make her relax then maybe she will find a friend who likes a sport less dangerous like collecting coins.   Or belching really loud.  Well if nothing else you could get her into trouble.  Trouble usually gets rid of shallow friends and deepens deeper ones. Just kidding about that last one. If nothing else you are simply stuck with her sometimes people we don’t want hanging around have something to teach us about life.  Hang in there you are helping someone really just introduce her to everyone you know.  I know through my own experiences one of the people clinging to me tried to do herself in.  Maybe they cling to you because they think you know more than they do and are frightened.  If you notice it getting worse then you know something is up that you need to spread along to her circle of friends they might introduce you to someone who might be really cool or teach you something neat you never know what might happen when you reach out and comfort a person.  Sometimes they stab you in the gut sometimes they pull you closer too them and they turn out to be ok sometimes they take it later but whatever happens is better than knowing what might happen because it is more interesting that way.  So maybe one day you might be able to see her as a pretty cool person people sometimes change but don’t go waiting for someone mean to you chronically to change their tune ok split before they hurt you any worse ok.  Other than that if a person is a tad dull then that is because you haven’t really gotten to know what they are like. Here’s what you do if you don’t want to get out of it the fun way.  She invites you to a party you really don’t want to go to because you know it will be dull. You could say hey I’m planning to go out with my other friends want to come I think we can put you in somewhere’s.  You rejected her idea of a night out but didn’t reject her as a person you included her in your night out if she wants to come instead.  It’s a nice way of saying I don’t like the same kinda stuff you like.  Maybe some of your friends might like her or at least decide she isn’t all that bad come on we’ll share her.  Who ever pickes the short straw gets stuck with the tag along or you could go to a full club and auction her off.  :)  I’m just kidding.  I mean don’t do anything deliberately mean or abusive and she should survive ok. I mean if you felt totally alone and lost what would you do try to latch on to someone nice right.  Well don’t worry about losing her just be you.  You are nice person you may have some habits that drive her up the wall but go ahead and go deeper with her I mean you don’t want to be with her on the surface but sometimes if you go deeper then you find a common experience.  What’s the worst that could happen I mean if she leaves then that’s got rid of her.  Usually you are stuck with her for a while but here is your chance to be you to really relax around someone because people you have absolutely nothing in common with tend to end up being your best friends once you warm to them.  I can tell you I fell in love with someone who cannot stand all the foods I love and is allergic to my favorite beverage and hates alcohol which of course I drink a good bit.  He’s detail oriented and plans I usually forget every last one of the details.  We have totally different temperature tolerances I like my bath water hot he likes it luke warm.  We would drive each other crazy if we weren’t both crazy to begin with. The only common ground we have is a good joke.  He likes drama I like comedy.  I like mysteries he likes suspense.  So we have never agreed on a single thing since the day we met so I know I’m in for a wild ride but at least our lives will never be boring if we get bored we can have children.   So it can work when you have absolutely nothing in common at all but simply don’t want to be alone anymore. Your friend in that respect knows more about life than you do.  However she needs to learn how to be a friend before the relationship will work.  Inviting her to things you want to do rejecting the proposed activity and not the person is how you can keep a friend who is totally different from you.  Those people add spice to life and if I hadn’t told you that then you would have gone on thinking of her as a bother. You have a few ways out of your fix without hurting her feelings.  Mirror behavior meaning do what she does but wait a while so she doesn’t think you are making fun of her.  It is supposed to teach empathy.  Reject the plan and propose something else but invite her along so you get to do something you like and the evening is not a total drag.  Also an empathy building exercise.  Or try to drive her off without hurting her feelings which usualy doesn’t work if someone has attached themselves to you but it is something to do if you get bored.   If you pull it long enough then her acquatences will gang up on you and become her friends for a while any way until they realize she’s sort of a drag or they might actually like her.  Well driving her off may require you to totally humiliate yourself in front of her friends so that they completely ostracize you it helps to be drunk at this point.  It’s your cue to take off without apologizing and then you’ve successfully gotten rid of a clinging vine without hurting her feelings by making a total ass of yourself and basically getting kicked out of her entire social system.  She may decide to still be your friend but at least you can be sure you won’t get invited to anymore boring parties whatever turns you off. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -bec…@starmail.com wrote: > In alt.support.shyness oxidation <oxidat…@somethingorother.com> wrote: > > I’ve been in similar situations before.  Weirdos cling to me for some > > reason.  In high school, there was this guy who would hang around me > > occasionally.  He had bad acne, greasy hair, poor hygiene, and dressed > > sloppily.  I think he may have also had Asperger’s or high-functioning > > autism or something similar.  Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t stalk me or > > anything like your guy.  I didn’t even see him that often, he was just in a > > few of my classes, but when I was around him, I felt so embarrassed, like > > everyone was looking at us.  I thought I was going to die.  In retrospect, I > > wish I would have treated him nicer, maybe even made a friend.  I don’t know > > if that helps you any. > I have a ‘friend’ like this, well, kinda.  She was the one at school who > got picked on a lot and I wasn’t really

