Act Acting » Acting School » The Week's End

The Week's End

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I guess a highly self centered person becomes a highly self centered person with AD, compounding the problems. Your MIL is just about the same age as June within a few months and discounting the temperament tantrums has very much the same symptoms. Obsessive concern for pets, and multiple pets and people.  June’s memories of the past are very poor, in addition to her almost non-existent short term memory. However I do my best to keep refreshing them.     The young cleaning lady is an absolute blessing. She keeps June’s clothes straight, does the laundry, cleans the house  and seems to be able to do umpteen things at once without missing a beat. Best of all June likes her. I think she could be addictive, and if we lose her  it’s going to be like withdrawal symptoms, if we survive it. Now her landlord has decided that he wants to take back the house they are renting after being there over 3 years. I told her when she settles again, if it’s within driving distance I’d even consider traveling expenses. <G Frederick

Dear Frederick, I certainly hope you don’t lose her.   A good cleaning lady is worth her weight in gold!    We are lucky here too, and it makes a world of difference just to know that the place gets a good onceover, every other week.   It also helps to find lost things. Speaking of lost things, the other night Ida lost her teeth. She has a partial bridge on the lower jaw, and it was probably not a good idea to have a removable one in the first place.   She keeps taking it out and holding it as she watches TV or something.    Anyway, our new dentist was going to replace it with a permanent, or fixed bridge.   She recently had two totally bad teeth pulled to make way for the work that has to be done on her mouth in preparation for that. If she loses more of her memory (as this disease is expected to progress), at least having teeth that don’t need to come out each night would be helpful to her if she goes into a nursing home or alzheimer facility sometime down the road.   We are going to see to it that she has what she needs, and top of the line too.   I think that her money should be spent on something that is important and relevant to her life. We have searched high and low and rummaged through the garbage and every icky sticky tissue,(after a party no less)… searching for the damned teeth with no luck.   The last time she lost them, we found the dog toying with them on the livingroom rug.   I rescued them and cleaned them up well, and she has been wearing them all along.    This time they seem to be really gone. She kept saying that they were right beside her bed in a glass and "someone" took them.    No explaining seems to straighten her out, after all, nobody in the world but her could have any use whatsoever for those teeth!   She usually does put them in a glass at her bedside, but this time she did not. Ah well…. I will have to tell the dentist to speed up the process if it is at all possible….. and cook lots of mushy food. It is also my plan to have a second hearing aid made up.   You just never know, and the last time she lost that, it was a fiasco because you can hardly communicate with her when she CAN hear you, when she can’t it is totally impossible. :-( Regards, Evelyn

Response:

Genee, that one remark is enough to last a lifetime.  Didn’t that make you feel good all over! Gwen

Response:

Yes, the week went very well.  I had sort of a game plan everyday.  I took my mother out twice in the week which she enjoyed.  And had no ’spells’.  It couldn’t have gone any better.  But I couldn’t come up with an itinerary for 365 days!!  The dinner ambiance was for me.  I had two of my mother’s old table cloths that I used.  I can’t imagine her buying them.  They must have been designed by a blind person. But with every gaudy flower, a happy memory. The Cranky Genee – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -This is great  :o) Your week went well didn’t it? — pianoguy return email disabled

Response:

I think my mother realizes certain things.  Every night  I help her get ready for bed and as I leave the room she says "Thank you Susan." And I know it’s not just for helping her into bed. The Cranky Genee – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Genee, She definitely noticed.  What better way of validating you as a wonderful daughter than with those words of "thanks"?! Pam

Response:

Dear Genee, That is such a nice story.    It is those little moments when they suddenly seem to have some real cognition of our efforts, that make it worthwhile. Sometimes it is all we have to cling to.

