Mom

Question:

Yeah, i’m still Mom…..

Response:

Oh yeah, and i was gonna say.. i keep reading about all these people who are hurting, missing their ex’s and being lonely and stuff…. sometimes i wonder why i never felt that way, to me it was like just dumping excess baggage… as cold as that may seem… Maybe it’s becuz i didn’t love him, for many many years, he would walk in the room and i’d just feel nauseated inside, like things were terribly wrong. There was no emotional connection or intimacy or anything like that… i just didn’t LIKE him… Maybe he’s not a bad guy for someone else, but he was not right for me… And being separated from him became MUCH less lonely than being married to him…. But i guess i can still sympathize with the "loss" feelings that people describe, cuz i do feel those about my kids… real bad… Thing is, you can hope to "replace" your spouse someday… But i can’t hope to "replace" my kids.. so maybe it’s not the same… Just please bear with me here, (or is that "bare"?), i’m working thru this whole thing the only way i know how… Two years of anti-depressants and other meds, all that just prolonged my working thru this stuff.. (i wouldn’t recommend them to anyone, deal with the crap now)… Now without meds for a couple months, i’m dealing with reality again… And reality is a good thing, most of my reality is good… just some moments to work thru… But getting better all the time……

Response:

hi ML, Hey, Mary Lou – Did you have job interview(s) Friday? How’d it go? Folks I know who have employees are *screaming* for help nowdays – Best - – BD

Response:

hi ML, Hey, kiddo – Did you have job interview(s) Friday? How’d it go? Folks I know who have employees are *screaming* for help nowdays –

Hi! Yeah, i had the interview and took some tests, did fine on them.. I was a bit flustered cuz i had a little "problem" with my parents as i was leaving for the interview but managed to compose myself pretty much on the way there.. (it’s hard for my parents AND for me, living here with them.. it’s been almost 10 months now, i never thot it would be that long – i think i’ve overstayed my "welcome" if you know what i mean.. i’ve tried to be as quiet and invisible as possible so’s not to be in the way, but it’s difficult in such a small house – so it was a little hard getting ready for the interview, not having a lot of privacy in the bathroom and stuff)… Anyway, so it’s a temp company. I have another interview tomorrow with another one… Hopefully i will be able to ease myself back into the working world.. and my parents can have their "craft room" back someday… Oh dang, my lawyer just called.. i’m so confused with this whole divorce thing, i just want it to be over…

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Oh yeah, and i was gonna say.. i keep reading about all these people who are hurting, missing their ex’s and being lonely and stuff…. sometimes i wonder why i never felt that way, to me it was like just dumping excess baggage… as cold as that may seem… Maybe it’s becuz i didn’t love him, for many many years, he would walk in the room and i’d just feel nauseated inside, like things were terribly wrong. There was no emotional connection or intimacy or anything like that… i just didn’t LIKE him… Maybe he’s not a bad guy for someone else, but he was not right for me… And being separated from him became MUCH less lonely than being married to him…. But i guess i can still sympathize with the "loss" feelings that people describe, cuz i do feel those about my kids… real bad… Thing is, you can hope to "replace" your spouse someday… But i can’t hope to "replace" my kids.. so maybe it’s not the same… Just please bear with me here, (or is that "bare"?), i’m working thru this whole thing the only way i know how… Two years of anti-depressants and other meds, all that just prolonged my working thru this stuff.. (i wouldn’t recommend them to anyone, deal with the crap now)… Now without meds for a couple months, i’m dealing with reality again… And reality is a good thing, most of my reality is good… just some moments to work thru… But getting better all the time……

We hear you, Mary Lou. I think that what you felt, or rather, didn’t feel about the ending of your marraige stems from, as you say, your lack of liking him, as a match for you. So, for you, it was over emotionally, likely a long time before anyone moved out and filed papers. For the folks who are deep in the grief of recent loss, that has much to do with them having still been deeply invested emotionally in both the marraige and their spouse, with the end coming as more of a shock, and maybe some surprise, too. So, these folks will have had much less time to process the range of feelings. And, most do report that their feelings for their kids is very different then their feeling(s) for their spouses, and ex’s. Which makes perfect sense to me, even though I have no kids. I do understand it. Good for you, in getting back into all of the world, and making a life for yourself in it. That, too, will take some time to fully get there, but you’re well on the way. Plus, I think that we all have times of mostly fine, and good, with some not so much in there. That’s this life thing… Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness " David Gelernter, " 1939 "

Response:

OK, i need some prayers sent out this way again. You who were around last October had to hear all about my mom’s surgery, and many sent prayers and well-wishes that were so greatly appreciated. It was a nasty choice, of death or a possiblity of surviving awhile after painful surgery.. Some of you folks out there even helped me with seeing both sides objectively… Well, she has been surviving.. But that’s just about all… Good thing is (sorry, this is graphic) that she no longer gets the painful blockages that make her vomit her feces. Bad thing is, she’s still losing weight, and retaining little or no nutrition. Now there’s an infection and she’s on a powerful antibiotic, and it’s making her feel worse. I’m getting married in about 2 weeks. This makes her so happy. Yet, she can’t attend the wedding. This lady wants to do so much for us yet she can barely sit up… Damn!!! I don’t expect her to do ANYTHING except just be alive and happy and feeling good… Just send some more prayers… I know, don’t even say it.. i know all that stuff about when it’s "time"…. She cried to me on the phone the other night, that she’s afraid of dying..she doesn’t WANT to and she says she isn’t ready to….. She has faith, but she’s afraid of leaving us…. I told her she’s not the one who needs to be afraid… We’ve been talking lately about things from when i was a kid, good memories we had, etc.. Then i go cry… then i come here and post nonsense… i don’t KNOW how else to cope with this…. i want her to get ALL better, but we know there will be no more getting better… ok, thanks for letting me ramble..