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Response:

Justyn Waters <katz…@mindspring.com> writes:

[...] > All I can tell you to do is put out a restraining order rent your > flat to a bunch of excons and find another apartment.  Giving them > the instructions after getting a tape of his voice to say it’s your > cousin staying and to come right over of course when he does they > kick his ass.  Then tell him that you like whips and chains and > dress like a dominatrix that and the ex cons should scare him off. > If not then mention that you like to cut up and eat guys like him > and pick up a knife say rather calmly I believe I will have tongue > today and he should run like hell.  The good part about nerds is > they usually scare easily if you really work at it you can scare > anyone off.  The other thing you do is do unnerving things like take > up knife throwing and you’ll be rid of him within a week. It’s not > being a jerk wad is just being really weird.  Sorry about that I > guess I like to mess with people sometimes I don’t actually try to > hurt them.

[...] I don’t think I even need to point out the absurdity of your advice; OP is likely sane enough to ignore it on his own, if he’s still reading the group.  You’re one fucked up dude. — The turtle has toppled.

Response:

Willow wrote: > Ouch. I feel sorry for the "loser", although I think if you showed him a bit > of compassion & patience you could turn the situation around. Use the > experience of what happened in your childhood to figure out how the guy > should be treated. If you didn’t like what happened to you then try another > route. You’ve already tried setting boundaries, use your caller ID if the > guy’s calling you too much & only answer the phone maybe once a day, then > reduce it a little more. He’s lonely & probably has no one else to talk > with.

