condemn me

Question:

Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

I don’t condemn you. I condemn him. He’s the one holding the power. I’m sorry you’re getting hurt *again*. — astri – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

Oh all of DC’s realm – this sounds like such a selfish and dangerous game at your expense that he is playing. What has he got to lose? What have you got to lose? When you match the two up, I think it becomes clear who is playing w/whom here. Sympathy? Yes. That’s what I have. I wish it could stop. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

He has soooo much to lose. He is risking so much.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Oh all of DC’s realm – this sounds like such a selfish and dangerous game at your expense that he is playing. What has he got to lose? What have you got to lose? When you match the two up, I think it becomes clear who is playing w/whom here. Sympathy? Yes. That’s what I have. I wish it could stop. Beauty. Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

The only person to condemn is your T and as for your comment of him taking a big risk sorry but my sarcastic self says "HA". What is the number one rule of all SA victims– keep it a secret…I bet he is betting that is exactly what you do. So now he is revictimizing you all over again. I am sorry to be blunt. I hurt for you and I am sorry someone you thought you could trust is preying on you just like a predator. It sounds to me he is doing exactly what our perps did to us as children. Don’t condemn yourself Diana– but please find the strength to run as fast and as far away from this slimy T as possible. Because he will only cause more damage to you then already has been done. Safari

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

We remember thinking this of someone once – we truly did think this – even though he was single, we were not, he was not emotionally needy in the ways that we were – etc. But we felt protective of him anyway – it was irrational. Why are we so quick to protect everyone but ourselves? Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – He has soooo much to lose. He is risking so much. Oh all of DC’s realm – this sounds like such a selfish and dangerous game at your expense that he is playing. What has he got to lose? What have you got to lose? When you match the two up, I think it becomes clear who is playing w/whom here. Sympathy? Yes. That’s what I have. I wish it could stop. Beauty. Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

To Beauty, frrom Ecc, We remember thinking this of someone once – we truly did think this – even though he was single, we were not, he was not emotionally needy in the ways that we were – etc. But we felt protective of him anyway – it was irrational. Why are we so quick to protect everyone but ourselves

I think because we can clearly se their vulnerability. with the desire to help. When are own is so veiled., and mixed with uncertainty. and confusion.? PLease forgive me , for saying this. The title of Condemn Me. For what,? wanting to be loved , held, comforted,by another and give in return? Can their be any condemnation to such, wonderful feelings? Regardless of their response. I would be very cautious, if given and they respond in hurt.. The sea is full of fish!and so much more. This is corny I know. Yours Ecc. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Beauty. He has soooo much to lose. He is risking so much. Oh all of DC’s realm – this sounds like such a selfish and dangerous game at your expense that he is playing. What has he got to lose? What have you got to lose? When you match the two up, I think it becomes clear who is playing w/whom here. Sympathy? Yes. That’s what I have. I wish it could stop. Beauty. Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

Hello Mel

I completely understand what you are saying, and Storm would definately agree with the sarcastic one. Yes, he is counting on us not to tell anyone. He is also counting that none of the littles, will ever know. The reason it was stated that he is taking a risk. If it was just s*x – couldn’t he get that anywhere? Without ‘risking’ his professional career, his business, his reputation and his family? Am I just trying to hide behind a mirage? Believing a lie which I’ve created – the lie that he must want more from us than simply the physical? This is what is confusing me / us. What does he want? Where can it lead? He states that he is worried he will hurt us….then how does he ever believe he couldn’t? Where does he think it can ever go…what can the outcome ever be…… I am sorry to be blunt. I hurt for you and I am sorry someone you thought you could trust is preying on you just like a predator. It sounds to me he is doing exactly what our perps did to us as children. Don’t condemn yourself Diana– but please find the strength to run as fast and as far away from this slimy T as possible. Because he will only cause more damage to you then already has been done.

