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I want a Divorce LONG RANT

Question:

Another American Bitch!

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I know my XTB  has started lurking here occasionally, he has not yet posted, but in the event he is reading this, it’s down in black and white.. I want a divorce, I am tired of your BULL  and your rants raves and anger, I am tired of being a target, and having my kids be one too. In short you (pardon my french)  Fucking Bastard I am tried of YOU. There is NO love between us you can not force  emotions that  you have killed by your OWN actions.  You will  take responsibility  for your OWN actions as I will for mine, I am an adult and it’s about time YOU started acting like one. We have two wonderful children but all you care about is your self, you don’t see how what you are doing hurts them in so many ways. You get mad to quickly and  we ALL are a ffraid,  14 years is way to long to put up with this, I’ve given you chances, timne and again, and always it’s the same. I wish I had something to blame, to say It’s the drink or drugs that makes you act as you do, but I don’t, as I know you  don’t do that. You have the nerve to sit there and ask why, you have the nerve to sit and say "I have always treated you well" You have the nerver to hurl accusations and go through my things then demand that attention  in the ways you do. YOU want to know why things are the way they are?  Look in the mirror, the next time you raise your hand in anger, your voice to threaten, think of your children  and what they see when you do what you do to me.. Think how they treatme is it with respect? Think what they say to you is it kind and loving? Don’t you see what WE are doing we are ruining thier  lives, destyoing self confidence taking away the feelings of a safe home. When our daughter says She’d rather be any where than with either of us, or at 8  makes the comment I wish I were never born.. My heart aches for them why doesn’t yours? I am sorr to all this was just a rant and I am not feeling so very well, my life is falling  apart around me, the XTB just doesn’t see the harm to the kids like I do, he doesn’t understand that in OUR case Staying together for the kids is NOT the right thing to do. Please forgive this outburst! You are not so won

Indy, The pain that I feel coming from your letter is overwhelming.  I agree with Greg that it is time to end this torture, for surely it is torture for all involved.  Please be strong in the face of the daunting task ahead of you, for your sake and the sake of the children. Do not apologize for your letter.  It is heartfelt and a necessary part of your well being to be able to vent somewhere.  We have all felt our own frustration and pain that you are feeling now, and have been grateful that this newsgroup is here to listen to our outbursts. There are others here that are better than me at giving advice that may help you.  All that I can do is offer my sympathy and prayers for you, your children and stbx.  It will take a lot of courage to follow through with the course of action that you know is right, but for your sake and the sake of your children, please follow through. Remember, we are here to listen, understand, encourage, and support each other.  At times we even tell one another things that we don’t want to hear or admit that it is true, but we still care about each other and the children involved. Good Luck and God Bless sam Don’t push the red button,  Never push the red button!  Daffy Duck

Response:

It amazes me that you are still exactly where you were the first day you posted on this newsgroup.  I know it’s convenient to blame your husband for your situation in life, but the fault lies squarely on your shoulders.  Instead of leaving him you have chosen to stay – not out of love, duty, etc., but unless things have changed out of the desire to keep your house.  You have chosen to raise your children in this mess while blaming him for it.  You are an active participant in your life. You are posting a message to him in hopes he will move out and you will wind up with your house.  The problem is you have never gotten the message yourself.  He is not ruining your life, you are.  You think your children living in that house is more important than they living in a calm stable home. There have been plenty of women with children who walked away and created a new life for them and their children.  Sure it’s hard, but it can be done.   Why don’t you stop blaming your husband for the mess your life is in and realize that you are the one who needs to stand up and be accountable for the lives of you and your children? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I know my XTB  has started lurking here occasionally, he has not yet posted, but in the event he is reading this, it’s down in black and white.. I want a divorce, I am tired of your BULL  and your rants raves and anger, I am tired of being a target, and having my kids be one too. In short you (pardon my french)  Fucking Bastard I am tried of YOU. There is NO love between us you can not force  emotions that  you have killed by your OWN actions.  You will  take responsibility  for your OWN actions as I will for mine, I am an adult and it’s about time YOU started acting like one. We have two wonderful children but all you care about is your self, you don’t see how what you are doing hurts them in so many ways. You get mad to quickly and  we ALL are a ffraid,  14 years is way to long to put up with this, I’ve given you chances, timne and again, and always it’s the same. I wish I had something to blame, to say It’s the drink or drugs that makes you act as you do, but I don’t, as I know you  don’t do that. You have the nerve to sit there and ask why, you have the nerve to sit and say "I have always treated you well" You have the nerver to hurl accusations  and go through my things then demand that attention  in the ways you do. YOU want to know why things are the way they are?  Look in the mirror, the next time you raise your hand in anger, your voice to threaten, think of your children  and what they see when you do what you do to me.. Think how they treatme is it with respect? Think what they say to you is it kind and loving? Don’t you see what WE are doing we are ruining thier  lives, destyoing self confidence taking away the feelings of a safe home. When our daughter says She’d rather be any where than with either of us, or at 8  makes the comment I wish I were never born.. My heart aches for them why doesn’t yours? I am sorr to all this was just a rant and I am not feeling so very well, my life is falling  apart around me, the XTB just doesn’t see the harm to the kids like I do, he doesn’t understand that in OUR case Staying together for the kids is NOT the right thing to do. Please forgive this outburst! You are not so won

