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New and need advice

Question:

Does anyone have any tips on overcoming shyness? Sometimes I feel like I don’t really even exist.

Response:

In article <4ljpob…@tribune.concentric.net>, Melissa O’Brien <R…@concentric.net> writes: >Does anyone have any tips on overcoming shyness? Sometimes I feel like I >don’t really even >exist.

Shy people tend to put up an invisible wall around themselves. Leaving the safety of that wall is a terrifying thought so we build it even stronger. If another person tries to knock on the wall, we feel threatened. Our fears overcome our wanting companionship, and we block the person out. Then we feel like failures, and become more shy. The best way to overcome shyness is to analyze your behavior tendencies around other people. Then work on them in private. Then start tearing the wall down a brick at a time. If you go to fast you’ll crash, and become more scared. Pretend you’re an actor/actress and you’re doing a scene. You’ll feel phony for awhile but You’ll be the only person who knows this. Soon it will begin to feel natural and you won’t even notice that you’ve changed. The wall will still be there, but you won’t always need it. Angel    :-) Angen…@aol.com Where e’er the Holy sun does shine. There’s music, laughter, and God divine. At least I’ve always found it so. Feel the warmth, and follow the glow.

Response:

In article <4ljpob…@tribune.concentric.net>, Melissa O’Brien  <R…@concentric.net> wrote: >Does anyone have any tips on overcoming shyness? Sometimes I feel like I >don’t really even exist.

I don’t have much advice to offer, but I know exactly what you mean.  Most of the time, I feel like a couple of eyeballs floating in space.  I have a hard time thinking of myself as an actual person.  I am extremely introverted (which is a distinct quality from being shy, although I am that too), which means that I spend most of my time and thoughts in my own little world inside my head, separate from the external world.  I must have a really stupid look on my face most of the time. But, I think that you have to take it on faith that everyone else is in exactly the same situation.  Nobody _really_ knows what they are doing, but most people learn how they are supposed to behave around other people. Keep on Hackin’! -Craig Bruce csbr…@ccnga.uwaterloo.ca http://ccnga.uwaterloo.ca/~csbruce/ Luke: "I… I don’t believe it." Yoda: "That.. is why you failed."

Response:

In article <4lolun$…@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, angen…@aol.com (Angenica) wrote: > Shy people tend to put up an invisible wall around themselves.

How true!  I’ve often thought of myself as walking around with an invisible Plexiglas booth around me. > The best way to overcome shyness is to analyze your behavior tendencies > around other people. Then work on them in private. Then start tearing the > wall down a brick at a time. If you go to fast you’ll crash, and become > more scared.

Also, beware of those fake doorknobs that break off in your hand. > Pretend you’re an actor/actress and you’re doing a scene. You’ll feel > phony for awhile but You’ll be the only person who knows this. Soon it > will begin to feel natural and you won’t even notice that you’ve changed. > The wall will still be there, but you won’t always need it.

Wonderful advice!  Much better than the "just be yourself and everything will be great" stuff that people promulgate. You might just find that a lot of those things that feel phony at first are things that you really enjoy and eventually turn out to be completely natural.  The feeling of phoniness coupled with strong desire is something I have come to associate with a natural impulse that has been blocked with conditioning.  The only reason that it feels phony is that you’re going against the conditioning.  However, it must be something that is truly natural to you, or else you wouldn’t want to do it in the first place! -Eric

Response:

In article <pepke-260496153…@pepkemac.scri.fsu.edu>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Eric Pepke <pe…@scri.fsu.edu> wrote: >> Pretend you’re an actor/actress and you’re doing a scene. You’ll feel >> phony for awhile but You’ll be the only person who knows this. Soon it >> will begin to feel natural and you won’t even notice that you’ve changed. >> The wall will still be there, but you won’t always need it. >Wonderful advice!  Much better than the "just be yourself and everything >will be great" stuff that people promulgate. >You might just find that a lot of those things that feel phony at first are >things that you really enjoy and eventually turn out to be completely >natural.  The feeling of phoniness coupled with strong desire is something >I have come to associate with a natural impulse that has been blocked with >conditioning.  The only reason that it feels phony is that you’re going >against the conditioning.  However, it must be something that is truly >natural to you, or else you wouldn’t want to do it in the first place!