To be truthful – Diana is really kept out of the picture. She hasn’t been around much, for a very long time. She was shut down, last year. There was too much hurt, too much severe loneliness and depression – for her to even be moderately functional. If she had been left out – in all open honesty, we would no longer be sitting here typing. In an act of self preservation, Crystal, Breanna and myself have been keeping her asleep. Its the only way possible, for us to continue to survive. Thankyou for caring so much. It means a lot to me, that you have even responded to the post – as you had warned us all along. For not listening, or wanting to hear what was been said – I apologise. I want to move on…I want to stop placing myself in these positions. Positions whereby pain and hurt, can only ever be the outcome. Perhaps, its all I have ever been used to, so find it hard to facilitate the change. Maybe its pain which I continually seek – as its so much a part of me. I don’t want for you to hurt for us. I don’t want for you to feel sorry for us. What am I looking for? Maybe understanding? I’m not sure anymore. Yours truly DCR – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Safari Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

hello DC’R I haven’t had anything to say about this thread, didn’t know what to say but now something struck me … I don’t know if it makes sense or if it’s just me, but I hope you don’t mind me jumping in. As I just want to comment on something you’ve said to Mel (with whom I generally agree about secrecy and revictimization) I snip everything but the part which had me think and has me now writing. [...] I completely understand what you are saying, and Storm would definately agree with the sarcastic one. Yes, he is counting on us not to tell anyone. He is also counting that none of the littles, will ever know. The reason it was stated that he is taking a risk.

If it was _his_ risk and his risk _only_, why would he also have to count on the littles never knowing? Also if he had/has become emotionally so attached to Crystal or all of you or some of you that what he wants in his heart of hearts is a truely intimate relationship, the ethical thing to do in my book would be a) to tell you about his emotions, b) to refer you to another t’pist (and, of course, make the transisiton as easy and less harmful for you as he possibly can) and c) leave everything else – i.e. the decision how to continue the then _purely private_ relationship with you – to you. I know a t’pist who did fell in love with a multiple client and that’s the way they’ve dealt with it. It still felt sorta unbalanced, having weird undertones to me, but at least it was a solution, at least the t’pist took ethics serious and they both handled the situation best as they could. And the latter is something I surely can’t say about your t’pist. In my book, he’s doing a lousy job as a human being in love and even a worse job as a t’pist. If I love someone, I take the risk and don’t make it my loved one’s risk – which is what your t’pist is doing in my eyes. If it was just s*x – couldn’t he get that anywhere?

People fancy all sorts of things when it comes to s*x. And for many, risk in one form or another is nothing but an additional kick if not _the_ kick they’re looking for. I am sorry, but this argument is flawed. Without ‘risking’ his professional career, his business, his reputation and his family?

As said above, maybe the risk is part of the kick he’s searching. Also, people, especially but not only males, tend to do a lot of really stupid, definitely not at all reasonable or ethical things when they feel a strong s*xual urge. Assuming they are acting rational is a bit like assuming you could argue rationally with an intoxicated person. (Like how rational is driving under influence? It’s a stupid risk in many ways. Yet, people who are otherwise rational still do it day in, night out, right?) Am I just trying to hide behind a mirage? Believing a lie which I’ve created – the lie that he must want more from us than simply the physical?

Wanting simply the physical would be wrong, too. Also, if he truly wanted more, i.e. a real intemate relationship, if you were, say, the love of his life, well – I’d assume that would be more important than job and family. If you love someone truly, you would want them to be happy and not in such a deep hurting harmful dilemma as you are in right now, right? If you love someone deeply, you would do anything to be able to live that love out in the open – which in this case would mean to end the therapeutical relationship no matter what and also be open about this to his family and go for a divorce, right? This is what is confusing me / us. What does he want? Where can it lead?

In my eyes, this is the wrong question ‘cuz it gets you stuck and has you dependant on him, on his answers, his behaviour. What is it _you_ want and need, how far do you want to go, these are muhc more relevant questions in my agenda. He states that he is worried he will hurt us….then how does he ever believe he couldn’t?