Response:

Well, she has been surviving.. But that’s just about all… Good thing is (sorry, this is graphic) that she no longer gets the painful blockages that make her vomit her feces.

Awwwww, bless her heart. Then i go cry… then i come here and post nonsense… i don’t KNOW how else to cope with this…. i want her to get ALL better, but we know there will be no more getting better…

Sweetie, that is NOT nonsense. If it were my mom, I would be beside myself. You ramble on. You and your mom will be in my prayers. Suzanne "It doesn’t matter how long the journey will take, as long as you don’t stop" – Confucius

Response:

ML: My heart goes out to you and your mother. I watched my father die from his cancer and it was just heartbreaking. The person you love the most being tortured for no reason and having to endure things that are completely humiliating….and there isn’t anything to do. It is awful. We had my father involved in hospice and they were wonderful. If that is available for you and you haven’t checked into it I can highly recommend those folks. Please take care of yourself…….and your Mom. Big hugs from Indiana. It is hard….maybe you can show your Mom a video of the wedding and share that with her. Denise

Response:

OK, i need some prayers sent out this way again.

<snip Then i go cry… then i come here and post nonsense… i don’t KNOW how else to cope with this…. i want her to get ALL better, but we know there will be no more getting better… ok, thanks for letting me ramble..

Ramble all you want. Prayers are on the way. Bruce B. "The Human Adventure is Just Beginning"

Response:

ML,you and your mother will be in my thoughts and prayers, take care of yourself. Lori Mc

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, i need some prayers sent out this way again. You who were around last October had to hear all about my mom’s surgery, and many sent prayers and well-wishes that were so greatly appreciated. It was a nasty choice, of death or a possiblity of surviving awhile after painful surgery.. Some of you folks out there even helped me with seeing both sides objectively… Well, she has been surviving.. But that’s just about all… Good thing is (sorry, this is graphic) that she no longer gets the painful blockages that make her vomit her feces. Bad thing is, she’s still losing weight, and retaining little or no nutrition. Now there’s an infection and she’s on a powerful antibiotic, and it’s making her feel worse. I’m getting married in about 2 weeks. This makes her so happy. Yet, she can’t attend the wedding. This lady wants to do so much for us yet she can barely sit up… Damn!!! I don’t expect her to do ANYTHING except just be alive and happy and feeling good… Just send some more prayers… I know, don’t even say it.. i know all that stuff about when it’s "time"…. She cried to me on the phone the other night, that she’s afraid of dying..she doesn’t WANT to and she says she isn’t ready to….. She has faith, but she’s afraid of leaving us…. I told her she’s not the one who needs to be afraid… We’ve been talking lately about things from when i was a kid, good memories we had, etc.. Then i go cry… then i come here and post nonsense… i don’t KNOW how else to cope with this…. i want her to get ALL better, but we know there will be no more getting better… ok, thanks for letting me ramble..

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Response:

Sweetheart of course I will pray for your mom……if prayers can do wonders then I’m sure she will be smiling when you are wed. I understand how you feel…..I was just told this evening that my father has an aneurysm in his leg. So maybe some prayers for him too? Daisy

Response:

So maybe some prayers for him too?

Most definitely. And thanks for all the prayers being sent and the thoughtful replies… I know that people get old, sick, and d**…. it’s just a fact of life…. I think if SHE were "comfortable" with it and ready…. at one point she seemed to be prepared, but last Sunday she seemed so not ready…

Response:

Oh ML…. I am deeply saddened by this news, I haven’t asked about you mom in a while because I did not wish to pry. I hope that she can survive this infection, and if at all possible gain some strength. I pray for you and your family. I don’t know what else to say really, other than please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. And I am happy for you and Joe, wish you all the very best.

Response:

I pray for you and your family. I don’t know what else to say really, other than please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. And I am happy for you and Joe, wish you all the very best.

Thanks! :-) Life seems to be full of the wonderful and the bad stuff, at the same time… (heh, just like this newsgroup!)

