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What do you think?

Question:

On 20 Dec 1998 02:01:31 GMT, cshac…@aol.comX (C Shack31) wrote: >So be prepared for a battle even if you are in the right.   >Christie

Christie…         If you note my newest header…it sems the BATTLE has already begun.  How sad. Happy Solstice! W. Makah

Response:

On 19 Dec 1998 15:15:13 GMT, tnluce…@aol.com (Tn lucente) wrote: >wow, you are definetley one of the millions of SM’s that want whats best for >their S-child!

Yes.  It is unfortunate that his mother refuses to put his needs first as well. *sigh* >Good for you!

Thanks. >I think what you’re doing is right. Request it first, then if she doesn’t see >that these changes would be in fact whats best for your SS then i go ahead with >the court thing.

Yes.  This is what we are doing.  This way the judge can also see that we tried very hard to work it all out sans lawyers…guns…and money… >How old is your SS and what stste do you/he reside in?

We live in Indiana. My stepson currently lives in Florida. (..his mother moves a great deal…year before last he lived in Boston) >Good Luck! >Naomi

With this weekend’s festivities that may be difficult….more Christmas games.. Happy Solstice! W. Makah

Response:

wow, you are definetley one of the millions of SM’s that want whats best for their S-child! Good for you! I think what you’re doing is right. Request it first, then if she doesn’t see that these changes would be in fact whats best for your SS then i go ahead with the court thing. How old is your SS and what stste do you/he reside in? Good Luck! Naomi

Response:

Hi.  I think your request and the reasons behind it are very reasonable.  That being said – it does not guarantee that the ex will see it that way.  My recent experience hilights that fact.  My husband and I wrote a nice letter in September requesting alternate Thanskgivings and Christmas holidays (we current get NO holidays at all).  First she ignored the letter until late October, then she denied our plan, put forth her own plan which imposed a lot of conditions on us and required us to return the kids in the morning on Christmas Day, effectively preventing us from having enough time for any meaningful celebration.  Since then, through our lawyers, we gave her three other alternative plans, each offer giving up a little more of the time we asked for.  Her fourth refusal was a bitter, nasty, snide letter full of lies.  She is basically unwilling to "give up any meaningful part of Christmas with her boys" – to quote her directly.  Since she dawdled so long and did not respond within a reasonable amount of time, we could not get a hearing in court before Christmas, and as we have done for the past five years, we celebrated on an alternate day (last night, in fact).  We fully intend to bring this issue before a judge and expect that he or she will grant us a more fair holiday plan than the ex is willing to give us (she did not actually negotiate at all – just refused each and every offer from our side). So be prepared for a battle even if you are in the right.   Christie

Response:

On Sat, 19 Dec 1998 06:39:22 GMT, "Merrie" <mer…@svn.net> wrote: >    Given your situation, I think many of us think you ought to have >custody.

I agree completely….and the day we get it I am going to drive down and pack his things myself. >    However – working with what you’ve got… >    The items you listed are all good reasons for alternating Thanksgiving, >but they can also be applicable (in some form or another) to flipping >Easter., which (I’m not sure) you have each year.

Actually we have one week at Spring Break (which often includes Easter) every year…yes…we had to fight for this too. >    If she won’t just plain give it to you, then maybe she’ll agree to trade >half the spring  week each time he comes at Thanksgiving, or swap some time >during summer.

We fought hard for the time we already have…and I don’t think our request is unreasonable. Swapping time isn’t additional time. >    I don’t know if I would file for it.  I think I have a tendency to work >on all issues when having to go to court.

Actually, it seems like the only way we have been able to get anything changed is to file for it. >    Which, now that I bring it up, I wonder how he has done lately?

This is worthy of a header of its own.  See future posts. *sigh* >    Well, I wish you the best.

Thanks! >Merrie

W. Makah

Response:

Hello all,         Just need some outside input on this one.  I’m far too close to the situation to be even remotely objective.  Recently spoke to my SS bio-mom (for the first time in over a year…long story…most of you have heard it..) because the husband-person and I recently started a pre-paid college program for him (we have the same for our other two boys).  To make a long…long…long story shorter thre conversation went pretty well…better than most…I suppose I should be grateful for that.          Toward the end of it I asked if there were any chance that instead of making both of our lawyers any richer (as we are filing a motion in January to modify visitation for this)– would she consider alternating Thanksgivings with us (on the years that we don’t have him here for Christmas)  My reasoning as follows:         1.  His birthday is fairly close to Thanksgiving…therefore every other year we would also get to celebrate his birthday with him. Something that currently we are NEVER able to do with the current court ordered visitation.  (1 week in Spring, 6 weeks in summer and 1 week every other Christmas is the current order- she, having moved him repeatedly farther and farther away from our state.)         2.  That he would grow up with childhood memories of Thanksgivings and birthdays with BOTH sides of his family.         3.  That he would be able to have the opportunity to have memories of Thanksgivings and Birthdays with his elderly Grandmother who isn’t in good health….(I seriously doubt that she will be alive by the time he reaches 18 and is allowed to make the decision where he wants to spend the holidays)         4.  On the years that he isn’t here for Christmas we go from August until April (8 months) without being able to see him at all…a period of time I think is excessive for all concerned.         5.  He has expressed a desire to do this.         Her response to this was "I don’t know if I want to do that for _______."  (insert ex-husband’s name)  "Why should I?"         I had to bite my tounge.  Instead I explained slowly that I thought it was something that should be done for my SS…not as a "favor" to my husband.         WTF?         Any suggestions or opinions?   The husband-person and I talked and wrote a very nice letter to her asking for the same.  If she refuses we plan to go ahead with the lawyer thing…guess I just want to hear what others think. W. Makah

Response:

    Given your situation, I think many of us think you ought to have custody.     However – working with what you’ve got…     The items you listed are all good reasons for alternating Thanksgiving, but they can also be applicable (in some form or another) to flipping Easter., which (I’m not sure) you have each year.     If she won’t just plain give it to you, then maybe she’ll agree to trade half the spring  week each time he comes at Thanksgiving, or swap some time during summer.     I don’t know if I would file for it.  I think I have a tendency to work on all issues when having to go to court.  I can only suggest that you try to think about future things you may want.  There is no reason you cannot include his birthday.  How about some portion of the winter break every year?  My kids get the next 18 days off.  It’s like this every year.  I think I’d also try to focus some guidelines about his condition and how it affects his school work.     Which, now that I bring it up, I wonder how he has done lately?     Well, I wish you the best. Merrie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Wakanyeja Makah wrote in message <367ad168.31990…@news.tds.net>… >Hello all, > Just need some outside input on this one.  I’m far too close to the >situation to be even remotely objective.  Recently spoke to my SS bio-mom >(for the first time in over a year…long story…most of you have heard >it..) because the husband-person and I recently started a pre-paid college >program for him (we have the same for our other two boys).  To make a >long…long…long story shorter thre conversation went pretty >well…better than most…I suppose I should be grateful for that. > Toward the end of it I asked if there were any chance that instead >of making both of our lawyers any richer (as we are filing a motion in >January to modify visitation for this)– would she consider alternating >Thanksgivings with us (on the years that we don’t have him here for >Christmas)  My reasoning as follows: > 1.  His birthday is fairly close to Thanksgiving…therefore every >other year we would also get to celebrate his birthday with him. Something >that currently we are NEVER able to do with the current court ordered >visitation.  (1 week in Spring, 6 weeks in summer and 1 week every other >Christmas is the current order- she, having moved him repeatedly farther >and farther away from our state.) > 2.  That he would grow up with childhood memories of Thanksgivings >and birthdays with BOTH sides of his family. > 3.  That he would be able to have the opportunity to have memories >of Thanksgivings and Birthdays with his elderly Grandmother who isn’t in >good health….(I seriously doubt that she will be alive by the time he >reaches 18 and is allowed to make the decision where he wants to spend the >holidays) > 4.  On the years that he isn’t here for Christmas we go from August >until April (8 months) without being able to see him at all…a period of >time I think is excessive for all concerned. > 5.  He has expressed a desire to do this. > Her response to this was "I don’t know if I want to do that for >_______."  (insert ex-husband’s name)  "Why should I?" > I had to bite my tounge.  Instead I explained slowly that I thought >it was something that should be done for my SS…not as a "favor" to my >husband. > WTF? > Any suggestions or opinions?   The husband-person and I talked and >wrote a very nice letter to her asking for the same.  If she refuses we >plan to go ahead with the lawyer thing…guess I just want to hear what >others think. >W. Makah

Response:

You know how SS wants to buy a new car, and you know how DH wants to help him get the money? SS is too young to get a loan so the only thing DH could do was borrow the money himself and lend it to SS. BM had previously said that she would get SS the money he wanted but now it turns out the bank wont lend her any more. I was pissed that DH brought this up so close to Christmas and pissed because he acted like an idiot when I said "hang on a minute, this involves me". Anyway to cut a long story short I have decided to lend SS the money myself and I want him to pay it all back as soon as he turns 18 (in less than a years time) when he can get his own bank loan. DH and I feel this is the best solution. SS will get the car he so desperately wants, DH will be happy about that, and I get to have some control over the decisions being made. Anyway what do you think? Amy

Response:

>Anyway what do you think? >Amy

How long has SS been employed and how much does he make?  Will he be able to afford the car loan, insurance and gas money, and still be able to live comfortably day to day? "This time: gonna do it RIGHT!" — Bob Seger Jennaii

Response:

"Amy Lou" <amylou…@bigpond.com> wrote in message

news:CJRO9.10472$jM5.29556@newsfeeds.bigpond.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You know how SS wants to buy a new car, and you know how DH wants to help > him get the money? SS is too young to get a loan so the only thing DH could > do was borrow the money himself and lend it to SS. BM had previously said > that she would get SS the money he wanted but now it turns out the bank wont > lend her any more. I was pissed that DH brought this up so close to > Christmas and pissed because he acted like an idiot when I said "hang on a > minute, this involves me". > Anyway to cut a long story short I have decided to lend SS the money myself > and I want him to pay it all back as soon as he turns 18 (in less than a > years time) when he can get his own bank loan. DH and I feel this is the > best solution. SS will get the car he so desperately wants, DH will be happy > about that, and I get to have some control over the decisions being made. > Anyway what do you think? > Amy

     Hi Amy,               I’m not sure I understand what difference it makes which one of you lend him the money. If he does not pay it back it still comes out of your pocket either way. Would he be more likely to pay back the money if you lend it to him? Wanda

Response:

On Fri, 27 Dec 2002 16:49:24 +1100, "Amy Lou" <amylou…@bigpond.com> wrote: >Anyway to cut a long story short I have decided to lend SS the money myself >and I want him to pay it all back as soon as he turns 18 (in less than a >years time) when he can get his own bank loan. DH and I feel this is the >best solution. SS will get the car he so desperately wants, DH will be happy >about that, and I get to have some control over the decisions being made. >Anyway what do you think?

I think that although this may be a difference on paper, it’s not a real difference in the situation. I still don’t see any guarantee that SS will pay back the money. If there was some certainty in paying back the money, why did you object in the first place? If there wasn’t, there still isn’t. You "want" him to pay it back as soon as he turns 18. Does DH want him to pay it back? If he does, isn’t that just going to turn into DH signing for another loan? I don’t see that you have control over the decision being made. You did not think DH should even co-sign the loan! Now you’re directly giving SS the money. So it seems to me that all you’ve really done is made a huge compromise and screwed yourself in the process, and laid out way more household money than you *didn’t* want to lay out before. So I’m not sure exactly what problem you’re solving here. The problem was that DH was going to cosign this loan no matter what you thought. That issue goes away because you’re giving SS the money, but the underlying issue – that DH was going to do it, while you have no such freedom with your own son and your household money – is still there. Anne

Response:

>Anyway to cut a long story short I have decided to lend SS the money myself >and I want him to pay it all back as soon as he turns 18 (in less than a >years time) when he can get his own bank loan. DH and I feel this is the >best solution. SS will get the car he so desperately wants, DH will be happy >about that, and I get to have some control over the decisions being made. >Anyway what do you think? >Amy

Amy, my first thought is that the *appearance* of control is not real control. What you would be gaining her is the appearance of control… not any real control.  A contract with a minor is (in most cases) not enforceable.  That is the reason the bank won’t give him a loan directly.  You will have no more ability to do anything about it than the bank would. So, let’s look at the possibilities:  You and your DH give him the money, he behaves responsibily and pays it off over time.  Great.  You personally give him the money, he behaves responsibly, and pays it off on his 18th b-day (which is a harder task, and may actually mean he has a lesser chance, even if he behaves reasonably responsibly).  Also great.  Not much difference between the two. Let’s say, however, for whatever reason, he doesn’t pay it off when he turns 18?  What if he can’t get a loan, because of the economy?  What if interest rates go so high that paying the loan will be a problem? What will you do? What will be all the ramifications of your possibly responses?  It seems to me that if things *don’t* go well, then conflict is going to arise, either between you and your DH, or between you SS and the two of you… which is exactly what would happen if the two of you did it together. I guess I’m just not understanding how this makes a *real* difference. Sheila

Response:

Can I suggest that you buy the car, it remains in your name, and you get him insured on it?  He can pay the insurance.  If he is able to get a loan and buy the car when he is 18, great.  If he is not able to get a loan and buy it, you can either continue with the current arrangement (ie, you own the car and he pays insurance), or you can sell the car and recoup the costs. If he doesn’t like the idea of driving a "borrowed" car and not owning a car himself…   well, there’s a good life lesson, eh? Susan ———- Change "nospam"  to "bigfoot" in email address to reply. — "Amy Lou" <amylou…@bigpond.com> wrote in message

news:CJRO9.10472$jM5.29556@newsfeeds.bigpond.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You know how SS wants to buy a new car, and you know how DH wants to help > him get the money? SS is too young to get a loan so the only thing DH could > do was borrow the money himself and lend it to SS. BM had previously said > that she would get SS the money he wanted but now it turns out the bank wont > lend her any more. I was pissed that DH brought this up so close to > Christmas and pissed because he acted like an idiot when I said "hang on a > minute, this involves me". > Anyway to cut a long story short I have decided to lend SS the money myself > and I want him to pay it all back as soon as he turns 18 (in less than a > years time) when he can get his own bank loan. DH and I feel this is the > best solution. SS will get the car he so desperately wants, DH will be happy > about that, and I get to have some control over the decisions being made. > Anyway what do you think? > Amy

Response:

 >Can I suggest that you buy the car, it remains in your  >name, and you get him insured on it?  He can pay the  >insurance.  If he is able to get a loan and buy the car  >when he is 18, great.  If he is not able to get a loan  >and buy it, you can either continue with the current  >arrangement (ie, you own the car and he pays insurance),  >or you can sell the car and recoup the costs. If he  >doesn’t like the idea of driving a "borrowed" car and  >not owning a car himself…   well, there’s a good life  >lesson, eh? This sounds like a good way to handle it, although I would want to check out the legal ramifications if I owned a car but really had no control over it. For instance, if he lets the insurance lapse and gets in a wreck, the owner of the car would/could eventually be held responsible, no? I’m with the others though, Amy, who point out that this really doesn’t give you any more control over the situation than you would have had before. You can do all the insisting you want that he pays the money back when he turns 18, but if you’ve already handed the money over and he’s got the car in his name (which I imagine is what would happen, right?), you probably don’t have any leverage at that point. Tracey

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tracey wrote: >  >Can I suggest that you buy the car, it remains in your >  >name, and you get him insured on it?  He can pay the >  >insurance.  If he is able to get a loan and buy the car >  >when he is 18, great.  If he is not able to get a loan >  >and buy it, you can either continue with the current >  >arrangement (ie, you own the car and he pays insurance), >  >or you can sell the car and recoup the costs. If he >  >doesn’t like the idea of driving a "borrowed" car and >  >not owning a car himself…   well, there’s a good life >  >lesson, eh? > This sounds like a good way to handle it, although I would > want to check out the legal ramifications if I owned a car > but really had no control over it. For instance, if he lets > the insurance lapse and gets in a wreck, the owner of the > car would/could eventually be held responsible, no? > I’m with the others though, Amy, who point out that this > really doesn’t give you any more control over the situation > than you would have had before. You can do all the insisting > you want that he pays the money back when he turns 18, but > if you’ve already handed the money over and he’s got the > car in his name (which I imagine is what would happen, right?), > you probably don’t have any leverage at that point.

Amy, I forget…why does he need a car? Jennifer

Response:

"Anne Robotti" wrote: > I think that although this may be a difference on paper, it’s not a > real difference in the situation. I still don’t see any guarantee that > SS will pay back the money. If there was some certainty in paying back > the money, why did you object in the first place? If there wasn’t, > there still isn’t. You "want" him to pay it back as soon as he turns > 18. Does DH want him to pay it back? If he does, isn’t that just going > to turn into DH signing for another loan?

Firstly let me clarify a few things. SS has had a full time job for 12 months and has managed to save quite a lot in that time. I am satisfied that he will be able to pay the loan off but of course there are no guarantees. DH agrees with my suggestion of SS getting his own loan when he is old enough. My problem is simple. DH wants to lend SS the money whereas I dont. Thing is this is DH’s son and I dont want to stop him from helping him. If he could help him without involving me then I’d be fine about that but I dont see how DH can go to a bank and borrow money without some of the responsibility being mine. I suppose I thought if I lent SS my money I had some control but now I see it doesnt make any difference. > I don’t see that you have control over the decision being made. You > did not think DH should even co-sign the loan! Now you’re directly > giving SS the money. So it seems to me that all you’ve really done is > made a huge compromise and screwed yourself in the process, and laid > out way more household money than you *didn’t* want to lay out before. > So I’m not sure exactly what problem you’re solving here.

Ive been mulling this over all day. What I want is for DH and I to be involved for as little a time as possible. Now as far as I understand SS cannot get a loan until he turns 18 so that is what we need to work towards. I am now going to suggest to DH that he takes out a loan and lends the money to SS on the condition that SS gets his own loan when he is eligible and pays DH’s loan out. There is no guarantee that the bank will even give SS a loan when he is 18 of course. > The problem was that DH was going to cosign this loan no matter what > you thought. That issue goes away because you’re giving SS the money, > but the underlying issue – that DH was going to do it, while you have > no such freedom with your own son and your household money – is still > there.

Your right there. Our marriage has seen a few disagreements like this that were not satisfactorily solved. We have this power thing going on you see. If I dont give DH what he wants he resorts to bullying tactics and I back down because I think the effects of the bullying are far worse than the effects of giving him what he wants.  I could really make an issue out of this I suppose but as it involves SS I sort of feel obligated to give in. A while ago I resolved to be more assertive, exercise clear boundaries and the like but I dont seem to have it in me to put my foot down on this issue. A week or two ago we were discussing some unrelated issue and DH said that apart from having our boys he was happier when he was single (he was going on about how marriage means having someone stop you from doing all the things you want to do). I really wanted to discuss that with him more but then all of a sudden SS’s money needs became the burning issue. And now DH is needing the money like tomorrow and there is no time to discuss it any more. I feel really pressured to make a quick decision and SS will miss out on the car he wants if I dont. I just hate it! Amy

Response:

"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message > I guess I’m just not understanding how this makes a *real* difference.