So he’s making the excuses as he assumes he might make a mistake. What a coward. Where does he think it can ever go…what can the outcome ever be……

Obviously, as he states he fears it’ll hurt you, he expects he will hurt you (in fact, he is already hurting you, right? *sigh*). Also, he is being deeply unfair. The dilemma of a t’pist in love or just wanting s*x with his client is _his_ dilemma – but by telling you all this in such uncertain terms, adding secrecy to it, he makes it your dilemma and he must know what he’s doing here (I mean, how stupid would you have to be to work with traumatized clients and not see this?!). I am sorry to be blunt. I hurt for you and I am sorry someone you thought you could trust is preying on you just like a predator. It sounds to me he is doing exactly what our perps did to us as children. Don’t condemn yourself Diana– but please find the strength to run as fast and as far away from this slimy T as possible. Because he will only cause more damage to you then already has been done.

Exactly my emotions & fears. *Sigh* I hope I haven’t hurt you with what I said. But I fear for you. Maeve of Mischa’s Chaos

Response:

please see below

hello DC’R As I just want to comment on something you’ve said to Mel (with whom I generally agree about secrecy and revictimization) I snip everything but the part which had me think and has me now writing. [...] I completely understand what you are saying, and Storm would definately

agree with the sarcastic one. Yes, he is counting on us not to tell anyone. He is also counting that none of the littles, will ever know. The reason it was stated that he is taking a risk. If it was _his_ risk and his risk _only_, why would he also have to count on the littles never knowing?

He says that it would be wrong – and he doesn’t want for them to be hurt. Also if he had/has become emotionally so attached to Crystal or all of you or some of you that what he wants in his heart of hearts is a truely intimate relationship, the ethical thing to do in my book would be a) to tell you about his emotions, b) to refer you to another t’pist (and, of course, make the transisiton as easy and less harmful for you as he possibly can) and c) leave everything else – i.e. the decision how to continue the then _purely private_ relationship with you – to you.

Previously he had argued with Crystal, that he couldn’t be both. But then when she told him to refer us elsewhere, he said he couldn’t. Upon changing the relationship – it hasn’t been discussed. He simply reached an agreement with Crystal, that in order for it to work – it had to be kept away from the office. Therefore, when she sees him there – its for work only. He doesn’t charge anymore. I know a t’pist who did fell in love with a multiple client and that’s the way they’ve dealt with it. It still felt sorta unbalanced, having weird undertones to me, but at least it was a solution, at least the t’pist took ethics serious and they both handled the situation best as they could. And the latter is something I surely can’t say about your t’pist. In my book, he’s doing a lousy job as a human being in love and even a worse job as a t’pist. If I love someone, I take the risk and don’t make it my loved one’s risk – which is what your t’pist is doing in my eyes.

I understand what you are saying. I’m not sure what his rationale has been behind all of this – but I do hope that I can bring myself to ask. If it was just s*x – couldn’t he get that anywhere? People fancy all sorts of things when it comes to s*x. And for many, risk in one form or another is nothing but an additional kick if not _the_ kick they’re looking for. I am sorry, but this argument is flawed.

Your words, placed such an incredible fear into my heart of hearts. They struck me. Oh, so close to the core. This would be the most devastating aspect, if it were true. Why do I now fear you may be right on mark. I’d never contemplated it may be the case before. Without ‘risking’ his professional career, his business, his reputation and his family? As said above, maybe the risk is part of the kick he’s searching. Also, people, especially but not only males, tend to do a lot of really stupid, definitely not at all reasonable or ethical things when they feel a strong s*xual urge.

nodding in silence – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Assuming they are acting rational is a bit like assuming you could argue rationally with an intoxicated person. (Like how rational is driving under influence? It’s a stupid risk in many ways. Yet, people who are otherwise rational still do it day in, night out, right?) Am I just trying to hide behind a mirage? Believing a lie which I’ve created – the lie that he must want more from us than simply the physical? Wanting simply the physical would be wrong, too. Also, if he truly wanted more, i.e. a real intemate relationship, if you were, say, the love of his life, well – I’d assume that would be more important than job and family. If you love someone truly, you would want them to be happy and not in such a deep hurting harmful dilemma as you are in right now, right? If you love someone deeply, you would do anything to be able to live that love out in the open – which in this case would mean to end the therapeutical relationship no matter what and also be open about this to his family and go for a divorce, right?