I would talk to his parents and tell them your concerns.  That he seems to be getting worse and nothing I’m doing is helping.  When you are worried and everything seems to be getting worse then that is when you get back up if you don’t know what to do give his parents a try.  Just tell them what has been happening and that you are concerned that a boy should be so lonely and want to know whether it is anything to worry about.  If they are concerned too then you should then tell them that their son’s behavior patterns sometimes indicate depression and that they should find a psychologist since if it is as bad as I think it is getting he is going to need treatment of some kind really soon or he might be at risk for a suicide attempt.  That’s not what always happens but one time a friend who was like that did it.  I always look out for that and am concerned about it any time anyone seems clingy then there is something really wrong and you need to talk or go find someone who is good with talking to people and tell them you are worried about her. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> — > Wanda > aka Willow > The missing and definitely not to be taken seriously under any circumstances > garden gnome > http://www.2000cn.com.au/~willow > ~~faeries are able to fly because they take themselves lightly~ > Pepperhart <gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:Fow18.1310$qZ1.248989@typhoon.jacksonville.mediaone.net… > > I’m stuck in a weird position.  To start, I’m an artist.  I’ve been to a > few > > art type functions and every time I go to one, there’s this guy who finds > me > > and gets me to draw for him.  Okay, no big deal.  Everyone in this biz has > > some fans, even really small time guys like me.  He’s one of those fanboy > > types – doesn’t get out much, no friends, etc..  he’s told me this and he > > certainly looks the part: slightly overweight, mullet, nerdy disposition, > > etc…  This guy wasn’t so bad, though.  He’s a bit boring, but tolerable. > > He’s got energy for drawing, even though he’s just starting out and isn’t > > all that great yet. > > Anyway, come to find out he lives in the next county over.  At some point > in > > time, he runs into me at a local store.  He asks for my phone number and I > > figure it’s not a big deal, I give it to him.  Also, several friends were > > standing right there and I didn’t want to give out a fake number and look > > like an ass in front of everyone.  He calls me up and I tell him he can > come > > along with me to the next art thing I go to.  Now this guy calls me up > > several times a day, many times a week.  I try never to answer the phone > and > > I thank god for caller ID.  I’ve out and out told him to stop calling me > so > > much.  I do have a sorta busy schedule and I work weird hours so I can’t > > even answer the phone 80% of the time he calls.  He stopped calling after > I > > told him, but he’s started right back up again not too long ago. > > He wasn’t such a bad guy before, but this behavior is so crazy that i > really > > don’t want him to come to the next gathering with me anymore.  I don’t > want > > to have anything to do with him now.  He’s lonely and apparently I’m this > > nice guy who’s been good enough to him and now he’s latching on to me like > a > > sad puppy!  He wants to "hang out" and make friends, but the guy’s a total > > loser.  I really am not interested in video games or watching cartoons all > > day or going to the arcade or meeting his folks (he’s in his early 20’s, > > btw, but lives with his folks).  Those aren’t really bad hobbies, but the > > fact is he keeps *calling* me like a mofo and boring the living shit outta > > me.  I don’t think he’s got a crush on me or anything and I don’t think > he’s > > gay.  He draws porn drawings sometimes, hetero stuff. > > What do I do?  This wouldn’t be a huge problem if I were never to see him > > again, but the thing is, I know for a fact he’ll show up at the next few > art > > functions I go to and I’ll have to face him.  I’ve really tried blowing > him > > off and I’m working on a way to take back my previous invitation.  I can’t > > back out of these art things, I need to go to them and advertise.  I don’t > > wanna be mean.  I’ve been in his position before and had to deal with that > > when I was his age.  So I *really* feel sorry for the guy and I remember > > what it was like for me being so lonely.  Hell, I’m still lonely as heck > > these days (although I’ve been getting better recently), but I really > cannot > > deal with this.  I don’t want to be the big important jerkwads like in > high > > school.  I always hated being ignored and pushed aside like a nobody when > I > > was a kid, but that is how I feel I might be acting towards him, and it > > makes me feel bad for him. > > I’ve got a life and it’s just kinda annoying to think this guy is trying > to > > pry into it with such aggression.  Also, the guy idolizes me or something. > > He’s told me he wants to be able to draw like me and changing his drawing > > style to be like mine.  It makes the situation much worse.  I don’t like > > hurting people and I’m too shy to say more to him.  I just wanted to be > nice > > to a guy and this is what happens?  I don’t wanna have to let the guy down > > and I don’t wanna have to be all running away from him or being awkward at > > the next few artist functions.  It’s not scary to me, because I’m a man > and > > I could totally handle him.  But sometimes I think if I was a girl, this > guy > > would scare the living shit outta me like a fucking stalker or something. > > Any advice? > > —– > > please respond to this newsgroup or gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com and not the > > email address on this post.  my posting email address doesn’t work for > some > > reason.

–  -Justyn Waters  I never went to kindergarden so all I needed to know I learned from  Shakespeare. You won’t survive long if you live in a Shakespearian tragedy. There are few human problems which can not be solved with the jucicious  application of high explosives.  (And if that doesn’t work, try duct tape) Reach out and byte someone:) -Compass Media

Response:

Ouch. I feel sorry for the "loser", although I think if you showed him a bit of compassion & patience you could turn the situation around. Use the experience of what happened in your childhood to figure out how the guy should be treated. If you didn’t like what happened to you then try another route. You’ve already tried setting boundaries, use your caller ID if the guy’s calling you too much & only answer the phone maybe once a day, then reduce it a little more. He’s lonely & probably has no one else to talk with. — Wanda aka Willow The missing and definitely not to be taken seriously under any circumstances garden gnome http://www.2000cn.com.au/~willow ~~faeries are able to fly because they take themselves lightly~ Pepperhart <gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:Fow18.1310$qZ1.248989@typhoon.jacksonville.mediaone.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I’m stuck in a weird position.  To start, I’m an artist.  I’ve been to a few > art type functions and every time I go to one, there’s this guy who finds me > and gets me to draw for him.  Okay, no big deal.  Everyone in this biz has > some fans, even really small time guys like me.  He’s one of those fanboy > types – doesn’t get out much, no friends, etc..  he’s told me this and he > certainly looks the part: slightly overweight, mullet, nerdy disposition, > etc…  This guy wasn’t so bad, though.  He’s a bit boring, but tolerable. > He’s got energy for drawing, even though he’s just starting out and isn’t > all that great yet. > Anyway, come to find out he lives in the next county over.  At some point in > time, he runs into me at a local store.  He asks for my phone number and I > figure it’s not a big deal, I give it to him.  Also, several friends were > standing right there and I didn’t want to give out a fake number and look > like an ass in front of everyone.  He calls me up and I tell him he can come > along with me to the next art thing I go to.  Now this guy calls me up > several times a day, many times a week.  I try never to answer the phone and > I thank god for caller ID.  I’ve out and out told him to stop calling me so > much.  I do have a sorta busy schedule and I work weird hours so I can’t > even answer the phone 80% of the time he calls.  He stopped calling after I > told him, but he’s started right back up again not too long ago. > He wasn’t such a bad guy before, but this behavior is so crazy that i really > don’t want him to come to the next gathering with me anymore.  I don’t want > to have anything to do with him now.  He’s lonely and apparently I’m this > nice guy who’s been good enough to him and now he’s latching on to me like a > sad puppy!  He wants to "hang out" and make friends, but the guy’s a total > loser.  I really am not interested in video games or watching cartoons all > day or going to the arcade or meeting his folks (he’s in his early 20’s, > btw, but lives with his folks).  Those aren’t really bad hobbies, but the > fact is he keeps *calling* me like a mofo and boring the living shit outta > me.  I don’t think he’s got a crush on me or anything and I don’t think he’s > gay.  He draws porn drawings sometimes, hetero stuff. > What do I do?  This wouldn’t be a huge problem if I were never to see him > again, but the thing is, I know for a fact he’ll show up at the next few art > functions I go to and I’ll have to face him.  I’ve really tried blowing him > off and I’m working on a way to take back my previous invitation.  I can’t > back out of these art things, I need to go to them and advertise.  I don’t > wanna be mean.  I’ve been in his position before and had to deal with that > when I was his age.  So I *really* feel sorry for the guy and I remember > what it was like for me being so lonely.  Hell, I’m still lonely as heck > these days (although I’ve been getting better recently), but I really cannot > deal with this.  I don’t want to be the big important jerkwads like in high > school.  I always hated being ignored and pushed aside like a nobody when I > was a kid, but that is how I feel I might be acting towards him, and it > makes me feel bad for him. > I’ve got a life and it’s just kinda annoying to think this guy is trying to > pry into it with such aggression.  Also, the guy idolizes me or something. > He’s told me he wants to be able to draw like me and changing his drawing > style to be like mine.  It makes the situation much worse.  I don’t like > hurting people and I’m too shy to say more to him.  I just wanted to be nice > to a guy and this is what happens?  I don’t wanna have to let the guy down > and I don’t wanna have to be all running away from him or being awkward at > the next few artist functions.  It’s not scary to me, because I’m a man and > I could totally handle him.  But sometimes I think if I was a girl, this guy > would scare the living shit outta me like a fucking stalker or something. > Any advice? > —– > please respond to this newsgroup or gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com and not the > email address on this post.  my posting email address doesn’t work for some > reason.

Response:

"Pepperhart" <gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:Fow18.1310$qZ1.248989@typhoon.jacksonville.mediaone.net… <snip psychotic stalker story> I’ve got the same problem myself. Bipolar depressive self-mutilator (or at least once was a self-mutilator… I helped her stop… been 3.5 months now… a record for her (previous record was a month…)) chick calling me up every night to talk for hours on end. And I -don’t- have caller ID. Don’t know what to tell you though. But I do know that we’ll be covering it in my Psych course, so come back in the summer and I’ll be able to tell you. :) –Joel ———–BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK———- Version: 3.12 GCS/O d- s++:- a– C++++>$ P+ L E? N+++ K- w++ M– PS Y+ PGP- t(+) 5(++) X+@ R++ tv(–) b+++ DI+++ D+ G>++++ e*>*++ h-(+) !r y(**)>+(+++) ————END GEEK CODE BLOCK————

Response:

> I’ve got the same problem myself. Bipolar depressive self-mutilator (or at > least once was a self-mutilator… I helped her stop… been 3.5 months > now… a record for her (previous record was a month…)) chick calling me > up every night to talk for hours on end. And I -don’t- have caller ID. Don’t > know what to tell you though. But I do know that we’ll be covering it in my > Psych course, so come back in the summer and I’ll be able to tell you. :) > –Joel

You’re entirely too nice.  Get caller ID, it’s worth it.  You can continue to talk to her, but you might want to set some limits on the number of times per week and how long you’ll talk.  Spending hours each day talking to her on the phone can’t be good for you.