Evelyn, I just have to say this.  I can’t bite my tongue anymore.  Ida sounds like a spoiled child.  I know we’ve done our comparisons about AD people and children, but she’s the limit!  I think that this would get on my last nerve and I would have to treat her like a child. My cousins and I grew up very close.  And my aunt would say "Go outside if you’re going to fight, go to your room if you’re going to cry."  I would have to say these things if my mother was like Ida. "Go to your room if you’re going to die/pout/complain".  Do you think that AD patients need the same boundaries as children for security reasons or any other reason?  We weren’t yelled at, just told that if out behavior was not acceptable we had to go to our room until we could be more sociable. The Cranky Genee

Response:

In this case it was just a table cloth, nice dishes a fancy butter dish and nice napkins.  I did have all fresh vegatables.  My brother could exist on frozen lima beans alone.  We had asparagus, broccoli and cauliflower.  I couldn’t handle doing Brussel sprouts tho.  Try it, you’ll like it. The Cranky Genee – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I want to enjoy our meal times together for as long as we have left.  Fine china, soft lights, good music.  Even if my dad doesn’t get it I want this and so I am going to have it.  I hadn’t realized this until I read your posting below.  Of course now I have to cook some really awesome meals to go with the House Beautiful setting.  Good thing I like to cook.  Thanks Genee. Mo

Response:

snip didn’t say anything.  Since dinners like this were a happy time of day for me when I was younger I now have a very positive experience of my mother and I in her later years.  One evening on her way to bed she said:  "Are you going to be in charge again tomorrow?  I like the way you do it." The Cranky Genee

Awww, I love this — Mare http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers’ FAQs and Stuff Pages

Response:

I made it solo through the week.  I was truly very nervous the first day.  Then I announced my predicament here and felt a little better. I have to say that the idea of dressing up the dinner table as I did made that time of day and the actual dinner more pleasant.  I don’t know whether or not my mother took much notice.  She may have just didn’t say anything.  Since dinners like this were a happy time of day for me when I was younger I now have a very positive experience of my mother and I in her later years.  One evening on her way to bed she said:  "Are you going to be in charge again tomorrow?  I like the way you do it." The Cranky Genee

Response:

One evening on her way to bed she said:  "Are you going to be in charge again tomorrow?  I like the way you do it."

This is great  :o) Your week went well didn’t it? — pianoguy return email disabled

Response:

I made it solo through the week.  I was truly very nervous the first day.  Then I announced my predicament here and felt a little better. I have to say that the idea of dressing up the dinner table as I did made that time of day and the actual dinner more pleasant.  I don’t know whether or not my mother took much notice.  She may have just didn’t say anything.  Since dinners like this were a happy time of day for me when I was younger I now have a very positive experience of my mother and I in her later years.  One evening on her way to bed she said:  "Are you going to be in charge again tomorrow?  I like the way you do it." The Cranky Genee

Dear Genee, That is such a nice story.    It is those little moments when they suddenly seem to have some real cognition of our efforts, that make it worthwhile. Sometimes it is all we have to cling to. ******* This weekend was quite hard for us in dealing with my mother in law. Yesterday was a day we really enjoy; every labor day weekend, on Saturday, there is a concert at a local fabulous attraction called "Opus 40" ….  The place is totally awesome, a gigantic earth and bluestone construction sculpture, which took one man over 35 years of his life to build, and which takes up about 5 acres of the 40 acre preserve it is built on.     People come from all over to see this site and to attend that concert in particular. Every year the band "Orleans" plays, we bring friends, wine and cheese and really nice munchies, and just enjoy the site, the forest, the music, good friends and the whole thing is really quite wonderful.   This year we had about 12 people that went with us and you just KNOW I wasn’t going to bring Ida. So this year we decided that we would splurge, and hired the neighbor to granny-sit, and to go with our friends and try to enjoy ourselves come what may, just like in "normal" times past. We had a wonderful fantastic time, but my mother in law was a real problem because we left her home.   I purposely did not call home, because I knew the neighbor lady had our cell phone number in case of any problem, and she knew just where we were in case of emergency, but when we got home it turned out that Ida was on a sundown type tear the whole time we were gone. She was restless, pouty, angry that we left her behind, (even though we explained several times that  it was going to be too rough for her to go, listening to loud rock and roll music and hiking over rough terrain).   She didn’t quite believe that we hired the neighbor to watch the dogs (our story) and was mortified to think that maybe SHE needed any watching. She drove the neighbor half batty, refused to eat her dinner, kept asking where we went, over and over, kept opening and looking out the door (almost letting the cats get out a couple of times), feeding the dog sugary cookies (a thing that we get really angry about), acting restless and frustrated and confused and somewhat bratty to the dismay of the neighbor. Then when the neighbor took the dog out for a walk, she locked the door behind the poor woman, and she couldn’t get back inside with the dog. After much banging and yelling, Ida came and let her in again (thank goodness).   If she had her hearing aid off (like she does most of the time when she is not talking to anyone) she might have never heard the poor woman! When we all arrived back at the house for coffee and (more) cocktails, she was acting strange and we had to explain all over again how we couldn’t take her.  She said "you hate me" and I told her that no, I loved her and just didn’t want her to get hurt on a rough hike in the woods (it wasn’t really all that bad..but we just needed a break!).   Everyone made a fuss over her and she began to enjoy the social scene, and finally started to relax. Thank goodness my friends are kind people who understand a bit about her disease. So anyway, today nursing my hangover and feeling intermingled joy and guilt for getting my day away to be "normal" for once, has been a strange one.  We always take her everywhere with us if possible, but this cannot always be. She will have to get used to the idea that someone will be "keeping her company" if we need to get out once in a while. This evening at dinner she was behaving a bit trying with us with the usual barrage of repeated questions, forcing us to explain to my nephew, (the one remaining guest) as he observed this stuff that goes on at our nightly dinner table, that her disease does not allow her to make "new" memories, and that is why she asks the same questions over and over, but the old ones are working just fine and she can tell you what she wore when she was ten years old and where she went to school etc.  without any problem at all. He was nodding in understanding of this, when suddenly she said "I am really crazy…. it’s too much for somebody to put up with me, I am trouble to myself and others…I wish God would take me…. thank you…..thank you…." WELL!   Can you imagine my surprise? I managed to treat it like it was just everyday conversation though, and said it was nothing, that she shouldn’t worry about it and she wasn’t too much trouble at all to look after.   (my nose grew about a foot longer when I said that!) Like I said earlier in this post, it is those moments that sometimes are all we have to hang onto.   I have been extra patient tonight since she has only asked "Where’s Pelli" about ten times this evening, and argued with me that there was more than one "Pelli" and where was THAT one? etc. etc. etc. Tomorrow we are going to take her somewhere and walk her little old legs off, we could both use the exercise. Regards, Ev