I would have tried to argue this point – but i can’t bring myself to. There is one thing however – they have a severely h’capped child. This is what is confusing me / us. What does he want? Where can it lead? In my eyes, this is the wrong question ‘cuz it gets you stuck and has you dependant on him, on his answers, his behaviour. What is it _you_ want and need, how far do you want to go, these are muhc more relevant questions in my agenda.

What do I want? To be loved, to be cared for – to spend time, getting to know him – to see what lies beneath. To be there for him. How far do i want to go – I daren’t even attempt to comtemplate – as I have built up a wall of knowledge. Knowing that nothing can ever come from it. He states that he is worried he will hurt us….then how does he ever believe he couldn’t? So he’s making the excuses as he assumes he might make a mistake. What a coward.

He knows he will hurt us. I’m sure of it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Where does he think it can ever go…what can the outcome ever be…… Obviously, as he states he fears it’ll hurt you, he expects he will hurt you (in fact, he is already hurting you, right? *sigh*). Also, he is being deeply unfair. The dilemma of a t’pist in love or just wanting s*x with his client is _his_ dilemma – but by telling you all this in such uncertain terms, adding secrecy to it, he makes it your dilemma and he must know what he’s doing here (I mean, how stupid would you have to be to work with traumatized clients and not see this?!). I am sorry to be blunt. I hurt for you and I am sorry someone you thought you could trust is preying on you just like a predator. It sounds to me he is doing exactly what our perps did to us as children. Don’t condemn yourself Diana– but please find the strength to run as fast and as far away from this slimy T as possible. Because he will only cause more damage to you then already has been done. Exactly my emotions & fears. *Sigh* I hope I haven’t hurt you with what I said. But I fear for you.

No, you haven’t hurt me. You’ve all been here to listen to me. Making me face the truth, may be hurtful – but it causes less heartache in the long term. Or at least, I hope. Thankyou Maeve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Maeve of Mischa’s Chaos

Response:

i haven’t read most of this thread so my comments may be way off base. apologies in advance. hello DC’R

snip If it was _his_ risk and his risk _only_, why would he also have to count on the littles never knowing? He says that it would be wrong – and he doesn’t want for them to be hurt.

what a load of cr*p. if it will hurt them that much, ya’ll shouldn’t do it. bc how can you make sure that they’ll never find out? and do you want to do that, to keep secrets from them? bad secrets? it sounds like a very bad idea to me. much worse than having s*x with your T. Also if he had/has become emotionally so attached to Crystal or all of you or some of you that what he wants in his heart of hearts is a truely intimate relationship, the ethical thing to do in my book would be a) to tell you about his emotions, b) to refer you to another t’pist (and, of course, make the transisiton as easy and less harmful for you as he possibly can) and c) leave everything else – i.e. the decision how to continue the then _purely private_ relationship with you – to you. Previously he had argued with Crystal, that he couldn’t be both. But then when she told him to refer us elsewhere, he said he couldn’t.

why not? does he think he’s the only T who’s qualified to treat ya’ll? (and to do it by encouraging you to keep secrets from your littles so that he gets what he wants? :-/) if he thinks he’s the only one who can help ya’ll, i think that’s a *very* bad sign. i wouldn’t want to get involved with someone like that, esp in any kind of serious, long-term relationship. esp where he might have feelings and stuff when i wanted to walk bc things weren’t working out. (bc that seems almost inevitable to me from the situation you describe. or just from being in a relationship with someone who thinks so highly of hirself. far, far too messy. and you’ve got your littles to worry about which makes it far messier. Upon changing the relationship – it hasn’t been discussed. He simply reached an agreement with Crystal, that in order for it to work – it had to be kept away from the office. Therefore, when she sees him there – its for work only. He doesn’t charge anymore.