Response:

You can only be straight, up-front and firm … and then ignore him thereafter. The other option maybe, is to help him out once, and say that’s all you’re gonna do, making it plain as day you don’t want his company/etc thereafter… your obligation is settled. Harvey In article <Fow18.1310$qZ1.248…@typhoon.jacksonville.mediaone.net>, gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I’m stuck in a weird position.  To start, I’m an artist.  I’ve been to a few >art type functions and every time I go to one, there’s this guy who finds me >and gets me to draw for him.  Okay, no big deal.  Everyone in this biz has >some fans, even really small time guys like me.  He’s one of those fanboy >types – doesn’t get out much, no friends, etc..  he’s told me this and he >certainly looks the part: slightly overweight, mullet, nerdy disposition, >etc…  This guy wasn’t so bad, though.  He’s a bit boring, but tolerable. >He’s got energy for drawing, even though he’s just starting out and isn’t >all that great yet. >Anyway, come to find out he lives in the next county over.  At some point in >time, he runs into me at a local store.  He asks for my phone number and I >figure it’s not a big deal, I give it to him.  Also, several friends were >standing right there and I didn’t want to give out a fake number and look >like an ass in front of everyone.  He calls me up and I tell him he can come >along with me to the next art thing I go to.  Now this guy calls me up >several times a day, many times a week.  I try never to answer the phone and >I thank god for caller ID.  I’ve out and out told him to stop calling me so >much.  I do have a sorta busy schedule and I work weird hours so I can’t >even answer the phone 80% of the time he calls.  He stopped calling after I >told him, but he’s started right back up again not too long ago. >He wasn’t such a bad guy before, but this behavior is so crazy that i really >don’t want him to come to the next gathering with me anymore.  I don’t want >to have anything to do with him now.  He’s lonely and apparently I’m this >nice guy who’s been good enough to him and now he’s latching on to me like a >sad puppy!  He wants to "hang out" and make friends, but the guy’s a total >loser.  I really am not interested in video games or watching cartoons all >day or going to the arcade or meeting his folks (he’s in his early 20’s, >btw, but lives with his folks).  Those aren’t really bad hobbies, but the >fact is he keeps *calling* me like a mofo and boring the living shit outta >me.  I don’t think he’s got a crush on me or anything and I don’t think he’s >gay.  He draws porn drawings sometimes, hetero stuff. >What do I do?  This wouldn’t be a huge problem if I were never to see him >again, but the thing is, I know for a fact he’ll show up at the next few art >functions I go to and I’ll have to face him.  I’ve really tried blowing him >off and I’m working on a way to take back my previous invitation.  I can’t >back out of these art things, I need to go to them and advertise.  I don’t >wanna be mean.  I’ve been in his position before and had to deal with that >when I was his age.  So I *really* feel sorry for the guy and I remember >what it was like for me being so lonely.  Hell, I’m still lonely as heck >these days (although I’ve been getting better recently), but I really cannot >deal with this.  I don’t want to be the big important jerkwads like in high >school.  I always hated being ignored and pushed aside like a nobody when I >was a kid, but that is how I feel I might be acting towards him, and it >makes me feel bad for him. >I’ve got a life and it’s just kinda annoying to think this guy is trying to >pry into it with such aggression.  Also, the guy idolizes me or something. >He’s told me he wants to be able to draw like me and changing his drawing >style to be like mine.  It makes the situation much worse.  I don’t like >hurting people and I’m too shy to say more to him.  I just wanted to be nice >to a guy and this is what happens?  I don’t wanna have to let the guy down >and I don’t wanna have to be all running away from him or being awkward at >the next few artist functions.  It’s not scary to me, because I’m a man and >I could totally handle him.  But sometimes I think if I was a girl, this guy >would scare the living shit outta me like a fucking stalker or something. >Any advice? >—– >please respond to this newsgroup or gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com and not the >email address on this post.  my posting email address doesn’t work for some >reason.