It seems to me that I am going to have to bear the responsibility of lending SS money one way or another. I am trying to figure out a way that reduces the risk to me. But you are right – there is no *real* difference. Amy

Response:

"STNWH" <st…@nospam.com> wrote in message

news:auiemb$m47$1$8300dec7@news.demon.co.uk… > Can I suggest that you buy the car, it remains in your name, and you get him > insured on it?  He can pay the insurance.  If he is able to get a loan and > buy the car when he is 18, great.  If he is not able to get a loan and buy > it, you can either continue with the current arrangement (ie, you own the > car and he pays insurance), or you can sell the car and recoup the costs. > If he doesn’t like the idea of driving a "borrowed" car and not owning a car > himself…   well, there’s a good life lesson, eh? > Susan

This makes good sense and the sort of thing I would like to discuss with DH but he has me over a barrel because he and SS have picked out the car and dont want to miss out on it. Id really like to discuss this whole loan business longer but DH doesnt want to wait any longer. Amy

Response:

"Jennifer" <gaz…@theironpig.com> wrote in message

news:3E0D6529.233C618B@theironpig.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Tracey wrote: > >  >Can I suggest that you buy the car, it remains in your > >  >name, and you get him insured on it?  He can pay the > >  >insurance.  If he is able to get a loan and buy the car > >  >when he is 18, great.  If he is not able to get a loan > >  >and buy it, you can either continue with the current > >  >arrangement (ie, you own the car and he pays insurance), > >  >or you can sell the car and recoup the costs. If he > >  >doesn’t like the idea of driving a "borrowed" car and > >  >not owning a car himself…   well, there’s a good life > >  >lesson, eh? > > This sounds like a good way to handle it, although I would > > want to check out the legal ramifications if I owned a car > > but really had no control over it. For instance, if he lets > > the insurance lapse and gets in a wreck, the owner of the > > car would/could eventually be held responsible, no? > > I’m with the others though, Amy, who point out that this > > really doesn’t give you any more control over the situation > > than you would have had before. You can do all the insisting > > you want that he pays the money back when he turns 18, but > > if you’ve already handed the money over and he’s got the > > car in his name (which I imagine is what would happen, right?), > > you probably don’t have any leverage at that point. > Amy, I forget…why does he need a car?

Oh dont get me started! Thats like asking why does DH need to lend him the money. I dont agree with their reasons. Thats all there is to it. This is just one of those step parent moments I’d rather not be in. Amy

Response:

"Tracey" <rbranch…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:3E0D38B0.4060707@aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >Can I suggest that you buy the car, it remains in your >  >name, and you get him insured on it?  He can pay the >  >insurance.  If he is able to get a loan and buy the car >  >when he is 18, great.  If he is not able to get a loan >  >and buy it, you can either continue with the current >  >arrangement (ie, you own the car and he pays insurance), >  >or you can sell the car and recoup the costs. If he >  >doesn’t like the idea of driving a "borrowed" car and >  >not owning a car himself…   well, there’s a good life >  >lesson, eh? > This sounds like a good way to handle it, although I would > want to check out the legal ramifications if I owned a car > but really had no control over it. For instance, if he lets > the insurance lapse and gets in a wreck, the owner of the > car would/could eventually be held responsible, no? > I’m with the others though, Amy, who point out that this > really doesn’t give you any more control over the situation > than you would have had before. You can do all the insisting > you want that he pays the money back when he turns 18, but > if you’ve already handed the money over and he’s got the > car in his name (which I imagine is what would happen, right?), > you probably don’t have any leverage at that point.

True. What I really want is a way for DH to lend SS the money he wants without involving me. Any ideas? Amy

Response:

 >A week or two ago we were discussing some unrelated issue  >and DH said that apart from having our boys he was happier  >when he was single (he was going on about how marriage  >means having someone stop you from doing all the things  >you want to do). I really wanted to discuss that with him  >more Ouch. That definitely is a ‘discuss this more’ situation. Also seems like a time to try and look objectively and see if there’s any truth to it or if he’s deflecting some of his decisions to not do something on to you and your family. IOW, do you *really* stop him from doing all the things he wants to do or does he realize that these things aren’t possible when having a family to raise? For example, I would like to go on an around the world cruise, but my family isn’t ’stopping’ me, it’s the realization that finances aren’t available and time isn’t either. Tracey

Response:

On Sat, 28 Dec 2002 17:51:04 GMT, Tracey <rbranch…@aol.com> wrote: >Ouch. That definitely is a ‘discuss this more’ situation. >Also seems like a time to try and look objectively and see >if there’s any truth to it or if he’s deflecting some of >his decisions to not do something on to you and your family. >IOW, do you *really* stop him from doing all the things he >wants to do or does he realize that these things aren’t >possible when having a family to raise? For example, I would >like to go on an around the world cruise, but my family >isn’t ’stopping’ me, it’s the realization that finances >aren’t available and time isn’t either.

Seriously though, what kind of a big selfish baby do you have to be to be blaming your wife and kids for the stuff you don’t get to do?! If you’re really "giving up" so much for your family and not seeing that you’re being rewarded about 1000 times more than anything you give up, then there’s the door, big boy. Chuck gets into these whiny periods sometimes, and quite honestly I have no patience with them. Anne

Response:

"Anne Robotti" <arobo…@lightspeedcommunications.net> wrote in message

news:6vks0vob9m986svu2ue2tvv4hr1r245tvk@4ax.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Sat, 28 Dec 2002 17:51:04 GMT, Tracey <rbranch…@aol.com> wrote: > >Ouch. That definitely is a ‘discuss this more’ situation. > >Also seems like a time to try and look objectively and see > >if there’s any truth to it or if he’s deflecting some of > >his decisions to not do something on to you and your family. > >IOW, do you *really* stop him from doing all the things he > >wants to do or does he realize that these things aren’t > >possible when having a family to raise? For example, I would > >like to go on an around the world cruise, but my family > >isn’t ’stopping’ me, it’s the realization that finances > >aren’t available and time isn’t either. > Seriously though, what kind of a big selfish baby do you have to be to > be blaming your wife and kids for the stuff you don’t get to do?! If > you’re really "giving up" so much for your family and not seeing that > you’re being rewarded about 1000 times more than anything you give up, > then there’s the door, big boy. > Chuck gets into these whiny periods sometimes, and quite honestly I > have no patience with them.

Thing is I know I have enabled this kind of behaviour in the past. I cannot blame it all on DH. Its also my fault for being such a pushover. But rest assured I am getting more and more assertive. I have managed to discuss this loan business a bit more with him and have retracted my offer to lend the cash. Now we have agreed DH will take out a loan. I have asserted my misgivings about being responsible if for any reason SS cannot pay us back and I think DH now understands that. FINALLY! At least he is showing some concern for my feelings. Thats really all I want. I dont want to stop him from doing what he thinks is best for his kid. If he had just brought the subject up in a more sensible way instead of throwing it in my face late at night right before Xmas I might have been able to assert myself better right from the beginning. Grumble grumble…. Amy

Response:

Amy Lou wrote: > > Seriously though, what kind of a big selfish baby do you have to be to > > be blaming your wife and kids for the stuff you don’t get to do?! If > > you’re really "giving up" so much for your family and not seeing that > > you’re being rewarded about 1000 times more than anything you give up, > > then there’s the door, big boy. > Thing is I know I have enabled this kind of behaviour in the past. I cannot > blame it all on DH. Its also my fault for being such a pushover. But rest > assured I am getting more and more assertive.

Except it sounds as if he’s got you blaming yourself for him acting like a shit ("I have enabled this kind of behavior"), and besides, since you’ve been more assertive he’s also gotten to the point of throwing out a soul-destroying line like, "I was happier when I was single." Jennifer

Response:

Amy Lou wrote: > > Amy, I forget…why does he need a car? > Oh dont get me started! Thats like asking why does DH need to lend him the > money. I dont agree with their reasons. Thats all there is to it. This is > just one of those step parent moments I’d rather not be in.