Response:

I made it solo through the week.  I was truly very nervous the first day.  Then I announced my predicament here and felt a little better. I have to say that the idea of dressing up the dinner table as I did made that time of day and the actual dinner more pleasant.  I don’t know whether or not my mother took much notice.  She may have just didn’t say anything.  Since dinners like this were a happy time of day for me when I was younger I now have a very positive experience of my mother and I in her later years.  One evening on her way to bed she said:  "Are you going to be in charge again tomorrow?  I like the way you do it."

Genee, She definitely noticed.  What better way of validating you as a wonderful daughter than with those words of "thanks"?! Pam

Response:

I want to enjoy our meal times together for as long as we have left.  Fine china, soft lights, good music.  Even if my dad doesn’t get it I want this and so I am going to have it.  I hadn’t realized this until I read your posting below.  Of course now I have to cook some really awesome meals to go with the House Beautiful setting.  Good thing I like to cook.  Thanks Genee. Mo positivity not negativity EMT-1A school Grad 5-7-01 No matter the problem, a cup of coffee always makes it better Roy DeSoto I have to say that the idea of dressing up the dinner table as I did made

that time of day and the actual dinner more pleasant.  I don’t know whether or not my mother took much notice.  She may have just didn’t say anything.  Since dinners like this were a happy time of day for me when I was younger I now have a very positive experience of my mother and I in her later years. <<

Response:

I guess a highly self centered person becomes a highly self centered person with AD, compounding the problems. Your MIL is just about the same age as June within a few months and discounting the temperament tantrums has very much the same symptoms. Obsessive concern for pets, and multiple pets and people.  June’s memories of the past are very poor, in addition to her almost non-existent short term memory. However I do my best to keep refreshing them.     The young cleaning lady is an absolute blessing. She keeps June’s clothes straight, does the laundry, cleans the house  and seems to be able to do umpteen things at once without missing a beat. Best of all June likes her. I think she could be addictive, and if we lose her  it’s going to be like withdrawal symptoms, if we survive it. Now her landlord has decided that he wants to take back the house they are renting after being there over 3 years. I told her when she settles again, if it’s within driving distance I’d even consider traveling expenses. <G Frederick

