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jealousy?

Question:

I can empathize — sibling rivalry is one of those things that is difficult to deal with BUT your son is 21 — he is an adult.  Of COURSE you treat him differently than an 8 year old and what in hell is he doing fussing and squabbling with a little kid for?  HE IS 21 YEARS OLD.  HE IS AN ADULT. It is time to have an adult discussion with him.  You should not be mediating THEIR disagreements and he shouldn’t be fussing and whining with a little kid.

<snip   You love em all.  You do the best you can with all of them.  Nothing wrong with telling your OS that he as your first has a soft spot in your heart — but don’t justify his whines — tell em you love em — and that you don’t want to hear anymore whining about who got the biggest piece of cake.

Great advice Hamilton!  I second sitting down with him and explaining that he is an adult and needs to act like one.  I would tell him too that he only has a short amount of time left at home. He is moving out in a month.  There is no reason why that last month can’t be peaceful for all concerned. Then remove yourself from their squabbles.  They are all old enough to settle things among themselves.  Remind them all that you have neither a black and white striped shirt nor a whistle, so there is no reason for you to be the family referee.  I too have an 8 yo daughter.  She is old enough to settle squabbles with her 4 yo brother.  If mine can do it, so can yours. And a 21 year old should, without question be able to settle a dispute on his own.  Tell them all that they can either settle it or avoid each other, and that you don’t care one way or another.  The one thing I have noticed with my two is that 60% of sibling squabbles are just trying to come out the most ahead in Mom attention.  If Mom doesn’t give attention (either positive or negative) to squabbling, then what’s the point?  Now, there are times that they squabble over other things.  But if I just stay out of it completely and put the burden of solving it on the two of them, it is much more peaceful. Good luck. Sharon

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear Parents, First of all this is the FIRST time I have been in this NG. So bear with me please. I will give the ages of my children then explain the problem I need advice on. 1. Oldest Son (OS) age 21 from first marriage 2. Oldest Daughter (OD) age 15 from first marriage 3. Youngest Daughter (YD) age 8 from current marriage Now that that’s done, here’s the problem with a little history: OS is currently living at home while attending college and working, he is scheduled to move out to an apartment in July with some friends. He has been a difficult child since day one. B y that I mean discipline problems in school and at home but, nothing too severe just not very easy going. It is very important to me on a personal level that he be able to finish college since he would be the ONLY person in my extended family to do so. Which is the reason he is still living at home. OD is in highschool and has always been the easiest of the three to deal with. She is very easy going and joyful. YD is of course the baby. She is somewhat spoiled but, I do discipline her when called for, she is in 3rd grade and is somewhere between OS and OD as far as temperment. She seems to be very bossy and demanding but, is joyful too. OK now the problem: OS has developed what I see as a sort of jealousy of YD. He has started complaining about: 1. I treat her differently than I do OS and OD 2. I never listen to them when it comes to disagreements and I always take her side. 3. I treat her like she’s the only important one and she’s my favorite. I understand that this could be a common problem when you have several children, but yesterday it got so far as a yelling match between OS and myself and he was just outrageous. He even went so far as to compare me to his stepmother whom he HATES with a passion.  What happened was, I was going to town and they were all three upstairs watching TV. I yelled up to them that I was going to town and YD said "will you tell these 2 not to aggravate me?" (not very nicely) and I said "I really wish I could go somewhere without you 3 fighting while I’m gone"  ( I didn’t single anyone out) and OS become irrate and said "all she has to do is say something and you jump all over me and YD" then it just escalated. I have spoken to OD about this and asked her if she felt the same way and if she feels that YD is my favorite and she said no, but she usually just says what she thinks I want to hear to make me happy. I am very distraught over this and I just really don’t know what to do. OS is supposed to be moving out in July but, I don’t want him to do so feeling so unimportant. On the other hand he is acting very immature and I feel like just throwing him out. He is my only son and therefore has a special soft spot in my heart. Is there anyone who could give me some advice or encouragement. Thank you so much for reading this looong post. AEM remove the XX to email me

I can empathize — sibling rivalry is one of those things that is difficult to deal with BUT your son is 21 — he is an adult.  Of COURSE you treat him differently than an 8 year old and what in hell is he doing fussing and squabbling with a little kid for?  HE IS 21 YEARS OLD.  HE IS AN ADULT. It is time to have an adult discussion with him.  You should not be mediating THEIR disagreements and he shouldn’t be fussing and whining with a little kid. Once when my young adult son was complaining that we favored my teen daughter and that she had been given more stuff [probably true], I simply told him "you know as my firstborn, you got the amateur parent and I have all sorts of guilt feelings about things I did with you that were kinda goofy — your sister, thanks to my practice on you, probably got a more competent mother.  But I have no guilt about whether you got ENOUGH STUFF.  You both have never wanted for anything; you both are going to leave college with no debts to pay back. I love you madly and am proud of what a great person you are.  I love her madly and am proud of what a great person she is.  You are different people, you need different things — of course we don’t treat you alike.  You are a man.  Act like one.’ You need to get over being ‘distraught’ about this and playing into their game.  Of course you treat your kids differently — would he really want to be treated like an 8 year old girl?  Have some confidence in your love for them and that you have made appropriate choices — and then don’t encourage this ‘Momma always loved her best’ crap.  Big mistake to poll the other daughter on ‘do we play favorites’ — you are communicating your insecurity about this.  They pick it up.  You love em all.  You do the best you can with all of them.  Nothing wrong with telling your OS that he as your first has a soft spot in your heart — but don’t justify his whines — tell em you love em — and that you don’t want to hear anymore whining about who got the biggest piece of cake.