Response:

ML, this message just showed up on my news server, so I apologize for the lateness of my response. I will continue to send prayers to that wonderful woman you call mom. I agree with others that said that you can bring a part of the wedding to her, either through video or pictures developed the next day. I’m sure it will make her day to feel a part of your wedding. Another thought is to get her a corsage for the day so she can be the mother of the bride in every way she can. Your mom and your family made a tough decision last year regarding the surgery. I’m sure you have treasured every day that you have had with her since and even though her quality of life is not 100%, it is better than it was pre-surgery (?). Sending prayers to you and yours… Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, i need some prayers sent out this way again. You who were around last October had to hear all about my mom’s surgery, and many sent prayers and well-wishes that were so greatly appreciated. It was a nasty choice, of death or a possiblity of surviving awhile after painful surgery.. Some of you folks out there even helped me with seeing both sides objectively… Well, she has been surviving.. But that’s just about all… Good thing is (sorry, this is graphic) that she no longer gets the painful blockages that make her vomit her feces. Bad thing is, she’s still losing weight, and retaining little or no nutrition. Now there’s an infection and she’s on a powerful antibiotic, and it’s making her feel worse. I’m getting married in about 2 weeks. This makes her so happy. Yet, she can’t attend the wedding. This lady wants to do so much for us yet she can barely sit up… Damn!!! I don’t expect her to do ANYTHING except just be alive and happy and feeling good… Just send some more prayers… I know, don’t even say it.. i know all that stuff about when it’s "time"…. She cried to me on the phone the other night, that she’s afraid of dying..she doesn’t WANT to and she says she isn’t ready to….. She has faith, but she’s afraid of leaving us…. I told her she’s not the one who needs to be afraid… We’ve been talking lately about things from when i was a kid, good memories we had, etc.. Then i go cry… then i come here and post nonsense… i don’t KNOW how else to cope with this…. i want her to get ALL better, but we know there will be no more getting better… ok, thanks for letting me ramble..

Response:

That and maybe a laptop setup with a webcam so she can watch from her own home while it happens…..sorry, I’m a techie type person. I think of those things.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ML, this message just showed up on my news server, so I apologize for the lateness of my response. I will continue to send prayers to that wonderful woman you call mom. I agree with others that said that you can bring a part of the wedding to her, either through video or pictures developed the next day. I’m sure it will make her day to feel a part of your wedding. Another thought is to get her a corsage for the day so she can be the mother of the bride in every way she can. Your mom and your family made a tough decision last year regarding the surgery. I’m sure you have treasured every day that you have had with her since and even though her quality of life is not 100%, it is better than it was pre-surgery (?). Sending prayers to you and yours… Cheryl OK, i need some prayers sent out this way again. You who were around last October had to hear all about my mom’s surgery, and many sent prayers and well-wishes that were so greatly appreciated. It was a nasty choice, of death or a possiblity of surviving awhile after painful surgery.. Some of you folks out there even helped me with seeing both sides objectively… Well, she has been surviving.. But that’s just about all… Good thing is (sorry, this is graphic) that she no longer gets the painful blockages that make her vomit her feces. Bad thing is, she’s still losing weight, and retaining little or no nutrition. Now there’s an infection and she’s on a powerful antibiotic, and it’s making her feel worse. I’m getting married in about 2 weeks. This makes her so happy. Yet, she can’t attend the wedding. This lady wants to do so much for us yet she can barely sit up… Damn!!! I don’t expect her to do ANYTHING except just be alive and happy and feeling good… Just send some more prayers… I know, don’t even say it.. i know all that stuff about when it’s "time"…. She cried to me on the phone the other night, that she’s afraid of dying..she doesn’t WANT to and she says she isn’t ready to….. She has faith, but she’s afraid of leaving us…. I told her she’s not the one who needs to be afraid… We’ve been talking lately about things from when i was a kid, good memories we had, etc.. Then i go cry… then i come here and post nonsense… i don’t KNOW how else to cope with this…. i want her to get ALL better, but we know there will be no more getting better… ok, thanks for letting me ramble..

Response:

The corsage is a great idea! I had planned to give her the "bouquet" afterwards (i made it myself, under $5 – silk flowers from Walmart!)

Response:

My mother (87) passed away this morning <

I’m sorry to hear this GGGGGGG. Same for Nunia and for Inky’s Mom’s health as well. Blessings and strength to all of you.. Kath

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I spent the day with my mom. My oldest son came over, too. He brought his rabbit for my mom to pet, and she seemed very soothed by it. We watched some old family movies, about 10 years ago, when the kids were a lot younger. Back when we used to be able to have holiday dinners together, and my mom wasn’t too sick to be there. One was especially touching, her 70th birthday. The kids and i put 70 candles on the cake, and it looked like some sort of inferno. My mom laughed, and she cried. In a couple of the videos she had said she was thankful to be alive to be there. She’s crying so much. A florist came and brought an arrangement from some of my cousins in Ohio. Of course then she cried again. I gave her some "best mother in the world" socks and she cried. I think i’ve made up with my dad and my brother, any hard feelings don’t even matter now. Heck, even my ex offered me a ride to the hospital tomorrow if i needed it. He said i shouldn’t drive when i’m stressed out, but i’ll be ok. In my family, we have this "guardian angel", i believe. She may or may not come home from the hospital. But thank you God for giving me this day with her. ML, I am really sorry to hear your news. I envy you, in being able to spend some of her final time with her. My mother (87) passed away this morning and I’m currently making arrangements to fly home for the funeral. I last saw her at Christmas time, but talked with her on Friday. She just went to an attended care facility on Thursday and I planned on sending her some flowers today, followed by a phone call. We were lucky to have her this long, lucid and independent. She lived alone since 1985, in the house she and my father built, until last Sunday. My best wishes for you, your mother, and your family as you enter this transistion in your lives. It’s never an easy one, but one we must all share at one time or another with loved ones. Our loved ones will share it with us when our time comes as well. As hard as it seems, it’s all part of the big picture/plan. GGG