well, that sounds truly creepy. fwiw. I know a t’pist who did fell in love with a multiple client and that’s the way they’ve dealt with it. It still felt sorta unbalanced, having weird undertones to me, but at least it was a solution, at least the t’pist took ethics serious and they both handled the situation best as they could. And the latter is something I surely can’t say about your t’pist. In my book, he’s doing a lousy job as a human being in love and even a worse job as a t’pist. If I love someone, I take the risk and don’t make it my loved one’s risk – which is what your t’pist is doing in my eyes. I understand what you are saying. I’m not sure what his rationale has been behind all of this – but I do hope that I can bring myself to ask.

who cares what his story is? i don’t see how that’s relevant at all. even if he gave you some line, how would you know if it’s true? even if he believed it, it might not be why he’s *really* doing this. if you believe in "real" anyway. ;-) If it was just s*x – couldn’t he get that anywhere? People fancy all sorts of things when it comes to s*x. And for many, risk in one form or another is nothing but an additional kick if not _the_ kick they’re looking for. I am sorry, but this argument is flawed.

i agree. i think some ppl get off on their own risk. others get off on other ppls’ risk. it sounds like you have both here. fwiw this is too d/s for my tastes unless you’re looking for that. fwiw it sounds like you may be looking for light d/s. if you are, i think you’d be able to find that with many men. i don’t see why you need your T for that. doms are a dime a dozen. even after inflation. ;-) good doms are harder to find but this guy doesn’t sound like one. good doms don’t f*ck you over outside of the s*x, like it seems like this guy is doing. Your words, placed such an incredible fear into my heart of hearts. They struck me. Oh, so close to the core. This would be the most devastating aspect, if it were true. Why do I now fear you may be right on mark. I’d never contemplated it may be the case before. Without ‘risking’ his professional career, his business, his reputation and his family? As said above, maybe the risk is part of the kick he’s searching. Also, people, especially but not only males, tend to do a lot of really stupid, definitely not at all reasonable or ethical things when they feel a strong s*xual urge. nodding in silence

yep, yep, yep. Assuming they are acting rational is a bit like assuming you could argue rationally with an intoxicated person. (Like how rational is driving under influence? It’s a stupid risk in many ways. Yet, people who are otherwise rational still do it day in, night out, right?)

yep. even many currently sober ppl will defend ppl who drive while intoxicated. or do other dumb things like this. Am I just trying to hide behind a mirage? Believing a lie which I’ve created – the lie that he must want more from us than simply the physical? Wanting simply the physical would be wrong, too.

i don’t think wanting anything would be wrong. acting on it might be. in this case, it doesn’t seem like a good bargain to me. why do ya’ll want it, Diane? Also, if he truly wanted more, i.e. a real intemate relationship, if you were, say, the love of his life, well – I’d assume that would be more important than job and family. If you love someone truly, you would want them to be happy and not in such a deep hurting harmful dilemma as you are in right now, right?

i think that’s true. you’d try to protect them from harm, not be the agent of it. If you love someone deeply, you would do anything to be able to live that love out in the open – which in this case would mean to end the therapeutical relationship no matter what and also be open about this to his family and go for a divorce, right? I would have tried to argue this point – but i can’t bring myself to. There is one thing however – they have a severely h’capped child.

why try to argue anything? it’s just a bunch of words. they don’t mean anything, actions do. don’t you think he’ll say whatever to get what he wants? This is what is confusing me / us. What does he want? Where can it lead? In my eyes, this is the wrong question ‘cuz it gets you stuck and has you dependant on him, on his answers, his behaviour.

i agree. What is it _you_ want and need, how far do you want to go, these are muhc more relevant questions in my agenda. What do I want? To be loved, to be cared for

don’t his actions negate this? i think if he cared for you, he wouldn’t be placing you in this position. – to spend time, getting to know him – to see what lies beneath. To be there for him. How far do i want to go – I daren’t even attempt to comtemplate – as I have built up a wall of knowledge. Knowing that nothing can ever come from it. He states that he is worried he will hurt us….then how does he ever believe he couldn’t? So he’s making the excuses as he assumes he might make a mistake. What a coward. He knows he will hurt us. I’m sure of it.

