Act Acting » Acting School » Please lets set one part of the record straight-repost

Please lets set one part of the record straight-repost

Question:

Its wonderful to watch you grow Laurie. And I was not speaking of facts or supposings. I was speaking of the law and relationships. Lee can not take the kids away from you, nor you do that to him – or at least by way of the legal system. And with that in mind, all the rest of it is up to you two. And the more you get off of the history issues the more the present sorts itself out. Which I am sure you have found out. Glad you guys are listening to each other better. It took me about 5 months of work, learning, study, reading in learning how to listen.  It is a hard discipline. Keep up the good work. SumBuddie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Alan, you have your facts wrong regarding Lee… Is this from Lee ?? Yes, it was. Dude get off of it. The legal system will not let you divorce your ex wife from your children. They are not *his* children.  They are his step-children.  And he is not the one attempting to "divorce" me from the kids….Pat is, and the people who have supported her in her allegations that I am incapable of caring for them. A man caught red handed and hard cocked molesting his children still get to visit with the child(ren) – perhaps supervised – but visit none the less. Lee has never molested the children or abused them in any way, shape, form or fashion.  I am wondering at this point if you read OIR’s response to a post I made in AAOR…I don’t know if it was crossposted or not.  I don’t think it was, but I could be wrong. Anyway, in his reply, he said something about me living with an offender.  If that *is* where you got this misinformation, you might want to check out my response in which I told him he evidently had the wrong Lee. Children have a right to this, and a need to be with both parents. I totally agree.  As an aside, I have never and would never keep the children from their fathers. The best you are going to get is joint custody. Again, he couldn’t get any kind of custody or visitation in a divorce proceeding.  He has no legal standing to.  Make sense to you? Live in two houses close by.  Same school district at least if not the same block.  Get on with your lives and deal with business of raising the children. Its expensive – but you brought them here and you dont want to live together. Well, just in case you haven’t noticed, we will be continuing to live together. Fine. Thats all the issue is. All the bitterness, the rancor, the hate, the dispite, the disrespect is not part of it – that is all your childhood issues, and dysfunctional dynamics. Both of you, each in each others shadow. Thats one of the reasons why the sex was so hot. And why it hurts so much. And why you are so angry. And Laurie, the cheap shots have to stop also. Alan, I’m kind of wondering which cheap shots you mean.  If you mean the cheap shots at my husband…yep, absolutely.  If you think I have made cheap shots at people in this newsgroup, I haven’t.  I have defended myself, AS IS MY RIGHT, from allegations that range from absurd to horrid, but which all hurt. Have you called Pat on her "cheap shot" about my capability as a mother? Or on the lies she has spread?  Or anyone else’s "cheap shots"….nope. Appears, Alan, that you are acting out your disease here…and your don’t talk issues. Talk to him like he was your next door neighbor. Someone you have not sexed yet. Just take care of business, the money, the logistics. He is not an ogre. No, he is not.  He said "ogre" in his post sarcastically. He is just as sick as you are, and just as green in recovery as you are. Sorry, Alan, but I’m not green in anything. You two need some work. Agreed. Read a book or two together, attend some weekend intensives from Landmark Education or the like – learn how to talk to each other. We’re working on it. Something that you could not do in your marriage, you must learn to do now in the divorce for the children. Well, like I said, there won’t be a divorce….but learning how to talk to each other is marvelous advice and something we are trying hard to do. Talk to each other. Got my word on that. And to do that each must listen. Yeah…listening tends to be the difficult part, doesn’t it? Must listen. Its a requirement, a have to, a discipline issue. And with my authority figures stuff just like with you two and your independence – you have to get off of that also. Sorry, this confused me. It sucks. Wholehearted agreement there. But its part of the process to my experience. SumBuddie Laurie Goff

Response:

Alan, you have your facts wrong regarding Lee… Is this from Lee ??

Yes, it was. Dude get off of it. The legal system will not let you divorce your ex wife from your children.

They are not *his* children.  They are his step-children.  And he is not the one attempting to "divorce" me from the kids….Pat is, and the people who have supported her in her allegations that I am incapable of caring for them. A man caught red handed and hard cocked molesting his children still get to visit with the child(ren) – perhaps supervised – but visit none the less.

Lee has never molested the children or abused them in any way, shape, form or fashion.  I am wondering at this point if you read OIR’s response to a post I made in AAOR…I don’t know if it was crossposted or not.  I don’t think it was, but I could be wrong. Anyway, in his reply, he said something about me living with an offender.  If that *is* where you got this misinformation, you might want to check out my response in which I told him he evidently had the wrong Lee. Children have a right to this, and a need to be with both parents.

I totally agree.  As an aside, I have never and would never keep the children from their fathers. The best you are going to get is joint custody.

Again, he couldn’t get any kind of custody or visitation in a divorce proceeding.  He has no legal standing to.  Make sense to you? Live in two houses close by.  Same school district at least if not the same block.  Get on with your lives and deal with business of raising the children. Its expensive – but you brought them here and you dont want to live together.