Yes, but how do you deal with the memories? I think I’ve managed to overcome my shyness, but whenever I get into a new situation, the memories just tear at my heart. I don’t think it’s the shyness block now, just the horrifying past…how can I get past this? Anybody have any solutions? Gabor

Response:

In article <4m5m0s$…@charm.magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>, gbar…@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Gabor Barsai) writes: >Yes, but how do you deal with the memories? I think I’ve managed to overcome >my >shyness, but whenever I get into a new situation, the memories just tear at >my >heart. I don’t think it’s the shyness block now, just the horrifying >past…how >can I get past this? Anybody have any solutions? >Gabor

What I’ve learned through counseling, is to stay out of new situations until you have dealt with the past. Only then can you focus on the future. Try meditating when you have time alone. Bring up a memory, and feel it’s pain. Tell yourself that you survived, and the past is the past. It takes time, but soon the pain of that memory will become small. The memory will not vanish but it won’t hurt as bad. This is a form of morning for yourself. Like if a loved one dies, you can’t get over their death unless you give yourself time to morn/grieve. Only then can you get on with life.                              //*****                             //{~   ~}                            ///’  o  /’                    ///***//// ~~~~\***                  ////***/       V        ***\                /////***/    (         )     ***\               /////***/     /)       (      ***\              /////***/    / /               ***\             /////***\/ /              /////***\            /////***/////  /                \***\            \**////// /                   \**/////             \*///// /                     \*/////               \//// /                         \////                 //  /                            ///                      ************************ Angel    :-) Angen…@aol.com Where e’er the Holy sun does shine. There’s music, laughter, and God divine. At least I’ve always found it so. Feel the warmth, and follow the glow.

Response:

Gabor Barsai (gbar…@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu) wrote:

: In article <pepke-260496153…@pepkemac.scri.fsu.edu>, : Eric Pepke <pe…@scri.fsu.edu> wrote: : >> Pretend you’re an actor/actress and you’re doing a scene. You’ll feel : >> phony for awhile but You’ll be the only person who knows this. Soon it : >> will begin to feel natural and you won’t even notice that you’ve changed. : >> The wall will still be there, but you won’t always need it. : > : >Wonderful advice!  Much better than the "just be yourself and everything : >will be great" stuff that people promulgate. : > : >You might just find that a lot of those things that feel phony at first are : >things that you really enjoy and eventually turn out to be completely : >natural.  The feeling of phoniness coupled with strong desire is something : >I have come to associate with a natural impulse that has been blocked with : >conditioning.  The only reason that it feels phony is that you’re going : >against the conditioning.  However, it must be something that is truly : >natural to you, or else you wouldn’t want to do it in the first place! :Yes, but how do you deal with the memories? I think I’ve managed to :o vercome my shyness, but whenever I get into a new situation, the :memories just tear at my heart. I don’t think it’s the shyness block :now, just the horrifying past…how can I get past this? Anybody have :any solutions? I’m comforted by the belief that the future, as wonderful as it will be, is the direct result of the past, as painful as it was. One day you will wake up next to your beautiful spouse by your wonderful kids.  And it will come to be because of the journey that you have traveled. Not despite it. joel

Response:

Melissa O’Brien <R…@concentric.net> wrote: >Does anyone have any tips on overcoming shyness? Sometimes I feel like I don’t really even >exist.

Hi Melissa, I am reasonly shure you exist. If not I would not be reading your post. But anyway, I used to be a bit of a wall flower too when I was in high school. But I learned life can be more fun if you practice at making new friends. For example, people like to talk about themselves. Do me a favor: Find someone you do not know and find somthing interesting about them and say something about it , offhandedly, see how they react to you. They may pick up on it and before you know it your in a conversation. Please let me know how you do. DO NOT GIVE UP. ok?  Duane   dwa…@cqc.com

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