Act Acting » Career Acting » A stressful morning

A stressful morning

Question:

On Wed, 12 Jun 1996 J…@gregs-pc.eng.mc.xerox.com wrote: > You poor thing! My heart goes out to you. Do you Work? I ask because I went > through very similar scenes my self. I tried helping but we each have 2 kids – > mine – girl 10 boy 9, his girl 6 boy 9. He would stay in bed till the last > possible minute – about the same time that you are talking about. 45 min is > not enough time with all these kids, I do alot more for mine than he was used > to doing with his so we had that conflict. I think the kids need more help he > thinks they need to be more responsible…I would be very resentful after

Yes, I work full time.  Because I don’t have a permanent job but am on contract, I also do some on the side work.  So time is very valuable to me and I guess part of the problem here is that I have a very hard time sitting by and watching all this chaos because I ususally tend to be more organized.  I think what I should really do is sit down with my husband and see if he finds this as stressful as I do.  Maybe he doesn’t think it is a problem at all. > getting up at 5am and STILL getting to work late. He would get up around 7. > With each of us we had our own morning routines and boy did they clash. > I finally solved the problem by leaving the house before they got up

This is what I am considering doing.  I usually go to the gym two mornings per week but am thinking of going everyday.  That would get me out of this chaotic situation and leave D. responsible for the boys in the morning.  He can do whatever he wants without me having to witness it. > can do to make the moring better. Get clothes laid out the night before. do > everything actually the night before- lunch money, tote bags, clothes, check > the weather report – set table for breakfast, put cereal out.

These are great ideas but sometimes I find it really tough to get things organized enough to do all this stuff the night before.  Usually, we don’t get home until 6:00 and by the time we have supper done, it is 7-7:30.  That only leaves 1 1/2 hours before bedtime (if we adults want some time to ourselves) to brush teeth, pick up play area and rooms a bit, read story, have snack.  Maybe I just don’t have the talent yet to get kids to do things quickly!   > When the weekend comes and the *itch does’nt pick them up again get a > babysitter! or you go out your self. We are on a schedule now that we have > every other weekend w/o kids, but for a period ofover 3 months his ex(LONG > STORY) didnt have them on weekends…it seemed more like 3 years. MY kids were > gone and I was ready for some peace and quiet. It is hard as hell to put up > with someone else’s kids. Thank God all that is behind us (for now). > I would love to talk to you more about this e-mail me if you would like.

This weekend we got a babysitter – D.’s parents.  They are going to take the kids overnight.  Again, it is something I had to press for and arrange because D. just doesn’t realize, I think, how important it is for us to get some time away.  He is just so used to being a single dad who didn’t ever get much free time without kids around. > What it all boils down to is this- > with every situation you face you have 3 choices- > Accept it, Change it, or move away from it (run like hell!) > Good luck to you > Jeanne

Thanks, Jeanne, for your words of support.  I think I am going to have to do a lot of accepting and maybe a little changing, if I am lucky! Colleen

Response:

In article <Pine.OSF.3.91.960610094109.16769A-100…@moondog.usask.ca>, martin <mar…@moondog.usask.ca> writes: >If I make it through the first year of marriage to this step family and >without taking a drink, it will be a god damn miracle!  At least that is >how I am feeling this morning. >My husband is obsessed with being at work before 8:30.  I don’t know why.

Because he is responsible for supporting his children, probably solely responsible. >He usually stays at least 1/2 hour extra every day and works at least one >night per week.  The cost of this obsession is that the rest of the >family, myself included, ends up totally stressed out by 8:00, which is >when he insists on leaving, because of his rushing all of us around.  The

In his mind, the alternative is losing his livelihood and slipping into the deadbeat dad mold, about the scariest thing an honorable man can imagine in our culture. <snip the probably typical morning in America routine> >This morning it culminated in both kids getting spanked on their bare >bottoms ten times each, with me sitting in our bedroom covering my ears >as to not hear them crying, myself almost in tears.  This comes after an >incredibly stressful weekend with the kids in which their mother didn’t >show up to take them for the weekend…again.  They were being very >mouthy with me and their Dad all weekend and I guess this morning D. had >just had it.  The youngest one came up crying because he had put shaving >cream on his toothbrush, and D and I laughed, at which point he just >threw a fit and launched himself at D. kicking and punching.  D. cuffed >him and then the older one came up to his Dad very angry and yelled "what >did you do to my brother?"  This is when D. lost it.  So we were even >later and D. was more stressed out and the kids were crying…man, what a >way to start the week!