May I extend my sympathies to you and your family, G. Pamela

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Some of the first and second year docs we got at the hospital looked so young that it sometimes felt like we were being overrun by teenager’s. Especially when they got so scared you had to take them aside and hand them a paper bag to breathe into. Pamela – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Lane wow, I hope his bedside manner is better than his "family relations" manner! Imagine! Why not "You are a more lovely and vibrant version of your mom." This was the first time i have met her surgeon, and he told me i look just like a "beefier version" of my mom. :-) You??? "Beefy"??? I have to smile at that description, you know. Even while it makes me sad, realizing just how malnourished and underweight your Mom must be, for you to be called "beefy" in comparison. Hugs, Janie — "I criticize America because I love her. I want to see her stand as a moral example to the world." – Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Thanks for the replies, prayers and emails. It helps me to feel less alone in all this, for some reason. Even tho i’m not alone, i kinda feel that

way. You might consider taking in a tape recorder if you want to capture some recent moments with your mom. I wish I had done that – something to listen to, to remind me of her… I don’t have any audios or videos, just a few pictures…

Response:

inky pondered a bit and then came up with… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I spent the day with my mom. My oldest son came over, too. He brought his rabbit for my mom to pet, and she seemed very soothed by it. We watched some old family movies, about 10 years ago, when the kids were a lot younger. Back when we used to be able to have holiday dinners together, and my mom wasn’t too sick to be there. One was especially touching, her 70th birthday. The kids and i put 70 candles on the cake, and it looked like some sort of inferno. My mom laughed, and she cried. In a couple of the videos she had said she was thankful to be alive to be there. She’s crying so much. A florist came and brought an arrangement from some of my cousins in Ohio. Of course then she cried again. I gave her some "best mother in the world" socks and she cried. I think i’ve made up with my dad and my brother, any hard feelings don’t even matter now. Heck, even my ex offered me a ride to the hospital tomorrow if i needed it. He said i shouldn’t drive when i’m stressed out, but i’ll be ok. In my family, we have this "guardian angel", i believe. She may or may not come home from the hospital. But thank you God for giving me this day with her.

I’m keeping all of your text in my response, because it was so bittersweet. I’m glad to hear about your father and brother. I know you have struggles in that area. Your mother is going to pull through. Hang in there, ok? ((((Inky and Inky’s mom)))) — Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)

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Thanks for the replies, prayers and emails. It helps me to feel less alone in all this, for some reason. Even tho i’m not alone, i kinda feel that way. Last night was Hell. I stared at the ceiling when i wasn’t dozing off into a nightmare. Nervous as heck, too, about the drive to the hospital, now that my son’s car isn’t up to the trip (i was gonna pay him to drive me but he got stranded last night at school). My stomach is tying itself in knots, but can’t take a xanax and drive safely. wish today was over. thanks for listening. somehow it helps.

sending along my best wishes and prayers for you and your Mom today…

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Every moment is a blessing, and makes another memory to treasure. Sending good thoughts to all of you. Pamela

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again, thanks for the good wishes and prayers. She made it thru the surgery. We expected it to be 2+ hours, but the doc came walking out after only about 45 minutes. My heart sank, but then he said she was ok. Apparently they found her too "frail" to do a laproscopic, becuz it would take a lot more time being under anesthesia, even tho less painful for recovery. They couldn’t "fix" the whole problem, she’ll probably continue malnourished and homebound, but they alledgedly were able to fix what was probably causing the worst pain and blocking (even tho they said that last time and were wrong). I would have liked to hear something more miraculous, but she DID get thru it and that’s pretty much a miracle in itself. I just hope she recovers from the shock, and the quality of life will be somewhat better for her after this. This was the first time i have met her surgeon, and he told me i look just like a "beefier version" of my mom. :-) I’m looking forward to telling her that, i think she’ll get a kick out of it. It made me feel good, becuz i think she’s the most beautiful woman in the entire world. Stubborn old thing she is, she apparently refused all pain meds when she woke up, and had to be talked into taking them.

