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Am I turning schizophrenic?

Question:

Hi Eric, My two cents in response to your query "How am I?" You mustn’t get confued with this schizo stuff here, I don’t thnk you’re a sz either but are whats known to the inner circles as a "space cadet". Lot’s of the folks here are space cadets. We also have a few rocket scientists and brain surgeons besides. The thing is though Eric, Spiritus has a good lead for you to follow in his response. In fact I believe that much of what you experiment with or have experiences with is shared by meny here who are of the schizo persuasion. And meny of the schizo persuasion here are also of the space cadet persuasion too. Entirely possible that what you strive for is present here among the brain surgeons, rocket scientists and schizos but it has not been competely harnessed to the will. Perhaps the door to these perceptions in you is fully functional.. Well among the schizo the door is stuck open. So that what you are trying to learn as a space cadet meny here are also pretty far along the same path. Please note spirituses response. There are schizo space cadets here Eric. As well as schizo brain surgeons and rocket scientists. I think you would be accepted as a poster here and as a reader of the posts. I’m a rocket scientist,space cadet and schizo. Damodara,hisself. http://community.webtv.net/damodara/MyStoryasIseeit

Response:

what really concerns me is that sometimes I think the people on TV know what im up to for a split second. Like ill type this right here, look at the TV, see jules asner or whatever and think that she knows what I just typed, I know that she doesnt. I see trails alot too, sometimes I get real paranoid about people listening to me, sometimes I think the neighors know what I doing, ya da yada, the usual computer nerd stuff. <damod…@webtv.net> wrote in message

news:8123-397B9788-54@storefull-616.iap.bryant.webtv.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Eric, > My two cents in response to your query "How am I?" > You mustn’t get confued with this schizo stuff here, I don’t thnk you’re > a sz either but are whats known to the inner circles as a "space cadet". > Lot’s of the folks here are space cadets. > We also have a few rocket scientists and brain surgeons besides. > The thing is though Eric, Spiritus has a good lead for you to follow in > his response. > In fact I believe that much of what you experiment with or have > experiences with is shared by meny here who are of the schizo > persuasion. And meny of the schizo persuasion here are also of the space > cadet persuasion too. > Entirely possible that what you strive for is present here among the > brain surgeons, rocket scientists and schizos but it has not been > competely harnessed to the will. > Perhaps the door to these perceptions in you is fully functional.. > Well among the schizo the door is stuck open. > So that what you are trying to learn as a space cadet meny here are also > pretty far along the same path. > Please note spirituses response. > There are schizo space cadets here Eric. > As well as schizo brain surgeons and rocket scientists. > I think you would be accepted as a poster here and as a reader of the > posts. > I’m a rocket scientist,space cadet and schizo. > Damodara,hisself. > http://community.webtv.net/damodara/MyStoryasIseeit

Response:

>what really concerns me is that sometimes I think the people on TV know what >im up to for a split second. >Like ill type this right here, look at the TV, see jules asner or whatever >and think that she knows what I just typed, I know that she doesnt. >I see trails alot too, sometimes I get real paranoid about people listening >to me, sometimes I think the neighors know what I doing, ya da yada, the >usual computer nerd stuff.

sounds like you’re permafried, not insane.  lay off the psychedelics for awhile and most of that stuff goes away after awhile.  the people in alt.drugs.psychedelics might also be able to offer some advice. Sned The Bold www.geocities.com/snedthebold/ the people who wrote the bible killed jesus

Response:

On Mon, 24 Jul 2000 01:59:10 -0400, "eric" <err…@rcn.com> posted a message in news:alt.support.schizophrenia, which said: > what really concerns me is that sometimes I think the people on TV > know what im up to for a split second.

Yep.  That’ happens to me all the time, especially when I’m watching the news or Jay Leno.  Once I was watching the news and Bill Gates was on the screen — man, Bill Gates comes across to me as a really honest and loving person — the way he smiled at the camera just went right to my heart.  I got the warm fuzzies the way he smiled at me, like he’s cool. Judgment used to be a big problem for me.  Sometimes I would have certain thoughts and I would judge myself and I would be expecting judgment from others.  I looked at the TV (not to check for a reaction, but just because I was trying to get my mind off what I was thinking) and the newscaster on TV would seem to react in such a forgiving way — like what I was thinking — there was nothing wrong with it.  Then there would be times that I would feel cornered — feeling like I had nothing and wanted everything.  The newscaster seemed to be ignoring me and not giving me what I thought I needed — reassurance.  It was a look like she wanted to help me, but knew that I was capable of doing it myself, and indeed I was.  I found myself smiling at how easy it was to work those problems out in my mind — then I find the newscaster smiling in a congratulatory way and I’d get the warm fuzzies again. > Like ill type this right here, look at the TV, see jules asner or > whatever and think that she knows what I just typed, I know that > she doesnt.

It’s synchronicity.  Synchronization between reality and your thoughts. It’s sort of an indication that we’re all connected.  That’s why the Oprah Winfrey types, Madonna, many actors all talk sometimes about how we’re connected.  They use that sense of synchronicity and connection in their performances.  When they say that in comedy, timing is everything, that goes for all forms of acting, but especially comedy.  An actor feels the whole set, the atmosphere and with his whole being can feel an easy path for his body to move.  The slightest movements — the movements of fingers, of breath….all comes naturally to the actor because he pays attention to reality.  If you pay attention to what’s going on around you, you will find your body reacting to things around you… you will see that often your body reacts to your thoughts. Paying attention to what you seem to be doing subconciously will often give you clues as to what your subconcsious is thinking about. > I see trails alot too, sometimes I get real paranoid about people > listening to me, sometimes I think the neighors know what I doing, > ya da yada, the usual computer nerd stuff.