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I made it solo through the week.  I was truly very nervous the first day.  Then I announced my predicament here and felt a little better. I have to say that the idea of dressing up the dinner table as I did made that time of day and the actual dinner more pleasant.  I don’t know whether or not my mother took much notice.  She may have just didn’t say anything.  Since dinners like this were a happy time of day for me when I was younger I now have a very positive experience of my mother and I in her later years.  One evening on her way to bed she said:  "Are you going to be in charge again tomorrow?  I like the way you do it." The Cranky Genee Dear Genee, That is such a nice story.    It is those little moments when they suddenly seem to have some real cognition of our efforts, that make it worthwhile. Sometimes it is all we have to cling to. ******* This weekend was quite hard for us in dealing with my mother in law. Yesterday was a day we really enjoy; every labor day weekend, on Saturday, there is a concert at a local fabulous attraction called "Opus 40" …. The place is totally awesome, a gigantic earth and bluestone construction sculpture, which took one man over 35 years of his life to build, and which takes up about 5 acres of the 40 acre preserve it is built on.     People come from all over to see this site and to attend that concert in particular. Every year the band "Orleans" plays, we bring friends, wine and cheese and really nice munchies, and just enjoy the site, the forest, the music, good friends and the whole thing is really quite wonderful.   This year we had about 12 people that went with us and you just KNOW I wasn’t going to bring Ida. So this year we decided that we would splurge, and hired the neighbor to granny-sit, and to go with our friends and try to enjoy ourselves come what may, just like in "normal" times past. We had a wonderful fantastic time, but my mother in law was a real problem because we left her home.   I purposely did not call home, because I knew the neighbor lady had our cell phone number in case of any problem, and she knew just where we were in case of emergency, but when we got home it turned out that Ida was on a sundown type tear the whole time we were gone. She was restless, pouty, angry that we left her behind, (even though we explained several times that  it was going to be too rough for her to go, listening to loud rock and roll music and hiking over rough terrain). She didn’t quite believe that we hired the neighbor to watch the dogs (our story) and was mortified to think that maybe SHE needed any watching. She drove the neighbor half batty, refused to eat her dinner, kept asking where we went, over and over, kept opening and looking out the door (almost letting the cats get out a couple of times), feeding the dog sugary cookies (a thing that we get really angry about), acting restless and frustrated and confused and somewhat bratty to the dismay of the neighbor. Then when the neighbor took the dog out for a walk, she locked the door behind the poor woman, and she couldn’t get back inside with the dog. After much banging and yelling, Ida came and let her in again (thank goodness).   If she had her hearing aid off (like she does most of the time when she is not talking to anyone) she might have never heard the poor woman! When we all arrived back at the house for coffee and (more) cocktails, she was acting strange and we had to explain all over again how we couldn’t take her.  She said "you hate me" and I told her that no, I loved her and just didn’t want her to get hurt on a rough hike in the woods (it wasn’t really all that bad..but we just needed a break!).   Everyone made a fuss over her and she began to enjoy the social scene, and finally started to relax. Thank goodness my friends are kind people who understand a bit about her disease. So anyway, today nursing my hangover and feeling intermingled joy and guilt for getting my day away to be "normal" for once, has been a strange one. We always take her everywhere with us if possible, but this cannot always be. She will have to get used to the idea that someone will be "keeping her company" if we need to get out once in a while. This evening at dinner she was behaving a bit trying with us with the usual barrage of repeated questions, forcing us to explain to my nephew, (the one remaining guest) as he observed this stuff that goes on at our nightly dinner table, that her disease does not allow her to make "new" memories, and that is why she asks the same questions over and over, but the old ones are working just fine and she can tell you what she wore when she was ten years old and where she went to school etc.  without any problem at all. He was nodding in understanding of this, when suddenly she said "I am really crazy…. it’s too much for somebody to put up with me, I am trouble to myself and others…I wish God would take me…. thank you…..thank you…." WELL!   Can you imagine my surprise? I managed to treat it like it was just everyday conversation though, and said it was nothing, that she shouldn’t worry about it and she wasn’t too much trouble at all to look after.   (my nose grew about a foot longer when I said that!) Like I said earlier in this post, it is those moments that sometimes are all we have to hang onto.   I have been extra patient tonight since she has only asked "Where’s Pelli" about ten times this evening, and argued with me that there was more than one "Pelli" and where was THAT one? etc. etc. etc. Tomorrow we are going to take her somewhere and walk her little old legs off, we could both use the exercise. Regards, Ev

Response:

Related Posts

Leave a Reply