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My Condolensces on your mother’s passing. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I spent the day with my mom. My oldest son came over, too. He brought his rabbit for my mom to pet, and she seemed very soothed by it. We watched some old family movies, about 10 years ago, when the kids were a lot younger. Back when we used to be able to have holiday dinners together, and my mom wasn’t too sick to be there. One was especially touching, her 70th birthday. The kids and i put 70 candles on the cake, and it looked like some sort of inferno. My mom laughed, and she cried. In a couple of the videos she had said she was thankful to be alive to be there. She’s crying so much. A florist came and brought an arrangement from some of my cousins in Ohio. Of course then she cried again. I gave her some "best mother in the world" socks and she cried. I think i’ve made up with my dad and my brother, any hard feelings don’t even matter now. Heck, even my ex offered me a ride to the hospital tomorrow if i needed it. He said i shouldn’t drive when i’m stressed out, but i’ll be ok. In my family, we have this "guardian angel", i believe. She may or may not come home from the hospital. But thank you God for giving me this day with her. ML, I am really sorry to hear your news. I envy you, in being able to spend some of her final time with her. My mother (87) passed away this morning and I’m currently making arrangements to fly home for the funeral. I last saw her at Christmas time, but talked with her on Friday. She just went to an attended care facility on Thursday and I planned on sending her some flowers today, followed by a phone call. We were lucky to have her this long, lucid and independent. She lived alone since 1985, in the house she and my father built, until last Sunday. My best wishes for you, your mother, and your family as you enter this transistion in your lives. It’s never an easy one, but one we must all share at one time or another with loved ones. Our loved ones will share it with us when our time comes as well. As hard as it seems, it’s all part of the big picture/plan. GGG

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You see, there really is a guardian angel on your shoulders. Pamela

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – again, thanks for the good wishes and prayers. She made it thru the surgery. We expected it to be 2+ hours, but the doc came walking out after only about 45 minutes. My heart sank, but then he said she was ok. Apparently they found her too "frail" to do a laproscopic, becuz it would take a lot more time being under anesthesia, even tho less painful for recovery. They couldn’t "fix" the whole problem, she’ll probably continue malnourished and homebound, but they alledgedly were able to fix what was probably causing the worst pain and blocking (even tho they said that last time and were wrong). I would have liked to hear something more miraculous, but she DID get thru it and that’s pretty much a miracle in itself. I just hope she recovers from the shock, and the quality of life will be somewhat better for her after this. This was the first time i have met her surgeon, and he told me i look just like a "beefier version" of my mom. :-) I’m looking forward to telling her that, i think she’ll get a kick out of it. It made me feel good, becuz i think she’s the most beautiful woman in the entire world. Stubborn old thing she is, she apparently refused all pain meds when she woke up, and had to be talked into taking them.

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again, thanks for the good wishes and prayers. She made it thru the surgery.

This is wonderful news, Inky. I’m so glad. :) Lauri I like my email spamless

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inky pondered a bit and then came up with… again, thanks for the good wishes and prayers. She made it thru the surgery.

<snip Whew! Thank goodness! Wonderful news! — Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)

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My heart goes out to you, my dad died 21 years ago, I still miss him terribly but now I speak to him every day and he answers. All it took was for me to learn a new communication skill. He tells me how proud of me he is, how much he adores my kids, even tho they hadnt been born when he died. Love is the most powerful force in the universe once we allow ourselves to tap into it.. my wish is for only good things for you and your mom and great talks forever:)

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wow, I hope his bedside manner is better than his "family relations" manner! Imagine! Why not "You are a more lovely and vibrant version of your mom."

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This was the first time i have met her surgeon, and he told me i look just like a "beefier version" of my mom. :-) You??? "Beefy"??? I have to smile at that description, you know. Even while it makes me sad, realizing just how malnourished and underweight your Mom must be, for you to be called "beefy" in comparison. Hugs, Janie — "I criticize America because I love her. I want to see her stand as a moral example to the world." – Martin Luther King, Jr.

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It was kinda funny, but didn’t bother me at all. I think he was just surprised at how much resemblence there was. "I am my mom’s kid" And i was kinda surprised when the surgeon came out and i realized he didn’t even look 30, i was expecting an older, graying and distringuished-looking sorta guy. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – wow, I hope his bedside manner is better than his "family relations" manner! Imagine! Why not "You are a more lovely and vibrant version of your mom." This was the first time i have met her surgeon, and he told me i look just like a "beefier version" of my mom. :-) You??? "Beefy"??? I have to smile at that description, you know. Even while it makes me sad, realizing just how malnourished and underweight your Mom must be, for you to be called "beefy" in comparison. Hugs, Janie — "I criticize America because I love her. I want to see her stand as a moral example to the world." – Martin Luther King, Jr.

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ML, I am really sorry to hear your news. I envy you, in being able to spend some of her final time with her. My mother (87) passed away this morning and I’m currently making arrangements to fly home for the funeral. I last saw her at Christmas time, but talked with her on Friday. She just went to an attended care facility on Thursday and I planned on sending her some flowers today, followed by a phone call. We were lucky to have her this long, lucid and independent. She lived alone since 1985, in the house she and my father built, until last Sunday. My best wishes for you, your mother, and your family as you enter this transistion in your lives. It’s never an easy one, but one we must all share at one time or another with loved ones. Our loved ones will share it with us when our time comes as well. As hard as it seems, it’s all part of the big picture/plan. GGG

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I am really sorry to hear your news. I envy you, in being able to spend some of her final time with her. My mother (87) passed away this morning and I’m currently making arrangements to fly home for the funeral. I last saw her at Christmas time, but talked with her on Friday. She just went to an attended care facility on Thursday and I planned on sending her some flowers today, followed by a phone call. We were lucky to have her this long, lucid and independent. She lived alone since 1985, in the house she and my father built, until last Sunday.