Response:

You fucked up when you got divorced. Did the old man dump you because you got fat or were you cheating with the Fed Ex driver (whatever sex)? Ben * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

actually this really cracked me up…. i can’t stop lauging

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – You fucked up when you got divorced. Did the old man dump you because you got fat or were you cheating with the Fed Ex driver (whatever sex)? Ben * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

Dear Parents, First of all this is the FIRST time I have been in this NG. So bear with me please. I will give the ages of my children then explain the problem I need advice on. 1. Oldest Son (OS) age 21 from first marriage 2. Oldest Daughter (OD) age 15 from first marriage 3. Youngest Daughter (YD) age 8 from current marriage Now that that’s done, here’s the problem with a little history: OS is currently living at home while attending college and working, he is scheduled to move out to an apartment in July with some friends. He has been a difficult child since day one. B y that I mean discipline problems in school and at home but, nothing too severe just not very easy going. It is very important to me on a personal level that he be able to finish college since he would be the ONLY person in my extended family to do so. Which is the reason he is still living at home. OD is in highschool and has always been the easiest of the three to deal with. She is very easy going and joyful. YD is of course the baby. She is somewhat spoiled but, I do discipline her when called for, she is in 3rd grade and is somewhere between OS and OD as far as temperment. She seems to be very bossy and demanding but, is joyful too. OK now the problem: OS has developed what I see as a sort of jealousy of YD. He has started complaining about: 1. I treat her differently than I do OS and OD 2. I never listen to them when it comes to disagreements and I always take her side. 3. I treat her like she’s the only important one and she’s my favorite. I understand that this could be a common problem when you have several children, but yesterday it got so far as a yelling match between OS and myself and he was just outrageous. He even went so far as to compare me to his stepmother whom he HATES with a passion.  What happened was, I was going to town and they were all three upstairs watching TV. I yelled up to them that I was going to town and YD said "will you tell these 2 not to aggravate me?" (not very nicely) and I said "I really wish I could go somewhere without you 3 fighting while I’m gone"  ( I didn’t single anyone out) and OS become irrate and said "all she has to do is say something and you jump all over me and YD" then it just escalated. I have spoken to OD about this and asked her if she felt the same way and if she feels that YD is my favorite and she said no, but she usually just says what she thinks I want to hear to make me happy. I am very distraught over this and I just really don’t know what to do. OS is supposed to be moving out in July but, I don’t want him to do so feeling so unimportant. On the other hand he is acting very immature and I feel like just throwing him out. He is my only son and therefore has a special soft spot in my heart. Is there anyone who could give me some advice or encouragement. Thank you so much for reading this looong post. AEM remove the XX to email me

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

: We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have : a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog : who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home : an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her : and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of : fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re : getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will : be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let : nature take its course? Well its probably neither jealousy or dislike.  Closest emotion would be fear, although if we were talking humans we might call it anxiety.  Your dog just doesn’t know how to behave with the puppy.  Try making the presence of the puppy into a "good thing"  Whenever the puppy approaches the dog, praise the dog, pay attention to it, perhaps give it a command it understands (that gives it something else to focus on).  For the time being when the two of them are together the attention goes to the dog. On the other hand you can make absence of puppy not so desireable.  When the puppy steps away from the dog just quit paying attention to it.   Now I don’t really mean to make this into a full blown "program" It isn’t like training where 100% consistency is important.  There really are two different factors I’m trying to hit on (1) giving the dog a productivew way to react and (2) influencing the attitude of the dog by making sure the puppy works to his gain rather than loss. If you haven’t formally obedience trained the older dog because you never felt he needed it then try it.  Obedience training isn’t just about manners.  It also gives the uncertain dog a sense of order and certainty that they crave. Diane Blackman –     –     –     –     –     –     –     – "Recognizing the social nature of dogs, we can easily see how confining them near, but without direct access to, other humans or animals produces a very potent form of stress and tension." "The Body Language and Emotion of Dogs" by Myrna M.  Milani, DVM.

Response:

We recently lost our 10 year old female Samoyed to cancer. We also have a 4 year old male Samoyed who is a shy but friendly,non agressive dog who doesn’t adapt to changes too well. We have just taken into our home an adorable 9 week female puppy. The male wants nothing to do with her and won’t even let the puppy get near him. The puppy shows no sign of fear even though the male has growled at her several times and we’re getting a little concerned. It’s only been a few days so maybe it will be a matter of time. Is there anything we should do other than let nature take its course?

Response:

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