Okay.  :-)  <backs away slowly with hands raised>  Gotcha.  Well, I think you made the right decision not to take out the loan.  Since you’d rather not be involved, it’s best that DH be the one getting himself involved, which is the road you’ve taken. Jennifer

Response:

"Jennifer" <gaz…@theironpig.com> wrote in message > Except it sounds as if he’s got you blaming yourself for him acting like a shit > ("I have enabled this kind of behavior"), and besides,

No. I just feel that because I have let him get away with it in the past it is *partly* my fault that he thinks he can like a shit. Its not an excuse for him to act like a shit. And since I have been more assertive he’s been behaving a lot better. since you’ve been more > assertive he’s also gotten to the point of throwing out a soul-destroying line > like, "I was happier when I was single."

I read that when people with no boundaries suddenly start handing out boundaries they can have a pretty hard time. This didnt happen when I got tougher on DH. Sure he still tries it on but I dont think its because of my new assertiveness. Its just him still trying it on. This soul-destroying line, as you so aptly put it, is something I am addressing with him. The old me would not have done that or at least not until a long period of time had elapsed. Amy

Response:

>This soul-destroying >line, as you so aptly put it, is something I am addressing with him. The old >me would not have done that or at least not until a long period of time had >elapsed. >Amy

My best friend used to put up with this from her husband.  Once a month or so she would come to work hysterical because he had a temper tantrum the night before yelling how he wanted to be single.   They had two children, who also got to hear these tantrums. One day she finally told him to go.  She was serious.  Get an apartment, we’ll find a way to afford it, go find yourself.  Quit making us miserable.   He was speechless. She was sure he would go.  He didn’t.  But he never used that Lame Ass Crap again. "This time: gonna do it RIGHT!" — Bob Seger Jennaii

Response:

 >Seriously though, what kind of a big selfish baby do you  >have to be to be blaming your wife and kids for the stuff  >you don’t get to do?! I didn’t say it was *good* thing, Anne. :) I think most of us know of at least one person who has decided that it’s their kids/families that hold them back from doing some- thing they want to do when it’s actually their own de- cision to not do something because they have a family and, no, I don’t think that’s right. And I think we all know of at least one person who has decided that when their spouse says ‘Honey, we have kids to raise, of course you can’t buy your own jet’ they then decide their spouse is the one keeping them back from what they want to do. At the same time, I’m also pretty sure we all know of at least one person whose wants aren’t so ‘pie in the sky’ and are actually doable whose spouse nixes those ideas out of hand. I was just wondering which one it really was in Amy’s situation. Tracey

Response:

No, you were not wrong in having her walk only 150ft. to the bus stop, even if it was raining out.  Geez from the age of 9 until High School graduation I walked to school every morning and home every afternoon whether rain, snow, sleet or shine.  And, I had to walk between a mile and a mile and a half (depending on which grade I was walking to).  My mother had a car and could have drove me but she was also dealing with two other children in the morning and I never asked.  I had a raincoat and unbrella (which I never used).  These days it seems children are encouraged to be lazy because parents are always feeling guilty for divorces, separation and custodies so they do more and more for their children and step-children.  Yes, I’m one of those guilty ones.  I have done too much for my ss in the past, and so has his bf.  Every year he gets a few more chores to do but I still see that he has less responcibilities than I did at his age.  And yet, he complains because of all his chores he has.  All he has to do: make his bed in the morning, brush his teeth at least 3x a day, wash himself, keep his room clean, take out the trash, and fold and put away his washed clothing.  Am I giving him to much to do, he is 9 years old? I have done more things for him in the past but the ruder he gets to me the less I care to do. Jennifer "Mary M" <Mazi…@webtv.net> wrote in message

news:11374-38E36B5E-13@storefull-257.iap.bryant.webtv.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Wednesday morning it was pooring here and at 6:15 a.m. SD comes into > my bedroom while me and BS were sleeping.  SD says can you get up and > drive me to school.  I said no I am not getting the babies up and > dressed to drive you to school.  (I have a 7 month old and a 2 yr old, > SD’s school bus also picks her up approx. 150 feet from the house). SD > comes back into my room at 7:00 a.m. and says well aren’t you getting up > and I turned and looked at her and said No, I told you I wasn’t.  SD > then turns Slams my bedroom door and screams, WHAT THE HELL?  Needless > to say she woke up my 7 month old.  Then when she was leaving the house > she slammed that door and woke up my 2 yr old. > A little background my SD is 13 she is the type that has watched me come > home in rain, snow, whatever…..carrying groceries into the house with > bags in each hand and 2 children on each hip and never offered to help, > she rudely looks over.  When I put the babies down and go out to get > more groceries out of the car, she’ll look through the bags and walk > away.  This is even after I have asked her for help.  HAHAHAHAHA some > help. > Back about a month ago in front of DH I said one of these days I am not > going to do things for you anymore since you don’t offer to help me with > anthing.  Examples…….SD has watched me do the cleaning, laundry > (hers too, not offering to fold her own clothes or even help me with > folding anyones clothes, doing paperwork (for our business) cooking, and > whatever else, while taking care of the 2 little ones, even after being > asked to help.  But she will ask me to wash something to wear the next > day or to help with homework, take her shopping, ask if her friends can > come over, or drive her places.  This particular morning raining or not > happen to be the day I had it.  SD gets a bus to school it’s not like > she had to walk far, especially the way she asked, no please just the > way I typed it at the top.  SD is terribly rude and selfish, she has > been this way since the day I met her, and believe me it is not because > of her Mom or Dad, it’s my mother-in-law, she gives into her every whim. > A little more background, this is the same child who went through my > jornal about a month ago and has also stolen thing from me, I posted all > this not to long ago.  SD tried to get me in trouble with DH by telling > him what she read in my journal, but he had already read it.  My journal > only contains things I want to say to him but can’t because I don’t like > fighting or arguing in front of the children.  So all that’s in it is > what I want to say but don’t and he reads it the next day he even has a > key to the damn thing, no secrets between us.  But what gives her the > right to go through my personnal things.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA on > her………. > Any comments or thoughts positive or negative appreciated.  Was I > terrible for making her walk 150 feet to the bus, when she has an > umbrella and a rain resistant jacket with hood.? > Thanks to all for listening, I appreciate it………..

Response:

On Thu, 30 Mar 2000 16:49:36 GMT, Gecko <gecko…@my-deja.com> wrote:

<original post> >You could point out to her that she’s not made of sugar, and a little >water won’t cause her to melt away. Ugh. It’s a difficult age… >~gecko~

Or have her watch _The Wizard of Oz_ some weekend and inquire whether she plans to grow up to be the wicked witch of the East… Of course where I grew up, we don’t have weather in the generally accepted sense of the word :-) Al Moore

Response:

On Thu, 30 Mar 2000 10:36:25 -0800, "merrie" <mer…@svn.net> wrote: >    No – you’re not terrible for declining to give her a ride. >Curious – where was Dad?