I’m sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you at this time, and prayers are with you. Please feel free to email me if you want to share some of the feelings you must be having.

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G, I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ((GGGNH)) Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I spent the day with my mom. My oldest son came over, too. He brought his rabbit for my mom to pet, and she seemed very soothed by it. We watched some old family movies, about 10 years ago, when the kids were a lot younger. Back when we used to be able to have holiday dinners together, and my mom wasn’t too sick to be there. One was especially touching, her 70th birthday. The kids and i put 70 candles on the cake, and it looked like some sort of inferno. My mom laughed, and she cried. In a couple of the videos she had said she was thankful to be alive to be there. She’s crying so much. A florist came and brought an arrangement from some of my cousins in Ohio. Of course then she cried again. I gave her some "best mother in the world" socks and she cried. I think i’ve made up with my dad and my brother, any hard feelings don’t even matter now. Heck, even my ex offered me a ride to the hospital tomorrow if i needed it. He said i shouldn’t drive when i’m stressed out, but i’ll be ok. In my family, we have this "guardian angel", i believe. She may or may not come home from the hospital. But thank you God for giving me this day with her. ML, I am really sorry to hear your news. I envy you, in being able to spend some of her final time with her. My mother (87) passed away this morning and I’m currently making arrangements to fly home for the funeral. I last saw her at Christmas time, but talked with her on Friday. She just went to an attended care facility on Thursday and I planned on sending her some flowers today, followed by a phone call. We were lucky to have her this long, lucid and independent. She lived alone since 1985, in the house she and my father built, until last Sunday. My best wishes for you, your mother, and your family as you enter this transistion in your lives. It’s never an easy one, but one we must all share at one time or another with loved ones. Our loved ones will share it with us when our time comes as well. As hard as it seems, it’s all part of the big picture/plan. GGG

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inky said for all posterity… She may or may not come home from the hospital. But thank you God for giving me this day with her.

It’s really great to hear that the day went so well. Casey "The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging."

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks for the replies, prayers and emails. It helps me to feel less alone in all this, for some reason. Even tho i’m not alone, i kinda feel that way. Last night was Hell. I stared at the ceiling when i wasn’t dozing off into a nightmare. Nervous as heck, too, about the drive to the hospital, now that my son’s car isn’t up to the trip (i was gonna pay him to drive me but he got stranded last night at school). My stomach is tying itself in knots, but can’t take a xanax and drive safely. wish today was over. thanks for listening. somehow it helps.

Peace, Inky. I remember . . . well never mind. Peace to you. They have written the books about not sweating the small stuff. Sometimes, you need to not sweat the big stuff, and just take it as it comes.

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nice post, Ink

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Hold on to this day forever. In some of the rough days it will be a treasure for you to have. Denise

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I spent the day with my mom. My oldest son came over, too. He brought his rabbit for my mom to pet, and she seemed very soothed by it. We watched some old family movies, about 10 years ago, when the kids were a lot younger. Back when we used to be able to have holiday dinners together, and my mom wasn’t too sick to be there. One was especially touching, her 70th birthday. The kids and i put 70 candles on the cake, and it looked like some sort of inferno. My mom laughed, and she cried. In a couple of the videos she had said she was thankful to be alive to be there. She’s crying so much. A florist came and brought an arrangement from some of my cousins in Ohio. Of course then she cried again. I gave her some "best mother in the world" socks and she cried. I think i’ve made up with my dad and my brother, any hard feelings don’t even matter now. Heck, even my ex offered me a ride to the hospital tomorrow if i needed it. He said i shouldn’t drive when i’m stressed out, but i’ll be ok. In my family, we have this "guardian angel", i believe. She may or may not come home from the hospital. But thank you God for giving me this day with her.

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Talked to her tonight. Please anybody who can, say a prayer.. The 3-hr surgery is tomorrow. She had an episode yesterday that was so painful and severe that there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that there’s no choice but to do this. It’s definitely progressing to worse… I’m scared, but she actually seems pretty much "at peace" about it… Weird, but it makes me think of when i was very little, and asking my mom to please don’t go to sleep.. She says i used to take my fingers and pry her eyelids open when she tried to take a nap. I still remember how it felt then, i was afraid she wouldn’t open them back up… feels kinda like that now. thanks for listening.

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Talked to her tonight. Please anybody who can, say a prayer.. The 3-hr surgery is tomorrow. She had an episode yesterday that was so painful and severe that there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that there’s no choice but to do this. It’s definitely progressing to worse… I’m scared, but she actually seems pretty much "at peace" about it… Weird, but it makes me think of when i was very little, and asking my mom to please don’t go to sleep.. She says i used to take my fingers and pry her eyelids open when she tried to take a nap. I still remember how it felt then, i was afraid she wouldn’t open them back up… feels kinda like that now. thanks for listening.

