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Commitment phobia again

Question:

Spanky <spa…@our-gang.com> wrote in message

news:75ga9.24109$iX4.746783@twister.southeast.rr.com… > So, my girlfriend and I have gotten back together. Things are rocky, but we > are talking marriage and heading for commitment. Well, I’m scared to death! > We’ve been almost inseperable for the last 2 weeks. I’m fighting this thing > tooth and nail, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I > guess I’m hoping to hear from someone who may have had this same fear, but > has beaten it. I’m afraid it will keep me in limbo all my life if I don’t > get a handle on it.

If your relationship is rocky and you are frightened then you shouldn’t be talking marriage. As simple as that. It may be your fear is unreasonable but you need to sort that out before you waste any more of this woman’s time. Tai

Response:

Remember, my friend, mariage is not about love. It’s about money. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Spanky wrote: > So, my girlfriend and I have gotten back together. Things are rocky, but we > are talking marriage and heading for commitment. Well, I’m scared to death! > We’ve been almost inseperable for the last 2 weeks. I’m fighting this thing > tooth and nail, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I > guess I’m hoping to hear from someone who may have had this same fear, but > has beaten it. I’m afraid it will keep me in limbo all my life if I don’t > get a handle on it.

Response:

Spanky, If you are breaking up and getting back together again constantly I’d seriously advise against any marriage. In this case I believe your feelings re commitment to this woman are correct. Whatever you do do’t get her pregnant or you really _will_ be committed! – and against your will if necessary. Feelings are meant to protect you from harm. I’d listen to them if I was you. Ross On Mon, 26 Aug 2002 02:09:07 GMT, "Spanky" <spa…@our-gang.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->So, my girlfriend and I have gotten back together. Things are rocky, but we >are talking marriage and heading for commitment. Well, I’m scared to death! >We’ve been almost inseperable for the last 2 weeks. I’m fighting this thing >tooth and nail, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I >guess I’m hoping to hear from someone who may have had this same fear, but >has beaten it. I’m afraid it will keep me in limbo all my life if I don’t >get a handle on it.

Response:

"Spanky" <spa…@our-gang.com> wrote in message

news:75ga9.24109$iX4.746783@twister.southeast.rr.com… > So, my girlfriend and I have gotten back together. Things are rocky, but we > are talking marriage and heading for commitment. Well, I’m scared to death! > We’ve been almost inseperable for the last 2 weeks. I’m fighting this thing > tooth and nail, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I > guess I’m hoping to hear from someone who may have had this same fear, but > has beaten it. I’m afraid it will keep me in limbo all my life if I don’t > get a handle on it.

Given what you posted about her before, you should be scared to death.  I’d strongly suggest some very intense premarital counseling before going much further.  There is a test that’s often used for premarital counseling called PREPARE that you would both take and the counselor will go over all the results with you to give you an idea of what problems are likely to come up during the marriage.

Response:

On Mon, 26 Aug 2002 02:09:07 GMT, "Spanky" <spa…@our-gang.com> wrote: >So, my girlfriend and I have gotten back together. Things are rocky, but we >are talking marriage and heading for commitment. Well, I’m scared to death! >We’ve been almost inseperable for the last 2 weeks. I’m fighting this thing >tooth and nail, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I >guess I’m hoping to hear from someone who may have had this same fear, but >has beaten it. I’m afraid it will keep me in limbo all my life if I don’t >get a handle on it.

Anthony Hopkins (the actor), in his late 60’s, decided that he didn’t want to marry a babe in her 30’s because he didn’t feel ready for all this settling down just yet.  I thought he was a damned fool. There are no true guarantees in life, heck I’ve learned that in lots of ways these past few years in particular (marriage problems, jobs problems, dot-con bust etc.), and nothing can say that a relationship is going to work. But if you won’t make a committement to at least try, you know for a fact it will not.  I hate to say it but from your earlier posts it’s apparent you’re not getting any younger, and the chances of a decent relationship while you can get many years of fun are becoming slimmer which each opportunity you turn down. If you think she’s worth a decent shot, go for it.  Just don’t have any kids until you know you’re sure.  Being clingy isn’t a sign of a mature relationship, though – if you have not got some real stability there marriage is a shot in the dark. You don’t want to fizzle out in your dotage regretting never having given a relationship a real attempt. ~Ian.

Response:

Trust your gut. But, if you could put your feeling into words, what’s wrong? I don’t think making a decision like this should be taken lightly. I know for me, I had no qualms. It was what I wanted to do. So what is it? What is causing you to think otherwise about marriage? Hem On Mon, 26 Aug 2002 02:09:07 GMT, "Spanky" <spa…@our-gang.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->So, my girlfriend and I have gotten back together. Things are rocky, but we >are talking marriage and heading for commitment. Well, I’m scared to death! >We’ve been almost inseperable for the last 2 weeks. I’m fighting this thing >tooth and nail, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I >guess I’m hoping to hear from someone who may have had this same fear, but >has beaten it. I’m afraid it will keep me in limbo all my life if I don’t >get a handle on it.

Response:

"Spanky" <spa…@our-gang.com> wrote in message

news:75ga9.24109$iX4.746783@twister.southeast.rr.com… > So, my girlfriend and I have gotten back together. Things are rocky, but we > are talking marriage and heading for commitment. Well, I’m scared to death! > We’ve been almost inseperable for the last 2 weeks. I’m fighting this thing > tooth and nail, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I > guess I’m hoping to hear from someone who may have had this same fear, but > has beaten it. I’m afraid it will keep me in limbo all my life if I don’t > get a handle on it.

If you don’t want to marry, then don’t. This breaking up and getting back together crap hardly ever works. JWB

Response:

So, my girlfriend and I have gotten back together. Things are rocky, but we are talking marriage and heading for commitment. Well, I’m scared to death! We’ve been almost inseperable for the last 2 weeks. I’m fighting this thing tooth and nail, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I guess I’m hoping to hear from someone who may have had this same fear, but has beaten it. I’m afraid it will keep me in limbo all my life if I don’t get a handle on it.

Response:

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