<snip> >Merrie >Mary M <Mazi…@webtv.net> wrote in message >news:11374-38E36B5E-13@storefull-257.iap.bryant.webtv.net… >> On Wednesday morning it was pooring here and at 6:15 a.m. SD comes into >> my bedroom while me and BS were sleeping.  SD says can you get up and >> drive me to school. <snip> >> Any comments or thoughts positive or negative appreciated.  Was I >> terrible for making her walk 150 feet to the bus, when she has an >> umbrella and a rain resistant jacket with hood.? >> Thanks to all for listening, I appreciate it………..

The original didn’t show up on my server. My son complained about his bike ride to high school.  One evening I drove him up (about a half hour away) and parked at my junior high, and we walked the walk I took home every day after school for a couple of years.  We chatted enroute.  It was a longish chat, because it was a longish walk.  About twice as long as the ride he was griping about. He never complained about that ride again. My step kids have also complained about their school commutes in the past.  Their mother started telling them about how it was when she was a kid.  Nothing for breakfast but a bowl of cold poison, and glad of that.  Ten miles to school, all uphill, both ways, in the snow, all year around.    Had to get up before going to bed… Al Moore

Response:

> Every year he gets a few more chores to do but I still see that he >has less responcibilities than I did at his age.  And yet, he complains >because of all his chores he has.  All he has to do: make his bed in the >morning, brush his teeth at least 3x a day, wash himself, keep his room >clean, take out the trash, and fold and put away his washed clothing.  Am I >giving him to much to do, he is 9 years old? I have done more things for him >in the past but the ruder he gets to me the less I care to do. >Jennifer

I don’t have any biokids, but IMHO, I don’t think he has too much to do. Remember the Laura Ingall Wilder books?  There was one concerning her husband and the list of chores he and his siblings did and school and….  Might be worth reading again and having SS read.  I think it’s called Farmer Boy. Anne H. "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be  the world."

Response:

No I dont think you were terrible to make her walk in the rain. Did you make it clear to her the reasons why you would not drive her? Does she realise you do not want to help her 1 because she doesnt help you and 2 because she doesnt ask nicely? Perhaps if you had a family talk about how members of a family talk to each other and help each other she may begin to understand. Also I think it helps if you remember that most kids need to be asked to help – it is a rare child who offers. Joyojoy

Response:

Mary M: No. She sounds like she gets away with too much.  At 13, she should be washing her own clothes, getting them ready for school the next day, doing her assignment and helping out in the home.  It is not your responsibility to attend to her daily needs, it is your husband’s, if she won’t live by the rules set down in your home.  If she wants a ride to school, let her ask him.  He sounds like he is putting too much of the responsibility off on you because he can’t deal with her demands, either.  Although it may be hard, try to make her take any of her complaints up with him! Mary Mary M <Mazi…@webtv.net> wrote in message

news:11374-38E36B5E-13@storefull-257.iap.bryant.webtv.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Wednesday morning it was pooring here and at 6:15 a.m. SD comes into > my bedroom while me and BS were sleeping.  SD says can you get up and > drive me to school.  I said no I am not getting the babies up and > dressed to drive you to school.  (I have a 7 month old and a 2 yr old, > SD’s school bus also picks her up approx. 150 feet from the house). SD > comes back into my room at 7:00 a.m. and says well aren’t you getting up > and I turned and looked at her and said No, I told you I wasn’t.  SD > then turns Slams my bedroom door and screams, WHAT THE HELL?  Needless > to say she woke up my 7 month old.  Then when she was leaving the house > she slammed that door and woke up my 2 yr old. > A little background my SD is 13 she is the type that has watched me come > home in rain, snow, whatever…..carrying groceries into the house with > bags in each hand and 2 children on each hip and never offered to help, > she rudely looks over.  When I put the babies down and go out to get > more groceries out of the car, she’ll look through the bags and walk > away.  This is even after I have asked her for help.  HAHAHAHAHA some > help. > Back about a month ago in front of DH I said one of these days I am not > going to do things for you anymore since you don’t offer to help me with > anthing.  Examples…….SD has watched me do the cleaning, laundry > (hers too, not offering to fold her own clothes or even help me with > folding anyones clothes, doing paperwork (for our business) cooking, and > whatever else, while taking care of the 2 little ones, even after being > asked to help.  But she will ask me to wash something to wear the next > day or to help with homework, take her shopping, ask if her friends can > come over, or drive her places.  This particular morning raining or not > happen to be the day I had it.  SD gets a bus to school it’s not like > she had to walk far, especially the way she asked, no please just the > way I typed it at the top.  SD is terribly rude and selfish, she has > been this way since the day I met her, and believe me it is not because > of her Mom or Dad, it’s my mother-in-law, she gives into her every whim. > A little more background, this is the same child who went through my > jornal about a month ago and has also stolen thing from me, I posted all > this not to long ago.  SD tried to get me in trouble with DH by telling > him what she read in my journal, but he had already read it.  My journal > only contains things I want to say to him but can’t because I don’t like > fighting or arguing in front of the children.  So all that’s in it is > what I want to say but don’t and he reads it the next day he even has a > key to the damn thing, no secrets between us.  But what gives her the > right to go through my personnal things.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA on > her………. > Any comments or thoughts positive or negative appreciated.  Was I > terrible for making her walk 150 feet to the bus, when she has an > umbrella and a rain resistant jacket with hood.? > Thanks to all for listening, I appreciate it………..

Response:

    No – you’re not terrible for declining to give her a ride. Curious – where was Dad?     You claim her attitude stems from MIL, but I don’t think you can expect any help from MIL in changing that attitude.  I think that many of the problems in your situation stem from your relationship with your husband. We all realize that 13 is old enough to be responsible for one’s own behavior, but her respect for you is dependent upon your husband’s respect for you. Merrie Mary M <Mazi…@webtv.net> wrote in message