I think you need to intervene in some way, here.  If you didn’t know you were marrying these problems, I assume you’ve never had children.  I think you need to have your husband explicitly transfer some authority to you. I (definitely) don’t mean legal authority.  The last thing you should do is involve the law, unless there’s a very good reason.  I mean authority the children will understand.  Just standing guard over them while they get ready may help, but you need to be acting under authority dad has given you, and the children need to understand that he has given it to you.  The transfer of authority is something that takes place in their minds.  Any other sort of authority is just an illusion. I hate to think about the effect on your step-children if mom is missing her visits, frequently.  Maybe I’m being naive, but I think you should call her and try to make a peace with her.  I assume there is more hostility between you two than hostility between your husband and her.  Explain that you know you can’t substitute for her, and you don’t want to substitute for her, and you’d appreciate her help.  Don’t be matronizing.  Don’t tell her how much her children need her or imply that she is inadequate.  Possibly, tell her you understand how painful her relationship with the children must be at this time, but you need her help.  Don’t discuss the children at all, except possibly as a challenge which is overwhelming you.  If she is hostile, just back off, and try to be sympathetic. >I just don’t want to go home tonight after a scene like that this morning. >Colleen

If it makes you feel any better, you’d probably have the same experience with your own children. Martin (marbr…@ro.com)

Response:

>I guess because I have never had children and haven’t dealt on a >day-to-day basis with kids in a long time, I forgot what trying to get >young children ready can be like.  But is this really the typical morning >routine for most families?  Is this what I am destined for every >morning with this family?  God, I hope not.  I hope we can work something >out that will alleviate all this yelling and tension.  I don’t remember >things like this going on in my family when I was a kid and there were >four children in that situation.  We all knew what we had to do and when, >and I can’t honestly remember alot of yelling or tension.

It sounds a lot like what goes on at my house, with just 2 kids (one 17, one 9) and the 2 of us (plus a big dog who also has to be fed). It’s WILD. I have most trouble with the 9 yo; what HAS helped a lot is insisting she make her lunch the night before (and yes, I believe a 9 yo is more than capable of making a nutritious lunch for herself. Although it takes a lot of insisting sometimes – if there’s any way she could get me to do it, she would). She also has her own alarm clock, and is responsible for getting herself dressed. I made the rule (which has also taken a lot of enforcing but seems to be catching on now) that nobody comes downstairs unless they’re dressed, hair combed, and teeth brushed; everyone makes their own breakfast, whatever they want, and the TV stays OFF in the morning. It’s helped. I also put a "checklist" on the door for my 9 yo. It helped get her into the habit of doing all the things she’s supposed to. I also try to get her to make sure her schoolbag’s packed the night before, so we don’t get halfway out the door (or down the street) and she’s having a fit about forgetting something. I also had to make a hard and fast rule about nobody knocking on the bathroom door (we have 2 bathrooms) if I was in there unless there was blood or fire or a burglar. That’s also taken a lot of enforcing. And the kids know if they’re not ready when the family bus leaves, they have to find their own way to school. We’ve had a few mornings with kids flying out of the house clutching coats wildly chasing us down the driveway, but that hasn’t happened for awhile. Good luck; if it helps, you’re definitely not alone. Sometimes I even get to hit the snooze button a couple of times now! – Jill – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I have no problem with helping in getting the kids ready.  But I also >think they should be given the responsibility of getting certain things >ready on their own at set times.  I don’t want to have to stand guard >over them or repeat what I want them to do six or seven times, because I >also have to get ready in the mornings.  Do you think >7 and 9 year olds are old enough to know they have to be up and dressed >by seven, eat breakfast by 7:30, out the door by eight?  Or am I >expecting too much from kids of this age?  I honestly want to know >because, although I remember having a fair amount of responsibility and >chores when I was a kid, I am not sure if my situation was typical (I had >a very authoritarian dad and we made darn sure when we were young that we >behaved…not saying that was the best situation either).  

