Act Acting » Acting School » My story of memories….LONG!!

My story of memories….LONG!!

Question:

I am sorry…don’t know why this keeps multiple posting on me.  E – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What a powerful story.  I didn’t see the original post, just the responses here.  I am speechless, Stef

Response:

What a powerful story.  I didn’t see the original post, just the responses here.  I am speechless, Stef.  So, I don’t know what else to say.  It is scarey to me that our children are so defenseless and unprotected from these awful experiences.  I remember when my child was small, I would panic if he wandered out of my sight or was too long in the men’s bathroom at a store. Not when he was with other people or daycare (though maybe I should’ve been) I guess it was all the stories of child abduction and abuse.  My heart would just throb and beat so fast, almost hyperventilating.  It is heartbreaking that the world has to be this way.  Eileen The most memorable thing was that it was the voice of the 7 year old that was now talking to me and the adult was now gone (it was as if the adult spirit had left the body out of fear and now in it’s place, there was this child looking through the adults eyes at me).  Now, like I said, I’m no psychologist, but I know the truth inside people and I know what others who are close to me are feeling (especially when it is this strong).

Response:

proxy.airnews.net, Hi Stef, Thank you for writing this. It reminded me of similar experiences of my own. They’re things I tend to not think about much, maybe because it all seems too real when I do. There was the time I was at my flat with a girl I was very close to – an incredibly strong ’soul-mate’ sort of feeling. My mother was there too. I can’t remember what triggered it but I became almost frozen and speechless. I was acting like a very scared child; I wouldn’t answer anything, I didn’t want to be touched (I’d basically yelp if they came too close), I didn’t want them to go away (I’d become agitated if they were both out of my line of sight), and I couldn’t say anything of my own accord. It lasted about half an hour or forty-five minutes. And a similar experience when I’d asked another close female friend to read some of the stuff I’d written about myself, the confusion and the flashbacks and ‘what does it all mean’. She came back to find me in a foetal ball on the couch, shaking like I had a fever, moaning and unable to respond with words. She was wonderful, just stayed with me and stroked my head and I slowly relaxed and we both cried a little. And the time my sister showed me a drawing of something she’d remembered and I leapt into the air then crumbled into a ball, shaking and crying. And the aunt who said, "I was sure when he was a kid that something horrible had happened to him but what could I have said?". And the teachers who kept saying, "He doesn’t have the same amount of life as the other boys, he’s so watchful, he never just plays". And all the friends who said, "You never let go, you never relax, you’re always thinking and waiting for something". And now of course they say, "Right. Now it makes sense." Wish it didn’t :( Mick. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Here’s my story:  My ex-husband was sexually abused when he was 7.  We dated for 3 years before he remembered anything (he was then 24, that’s 17 years without out one clue that this had happened to him).  Now I’m no psychic or psychologist, but I can read people VERY well, especially people who I am involved with (friends or boyfriends) and I knew the 3 years before anything came out that there was something lurking there in his brain. Something that was so wrong and evil that it frightened me.  It was weird, I just remember being around him and under certain circumstances (I don’t remember but I would assume they were abuse related enough to trigger him) and feeling these wild signals from him, although he would be doing nothing and acting quite normal.  One day we were discussing something about pornography and the signals from him and the weird "eerie" feeling that I would get from him sometimes, got so strong.  Finally it got so overwhelming for me (such a creepy feeling, made even creepier by the fact that he was showing no outside form of communication and I was just picking it up mentally) that these words just flew out of my mouth without me knowing why I was saying them (it was like my brain made me "ask" his brain).  I said, "Did something happen to you as a child".  BOOM!!!!  The reaction was the eeriest thing I have ever and will ever witness.  His expression melted into someone else’s face, a child who had witnessed something very bad.  It’s hard to describe it, he just metamorphisized (sp?) right in front of me.  Now, what sat in front of me was not the adult that was there 1 min ago, but this frightened child just screaming and crying.  It was so sad.  I could actually see him falling apart right before my eyes.  The memories were so real and strong, that it was almost as if I could see this tangible monster looming behind him.  