news:11374-38E36B5E-13@storefull-257.iap.bryant.webtv.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Wednesday morning it was pooring here and at 6:15 a.m. SD comes into > my bedroom while me and BS were sleeping.  SD says can you get up and > drive me to school.  I said no I am not getting the babies up and > dressed to drive you to school.  (I have a 7 month old and a 2 yr old, > SD’s school bus also picks her up approx. 150 feet from the house). SD > comes back into my room at 7:00 a.m. and says well aren’t you getting up > and I turned and looked at her and said No, I told you I wasn’t.  SD > then turns Slams my bedroom door and screams, WHAT THE HELL?  Needless > to say she woke up my 7 month old.  Then when she was leaving the house > she slammed that door and woke up my 2 yr old. > A little background my SD is 13 she is the type that has watched me come > home in rain, snow, whatever…..carrying groceries into the house with > bags in each hand and 2 children on each hip and never offered to help, > she rudely looks over.  When I put the babies down and go out to get > more groceries out of the car, she’ll look through the bags and walk > away.  This is even after I have asked her for help.  HAHAHAHAHA some > help. > Back about a month ago in front of DH I said one of these days I am not > going to do things for you anymore since you don’t offer to help me with > anthing.  Examples…….SD has watched me do the cleaning, laundry > (hers too, not offering to fold her own clothes or even help me with > folding anyones clothes, doing paperwork (for our business) cooking, and > whatever else, while taking care of the 2 little ones, even after being > asked to help.  But she will ask me to wash something to wear the next > day or to help with homework, take her shopping, ask if her friends can > come over, or drive her places.  This particular morning raining or not > happen to be the day I had it.  SD gets a bus to school it’s not like > she had to walk far, especially the way she asked, no please just the > way I typed it at the top.  SD is terribly rude and selfish, she has > been this way since the day I met her, and believe me it is not because > of her Mom or Dad, it’s my mother-in-law, she gives into her every whim. > A little more background, this is the same child who went through my > jornal about a month ago and has also stolen thing from me, I posted all > this not to long ago.  SD tried to get me in trouble with DH by telling > him what she read in my journal, but he had already read it.  My journal > only contains things I want to say to him but can’t because I don’t like > fighting or arguing in front of the children.  So all that’s in it is > what I want to say but don’t and he reads it the next day he even has a > key to the damn thing, no secrets between us.  But what gives her the > right to go through my personnal things.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA on > her………. > Any comments or thoughts positive or negative appreciated.  Was I > terrible for making her walk 150 feet to the bus, when she has an > umbrella and a rain resistant jacket with hood.? > Thanks to all for listening, I appreciate it………..

Response:

    You certainly seem to be having a hard time right now.  I would like to suggest 3 things.  One is that you and your hubby sit down and devise some chores for her to do.  This will not only help you out, but it will stop some of the arguments and hurt feelings when she just sits there and does nothing.     Another thing you should do is get the book  "Parenting with love and logic" by Cline and Fay.  Its an excellent book which will show you how you can get her to take responsibility for herself and how to stop the fighting. There is another book, the sequel, called "Parenting Teens with Love and Logic", by the same authors which also addresses issues which will be coming up, such as dating, curfews, the car……     But the third thing you need to do is realize and remember that you are the *adult* and she is a *child*!!!   I realize things have been difficult, but you are acting like a pouting child, you talk about how your not going to do this for her, cause of the way she treats you….(Back about a month ago in front of DH I said one of these days I am not going to do things for you anymore since you don’t offer to help me with > anthing.) this is a childish way to behave.  How is she going to become a

better person who is not so spiteful, if all she receives is spite in return?  Another thing to remember is that she is a teenager.  What other teenager do you know that "offers to help" with chores.  Isn’t it bred in every teenager to run from chores, especially ones that has not specifically been given to them?     I wish you luck….you have alot of anger in your house that needs to be delt with…. Shelly Mary M <Mazi…@webtv.net> wrote in message

news:11374-38E36B5E-13@storefull-257.iap.bryant.webtv.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Wednesday morning it was pooring here and at 6:15 a.m. SD comes into > my bedroom while me and BS were sleeping.  SD says can you get up and > drive me to school.  I said no I am not getting the babies up and > dressed to drive you to school.  (I have a 7 month old and a 2 yr old, > SD’s school bus also picks her up approx. 150 feet from the house). SD > comes back into my room at 7:00 a.m. and says well aren’t you getting up > and I turned and looked at her and said No, I told you I wasn’t.  SD > then turns Slams my bedroom door and screams, WHAT THE HELL?  Needless > to say she woke up my 7 month old.  Then when she was leaving the house > she slammed that door and woke up my 2 yr old. > A little background my SD is 13 she is the type that has watched me come > home in rain, snow, whatever…..carrying groceries into the house with > bags in each hand and 2 children on each hip and never offered to help, > she rudely looks over.  When I put the babies down and go out to get > more groceries out of the car, she’ll look through the bags and walk > away.  This is even after I have asked her for help.  HAHAHAHAHA some > help. > Back about a month ago in front of DH I said one of these days I am not > going to do things for you anymore since you don’t offer to help me with > anthing.  Examples…….SD has watched me do the cleaning, laundry > (hers too, not offering to fold her own clothes or even help me with > folding anyones clothes, doing paperwork (for our business) cooking, and > whatever else, while taking care of the 2 little ones, even after being > asked to help.  But she will ask me to wash something to wear the next > day or to help with homework, take her shopping, ask if her friends can > come over, or drive her places.  This particular morning raining or not > happen to be the day I had it.  SD gets a bus to school it’s not like > she had to walk far, especially the way she asked, no please just the > way I typed it at the top.  SD is terribly rude and selfish, she has > been this way since the day I met her, and believe me it is not because > of her Mom or Dad, it’s my mother-in-law, she gives into her every whim. > A little more background, this is the same child who went through my > jornal about a month ago and has also stolen thing from me, I posted all > this not to long ago.  SD tried to get me in trouble with DH by telling > him what she read in my journal, but he had already read it.  My journal > only contains things I want to say to him but can’t because I don’t like > fighting or arguing in front of the children.  So all that’s in it is > what I want to say but don’t and he reads it the next day he even has a > key to the damn thing, no secrets between us.  But what gives her the > right to go through my personnal things.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA on > her………. > Any comments or thoughts positive or negative appreciated.  Was I > terrible for making her walk 150 feet to the bus, when she has an > umbrella and a rain resistant jacket with hood.? > Thanks to all for listening, I appreciate it………..

Response:

On Wednesday morning it was pooring here and at 6:15 a.m. SD comes into my bedroom while me and BS were sleeping.  SD says can you get up and drive me to school.  I said no I am not getting the babies up and dressed to drive you to school.  (I have a 7 month old and a 2 yr old, SD’s school bus also picks her up approx. 150 feet from the house). SD comes back into my room at 7:00 a.m. and says well aren’t you getting up and I turned and looked at her and said No, I told you I wasn’t.  SD then turns Slams my bedroom door and screams, WHAT THE HELL?  Needless to say she woke up my 7 month old.  Then when she was leaving the house she slammed that door and woke up my 2 yr old.   A little background my SD is 13 she is the type that has watched me come home in rain, snow, whatever…..carrying groceries into the house with bags in each hand and 2 children on each hip and never offered to help, she rudely looks over.  When I put the babies down and go out to get more groceries out of the car, she’ll look through the bags and walk away.  This is even after I have asked her for help.  HAHAHAHAHA some help. Back about a month ago in front of DH I said one of these days I am not going to do things for you anymore since you don’t offer to help me with anthing.  Examples…….SD has watched me do the cleaning, laundry (hers too, not offering to fold her own clothes or even help me with folding anyones clothes, doing paperwork (for our business) cooking, and whatever else, while taking care of the 2 little ones, even after being asked to help.  But she will ask me to wash something to wear the next day or to help with homework, take her shopping, ask if her friends can come over, or drive her places.  This particular morning raining or not happen to be the day I had it.  SD gets a bus to school it’s not like she had to walk far, especially the way she asked, no please just the way I typed it at the top.  SD is terribly rude and selfish, she has been this way since the day I met her, and believe me it is not because of her Mom or Dad, it’s my mother-in-law, she gives into her every whim. A little more background, this is the same child who went through my jornal about a month ago and has also stolen thing from me, I posted all this not to long ago.  SD tried to get me in trouble with DH by telling him what she read in my journal, but he had already read it.  My journal only contains things I want to say to him but can’t because I don’t like fighting or arguing in front of the children.  So all that’s in it is what I want to say but don’t and he reads it the next day he even has a key to the damn thing, no secrets between us.  But what gives her the right to go through my personnal things.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA on her………. Any comments or thoughts positive or negative appreciated.  Was I terrible for making her walk 150 feet to the bus, when she has an umbrella and a rain resistant jacket with hood.? Thanks to all for listening, I appreciate it………..  

Response:

In article <11374-38E36B5E…@storefull-257.iap.bryant.webtv.net>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Mazi…@webtv.net (Mary M) wrote: > On Wednesday morning it was pooring here and at 6:15 a.m. SD comes into > my bedroom while me and BS were sleeping. SD says can you get up and > drive me to school. I said no I am not getting the babies up and > dressed to drive you to school. (I have a 7 month old and a 2 yr old, > SD’s school bus also picks her up approx. 150 feet from the house). SD > comes back into my room at 7:00 a.m. and says well aren’t you getting up > and I turned and looked at her and said No, I told you I wasn’t. SD > then turns Slams my bedroom door and screams, WHAT THE HELL? Needless > to say she woke up my 7 month old. Then when she was leaving the house > she slammed that door and woke up my 2 yr old. > A little background my SD is 13 she is the type that has watched me come > home in rain, snow, whatever…..carrying groceries into the house with > bags in each hand and 2 children on each hip and never offered to help, > she rudely looks over. When I put the babies down and go out to get > more groceries out of the car, she’ll look through the bags and walk > away. This is even after I have asked her for help. HAHAHAHAHA some > help. > Back about a month ago in front of DH I said one of these days I am not > going to do things for you anymore since you don’t offer to help me with > anthing. Examples…….SD has watched me do the cleaning, laundry > (hers too, not offering to fold her own clothes or even help me with > folding anyones clothes, doing paperwork (for our business) cooking, and > whatever else, while taking care of the 2 little ones, even after being > asked to help. But she will ask me to wash something to wear the next > day or to help with homework, take her shopping, ask if her friends can > come over, or drive her places. This particular morning raining or not > happen to be the day I had it. SD gets a bus to school it’s not like > she had to walk far, especially the way she asked, no please just the > way I typed it at the top. SD is terribly rude and selfish, she has > been this way since the day I met her, and believe me it is not because > of her Mom or Dad, it’s my mother-in-law, she gives into her every whim. > A little more background, this is the same child who went through my > jornal about a month ago and has also stolen thing from me, I posted all > this not to long ago. SD tried to get me in trouble with DH by telling > him what she read in my journal, but he had already read it. My journal > only contains things I want to say to him but can’t because I don’t like > fighting or arguing in front of the children. So all that’s in it is > what I want to say but don’t and he reads it the next day he even has a > key to the damn thing, no secrets between us. But what gives her the > right to go through my personnal things. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA on > her………. > Any comments or thoughts positive or negative appreciated. Was I > terrible for making her walk 150 feet to the bus, when she has an > umbrella and a rain resistant jacket with hood.? > Thanks to all for listening, I appreciate it………..

I think I would have done the same thing. I had to walk a mile or better to school when growing up and in the midst of a cold Michigan winter, rain or shine. It won’t kill her. Dress appropriately. Sylvia Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <11374-38E36B5E…@storefull-257.iap.bryant.webtv.net>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Mazi…@webtv.net (Mary M) wrote: > On Wednesday morning it was pooring here and at 6:15 a.m. SD comes into > my bedroom while me and BS were sleeping. SD says can you get up and > drive me to school. I said no I am not getting the babies up and > dressed to drive you to school. (I have a 7 month old and a 2 yr old, > SD’s school bus also picks her up approx. 150 feet from the house). SD > comes back into my room at 7:00 a.m. and says well aren’t you getting up > and I turned and looked at her and said No, I told you I wasn’t. SD > then turns Slams my bedroom door and screams, WHAT THE HELL? Needless > to say she woke up my 7 month old. Then when she was leaving the house > she slammed that door and woke up my 2 yr old. > A little background my SD is 13 she is the type that has watched me come > home in rain, snow, whatever…..carrying groceries into the house with > bags in each hand and 2 children on each hip and never offered to help, > she rudely looks over. When I put the babies down and go out to get > more groceries out of the car, she’ll look through the bags and walk > away. This is even after I have asked her for help. HAHAHAHAHA some > help. > Back about a month ago in front of DH I said one of these days I am not > going to do things for you anymore since you don’t offer to help me with > anthing. Examples…….SD has watched me do the cleaning, laundry > (hers too, not offering to fold her own clothes or even help me with > folding anyones clothes, doing paperwork (for our business) cooking, and > whatever else, while taking care of the 2 little ones, even after being > asked to help. But she will ask me to wash something to wear the next > day or to help with homework, take her shopping, ask if her friends can > come over, or drive her places. This particular morning raining or not > happen to be the day I had it. SD gets a bus to school it’s not like > she had to walk far, especially the way she asked, no please just the > way I typed it at the top. SD is terribly rude and selfish, she has > been this way since the day I met her, and believe me it is not because > of her Mom or Dad, it’s my mother-in-law, she gives into her every whim. > A little more background, this is the same child who went through my > jornal about a month ago and has also stolen thing from me, I posted all > this not to long ago. SD tried to get me in trouble with DH by telling > him what she read in my journal, but he had already read it. My journal > only contains things I want to say to him but can’t because I don’t like > fighting or arguing in front of the children. So all that’s in it is > what I want to say but don’t and he reads it the next day he even has a > key to the damn thing, no secrets between us. But what gives her the > right to go through my personnal things. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA on > her………. > Any comments or thoughts positive or negative appreciated. Was I > terrible for making her walk 150 feet to the bus, when she has an > umbrella and a rain resistant jacket with hood.? > Thanks to all for listening, I appreciate it………..

You could point out to her that she’s not made of sugar, and a little water won’t cause her to melt away. Ugh. It’s a difficult age… ~gecko~ — "Life. Don’t talk to me about life." Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

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