Response:

In article <Pine.OSF.3.91.960612133057.8256A-100…@moondog.usask.ca>, martin <mar…@moondog.usask.ca> writes: >> . . .  I assume there is more hostility >> between you two than hostility between your husband and her.

I meant to say the opposite.  I assume there is less hostility between you and the natural mother than between the parents. >Well, actually there is a fair amount of hostility between my husband and >his ex-wife because she tried to sue for custody of the children on the >grounds that my husband was abusing them.  This took place over a few

It’s a common story.  Anyone involved in a father’s rights group has heard it before. >months just before I was scheduled to move in with my husband.  Now she is >not visiting them very often or paying child support.  So he has some >problems with that.  I personally have never had any problems with her and >she has been quite polite to me when I have spoken with her.  She even >wished me all the best in the marriage!  But from what my husband and her

I can understand how the woman felt about seeing you enter her children’s lives.  Whatever problems she has are probably heaped on top of my problems. The fact that your husband has born a heavy load hasn’t made her load any lighter or made her any stronger to bear it. >ex-boyfriend have said, and from what I have witnessed, she seems to be >having both financial and emotional problems right now that make seeing >the kids too difficult for her.  I have tried as much as I can to stay out

Both are common with noncustodial mothers.  I have a close friend who is a noncustodial mothers, and I sympathize with this woman.  Unfortunately, there are plenty of noncustodial fathers in exactly the same situation who don’t get half the sympathy.  That omission is the sin.  Getting the sympathies customarily reserved for mothers extended to fathers is what we should be striving for, but we seem to want the opposite, because people are basically … I’ll wait for the Supreme Court to rule on the CDA. >of the situation between her and my husband, as well as keeping any >contact between her and I to a minimum.  I don’t know if this is the right >approach but I don’t think my husband feels really comfortable with the >thought of me having alot of contact with her and I certainly wouldn’t >want to worsen the situation between them.  He wishes she would >just disappear off the face of the earth and we would become the perfect >nuclear family (if such a thing exists)! ;)

I’m not trying to sew dissension in your family, but you’re in a better position to relate to the mother than your husband.  He won’t forgive what she did to him easily, and I don’t know what preceded it, but she won’t disappear off the face of the earth, and you will never be the perfect nuclear family, whatever that is.  I think you can be a bridge between the mother and children without letting her come between you and your husband.  In this case, I think what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. It’s not like you’ll be running off with her (although stranger things have happened). >Thanks, Martin, for your comments.  One thing I have been forgetting in >the past couple of weeks is that my husband has been looking after these >children virtually on his own for going on five years.  He has developed >ways of doing things that worked for him when he was a single father.  It >is definitely going to take time to adjust to having another adult in the >house who can shoulder some of the responsibilities, and who has her own >ideas about how things should be done. >Colleen

I think that’s a good perspective.

Response:

In Article<Pine.OSF.3.91.960610094109.16769A-100…@moondog.usask.ca>, <mar…@moondog.usask.ca> writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Path: rocksanne!parc!news.Stanford.EDU!agate!howland.reston.ans.net!nntp.coast.ne t!chi-news.cic.net!news.cais.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!hunter.premier.ne t!uunet!in1.uu.net!brighton.openmarket.com!decwrl!tribune.usask.ca!moondog. usask.ca!martin > From: martin <mar…@moondog.usask.ca> > Newsgroups: alt.support.step-parents > Subject: A stressful morning > Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 10:07:19 -0600 > Organization: University of Saskatchewan > Lines: 46 > Message-ID: <Pine.OSF.3.91.960610094109.16769A-100…@moondog.usask.ca> > NNTP-Posting-Host: moondog.usask.ca > Mime-Version: 1.0 > Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII > I just don’t want to go home tonight after a scene like that this morning. > Colleen