All of a sudden all the memories that had been safely locked up for 17 years came flooding out.  He just sat there with this look in his eyes, the same eyes that had seen the abuse, now saw it again.  I was worried, I initially thought, "Oh hell, he’s going to disassociate right before my eyes" (I had had enough psych to know what it was and what it looked like and it looked like him).  What I saw in his eyes was so frightening that I was convinced that he would never come back, that the memories had killed his sanity.  I won’t even repeat the words that he said b/c, even now that we are divorced and don’t speak to each other anymore, it brings tears to my eyes.  The most memorable thing was that it was the voice of the 7 year old that was now talking to me and the adult was now gone (it was as if the adult spirit had left the body out of fear and now in it’s place, there was this child looking through the adults eyes at me).  Now, like I said, I’m no psychologist, but I know the truth inside people and I know what others who are close to me are feeling (especially when it is this strong).  All I can say is, this was no joke!  It was real and there was NO WAY ON PLANET EARTH he was making this up.  The waves of memory and pain were so strong that they took hold of me, so much so, that I saw into his past before he even could!!!  I think that’s what struck me as so real, yet surreal about the whole thing.  I believed in his story b/c I was there, his pain was so overpowering that it came into me.  That’s why I said those words.  There were no verbal clues, hints, nothing.  I KNEW what happened to him b/c it was surfacing so powerfully that I saw it with my own eyes and felt it. Lies or "made up" stories don’t evoke such strong feelings that others can pick them up before you even say anything and if a memory is so painful that those close to you can read it, then I fully believe it is strong enough to be repressed.  I also believe that if there is such a thing as reading peoples minds and knowing what is there without them saying anything (or even knowing anything) that it is possible for the brain to store bad memories. After this experience, I could NEVER question a person’s sudden recall of memories  or having parts of them remember and other parts not remember, or remembering one day and not the next.  Hell that’s why the brain does that, to protect the person from pain that is so powerful that it might destroy. All it is, is a form of saving one’s self (or sanity).  It’s the same with disassociating; if the pain is too much for one person, several are created to hold the weight, so to speak. I know what I saw and felt.  I saw the abuse before any words came out of his mouth and for me to dismiss what happened to him as "just a story" would be to dismiss what I saw as "just my imagination" and there was no reason for me to suddenly imagine something like this.  He never planted these ideas in my head, I just picked them up and there is no way that I could have picked up such strong feelings from a fabricated story. I could never question his memory b/c I felt it too and I know what I felt is real.  To question his memories would be to question my eyes and my soul. I was there when the memories came back and continued to watch him struggle with the bad memories. There continued to be signs of his recovered memory.  He told me of this reoccurring dream he had had for years of a man chasing him down.  After his memories came back, it was obvious that this was his abuser.  The man’s face was always covered….a sign that the 7 year old still could not bear make his attacker whole and the memory of him real.  I also noticed something else that was peculiar.  When we traveled back to his home town (where the abuse had taken place) to see his family, he would always take "the long way" to the house, when there was a much simpler and quicker way of getting there.  I mentioned it to him before the memories and he just changed the subject (it seemed strange to me b/c he was the type to want to get where he going asap).  Well it turned out that the "quicker" way went right by the attackers house, where the abuse had taken place.  After the memories, he started to take this road and every time we passed the house more and more memory was recovered.   Another interesting thing happened when he mentioned the abuse to some good friends who had know him in high school.  Their very first reaction was, "I knew it" and "It explains so much".  Apparently, they had seen signs in him, too and they remembered strange behavior from him, that they agreed was explained by what had happened.  They also remembered him acting as if he were running away and hiding from something.   They had sensed something "buried", as I came to later on. Well…that’s it.  It occurred to me that this was an interesting story to share after reading all of the repressed memory postings.  I hope it has shed some light to other’s people’s memories and stories, or at least shared some sort of insight. Stef — "I’m trying to contain an outbreak and you’re driving the monkey to the airport!"-King of the Hill

Response:

very sad.  poor guy. -Ronny

Response:

Hi Stef,great in sight as usuall.I was getting ready to do a sexual abuse group at work with several teenagers that had been sexually abused and I approach one of the ARNP’s about her thoughts on me using some material out of "The Courage To Heal" for my group.A woman I  have known for years,actually she was an instructor of mine in nursing school ,her face changed so dramatically,her body language screamed out HELP ME IM SCARED I dont even like the woman but I wanted to just hug her and tell her she was safe.It was very hard for me to deal with since I am pretty fresh working on this issue in my own life.Anyway THANKS for sharing! Later, BIG HUGS, TYNA t… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Here’s my story:  My ex-husband was sexually abused when he was 7.  We dated for 3 years before he remembered anything (he was then 24, that’s 17 years without out one clue that this had happened to him).  Now I’m no psychic or psychologist, but I can read people VERY well, especially people who I am involved with (friends or boyfriends) and I knew the 3 years before anything came out that there was something lurking there in his brain. Something that was so wrong and evil that it frightened me.  It was weird, I just remember being around him and under certain circumstances (I don’t remember but I would assume they were abuse related enough to trigger him) and feeling these wild signals from him, although he would be doing nothing and acting quite normal.  One day we were discussing something about pornography and the signals from him and the weird "eerie" feeling that I would get from him sometimes, got so strong.  Finally it got so overwhelming for me (such a creepy feeling, made even creepier by the fact that he was showing no outside form of communication and I was just picking it up mentally) that these words just flew out of my mouth without me knowing why I was saying them (it was like my brain made me "ask" his brain).  I said, "Did something happen to you as a child".  BOOM!!!!  The reaction was the eeriest thing I have ever and will ever witness.  His expression melted into someone else’s face, a child who had witnessed something very bad.  It’s hard to describe it, he just metamorphisized (sp?) right in front of me.  Now, what sat in front of me was not the adult that was there 1 min ago, but this frightened child just screaming and crying.  It was so sad.  I could actually see him falling apart right before my eyes.  The memories were so real and strong, that it was almost as if I could see this tangible monster looming behind him.  All of a sudden all the memories that had been safely locked up for 17 years came flooding out.  He just sat there with this look in his eyes, the same eyes that had seen the abuse, now saw it again.  I was worried, I initially thought, "Oh hell, he’s going to disassociate right before my eyes" (I had had enough psych to know what it was and what it looked like and it looked like him).  What I saw in his eyes was so frightening that I was convinced that he would never come back, that the memories had killed his sanity. I won’t even repeat the words that he said b/c, even now that we are divorced and don’t speak to each other anymore, it brings tears to my eyes.  The most memorable thing was that it was the voice of the 7 year old that was now talking to me and the adult was now gone (it was as if the adult spirit had left the body out of fear and now in it’s place, there was this child looking through the adults eyes at me).  Now, like I said, I’m no psychologist, but I know the truth inside people and I know what others who are close to me are feeling (especially when it is this strong).  All I can say is, this was no joke!  It was real and there was NO WAY ON PLANET EARTH he was making this up.  The waves of memory and pain were so strong that they took hold of me, so much so, that I saw into his past before he even could!!!  I think that’s what struck me as so real, yet surreal about the whole thing.  I believed in his story b/c I was there, his pain was so overpowering that it came into me.  That’s why I said those words.  There were no verbal clues, hints, nothing.  I KNEW what happened to him b/c it was surfacing so powerfully that I saw it with my own eyes and felt it. Lies or "made up" stories don’t evoke such strong feelings that others can pick them up before you even say anything and if a memory is so painful that those close to you can read it, then I fully believe it is strong enough to be repressed.  I also believe that if there is such a thing as reading peoples minds and knowing what is there without them saying anything (or even knowing anything) that it is possible for the brain to store bad memories.   After this experience, I could NEVER question a person’s sudden recall of memories  or having parts of them remember and other parts not remember, or remembering one day and not the next.  Hell that’s why the brain does that, to protect the person from pain that is so powerful that it might destroy. All it is, is a form of saving one’s self (or sanity).  It’s the same with disassociating; if the pain is too much for one person, several are created to hold the weight, so to speak. I know what I saw and felt.  I saw the abuse before any words came out of his mouth and for me to dismiss what happened to him as "just a story" would be to dismiss what I saw as "just my imagination" and there was no reason for me to suddenly imagine something like this.  He never planted these ideas in my head, I just picked them up and there is no way that I could have picked up such strong feelings from a fabricated story. I could never question his memory b/c I felt it too and I know what I felt is real.  To question his memories would be to question my eyes and my soul.   I was there when the memories came back and continued to watch him struggle with the bad memories. There continued to be signs of his recovered memory.  He told me of this reoccurring dream he had had for years of a man chasing him down.  After his memories came back, it was obvious that this was his abuser.  The man’s face was always covered….a sign that the 7 year old still could not bear make his attacker whole and the memory of him real.  I also noticed something else that was peculiar.  When we traveled back to his home town (where the abuse had taken place) to see his family, he would always take "the long way" to the house, when there was a much simpler and quicker way of getting there.  I mentioned it to him before the memories and he just changed the subject (it seemed strange to me b/c he was the type to want to get where he going asap).  Well it turned out that the "quicker" way went right by the attackers house, where the abuse had taken place.  After the memories, he started to take this road and every time we passed the house more and more memory was recovered.   Another interesting thing happened when he mentioned the abuse to some good friends who had know him in high school.  Their very first reaction was, "I knew it" and "It explains so much".  Apparently, they had seen signs in him, too and they remembered strange behavior from him, that they agreed was explained by what had happened.  They also remembered him acting as if he were running away and hiding from something.   They had sensed something "buried", as I came to later on. Well…that’s it.  It occurred to me that this was an interesting story to share after reading all of the repressed memory postings.  I hope it has shed some light to other’s people’s memories and stories, or at least shared some sort of insight. Stef — "I’m trying to contain an outbreak and you’re driving the monkey to the airport!"-King of the Hill

