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Ideas about situational depression?

Question:

In my recovery, one thing I had to learn was how to deal with my emotions. Say I would be feeling depressed. I would ask myself something like, "Is there a reason why I am feeling depressed?" And sometimes there would be an issue that is causing the emotion. When I examine the reality of the situation, and learn the facts of the situation, then I find that my emotion often is resolved. For example, I am living in my parents’ home while I am dealing with my depression. I get depressed watching my friends start relationships and new careers while I am stuck here. However, I’ve realized that just because my life does not contain a new career, house, etc, doesn’t mean that my life cannot be satisfactory. Another thing that upsets me is the pace of change in my life. Crisis caused by change brings on stress. However, crisis is composed of danger and opportunity. Frequently, I forget about the opportunity. The opportunity is to learn something new. When I remember to utilize the opportunity, my stress eases. In my depression, I have often felt hopeless because I thought I had no resources to live on and no resources to offer the world. However, by trying new things out and developing new skills, I _have_ found that I have something to use and have gotten hope from that.     I have a problem where I would listen to other people more than I would listen to myself. If I wrote a computer program that I knew was very good, and other people said it was lousy, I would have a strong tendency to think their thoughts instead of my thoughts, and think that the program was bad, when in fact I knew it was very good. I have now decided that I want to listen to myself at least as much as I listen to other people, because sometimes I am right, and other people are wrong.     What is healthy? I think healthy is the ability to be independent and live self-reliantly for an indefinite period of time (I don’t know when I will pass on). In order to reach this state, I must assess what resources I have at hand. Some resources I know are limited. Others I suspect are limited as well. I also have new things that I can explore to find new resources to replace old ones.     What does the word "esteem" mean? If I esteem something highly, I treat it highly. If I esteem something highly, that means it is of value to me. What do people posess that is of infinite esteem? Their conscious self-awareness. As long as they have that, their resources are infinite.     My ego has been weak. Whenever negative life events occur, I would feel a bump to my ego. I want my ego to be strong enough to take the trash that life throws at me and stuff it back down its throat. I want my ego to be strong enough to take my own garbage and stuff _it_ down life’s throat as well, make it like it and ask for more.     People have criticized me for being fat. If I worked out 80 hours a week, would everyone in the whole world accept my shape as the best that I could achieve in 80 hours? Somebody somewhere is still bound to criticize it. So I have to tell them to F— Off, especially since they’re not paying my rent.     Some people tend to make other people miserable because they don’t know how to make themselves happy. No one can make me happy except myself. This is because we are all individuals. We have some interests in common, but other interests are totally separate.     My friend was knocking himself out night after night trying to get an "A" in one class in order to raise his GPA by 0.003 points (out of 4.0). He thought he needed it for grad school. If a grad school was going to be so picky as to reject his application for a 0.003 point lack, then I don’t think he really wants to go there.     Part of my becoming independent was realizing how fear and anxiety held me captive to other people’s opinions. The universe is a large place, and I "need" all the help I can get to survive in it.     I have found that I had unrealistic expectations which contributed to my unhealth. By readjusting my expectations to reality, and acting in accordance with reality, a lot of stress was reduced in my life.     One could say that there were old rules to life which people followed in order to survive. Today, the rules seem to be changing. The rules for tomorrow might even be different from the rules of today. This was a great source of frustration for me until I found this.     Emotions, I think, are things that can be used to help me with my life problems. Take anger for example. If someone is poking me in the stomach all the time, it is impossible for me to be happy. I think anger exists to give me the power to say, "You stop this right now, or else!" That I am angry is not my fault, it is this other person’s fault for violating my space. Sometimes he just does it by accident. Fear can exists when one enters a new situation. It helps a person to be cautious. Anxiety can help a person notice small details of a new situation. Anger can be displaced onto other people. The other day I was working with a coworker when he made a trivial change to a project. I thought to myself, "Bastard!", when in reality, the change was not important. Typically, anger is displaced to a person who is weaker than myself. I wish to use my emotions in a positive fashion. They exist to help me solve problems. Learning to use my emotions in a positive fashion is a problem. Can my emotions help me with this problem? I have heard it said that resentment and bitterness are forms of greatly compressed anger. I occasionally wonder if I am the only one in the world who suffers from my particular set of problems. However, I still have to deal with my problems, regardless of whether anyone else shares them or not. I think an analogy to physical health is useful in discussing mental health. If I don’t take care of myself, I can catch a cold. I will get healthy again if I take care of myself. However, I can still go from being healthy to ill to healthy again many times in my life. To the point, I’ve noticed "weaknesses" in myself that could develop into dependencies if I am not careful. The next part is _spoilered_. Religion is a system that attempts to explain reality. Where reality and religion fail to coincide, things can happen. The next part is spoilered. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / If orange juice is delicious then let me postulate something about heaven. Heaven is partly taking/receiving orange juice some of the time, but not all of the time. Heaven is also partly having the ability to take/receive orange juice part of the time, but not all of the time. Heaven is also partly knowing that it is right that I take/receive orange juice part of the time, but not all of the time (more on this later). What is the difference between right and wrong? To build a house on the sand is wrong, because sand is not a stable foundation, and the house will eventually collapse. It is right to treat people fairly because it is possible to push people too far, and then one will regret it. I think the "right" course of action always has a reason why it is "right", hence it is declared as "right". What conforms to reality is right. What does not conform to reality is wrong, and if one persists in flying in the face of reality, one will eventually pay for it. When we send people to jail, we think that these people know that they did something wrong, which is why we send them to jail. We don’t send people who don’t know right from wrong to jail. Jesus died to save us from Hell. Will God please explain to me what I did wrong? I want to know the reasons why what I did was so bad. Should he get angry if I ask him questions? If he says that I do not have the physical capacity to understand, then I will accept that. I _will_ not accept Him saying, "Because I’m in charge, and that’s the way its going to be." If I persist in ignoring reality and doing what is wrong, my life will eventually become a shamble. I will be living in hell already. If I pay attention to reality, and do what is right, then my life will become heaven already. Example: I am living with my parents while dealing with an illness and I get depressed when I think about my other friends who are getting married, moving into new careers, etc. I’ve realized that while my life may not fit into the "standard mode", it does not mean that my life can’t be satisfactory. Life sucks, but only because I’ve been listening to the lies about it. Perhaps God deliberately lied for a higher purpose… My philosophy is that I want to deal with reality. Whether anyone else deals with reality or not I have no direct control over, but they better stay out of my way. In the world there are many popular misconceptions that people buy into without realizing how false these ideas are. People then follow these ideas, causing no end of trouble which eventually spills over into my space. I become angry as a result. One way I express my anger is to go into newsgroups such as political newsgroups and voicing my anger there. For example, some one posted an article in a newsgroup about how a woman saved herself and her child from an intruder with a handgun. I posted the following reply: Re: Reality check Sooner or later, everyone must die. We don’t always get to choose the way we go out of life. There were other followup postings, but no one attacked what I said. Some people actually showed signs of absorbing what I had said. I posted anonymously, and in the 3 months that I have been doing this, no one has tracked me to my real address. Sometimes the issues go quite deep, though, and the effects of what I post (like what I posted above) fade. It only means that I have to root out the deeper issues and deal with them. These issues are usually depressive issues.