Well, just in case you haven’t noticed, we will be continuing to live together. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Fine. Thats all the issue is. All the bitterness, the rancor, the hate, the dispite, the disrespect is not part of it – that is all your childhood issues, and dysfunctional dynamics. Both of you, each in each others shadow. Thats one of the reasons why the sex was so hot. And why it hurts so much. And why you are so angry. And Laurie, the cheap shots have to stop also.

Alan, I’m kind of wondering which cheap shots you mean.  If you mean the cheap shots at my husband…yep, absolutely.  If you think I have made cheap shots at people in this newsgroup, I haven’t.  I have defended myself, AS IS MY RIGHT, from allegations that range from absurd to horrid, but which all hurt. Have you called Pat on her "cheap shot" about my capability as a mother? Or on the lies she has spread?  Or anyone else’s "cheap shots"….nope. Appears, Alan, that you are acting out your disease here…and your don’t talk issues. Talk to him like he was your next door neighbor. Someone you have not sexed yet. Just take care of business, the money, the logistics. He is not an ogre.

No, he is not.  He said "ogre" in his post sarcastically. He is just as sick as you are, and just as green in recovery as you are.

Sorry, Alan, but I’m not green in anything. You two need some work.

Agreed. Read a book or two together, attend some weekend intensives from Landmark Education or the like – learn how to talk to each other.

We’re working on it. Something that you could not do in your marriage, you must learn to do now in the divorce for the children.

Well, like I said, there won’t be a divorce….but learning how to talk to each other is marvelous advice and something we are trying hard to do. Talk to each other.

Got my word on that. And to do that each must listen.

Yeah…listening tends to be the difficult part, doesn’t it? Must listen. Its a requirement, a have to, a discipline issue. And with my authority figures stuff just like with you two and your independence – you have to get off of that also.

Sorry, this confused me. It sucks.

Wholehearted agreement there. But its part of the process to my experience. SumBuddie

Laurie Goff

Response:

Is this from Lee ?? Dude get off of it. The legal system will not let you divorce your ex wife from your children. A man caught red handed and hard cocked molesting his children still get to visit with the child(ren) – perhaps supervised – but visit none the less. Children have a right to this, and a need to be with both parents. The best you are going to get is joint custody. Live in two houses close by.  Same school district at least if not the same block.  Get on with your lives and deal with business of raising the children. Its expensive – but you brought them here and you dont want to live together. Fine. Thats all the issue is. All the bitterness, the rancor, the hate, the dispite, the disrespect is not part of it – that is all your childhood issues, and dysfunctional dynamics. Both of you, each in each others shadow. Thats one of the reasons why the sex was so hot. And why it hurts so much. And why you are so angry. And Laurie, the cheap shots have to stop also. Talk to him like he was your next door neighbor. Someone you have not sexed yet. Just take care of business, the money, the logistics. He is not an ogre. He is just as sick as you are, and just as green in recovery as you are. You two need some work. Read a book or two together, attend some weekend intensives from Landmark Education or the like – learn how to talk to each other. Something that you could not do in your marriage, you must learn to do now in the divorce for the children. Talk to each other. And to do that each must listen. Must listen. Its a requirement, a have to, a discipline issue. And with my authority figures stuff just like with you two and your independence – you have to get off of that also. It sucks. But its part of the process to my experience. SumBuddie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This is from the ogre of the online world, Lee Regardless of your feelings for me or my horribly unwise post regarding Laurie, I have witnessed one vein of thought that I cannot stand by and let go unanswered: Laurie is an unfit mother, incapable of taking care of the children in the event she and I split up, due to her DID episodes. Regardless of our differences,  Laurie is anything but an incapable and/or unfit mother.  For three years now, I have been witness to and lived with her condition.  I have seen her in such a fugue that would concern anyone. In the beginning of this disagreement between her and I, the thought of the children’s safety was a question on my mind.  I answered myself as such: In several Dissociative episodes, ranging from mild to severe, there were times that the children needed their mother.  I do not mean as in a nightmare or a petty squable, but an emergency.  This is how she dealt with it.  In spite of the weight around her emotional neck, she responded, and responded well.  Showing correct procedures and cognizant behavior.  Once the task was done, and her motherly duty fulfilled, she lapsed somewhat back into the original state, but alert for reocurrence none the less. Those of you who have witnessed Laurie’s states need to keep something very much in mind.  She will slip as deep into a fugue as she allows herself to.  Meaning, if you have witnessed this state while she was in my presence, you may have seen it deeper and more severe than other times.  This is because she knows that I am there.  She is confident that I will not let any harm come to her or the children. In the event I am not there, she and I, mostly her, have worked out some safety valves. Our attorney, for one, our dentist, and other people we trust, have been made aware of this and are on the list to call at school and daycare. They have responded with love and compassion.  Never has there been a judgemental nor disparaging comment made.  They are there if she needs them.  Laurie is not blind to this condition, nor is she in denial of it.  It is addressed up front, much to her embarrasment, but no price is too high to pay for the children. Our children are open books.  Jonathan, our 7 year old, cannot lie and could not fake an emotion if his life depended on it.  During times when I was not home, and the state of which I speak happened, I have asked him if he felt that he was left alone so to speak.  In each and every instance, he has viewed the occurrence as if mom had a bad cold.  I promise you this: If Jonathan thought he was alone, or if he was left to his own designs, then we would have one screaming, panicked young boy on our hands.  He is an excellent barometer of this condition and her ability to respond when needed. Go on with your "taking sides" or "flaming" or "heres some gossip, but dont tell I told you".  Leave this alone.  It is sacred and holy ground to a mother, and especially a mother as dedicated as she is. For those of you who believe me to be the controlling, manipulative pig you do, if I actually thought this an issue, would I have not used it to coerce her to stay?  Would I not appeal to her love of the children to have her sacrifice herself for them?  Ask her if I have brought this up. ever.  The answer would be, not once Whatever decision Laurie makes is hers.  I have left her alone to work this out, and whatever she decides, I will support her decision. Leave the issue of motherhood and children alone.  You do not know any facts.  I do.  She does. I am a full proponent of free speech, even (gasp) when someone disagrees with me.  But even that right has its boundaries.  To cast dispersions on her ability to be capable mother can only be construed as being hateful and hurtful.  I would hope that all of you have enough to talk about besides this. Now, having said this, those of you who have left this issue alone, God bless you for your wisdom and grace. Gee, maybe this post will get as much reaction and press as the last one, since I am posting this while she is asleep.  I have seen the error in the previous one, and been paid back a hundred fold.  I accept that.  I have no apologies for this one. If any of you are the ones, or know of the ones calling me at work and telling me purposely hurtful things, damn you. Lee Goff