Response:

I have a feeling about this situation that whatever is going on isn’t good.  I think you are definately going to have to talk to his parents and tell them that he is lonely and acting like he needs someone to notice him.  Clingyness if he’s not obsessed or in love or lacking in social awareness that usually accompanies a learning disorder.  When you said he was getting worse in that regard so usually the two others I can come up with to explain his behavior will not explain it getting worse unless something happened to him something the parents would know.  So you tell them you are worried about their son.   So that means unless the parents can come up with another explaination for the change in his behavior you have noticed over time then he may be getting depressed. Questions to ask Does he eat enough food? Does he sleep enough or seem sleepy or depressed to you? Do you notice anything that worries you about him. I think he is definately depressed and possibly in trouble.  I think you need to tell the parents and put them on notice.  Sometimes it takes a person from the outside to bring important matters to head.  I think definately tell them about your concern and tell them that someone who has been around a bit recommends that he go to a psychologist or something.  The parents are needed to get him to the psychologist if my gut is right we may have prevented a young man from making a mistake if not then he knows you care about him and maybe what ever is bothering him will come to the forefront.  He can’t get any worse from seeing someone I don’t think unless they are a total jack ass.  Most psychologists are pretty nice folks they like people most of them and if they can get him a nice one then maybe whatever is bothering him will come out evenually and then it can be dealt with more easily. All I can tell you to do is put out a restraining order rent your flat to a bunch of excons and find another apartment.  Giving them the instructions after getting a tape of his voice to say it’s your cousin staying and to come right over of course when he does they kick his ass.  Then tell him that you like whips and chains and dress like a dominatrix that and the ex cons should scare him off.  If not then mention that you like to cut up and eat guys like him and pick up a knife say rather calmly I believe I will have tongue today and he should run like hell.   The good part about nerds is they usually scare easily if you really work at it you can scare anyone off.  The other thing you do is do unnerving things like take up knife throwing and you’ll be rid of him within a week. It’s not being a jerk wad is just being really weird.  Sorry about that I guess I like to mess with people sometimes I don’t actually try to hurt them. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Pepperhart wrote: > I’m stuck in a weird position.  To start, I’m an artist.  I’ve been to a few > art type functions and every time I go to one, there’s this guy who finds me > and gets me to draw for him.  Okay, no big deal.  Everyone in this biz has > some fans, even really small time guys like me.  He’s one of those fanboy > types – doesn’t get out much, no friends, etc..  he’s told me this and he > certainly looks the part: slightly overweight, mullet, nerdy disposition, > etc…  This guy wasn’t so bad, though.  He’s a bit boring, but tolerable. > He’s got energy for drawing, even though he’s just starting out and isn’t > all that great yet. > Anyway, come to find out he lives in the next county over.  At some point in > time, he runs into me at a local store.  He asks for my phone number and I > figure it’s not a big deal, I give it to him.  Also, several friends were > standing right there and I didn’t want to give out a fake number and look > like an ass in front of everyone.  He calls me up and I tell him he can come > along with me to the next art thing I go to.  Now this guy calls me up > several times a day, many times a week.  I try never to answer the phone and > I thank god for caller ID.  I’ve out and out told him to stop calling me so > much.  I do have a sorta busy schedule and I work weird hours so I can’t > even answer the phone 80% of the time he calls.  He stopped calling after I > told him, but he’s started right back up again not too long ago. > He wasn’t such a bad guy before, but this behavior is so crazy that i really > don’t want him to come to the next gathering with me anymore.  I don’t want > to have anything to do with him now.  He’s lonely and apparently I’m this > nice guy who’s been good enough to him and now he’s latching on to me like a > sad puppy!  He wants to "hang out" and make friends, but the guy’s a total > loser.  I really am not interested in video games or watching cartoons all > day or going to the arcade or meeting his folks (he’s in his early 20’s, > btw, but lives with his folks).  Those aren’t really bad hobbies, but the > fact is he keeps *calling* me like a mofo and boring the living shit outta > me.  I don’t think he’s got a crush on me or anything and I don’t think he’s > gay.  He draws porn drawings sometimes, hetero stuff.