My prayers are with you both, (((Mary Lou))). Jack

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ML, it’s 5:30am here in CT and I’m up thinking about your mom. I’ll take the 5am to noon shift, a 15-minute break and then the 12:15-5:00pm shift (I’m playing hookey today after a two-day migraine). If someone can fill in those 15 minutes for me, we’re all set. Seriously, I share your fear and remember what days like this are like. I went through it with my sister 4 years ago. Know that I will be here thinking of you and if you wanna email privately, will give ya my number if ya wanna talk in real time. Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Talked to her tonight. Please anybody who can, say a prayer.. The 3-hr surgery is tomorrow. She had an episode yesterday that was so painful and severe that there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that there’s no choice but to do this. It’s definitely progressing to worse… I’m scared, but she actually seems pretty much "at peace" about it… Weird, but it makes me think of when i was very little, and asking my mom to please don’t go to sleep.. She says i used to take my fingers and pry her eyelids open when she tried to take a nap. I still remember how it felt then, i was afraid she wouldn’t open them back up… feels kinda like that now. thanks for listening.

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POSITION: Parent JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term player needed for challenging permanent work in chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communicative and organizational skills and be willing to work evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour trips to primitive camping sites and rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. RESPONSIBILITIES: Must keep this job for the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule. Must be willing to tackle stimulating technical challenges such as small gadgets repair, sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must be safety food taster. Must handle assembly and product safety testing, as well as floor maintenance and janitorial work. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and levels of mentality. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of end project. ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: There is no possibility of either. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retaining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, but on the job training is offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES: None, in fact, you must pay those in your charge, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 and attend college. When you die, you give them whatever income you have left. BENEFITS: There is no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options. However, the job offers limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life. A most rewarding position if you choose this job.

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Know that I will be here thinking of you and if you wanna email privately, will give ya my number if ya wanna talk in real time.

thanks..

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OK, well, for anyone that’s interested, she made it thru the surgery. It was more complex than expected and recovery may be difficult. Thanks for the prayers and well wishes here and in email. They were greatly appreciated.

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I believe she’ll pull through…the latest visits of you and the kids may have been all she needed to keep going. Love does a wonderful job on the healing process. Ya did good.

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, well, for anyone that’s interested, she made it thru the surgery. It was more complex than expected and recovery may be difficult. Thanks for the prayers and well wishes here and in email. They were greatly appreciated. Oh ML, what wonderful news! I’ll continue to pray for her speedy and full recovery. Thank you so much, ML, for sharing this with us. I’ve been thinking about you and your Mom all evening, and was hoping you’d have time to come online and update us, knowing you probably spent most of your time with her at the hospital today. Hugs, Janie

Yeah, what she said! Our prayers will continue for your mother, Mary Lou. sam Don’t push the red button, Never push the red button! Daffy Duck

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Mary Lou, I’ve been waiting all day to hear from you about this, but didn’t want to ask in case you weren’t ready to talk about it. I’m so glad the surgery went well. Mom sounds like a fighter (gee, wonder where ML got it from!) and she has lots of support. Breathing a sigh of relief here, Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, well, for anyone that’s interested, she made it thru the surgery. It was more complex than expected and recovery may be difficult. Thanks for the prayers and well wishes here and in email. They were greatly appreciated.

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thanks. it’s appreciated.

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Do you know the Serenity Prayer… you know, the one about accepting things you cannot change? Here’s my short version: "May God grant me the serenity and power to change whatever I want." Now, please, tell us about your new pet. ===Rog’=== <snip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i can’t sleep, whine whine whine…. And today i bought a new pet… He/she/it is very cool.