Response:

I might just put "OT: Ideas about situational depression" in the header when posting to non-medical newsgroups. Basically I just post the entire article that I just posted here. Because I have some interests that are different from other people’s, and some interests that are in common, I will be fighting with, or cooperating with different people at different points in the future.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text —— Original Message —– Newsgroups: alt.support.depression Sent: Sunday, June 27, 1999 5:59 PM In my recovery, one thing I had to learn was how to deal with my emotions. Say I would be feeling depressed. I would ask myself something like, "Is there a reason why I am feeling depressed?" And sometimes there would be an issue that is causing the emotion. When I examine the reality of the situation, and learn the facts of the situation, then I find that my emotion often is resolved. I do this too For example, I am living in my parents’ home while I am dealing with my depression. I get depressed watching my friends start relationships and new careers while I am stuck here. However, I’ve realized that just because my life does not contain a new career, house, etc, doesn’t mean that my life cannot be satisfactory. Another thing that upsets me is the pace of change in my life. Crisis caused by change brings on stress. However, crisis is composed of danger and opportunity. Frequently, I forget about the opportunity. The opportunity is to learn something new. When I remember to utilize the opportunity, my stress eases. I’ve noticed that i am obcessed with finding all the opportunities out there and doing the best one…  giving my self the job of looking for the "best" one usually gets me streesed out. So what i’ve tried to do lately is just *pick one* and try and sit back and watch the results… whether the results are good or bad… it my life, and it’ll be fun to see how it turns out In my depression, I have often felt hopeless because I thought I had no resources to live on and no resources to offer the world. Just offer the world what you know you do have… you have the ability to be kind and helpful… i tell myself that every once in a while However, by trying new things out and developing new skills, I _have_ found that I have something to use and have gotten hope from that.     I have a problem where I would listen to other people more than I would listen to myself. If I wrote a computer program that I knew was very good, and other people said it was lousy, I would have a strong tendency to think their thoughts instead of my thoughts, and think that the program was bad, when in fact I knew it was very good. I have now decided that I want to listen to myself at least as much as I listen to other people, because sometimes I am right, and other people are wrong. I just always try and make the things i do better than they were before… even if others and myself think they aren’t so good     What is healthy? I think healthy is the ability to be independent and live self-reliantly for an indefinite period of time (I don’t know when I will pass on). In order to reach this state, I must assess what resources I have at hand. Some resources I know are limited. Others I suspect are limited as well. I also have new things that I can explore to find new resources to replace old ones. Do you really need resources to be happy?   try thinking about that…  If you die happy by your own doing, wouldn’t that be good enough?     What does the word "esteem" mean? If I esteem something highly, I treat it highly. If I esteem something highly, that means it is of value to me. What do people posess that is of infinite esteem? Their conscious self-awareness. As long as they have that, their resources are infinite. I esteem my creator infinitly… what ever created me gave me everything i have… good and bad     My ego has been weak. Whenever negative life events occur, I would feel a bump to my ego. I want my ego to be strong enough to take the trash that life throws at me and stuff it back down its throat. I want my ego to be strong enough to take my own garbage and stuff _it_ down life’s throat as well, make it like it and ask for more. If I 1. don’t believe in something…. and 2. don’t want it…    I shove it down lifes throat. Don’t wonder how some people do it… Just do it  -  no secrets here  - move on     People have criticized me for being fat. If I worked out 80 hours a week, would everyone in the whole world accept my shape as the best that I could achieve in 80 hours? Somebody somewhere is still bound to criticize it. So I have to tell them to F— Off, especially since they’re not paying my rent. Good diet – no cheating!   