Response:

This is from the ogre of the online world, Lee Regardless of your feelings for me or my horribly unwise post regarding Laurie, I have witnessed one vein of thought that I cannot stand by and let go unanswered: Laurie is an unfit mother, incapable of taking care of the children in the event she and I split up, due to her DID episodes. Regardless of our differences,  Laurie is anything but an incapable and/or unfit mother.  For three years now, I have been witness to and lived with her condition.  I have seen her in such a fugue that would concern anyone. In the beginning of this disagreement between her and I, the thought of the children’s safety was a question on my mind.  I answered myself as such: In several Dissociative episodes, ranging from mild to severe, there were times that the children needed their mother.  I do not mean as in a nightmare or a petty squable, but an emergency.  This is how she dealt with it.  In spite of the weight around her emotional neck, she responded, and responded well.  Showing correct procedures and cognizant behavior.  Once the task was done, and her motherly duty fulfilled, she lapsed somewhat back into the original state, but alert for reocurrence none the less. Those of you who have witnessed Laurie’s states need to keep something very much in mind.  She will slip as deep into a fugue as she allows herself to.  Meaning, if you have witnessed this state while she was in my presence, you may have seen it deeper and more severe than other times.  This is because she knows that I am there.  She is confident that I will not let any harm come to her or the children. In the event I am not there, she and I, mostly her, have worked out some safety valves. Our attorney, for one, our dentist, and other people we trust, have been made aware of this and are on the list to call at school and daycare. They have responded with love and compassion.  Never has there been a judgemental nor disparaging comment made.  They are there if she needs them.  Laurie is not blind to this condition, nor is she in denial of it.  It is addressed up front, much to her embarrasment, but no price is too high to pay for the children. Our children are open books.  Jonathan, our 7 year old, cannot lie and could not fake an emotion if his life depended on it.  During times when I was not home, and the state of which I speak happened, I have asked him if he felt that he was left alone so to speak.  In each and every instance, he has viewed the occurrence as if mom had a bad cold.  I promise you this: If Jonathan thought he was alone, or if he was left to his own designs, then we would have one screaming, panicked young boy on our hands.  He is an excellent barometer of this condition and her ability to respond when needed. Go on with your "taking sides" or "flaming" or "heres some gossip, but dont tell I told you".     Leave this alone.  It is sacred and holy ground to a mother, and especially a mother as dedicated as she is. For those of you who believe me to be the controlling, manipulative pig you do, if I actually thought this an issue, would I have not used it to coerce her to stay?  Would I not appeal to her love of the children to have her sacrifice herself for them?  Ask her if I have brought this up. ever.  The answer would be, not once Whatever decision Laurie makes is hers.  I have left her alone to work this out, and whatever she decides, I will support her decision. Leave the issue of motherhood and children alone.  You do not know any facts.  I do.  She does. I am a full proponent of free speech, even (gasp) when someone disagrees with me.  But even that right has its boundaries.  To cast dispersions on her ability to be capable mother can only be construed as being hateful and hurtful.  I would hope that all of you have enough to talk about besides this. Now, having said this, those of you who have left this issue alone, God bless you for your wisdom and grace. Gee, maybe this post will get as much reaction and press as the last one, since I am posting this while she is asleep.  I have seen the error in the previous one, and been paid back a hundred fold.  I accept that.  I have no apologies for this one. If any of you are the ones, or know of the ones calling me at work and telling me purposely hurtful things, damn you. Lee Goff

Response:

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