You poor thing! My heart goes out to you. Do you Work? I ask because I went through very similar scenes my self. I tried helping but we each have 2 kids – mine – girl 10 boy 9, his girl 6 boy 9. He would stay in bed till the last possible minute – about the same time that you are talking about. 45 min is not enough time with all these kids, I do alot more for mine than he was used to doing with his so we had that conflict. I think the kids need more help he thinks they need to be more responsible…I would be very resentful after getting up at 5am and STILL getting to work late. He would get up around 7. With each of us we had our own morning routines and boy did they clash. I finally solved the problem by leaving the house before they got up. My kids catch the bus at my parents house and they are retired so they usually have a nice breakfast waiting for them. Life has been alot (mornings at least) better. Do you have kids of your own? There are alot of different things you can do to make the moring better. Get clothes laid out the night before. do everything actually the night before- lunch money, tote bags, clothes, check the weather report – set table for breakfast, put cereal out. When the weekend comes and the *itch does’nt pick them up again get a babysitter! or you go out your self. We are on a schedule now that we have every other weekend w/o kids, but for a period ofover 3 months his ex(LONG STORY) didnt have them on weekends…it seemed more like 3 years. MY kids were gone and I was ready for some peace and quiet. It is hard as hell to put up with someone else’s kids. Thank God all that is behind us (for now). I would love to talk to you more about this e-mail me if you would like. What it all boils down to is this- with every situation you face you have 3 choices- Accept it, Change it, or move away from it (run like hell!) Good luck to you Jeanne

Response:

On 10 Jun 1996 br…@ssl.msfc.nasa.gov wrote: > Because he is responsible for supporting his children, probably solely > responsible. > >He usually stays at least 1/2 hour extra every day and works at least one > >night per week.  The cost of this obsession is that the rest of the > >family, myself included, ends up totally stressed out by 8:00, which is > >when he insists on leaving, because of his rushing all of us around.  The > In his mind, the alternative is losing his livelihood and slipping into the > deadbeat dad mold, about the scariest thing an honorable man can imagine in > our culture.

I realize that my husband has been almost soley responsible for providing support for his kids for the last four years.  As a result, doing well at his job is doubly important to him – he wants to be succesful at his career AND he wants to ensure that he has a means of providing for his kids.  But right now, I think he is stressing himself out at the expense of his family, particularly me who is totally new to the situation.  How do I gently let him know, without belittling what he has done in the past to provide for his kids, that this new family is important and needs some of his time and (positive) energy too?  Also, now that we have two incomes (I have a full time job as well and I have made it clear that I want to share all the expenses), I would think that takes a little of the pressure off him as the sole provider.  At this point in time, however, the fact that I am bringing in almost as much money as he is  doesn’t seem to have eased his mind much.  Martin, are you a custodial dad who has remarried?  If so, I would really like your opinion/advice on how my husband and I can work things like this out, without him getting on the defensive about certain things concerning the kids that I bring up.  Maybe it’s the way I bring things up.  How did your wife approach you about things she thought could benefit from a change and how did you deal with it? > <snip the probably typical morning in America routine>

I guess because I have never had children and haven’t dealt on a day-to-day basis with kids in a long time, I forgot what trying to get young children ready can be like.  But is this really the typical morning routine for most families?  Is this what I am destined for every morning with this family?  God, I hope not.  I hope we can work something out that will alleviate all this yelling and tension.  I don’t remember things like this going on in my family when I was a kid and there were four children in that situation.  We all knew what we had to do and when, and I can’t honestly remember alot of yelling or tension. > I think you need to intervene in some way, here.  If you didn’t know you > were marrying these problems, I assume you’ve never had children.  I think > you need to have your husband explicitly transfer some authority to you. > I (definitely) don’t mean legal authority.  The last thing you should do > is involve the law, unless there’s a very good reason.  I mean authority > the children will understand.  Just standing guard over them while they > get ready may help, but you need to be acting under authority dad has given > you, and the children need to understand that he has given it to you.  The > transfer of authority is something that takes place in their minds.  Any > other sort of authority is just an illusion.