and go have some fun doing exercise… do it often… and don’t give up     Some people tend to make other people miserable because they don’t know how to make themselves happy. i agree No one can make me happy except myself. i don’t agree This is because we are all individuals. We have some interests in common, but other interests are totally separate. You are making me happy right now… by giving me the opportunity to sort out some of my thoughts and to potentially help sort yours…  i enjoy typing these very words… Do you like helping others?     My friend was knocking himself out night after night trying to get an "A" in one class in order to raise his GPA by 0.003 points (out of 4.0). He thought he needed it for grad school. If a grad school was going to be so picky as to reject his application for a 0.003 point lack, then I don’t think he really wants to go there. ah… that’s fine… people have wierd life dreams every now and then     Part of my becoming independent was realizing how fear and anxiety held me captive to other people’s opinions. The universe is a large place, and I "need" all the help I can get to survive in it. Helping you helps me     I have found that I had unrealistic expectations which contributed to my unhealth. By readjusting my expectations to reality, and acting in accordance with reality, a lot of stress was reduced in my life. yep     One could say that there were old rules to life which people followed in order to survive. Today, the rules seem to be changing. The rules for tomorrow might even be different from the rules of today. This was a great source of frustration for me until I found this.     Emotions, I think, are things that can be used to help me with my life problems. Take anger for example. If someone is poking me in the stomach all the time, it is impossible for me to be happy. I think anger exists to give me the power to say, "You stop this right now, or else!" That I am angry is not my fault, it is this other person’s fault for violating my space. Sometimes he just does it by accident. Bust out the Karate on their butt try a different approach… other than saying no  (hm?) Fear can exists when one enters a new situation. It helps a person to be cautious. fear is why i am still alive Anxiety can help a person notice small details of a new situation. Anger can be displaced onto other people. The other day I was working with a coworker when he made a trivial change to a project. I thought to myself, "Bastard!", when in reality, the change was not important. Typically, anger is displaced to a person who is weaker than myself. try yelling BASTARD at the top of your lungs!   and then smile and say just kidding… I wish to use my emotions in a positive fashion. see above They exist to help me solve problems. Learning to use my emotions in a positive fashion is a problem. Can my emotions help me with this problem? only if you step back and look at your emotions and try to find another way to "vent" them… humor usually works good… make an ass of yer self… just not in front of the boss I have heard it said that resentment and bitterness are forms of greatly compressed anger. I occasionally wonder if I am the only one in the world who suffers from my particular set of problems. However, I still have to deal with my problems, regardless of whether anyone else shares them or not. I got problems like you – bet others do too… we ain’t all that different I think an analogy to physical health is useful in discussing mental health. If I don’t take care of myself, I can catch a cold. I will get healthy again if I take care of myself. However, I can still go from being healthy to ill to healthy again many times in my life. Fight the cold yourself without cold medicine and your body won’t ask for it next time you get the analogy? you’ll feel good you did it on your own too To the point, I’ve noticed "weaknesses" in myself that could develop into dependencies if I am not careful. see above The next part is _spoilered_. Religion is a system that attempts to explain reality. Where reality and religion fail to coincide, things can happen. The next part is spoilered. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / If orange juice is delicious then let me postulate something about heaven. Heaven is partly taking/receiving orange juice some of the time, but not all of the time. Heaven is also partly having the ability to take/receive orange juice part of the time, but not all of the time. Heaven is also partly knowing that it is right that I take/receive orange juice part of the time, but not all of the time (more on this later). what?  ;-P What is the difference between right and wrong? i don’t know but somethings i’ve got a pretty good guess if i had to pick To build a house on the sand is wrong, because sand is not a stable foundation, and the house will eventually collapse. It is right to treat people fairly because it is possible to push people too far, and then one will regret it. If you don’t "push" people…you’re doing your part just fine I think the "right" course of action always has a reason why it is "right", hence it is declared as "right". What conforms to reality is right. What

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