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inappropriate behavior in ADHD 8-year-old

Question:

My seven year old son with ADHD uses profanity, and talks about sexual topics a great deal. No  one has molested him.  It is worse when he spends a lot a time with the wild kids in his school (Lord of the Flies Montessori). When he is with his family he calms down and stops doing this.  I think that this is a stress-related reaction to having to interact with lots of kids–too much stimulation, uncertainty how to interact socially.

Response:

We’ve had problems lately in the after-school day care program with inappropriate sexual behavior (nudity, touching, etc.) from our 8-year old with ADHD.  They are threatening to kick him out, because it’s happened too many times.  I think the staff at this program does a really good job with creative programming and activities to interest all ages, so I would hate to send him elsewhere.  Has anyone else had this problem?  How did you deal with it?  Would he be better suited to a more structured program? I’ve talked to him over and over about this, but am not sure what else to do.  We don’t seem to have this problem anywhere else.

Inappropriate sexual activities in younger children can be caused by multiple things. One suggestion may be that your child could use a little counselling. It is not rare that your child has been introduced to these pleasant feelings from someone else. It is definately worth looking into. There is nothing inherently wrong with a child discovering the pleasures of his or her genitals. But, be careful. I am not a professional, it would be well worth the trouble to find one though. — there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen? Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world… resist materialism, resist political dogma, resist the media

Response:

We’ve had problems lately in the after-school day care program with inappropriate sexual behavior (nudity, touching, etc.) from our 8-year old with ADHD.  They are threatening to kick him out, because it’s happened too many times.  I think the staff at this program does a really good job with creative programming and activities to interest all ages, so I would hate to send him elsewhere.  Has anyone else had this problem?  How did you deal with it?  Would he be better suited to a more structured program? I’ve talked to him over and over about this, but am not sure what else to do.  We don’t seem to have this problem anywhere else.

Karen, Do you have any idea why this is *only* happening at the after-school daycare? It seems to me that if you were dealing with an obscession or a tic that it would happen in more than one location. One possibility might be whether or not your son only does this in the presence of a specific child. In that case you might be dealing either with something initiated by that child, or with an obscessive type of behavior. The other thing I noticed is that you mentioned the possible requirement for a more structured environment. Just how unstructured is this daycare? Do you have the same problem in unstructured play at home? If you don’t, structure probably isn’t the issue. Not much help I’m afraid. Best wishes, Jon Slater http://www.mwsolutions.com/jslater/

Response:

: : We’ve had problems lately in the after-school day care program with : inappropriate sexual behavior (nudity, touching, etc.) from our : 8-year old with ADHD.  They are threatening to kick him out, because it’s : happened too many times. : I really hate to even bring this up, but is there any chance your child : has been sexually molested? This sort of acting out is often a result of : having been molested…….        That’s true. . . I missed the first part of this thread, so I didn’t think to respond.  One other thing, though: if you can find out FOR SURE that your child hasn’t been molested (and note: I don’t mean that "No, Uncle Jim wouldn’t do something like THAT!" because sometimes Uncle Jim can and does do something like that!  I mean you’ve been able to be absolutely sure that your child’s never been inappropriately touched/fondled/groped) there’s one other piece of advice I can give. . .        *IF* you’ve eliminated sexual abuse, try not to make a big deal out of it.  Tell them in a no nonsense way that they’re not to do it again. Making too big a deal of something is a good way to "reward" the behavior. (Plus, too much emphasis could be frightening.)  It might just be a sure way of getting attention, laughs, etc.  Kids learn that you can’t see body parts, but have no idea why; of COURSE it’s funny to break those taboos!

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We’ve had problems lately in the after-school day care program with inappropriate sexual behavior (nudity, touching, etc.) from our 8-year old with ADHD.  They are threatening to kick him out, because it’s happened too many times.  I think the staff at this program does a really good job with creative programming and activities to interest all ages, so I would hate to send him elsewhere.  Has anyone else had this problem?  How did you deal with it?  Would he be better suited to a more structured program? I’ve talked to him over and over about this, but am not sure what else to do.  We don’t seem to have this problem anywhere else. Have you checked with his doctor?  This may be the symptom of a separate disorder that complicates the ADHD rather than of ADHD itself – it’s important to sort this out, and to let the daycare know you are following up with a professional.

Have you discussed whether anyone has touched him in these ways? I would strongly suggest exploring the possibility of this happening to him in the past. Children usually act out these type of behaviors when they have had them done to them.

Response:

We’ve had problems lately in the after-school day care program with inappropriate sexual behavior (nudity, touching, etc.) from our 8-year old with ADHD.  They are threatening to kick him out, because it’s happened too many times.  I think the staff at this program does a really good job with creative programming and activities to interest all ages, so I would hate to send him elsewhere.  Has anyone else had this problem?  How did you deal with it?  Would he be better suited to a more structured program? I’ve talked to him over and over about this, but am not sure what else to do.  We don’t seem to have this problem anywhere else.

Response:

We’ve had problems lately in the after-school day care program with inappropriate sexual behavior (nudity, touching, etc.) from our 8-year old with ADHD.  They are threatening to kick him out, because it’s happened too many times.  I think the staff at this program does a really good job with creative programming and activities to interest all ages, so I would hate to send him elsewhere.  Has anyone else had this problem?  How did you deal with it?  Would he be better suited to a more structured program? I’ve talked to him over and over about this, but am not sure what else to do.  We don’t seem to have this problem anywhere else.

Have you checked with his doctor?  This may be the symptom of a separate disorder that complicates the ADHD rather than of ADHD itself – it’s important to sort this out, and to let the daycare know you are following up with a professional.

Response:

We’ve had problems lately in the after-school day care program with inappropriate sexual behavior (nudity, touching, etc.) from our 8-year old with ADHD.  They are threatening to kick him out, because it’s happened too many times.

I really hate to even bring this up, but is there any chance your child has been sexually molested? This sort of acting out is often a result of having been molested……. Kate in IL — * Life’s too short to put up with lousy coffee. *

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