Response:

Hello Stef… Your story sounds so familiar, to know that there is something that is not right with this person you love so much.  With all this talk about repressed memories, I can see now that possibly my ex-SO may have some repressed memories…memories that was too hard to deal with, too hard to confront yet alone bring it to the surface to resolve. I think I understand…. Thank you for sharing. -Luna …where to from here???

t… Here’s my story: My ex-husband was sexually abused when he was 7.  We dated for 3 years before he remembered anything (he was then 24, that’s 17 years without out one clue that this had happened to him).  Now I’m no psychic or psychologist, but I can read people VERY well, especially people who I am involved with (friends or boyfriends) and I knew the 3 years before anything came out that there was something lurking there in his brain. Something that was so wrong and evil that it frightened me.  It was weird, I just remember being around him and under certain circumstances (I don’t

<snip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Stef — "I’m trying to contain an outbreak and you’re driving the monkey to the airport!"-King of the Hill

Response:

Here’s my story:  My ex-husband was sexually abused when he was 7.  We dated for 3 years before he remembered anything (he was then 24, that’s 17 years without out one clue that this had happened to him).  Now I’m no psychic or psychologist, but I can read people VERY well, especially people who I am involved with (friends or boyfriends) and I knew the 3 years before anything came out that there was something lurking there in his brain. Something that was so wrong and evil that it frightened me.  It was weird, I just remember being around him and under certain circumstances (I don’t remember but I would assume they were abuse related enough to trigger him) and feeling these wild signals from him, although he would be doing nothing and acting quite normal.  One day we were discussing something about pornography and the signals from him and the weird "eerie" feeling that I would get from him sometimes, got so strong.  Finally it got so overwhelming for me (such a creepy feeling, made even creepier by the fact that he was showing no outside form of communication and I was just picking it up mentally) that these words just flew out of my mouth without me knowing why I was saying them (it was like my brain made me "ask" his brain).  I said, "Did something happen to you as a child".  BOOM!!!!  The reaction was the eeriest thing I have ever and will ever witness.  His expression melted into someone else’s face, a child who had witnessed something very bad.  It’s hard to describe it, he just metamorphisized (sp?) right in front of me.  Now, what sat in front of me was not the adult that was there 1 min ago, but this frightened child just screaming and crying.  It was so sad.  I could actually see him falling apart right before my eyes.  The memories were so real and strong, that it was almost as if I could see this tangible monster looming behind him.  All of a sudden all the memories that had been safely locked up for 17 years came flooding out.  He just sat there with this look in his eyes, the same eyes that had seen the abuse, now saw it again.  I was worried, I initially thought, "Oh hell, he’s going to disassociate right before my eyes" (I had had enough psych to know what it was and what it looked like and it looked like him).  What I saw in his eyes was so frightening that I was convinced that he would never come back, that the memories had killed his sanity.  I won’t even repeat the words that he said b/c, even now that we are divorced and don’t speak to each other anymore, it brings tears to my eyes.  The most memorable thing was that it was the voice of the 7 year old that was now talking to me and the adult was now gone (it was as if the adult spirit had left the body out of fear and now in it’s place, there was this child looking through the adults eyes at me).  Now, like I said, I’m no psychologist, but I know the truth inside people and I know what others who are close to me are feeling (especially when it is this strong).  