I feel that everything you hear and read will surface when it’s most needed by your mind.  I think that before the internet, many schizophrenics were somewhat scared of sharing their deepest thoughts because we’ve been taught by the psychiatric community to bury our "strange thoughts" with medications or to just ignore them.  Discussing them here does many things.  Your being here now and asking these questions may give you the control over your perceptions and your reality that some of us didn’t have.  If I’d had any idea what was happening to me before, I would have been here asking questions.  I didn’t, so being told I had schizophrenia was quite a shock to me. Ultimately I think schizophrenia is misunderstood.  I don’t think it’s a mental illness in many cases, but instead more like a release of an accumulation of twisted ideologies from a society choked by its own morality.  I think that’s why some of us go dancing naked down the street — it’s very liberating. IMHO, Involuntary

Response:

First of all, I slightly reordered your paragraphs so the whole would make a little more sense. On Sun, 23 Jul 2000 03:08:43 -0400, "eric" <err…@rcn.com> posted a message in news:alt.support.schizophrenia, which said: > When i stare at things I can alter them with my imagination > slightly.

You’re not really altering things — you’re just changing your perception of them. > Sometimes i think i can read peoples thoughts ( not latey, I think > Ive conquered that).

I think it’s highly possible to read thoughts.  I think it’s our normal means of communication — an instinctual and very basic form of communication that we often willfully ignore in this day and age.  Only thing is, sometimes I had to wonder if my perception (per the previous paragraph) was altering what I understood about someone else’s thoughts. Psychiatrists will most likely tell you that mind reading is impossible. But reading minds is not about hearing the words that someone else might be thinking.  It’s more about feeling — getting an impression.  Even when people get this feelings, often they ignore these instincts and chalk it up to their imagination. Once when I was relatively new to all these mind games, I was out walking around town.  I walked up to this street corner and this guy in a Ford Explorer stopped and asked for directions.  He didn’t seem to get it.  I offered to go with him to show him where this place was he was looking for.  We drove about one block and I got this weird feeling in my gut.  I wanted out of the car, so at the stop sign I opened the door and got started getting out.  He said, "Hey!  Do you want a blow job?!" I said, "No, that’s okay," and he drove off, rather fast. If I’d ignored that sense of uneasiness, who knows what would have happened.  I probably would have gotten a blow job, but afterwards, who knows?  I had no idea that he "wanted me" until he actually asked me that question. > I can visulize people in front of me almost perfection, as if I > was hallucinating.

Do you get really happy when you see people like that?  Like the world is flowing smoothly and perfectly? > I used to do lots of psychedelics and was a weed adict for 5 > years.  how am I?

Never did psychedelics.  I did smoke weed off and on from December ‘96 to December ‘97.  My first "amazing experience" came in March of 1997 — a feeling of total love that lasted for a whole week.  Then I knew that "I had a mission", and I needed to find out what that mission was. Heh… I believed a lot of things along the way and never did totally figure it out.  My heart told me a lot of things, but I wondered if it was partially a desire to be famous for doing something, so I tried ignoring that option, too, thinking that being famous for changing the world may not be "right" — but then if a person or group of people do something that indeed changes the world, recognition may be inevitable. Involuntary

Response:

I am schizoaffective but before I was first hospitalized when I was 20 I used to as a much younger person imagine things in front of me and it was like they were there, like turning on the TV show I wanted to see. If I wanted it to snow in July I could pretend it was snowing and play in the snow. The difference is that when I became mentally ill the delusions controlled me intead of me controlling the daydreams. In article <230720001531316190%spiri…@sanctus.org>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Spiritus <spiri…@sanctus.org> wrote: > In article <8le68e$5c…@bob.news.rcn.net>, eric > <err…@rcn.com> wrote: > > Sometimes i think i can read peoples thoughts ( not > latey, I think Ive > > conquered that). > > When i stare at things I can alter them with my > imagination slightly. > > I can visulize people in front of me almost > perfection, as if I was > > hallucinating. > > I used to do lots of psychedelics and was a weed > adict for 5 years. > > how am I? > That sounds great. It’s all stuff you are doing with > your "will" > according to what you say. > Schizophrenic stuff just happens, and the main thing > is it disturbes > your life, makes it hard to do things. It makes you > suffer. > Your stuff isn’t doing that. Though you seem to be > wondering if it’s > "ok" or "normal". For certain people, it is. Maybe you > are one of those > people. > What your talking about "could" actually be good, if > you were > interested in Hermetic, Kabalah, or Sangreal magick or > other > disciplines which involve creating or recognizing > forms in the Astral > plane or Aether or whatever you want to call it. > There are excercises in these traditions that require > people to do > exactly what you are already doing. So you seem to > have potential. > If I were you, I’d rather look at it that way, than > dwell on being > Schizophrenic. > I can recomend some very good books on these > traditions if you have any > interest in that direction. If not just let your inner > guides lead you. > They are probably unfolding some of this stuff for you > to learn from > anyway… > take care > sp

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Response:

Hi Damo, can you explain further what  space cadet, rocket scientist, brain surgeon means? I continue to visit your website but there hasn’t been anything new for a good while. All the best, Katie damod…@webtv.net a

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