He’s obsessed or he is not socially aware.  You might want to call over there talk to his parents and tell them what is up that you don’t know what the story is with the kid.  Tell them what has been going on you know not about the porn drawings or anything that doesn’t need to be disclosed.  If that doesn’t work option 2 have you got one of those porn drawings?  Ok you aren’t going to be happy about doing this but it may be a way of getting out of the mess you are in for a while long enough to get your phone number changed.  You accidentally send one of the porn drawings with your name on it so his parents totally over react since they are nerds too putting your name on it clearly so he knows exactly who to blame.  Then plan to be somewhere else rent your room to a bunch of rowdies and disapear for a while telling your friends to call you on your cell and not to come over or call over either.  So the rowdies know who it is and to say it’s you they can have fun with him and he’ll realize that he doesn’t actually want anything to do with you after meeting some of your friends and having a misunderstanding with them. > What do I do?  This wouldn’t be a huge problem if I were never to see him > again, but the thing is, I know for a fact he’ll show up at the next few art > functions I go to and I’ll have to face him.  I’ve really tried blowing him > off and I’m working on a way to take back my previous invitation.  I can’t > back out of these art things, I need to go to them and advertise.  I don’t > wanna be mean.  I’ve been in his position before and had to deal with that > when I was his age.  So I *really* feel sorry for the guy and I remember > what it was like for me being so lonely.  Hell, I’m still lonely as heck > these days (although I’ve been getting better recently), but I really cannot > deal with this.  I don’t want to be the big important jerkwads like in high > school.  I always hated being ignored and pushed aside like a nobody when I > was a kid, but that is how I feel I might be acting towards him, and it > makes me feel bad for him.

I think if you bring it to his parents and tell them that you are concerned that you are his only friend.  Well you tried go talk to his parents they ought to know how lonely their son is.  Most parents would care I mean if you had some suggestions on how he might not be so dependent on you.  Since it is evident you should be one of his friends not his only friend is that a close enough approximation of what you are trying to get across.   That he needn’t call you every day and the best way to do that is introduce him around to all your other friends so that he is comfortable in the art world and doesn’t need to cling to you.  Once he gets over his fear of rejection he will be ok.  I think if you cannot get rid of him without hurting his feelings then you have to figure out how to teach him how to be cool.   Geeks are just cool people waiting to be discovered.  Take him white water rafting if he wants to stick with you he has to put up with you if he doesn’t too bad you know friendship runs both ways one week you do something your buddy wants and the next week you do your thing.  I think you definately have to do something a little bit scary.  You have to get rid of the dorky exterior or he’ll hang around and bother you for the rest of your life.  The only way to get rid of him is to find him a chick they click and you disapear for much needed siesta until she feels drained.  Actually I don’t want to jump to conclusions but whatever it is with this dude you need to have a heart to heart with the parents. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I’ve got a life and it’s just kinda annoying to think this guy is trying to > pry into it with such aggression.  Also, the guy idolizes me or something. > He’s told me he wants to be able to draw like me and changing his drawing > style to be like mine.  It makes the situation much worse.  I don’t like > hurting people and I’m too shy to say more to him.  I just wanted to be nice > to a guy and this is what happens?  I don’t wanna have to let the guy down > and I don’t wanna have to be all running away from him or being awkward at > the next few artist functions.  It’s not scary to me, because I’m a man and > I could totally handle him.  But sometimes I think if I was a girl, this guy > would scare the living shit outta me like a fucking stalker or something. > Any advice? > —– > please respond to this newsgroup or gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com and not the > email address on this post.  my posting email address doesn’t work for some > reason.

–  -Justyn Waters  I never went to kindergarden so all I needed to know I learned from  Shakespeare. You won’t survive long if you live in a Shakespearian tragedy. There are few human problems which can not be solved with the jucicious  application of high explosives.  (And if that doesn’t work, try

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In alt.support.shyness oxidation <oxidat…@somethingorother.com> wrote: > I’ve been in similar situations before.  Weirdos cling to me for some > reason.  In high school, there was this guy who would hang around me > occasionally.  He had bad acne, greasy hair, poor hygiene, and dressed > sloppily.  I think he may have also had Asperger’s or high-functioning > autism or something similar.  Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t stalk me or > anything like your guy.  I didn’t even see him that often, he was just in a > few of my classes, but when I was around him, I felt so embarrassed, like > everyone was looking at us.  I thought I was going to die.  In retrospect, I > wish I would have treated him nicer, maybe even made a friend.  I don’t know > if that helps you any.