Response:

Indy, your post has left me breathless.  My sister has left an abusive marriage, and I admit I don’t understand what can make a woman put up with abuse and witness her children get abused for six years, and then suddenly one day wake up and decide it has been enough.  I am not abused, so I can’t possibly understand the reasoning or the fear, but when she left it was pure relief.  Things are not a lot easier since leaving, but the children are flourishing before our eyes!  Not to say that they are over it (they will never be over it), but they are getting counselling and they are telling us things that for years they were afraid to say (he used to threaten them with "wringing their necks" if they told us). The children are no longer afraid to hug us and tell us they love us (father felt that was improper, especially for boys), and I know if we continue on this path of support for them that they will grow up stronger than if they had stayed in the house.  My sister has one young boy that when living in that mans house was in so much emotional trouble.  He would fight (he knocked one kid out when he tried to hit the kid in the face and missed and got him in the neck instead), he would steal (even when it was obvious) and when he visited me he would greet me by giving me a punch in the stomache.  Since leaving his step-dad (sister’s second marriage) he hugs me, he says he loves me, he has friends at school, and there have been no repeats of the stealing issues thus far.  He has a long way to go, but he is slowly getting his childhood back, while there is still time to have a childhood. In my sister’s case, the ex is getting the house and a large amount of the possessions (he even threw away the kids clothes and toys, sold off her washer and dryer and destroyed her extensive collection of plants). But who cares?  The kids got their sanity back.  They have the first taste of stability they have ever had in their lives and they like it!   With enough emotional support, children can be saved.  It is up to us to decide to save them, because they are powerless to do it themselves. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you find the peace you need. Peace may not come immediately, it can be gradual and slow, but in the end it is worth it. It is so worth it! – Jodee p.s my sister’s ex also belives that he has done nothing wrong, that children (and wives) just need discipline. Discipline should not leave physical and emotional scars. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I know my XTB  has started lurking here occasionally, he has not yet posted, but in the event he is reading this, it’s down in black and white.. I want a divorce, I am tired of your BULL  and your rants raves and anger, I am tired of being a target, and having my kids be one too. In short you (pardon my french)  Fucking Bastard I am tried of YOU. There is NO love between us you can not force  emotions that  you have killed by your OWN actions.  You will  take responsibility  for your OWN actions as I will for mine, I am an adult and it’s about time YOU started acting like one. We have two wonderful children but all you care about is your self, you don’t see how what you are doing hurts them in so many ways. You get mad to quickly and  we ALL are a ffraid,  14 years is way to long to put up with this, I’ve given you chances, timne and again, and always it’s the same. I wish I had something to blame, to say It’s the drink or drugs that makes you act as you do, but I don’t, as I know you  don’t do that. You have the nerve to sit there and ask why, you have the nerve to sit and say "I have always treated you well" You have the nerver to hurl accusations  and go through my things then demand that attention  in the ways you do. YOU want to know why things are the way they are?  Look in the mirror, the next time you raise your hand in anger, your voice to threaten, think of your children  and what they see when you do what you do to me.. Think how they treatme is it with respect? Think what they say to you is it kind and loving? Don’t you see what WE are doing we are ruining thier  lives, destyoing self confidence taking away the feelings of a safe home. When our daughter says She’d rather be any where than with either of us, or at 8  makes the comment I wish I were never born.. My heart aches for them why doesn’t yours? I am sorr to all this was just a rant and I am not feeling so very well, my life is falling  apart around me, the XTB just doesn’t see the harm to the kids like I do, he doesn’t understand that in OUR case Staying together for the kids is NOT the right thing to do. Please forgive this outburst! You are not so won

Response:

(short delurk) Indy, reading this reminds me once again, how similar you XTB and my father seem to be, their ego has the power of a steamroller, making everybody around them feel so helpless… I

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