All I can say is, this was no joke!  It was real and there was NO WAY ON PLANET EARTH he was making this up.  The waves of memory and pain were so strong that they took hold of me, so much so, that I saw into his past before he even could!!!  I think that’s what struck me as so real, yet surreal about the whole thing.  I believed in his story b/c I was there, his pain was so overpowering that it came into me.  That’s why I said those words.  There were no verbal clues, hints, nothing.  I KNEW what happened to him b/c it was surfacing so powerfully that I saw it with my own eyes and felt it. Lies or "made up" stories don’t evoke such strong feelings that others can pick them up before you even say anything and if a memory is so painful that those close to you can read it, then I fully believe it is strong enough to be repressed.  I also believe that if there is such a thing as reading peoples minds and knowing what is there without them saying anything (or even knowing anything) that it is possible for the brain to store bad memories.   After this experience, I could NEVER question a person’s sudden recall of memories  or having parts of them remember and other parts not remember, or remembering one day and not the next.  Hell that’s why the brain does that, to protect the person from pain that is so powerful that it might destroy. All it is, is a form of saving one’s self (or sanity).  It’s the same with disassociating; if the pain is too much for one person, several are created to hold the weight, so to speak. I know what I saw and felt.  I saw the abuse before any words came out of his mouth and for me to dismiss what happened to him as "just a story" would be to dismiss what I saw as "just my imagination" and there was no reason for me to suddenly imagine something like this.  He never planted these ideas in my head, I just picked them up and there is no way that I could have picked up such strong feelings from a fabricated story. I could never question his memory b/c I felt it too and I know what I felt is real.  To question his memories would be to question my eyes and my soul.   I was there when the memories came back and continued to watch him struggle with the bad memories. There continued to be signs of his recovered memory.  He told me of this reoccurring dream he had had for years of a man chasing him down.  After his memories came back, it was obvious that this was his abuser.  The man’s face was always covered….a sign that the 7 year old still could not bear make his attacker whole and the memory of him real.  I also noticed something else that was peculiar.  When we traveled back to his home town (where the abuse had taken place) to see his family, he would always take "the long way" to the house, when there was a much simpler and quicker way of getting there.  I mentioned it to him before the memories and he just changed the subject (it seemed strange to me b/c he was the type to want to get where he going asap).  Well it turned out that the "quicker" way went right by the attackers house, where the abuse had taken place.  After the memories, he started to take this road and every time we passed the house more and more memory was recovered.   Another interesting thing happened when he mentioned the abuse to some good friends who had know him in high school.  Their very first reaction was, "I knew it" and "It explains so much".  Apparently, they had seen signs in him, too and they remembered strange behavior from him, that they agreed was explained by what had happened.  They also remembered him acting as if he were running away and hiding from something.   They had sensed something "buried", as I came to later on. Well…that’s it.  It occurred to me that this was an interesting story to share after reading all of the repressed memory postings.  I hope it has shed some light to other’s people’s memories and stories, or at least shared some sort of insight. Stef — "I’m trying to contain an outbreak and you’re driving the monkey to the airport!"-King of the Hill

Response:

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