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***HUGS*** Mary Lou, you have quite a bit going on there. Wait, here’s another *HUG*, sure you could use plenty. You have alot in your life that you wish you can go back and change, but ya can’t, but you CAN look ahead and decide what you can do to make today and the next two weeks better for you, your mom, your kids, your family. Don’t be stubborn (like me) and not ask for support when ya need it. No one’s shoulders are strong enough or wide enough to bear a load like this. Lean on us, lean on Joe, lean on your friends for support. Talk to your mom, spend time with her. Treasure every day and don’t look back. Another *HUG* to use for later if ya need it. Keep it in yer pocket. Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The latest is my mom and dad and brother are having a tough time with this thing. Her surgery is 2 weeks from today. Her 77th birthday is 2 weeks minus a day from today. (As i mentioned before, it’s one of those things where skip the surgery and die a painful death probably within a year, or get the surgery and maybe die instantly, or maybe live a few good years following a painful recovery.) I don’t know how to deal with this, and my kids, i just don’t know. The older son is acting like everything is fine, like TOO fine… The younger is acting really bizarre, although he’s been having problems since March anyway, and i think the bizarreness is his way of coping (i have my own bizarre coping mechanisms, too)… I know this doesn’t have a lot to do with divorce, but i need to talk somewhere and this is a familiar place to me. I’m having this really negative thought about her birthday, "buy something you want, becuz you’ll probably get it right back anyway".. I HATE that, it’s the kind of stuff the "evil monkeys" spew at me, stuff that’s exactly the opposite of how i really feel… Then i start thinking, if something really BAD happens during/after the surgery, and only immediate family can come in her room, that means my "fiance" can’t? I’ll just lie then, i strive never to lie, but i think at that time i would, becuz i know i would need him. Maybe that won’t happen, hopefully. What exactly IS "immediate family" anyway? That means my kids and their dad, but not my fiance? Then i lie in bed thinking about all the times i did/said things that displeased my parents, and feeling so very sorry for it… Even things i didn’t intentionally do BAD, but just things i failed at and disappointed them.. But then the bad things, too… Then i think of my kids, the mistakes i made, like forgetting ONCE to put the tooth-fairy money under Joey’s pillow, becuz i got tired and fell asleep waiting… Or when Joey was born and i was too tired for to play with Billy. Or the times i yelled at them for fighting with each other. Or when Billy got injured in kindergarten and i was out with his baby brother deliving Avon and we stopped for breakfast, then i got home and got the phone message. Or when Joey was at school and the shooting and i should have KNOWN becuz of the dreams… And of course becuz i failed them by not being able to keep the family together… and i’m sorry for fighting with their dad…. Why am i feeling all this? I dont’ know. I used to talk to my mom for HOURS about stuff, about feelings, about regrets, about all sorts of stuff… I confided in her, and she in me….. She helped me, she made me feel better, she and i are very much alike…. she understands that i can "see" things, becuz she can, too…. What am i going to do without her??? How can i ever replace her?? And i haven’t even asked for the day off from work yet… I don’t know why, maybe i’m expecting some miracle or something… I’m tired, i don’t feel good, i can’t sleep, whine whine whine…. And today i bought a new pet… He/she/it is very cool.

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The latest is my mom and dad and brother are having a tough time with this thing. Her surgery is 2 weeks from today. Her 77th birthday is 2 weeks minus a day from today. (As i mentioned before, it’s one of those things where skip the surgery and die a painful death probably within a year, or get the surgery and maybe die instantly, or maybe live a few good years following a painful recovery.) I don’t know how to deal with this, and my kids, i just don’t know. The older son is acting like everything is fine, like TOO fine… The younger is acting really bizarre, although he’s been having problems since March anyway, and i think the bizarreness is his way of coping (i have my own bizarre coping mechanisms, too)… I know this doesn’t have a lot to do with divorce, but i need to talk somewhere and this is a familiar place to me. I’m having this really negative thought about her birthday, "buy something you want, becuz you’ll probably get it right back anyway".. I HATE that, it’s the kind of stuff the "evil monkeys" spew at me, stuff that’s exactly the opposite of how i really feel… Then i start thinking, if something really BAD happens during/after the surgery, and only immediate family can come in her room, that means my "fiance" can’t? I’ll just lie then, i strive never to lie, but i think at that time i would, becuz i know i would need him. Maybe that won’t happen, hopefully. What exactly IS "immediate family" anyway? That means my kids and their dad, but not my fiance? Then i lie in bed thinking about all the times i did/said things that displeased my parents, and feeling so very sorry for it… Even things i didn’t intentionally do BAD, but just things i failed at and disappointed them.. But then the bad things, too… Then i think of my kids, the mistakes i made, like forgetting ONCE to put the tooth-fairy money under Joey’s pillow, becuz i got tired and fell asleep waiting… Or when Joey was born and i was too tired for to play with Billy. Or the times i yelled at them for fighting with each other. Or when Billy got injured in kindergarten and i was out with his baby brother deliving Avon and we stopped for breakfast, then i got home and got the phone message. Or when Joey was at school and the shooting and i should have KNOWN becuz of the dreams… And of course becuz i failed them by not being able to keep the family together… and i’m sorry for fighting with their dad…. Why am i feeling all this? I dont’ know. I used to talk to my mom for HOURS about stuff, about feelings, about regrets, about all sorts of stuff… I confided in her, and she in me….. She helped me, she made me feel better, she and i are very much alike…. she understands that i can "see" things, becuz she can, too…. What am i going to do without her??? How can i ever replace her?? And i haven’t even asked for the day off from work yet… I don’t know why, maybe i’m expecting some miracle or something… I’m tired, i don’t feel good, i can’t sleep, whine whine whine…. And today i bought a new pet… He/she/it is very cool.

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Bull – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Mother’s Path of Life The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength." And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God." And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them." And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence." Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she’s the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she’s crystallized in every tear drop. She’s the place you came from, your first home; and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.. Not time, not space…not even death!

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Bull

I know that unfortunately not everyone had a mother like this. I’m one of the fortunate ones who does. Some people grow closer to their fathers, and some, sadly, have this closeness with neither.

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ah…now I’m weepy…thanks a lot. Really some beautiful thoughts here, thanks for sharing. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Mother’s Path of Life The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength." And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God." And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them." And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence." Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she’s the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she’s crystallized in every tear drop. She’s the place you came from, your first home; and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.. Not time, not space…not even death!

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Mother’s Path of Life The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength." And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God." And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them." And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence." Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she’s the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she’s crystallized in every tear drop. She’s the place you came from, your first home; and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.. Not time, not space…not even death!

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