I have no problem with helping in getting the kids ready.  But I also think they should be given the responsibility of getting certain things ready on their own at set times.  I don’t want to have to stand guard over them or repeat what I want them to do six or seven times, because I also have to get ready in the mornings.  Do you think 7 and 9 year olds are old enough to know they have to be up and dressed by seven, eat breakfast by 7:30, out the door by eight?  Or am I expecting too much from kids of this age?  I honestly want to know because, although I remember having a fair amount of responsibility and chores when I was a kid, I am not sure if my situation was typical (I had a very authoritarian dad and we made darn sure when we were young that we behaved…not saying that was the best situation either).   > I hate to think about the effect on your step-children if mom is missing > her visits, frequently.  Maybe I’m being naive, but I think you should call > her and try to make a peace with her.  I assume there is more hostility > between you two than hostility between your husband and her.  Explain that > you know you can’t substitute for her, and you don’t want to substitute for > her, and you’d appreciate her help.  Don’t be matronizing.  Don’t tell her > how much her children need her or imply that she is inadequate.  Possibly, > tell her you understand how painful her relationship with the children must > be at this time, but you need her help.  Don’t discuss the children at all, > except possibly as a challenge which is overwhelming you.  If she is hostile, > just back off, and try to be sympathetic.

Well, actually there is a fair amount of hostility between my husband and his ex-wife because she tried to sue for custody of the children on the grounds that my husband was abusing them.  This took place over a few months just before I was scheduled to move in with my husband.  Now she is not visiting them very often or paying child support.  So he has some problems with that.  I personally have never had any problems with her and she has been quite polite to me when I have spoken with her.  She even wished me all the best in the marriage!  But from what my husband and her ex-boyfriend have said, and from what I have witnessed, she seems to be having both financial and emotional problems right now that make seeing the kids too difficult for her.  I have tried as much as I can to stay out of the situation between her and my husband, as well as keeping any contact between her and I to a minimum.  I don’t know if this is the right approach but I don’t think my husband feels really comfortable with the thought of me having alot of contact with her and I certainly wouldn’t want to worsen the situation between them.  He wishes she would just disappear off the face of the earth and we would become the perfect nuclear family (if such a thing exists)! ;) > >I just don’t want to go home tonight after a scene like that this morning. > >Colleen > If it makes you feel any better, you’d probably have the same experience > with your own children. > Martin (marbr…@ro.com)

Thanks, Martin, for your comments.  One thing I have been forgetting in the past couple of weeks is that my husband has been looking after these children virtually on his own for going on five years.  He has developed ways of doing things that worked for him when he was a single father.  It is definitely going to take time to adjust to having another adult in the house who can shoulder some of the responsibilities, and who has her own ideas about how things should be done. Colleen

Response:

Hi Diane, Thanks for the words of encouragement and the positive suggestions.  I really liked the idea of a chart with stars.  My husband said he had done that in the past but never seemed to have time (! ;) ) to keep it up (maybe he needs a chart too!).  One of the problems I see in this situation is that there are no rewards for good behaviour, just alot of yelling and threats about punishments if they are behind in getting ready or getting things done. I find the hardest thing has been to get my husband to actually be consistant with the things we devise together to try and establish some sort of order in this new step family.  He is very keen when we talk about it and willing to listen to all my suggestions.  But the minute he has a stressful day at work or is upset about something else, everything seems to slide and then it is up to me to keep things going.  As the new step-parent, I am not sure if that is such a good thing and sometimes I feel a considerable amount of stress as a result.  We came up with these house rules and list of chores when I first moved in, but with the wedding and our honeymoon etc, all that seemed to go by the wayside.  We have had a heck of a time getting back on track. But I have bought a piece of bristol board and I am going home to try and devise a chart tonight, with D.’s help of course! Thanks, Colleen

Response:

martin <mar…@moondog.usask.ca> wrote:

<cut> >My husband is obsessed with being at work before 8:30.  I don’t know why. >He usually stays at least 1/2 hour extra every day and works at least one >night per week.  The cost of this obsession is that the rest of the >family, myself included, ends up totally stressed out by 8:00, which is >when he insists on leaving, because of his rushing all of us around.  The >problem, IMHO, is tow-fold; 1. He never seems to get the kids up before >7:15, so they only have 45 minutes to get ready, which I don’t think is >very much time for these kids who seem to take an incredibly long time to >do everything; and 2. there seems to be no set routine in the mornings, >so that the kids know exactly what to do and when.  I haven’t said >anything.  These are his kids and I let him get them ready in the >mornings.  But I see the same pattern repeating itself over and over >again.  

<cut> These kids — and you and your husband — definitely need a set routine and more time.  And even if "these are his kids" it might make your day start off better if you initiated a routine and helped him and them with it. Some things to do: Set the table for breakfast the night before, and talk about what you will do the next morning (who will be in the bathroom first, who will put milk on the table, who will feed the cat, etc. –give them easy stuff to do but definitely give them things to do). Set out clothes the night before.  Again, talk about what you will do the next day.  Talk about how this will make it easier for them to get ready. Get them up earlier.  Try 7:00. Give them responsibility for getting up — give them their own alarm clocks. Set a time for breakfast — say, "breakfast is at 7:30 — be dressed and ready to go and at the table." Give them consequences.  If they’re not dressed and ready, they can’t eat breakfast until they are.  If they don’t get dressed and ready in time to eat breakfast before they go, too bad (one day with breakfast won’t kill them).  If they’re not ready to go by the time your husband is heading out, they don’t get a ride to school.  If they’re late to school, well, they get a detention or demerit or whatever. Good luck.  Setting a time for breakfast made a big difference in mornings at our home.      Kristin Evenson Hirst               kristin-hi…@uiowa.edu      Guided Correspondence Study         800-272-6430      The University of Iowa              319-335-2034      Iowa City, IA  52242                fax: 319-335-2740

Response:

If I make it through the first year of marriage to this step family and without taking a drink, it will be a god damn miracle!  At least that is how I am feeling this morning. My husband is obsessed with being at work before 8:30.  I don’t know why. He usually stays at least 1/2 hour extra every day and works at least one night per week.  The cost of this obsession is that the rest of the family, myself included, ends up totally stressed out by 8:00, which is when he insists on leaving, because of his rushing all of us around.  The problem, IMHO, is tow-fold; 1. He never seems to get the kids up before 7:15, so they only have 45 minutes to get ready, which I don’t think is very much time for these kids who seem to take an incredibly long time to do everything; and 2. there seems to be no set routine in the mornings, so that the kids know exactly what to do and when.  I haven’t said anything.  These are his kids and I let him get them ready in the mornings.  But I see the same pattern repeating itself over and over again.   Here is how it goes: Are you up and out of bed? (repeated about four times, progressively louder) Are you dressed yet? GET DRESSED! (repeated at least twice) GET UP HERE AND GET YOUR BREAKFAST! (yelled at least twice) PACK YOUR BOOKBAGS AND GET OUT THE DOOR!! (screamed at least three times) This morning it culminated in both kids getting spanked on their bare bottoms ten times each, with me sitting in our bedroom covering my ears as to not hear them crying, myself almost in tears.  This comes after an incredibly stressful weekend with the kids in which their mother didn’t show up to take them for the weekend…again.  They were being very mouthy with me and their Dad all weekend and I guess this morning D. had just had it.  The youngest one came up crying because he had put shaving cream on his toothbrush, and D and I laughed, at which point he just threw a fit and launched himself at D. kicking and punching.  D. cuffed him and then the older one came up to his Dad very angry and yelled "what did you do to my brother?"  This is when D. lost it.  So we were even later and D. was more stressed out and the kids were crying…man, what a way to start the week! I just don’t want to go home tonight after a scene like that this morning. Colleen

Response:

Hi Colleen :) I guess I don’t need to ask how you’re doing! Man, you’ve got a rough situation here! Time to sit everyone down after dinner and have a good long heart-to-heart. Tell them how YOU feel! Then ask them for their opinions. This problem belongs to you and your husband. The kids go along for the ride no matter where they are or what happens. And they feed off the general stress level in the house. Time management (as others have suggested) is a great thing to do. Maybe in addition (for incentive) take a calendar and give the kids stars every time they make their deadlines. Turn it into a positive solution rather than a negative one – and use discipline vs. punishment. When ONE of them has stars everyday for a week, either buy them something or do something special. When they BOTH have stars every day for two weeks or a month, do something really special. A trip to an amusement park, movies, whatever. Ordinarily I wouldn’t suggest bribes in exchange for behaviour, but this needs some immediate action and interest. As they get older and things have gone along "relatively" well, start docking their allowance for every time they mess up. My kids get $10 a week. They’re teens so it’s not much. But if they "forget" to do their chores or refuse, I dock them a dollar. I don’t get angry or scream and yell. I simply say, "Oh dear, that’s too bad, you just lost a dollar." I really sympathize. When they start whining and explaining, I just say, "Yeah, I HATE it when that happens too." Whatever. This is putting the repsponsibility on THEIR shoulders and the stress level is non-existant. They can only be angry at themselves. I’m telling you, I’m living proof that this works!!! So take this idea and try it out. But I’m warning you , be consistant!!!! Waffling with kids is NOT a good idea! And finally, you better sit down with your hubby and tell him you WILL NOT live like this. Don’t say CANNOT. He’s got to start pitching in with the management thing. Spanking the kids is not a solution. It’s hard on everyone, especially the kids who are really just acting out their frustrations! They need loving discipline, not punishment with anger. Let us know what you decide to do and if it makes a difference! Everyone could benefit. Hang in there! Diane B. In article <Pine.OSF.3.91.960610094109.16769A-100…@moondog.usask.ca>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -martin <mar…@moondog.usask.ca> wrote: > If I make it through the first year of marriage to this step family and > without taking a drink, it will be a god damn miracle!  At least that is > how I am feeling this morning. > My husband is obsessed with being at work before 8:30.  I don’t know why. > He usually stays at least 1/2 hour extra every day and works at least one > night per week.  The cost of this obsession is that the rest of the > family, myself included, ends up totally stressed out by 8:00, which is > when he insists on leaving, because of his rushing all of us around.  The > problem, IMHO, is tow-fold; 1. He never seems to get the kids up before > 7:15, so they only have 45 minutes to get ready, which I don’t think is > very much time for these kids who seem to take an incredibly long time to > do everything; and 2. there seems to be no set routine in the mornings, > so that the kids know exactly what to do and when.  I haven’t said > anything.  These are his kids and I let him get them ready in the > mornings.  But I see the same pattern repeating itself over and over > again.   > Here is how it goes: > Are you up and out of bed? (repeated about four times, progressively louder) > Are you dressed yet? GET DRESSED! (repeated at least twice) > GET UP HERE AND GET YOUR BREAKFAST! (yelled at least twice) > PACK YOUR BOOKBAGS AND GET OUT THE DOOR!! (screamed at least three times) > This morning it culminated in both kids getting spanked on their bare > bottoms ten times each, with me sitting in our bedroom covering my ears > as to not hear them crying, myself almost in tears.  This comes after an > incredibly stressful weekend with the kids in which their mother didn’t > show up to take them for the weekend…again.  They were being very > mouthy with me and their Dad all weekend and I guess this morning D. had > just had it.  The youngest one came up crying because he had put shaving > cream on his toothbrush, and D and I laughed, at which point he just > threw a fit and launched himself at D. kicking and punching.  D. cuffed > him and then the older one came up to his Dad very angry and yelled "what > did you do to my brother?"  This is when D. lost it.  So we were even > later and D. was more stressed out and the kids were crying…man, what a > way to start the week! > I just don’t want to go home tonight after a scene like that this morning. > Colleen

– "Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most."                                          -Unknown

Response:

Related Posts

Leave a Reply