I have a ‘friend’ like this, well, kinda.  She was the one at school who got picked on a lot and I wasn’t really friends with her then, but I talked to her sometimes.  Since school she keeps calling me and inviting me to do things, and I say yes because I don’t want to be mean and turn her down all the time (although I do plenty of times), the problem is I really have nothing in common with her so I don’t really want to be friends, I just can’t stop talking to her, without being mean, it seems.   I don’t understand how she can be so confident that people will like her, either when she’s had plenty of experience of people not liking her Beckie :) — Don’t worry.  You won’t say anything stupid.  It’ll be fine.                                                         -Neil Gaiman

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Ah give the poor bloke a chance.

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pepperhart said: <snip> Ug.  I really have no idea what to tell you… but thank goodness for caller ID, eh? That’s a very tough situation :( – kitz –   "When you’re ripe you’ll bleed out of control." -deftones http://spinning_plates.tripod.com    

Response:

I’m stuck in a weird position.  To start, I’m an artist.  I’ve been to a few art type functions and every time I go to one, there’s this guy who finds me and gets me to draw for him.  Okay, no big deal.  Everyone in this biz has some fans, even really small time guys like me.  He’s one of those fanboy types – doesn’t get out much, no friends, etc..  he’s told me this and he certainly looks the part: slightly overweight, mullet, nerdy disposition, etc…  This guy wasn’t so bad, though.  He’s a bit boring, but tolerable. He’s got energy for drawing, even though he’s just starting out and isn’t all that great yet. Anyway, come to find out he lives in the next county over.  At some point in time, he runs into me at a local store.  He asks for my phone number and I figure it’s not a big deal, I give it to him.  Also, several friends were standing right there and I didn’t want to give out a fake number and look like an ass in front of everyone.  He calls me up and I tell him he can come along with me to the next art thing I go to.  Now this guy calls me up several times a day, many times a week.  I try never to answer the phone and I thank god for caller ID.  I’ve out and out told him to stop calling me so much.  I do have a sorta busy schedule and I work weird hours so I can’t even answer the phone 80% of the time he calls.  He stopped calling after I told him, but he’s started right back up again not too long ago. He wasn’t such a bad guy before, but this behavior is so crazy that i really don’t want him to come to the next gathering with me anymore.  I don’t want to have anything to do with him now.  He’s lonely and apparently I’m this nice guy who’s been good enough to him and now he’s latching on to me like a sad puppy!  He wants to "hang out" and make friends, but the guy’s a total loser.  I really am not interested in video games or watching cartoons all day or going to the arcade or meeting his folks (he’s in his early 20’s, btw, but lives with his folks).  Those aren’t really bad hobbies, but the fact is he keeps *calling* me like a mofo and boring the living shit outta me.  I don’t think he’s got a crush on me or anything and I don’t think he’s gay.  He draws porn drawings sometimes, hetero stuff. What do I do?  This wouldn’t be a huge problem if I were never to see him again, but the thing is, I know for a fact he’ll show up at the next few art functions I go to and I’ll have to face him.  I’ve really tried blowing him off and I’m working on a way to take back my previous invitation.  I can’t back out of these art things, I need to go to them and advertise.  I don’t wanna be mean.  I’ve been in his position before and had to deal with that when I was his age.  So I *really* feel sorry for the guy and I remember what it was like for me being so lonely.  Hell, I’m still lonely as heck these days (although I’ve been getting better recently), but I really cannot deal with this.  I don’t want to be the big important jerkwads like in high school.  I always hated being ignored and pushed aside like a nobody when I was a kid, but that is how I feel I might be acting towards him, and it makes me feel bad for him. I’ve got a life and it’s just kinda annoying to think this guy is trying to pry into it with such aggression.  Also, the guy idolizes me or something. He’s told me he wants to be able to draw like me and changing his drawing style to be like mine.  It makes the situation much worse.  I don’t like hurting people and I’m too shy to say more to him.  I just wanted to be nice to a guy and this is what happens?  I don’t wanna have to let the guy down and I don’t wanna have to be all running away from him or being awkward at the next few artist functions.  It’s not scary to me, because I’m a man and I could totally handle him.  But sometimes I think if I was a girl, this guy would scare the living shit outta me like a fucking stalker or something. Any advice? —– please respond to this newsgroup or gilesmcmur…@yahoo.com and not the email address on this post.  my posting email address doesn’t work for some reason.

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