ok. you want to be loved and cared for. you’re sure that he’ll hurt you. why are you doing this???? it doesn’t seem like you’re getting what you want out of this "relationship." if you were, it might be worth it but it seems to me that he’s the one who’s calling the shots, saying "this is how the relationship will be: secret, away from the office, i’ll still be your T but won’t charge, etc." IMO that’s not a relationship, that’s him dictating things to meet his needs. why are you doing this? (i’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t, only that if you do it, you should try to understand why. if you all are getting enough things from it to make it worth the risks and costs, ok. if not, why do it? other than that s*x sometimes makes ppl do dumb things. i hope that you’ll be able to work things out in a way that avoids most of the pain. good luck. e – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Where does he think it can ever go…what can the outcome ever be…… Obviously, as he states he fears it’ll hurt you, he expects he will hurt you (in fact, he is already hurting you, right? *sigh*). Also, he is being deeply unfair. The dilemma of a t’pist in love or just wanting s*x with his client is _his_ dilemma – but by telling you all this in such uncertain terms, adding secrecy to it, he makes it your dilemma and he must know what he’s doing here (I mean, how stupid would you have to be to work with traumatized clients and not see this?!). I am sorry to be blunt. I hurt for you and I am sorry someone you thought you could trust is preying on you just like a predator. It sounds to me he is doing exactly what our perps did to us as children. Don’t condemn yourself Diana– but please find the strength to run as fast and as far away from this slimy T as possible. Because he will only cause more damage to you then already has been done. Exactly my emotions & fears. *Sigh* I hope I haven’t hurt you with what I said. But I fear for you. No, you haven’t hurt me. You’ve all been here to listen to me. Making me face the truth, may be hurtful – but it causes less heartache in the long term. Or at least, I hope. Thankyou Maeve Maeve of Mischa’s Chaos

– For info about this service, see http://anon.twwells.com/help/ or e-mail: … read more »

Response:

Hey!

I don’t condemn you. I condemn him.

I was about to write these same exact words. He’s the one holding the power. I’m sorry you’re getting hurt *again*.

I am sending strength to you all of DC’s Realm to end this now before the pain compounds further. Terminate thrpy and never permit any contact with that man again. Stay in close contact with us at asd throughout every day as you endeavor upon the arduous but necessary task of locating another t. You are worth much, much more than this, friend. with care and in support, trill – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — astri Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

In the case that it may be worth something, I second and affirm everything offered here by the tremendously insightful and totally "on" Maeve. I hope with an aching heart that you are listening and able to hear, DCR, all of the cares and concerns and advice, that is correct, very correct, expressed to you here at asd. trill

agree with the sarcastic one. Yes, he is counting on us not to tell anyone. He is also counting that none of the littles, will ever know. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The reason it was stated that he is taking a risk. If it was _his_ risk and his risk _only_, why would he also have to count on the littles never knowing? Also if he had/has become emotionally so attached to Crystal or all of you or some of you that what he wants in his heart of hearts is a truely intimate relationship, the ethical thing to do in my book would be a) to tell you about his emotions, b) to refer you to another t’pist (and, of course, make the transisiton as easy and less harmful for you as he possibly can) and c) leave everything else – i.e. the decision how to continue the then _purely private_ relationship with you – to you. I know a t’pist who did fell in love with a multiple client and that’s the way they’ve dealt with it. It still felt sorta unbalanced, having weird undertones to me, but at least it was a solution, at least the t’pist took ethics serious and they both handled the situation best as they could. And the latter is something I surely can’t say about your t’pist. In my book, he’s doing a lousy job as a human being in love and even a worse job as a t’pist. If I love someone, I take the risk and don’t make it my loved one’s risk – which is what your t’pist is doing in my eyes. If it was just s*x – couldn’t he get that anywhere? People fancy all sorts of things when it comes to s*x. And for many, risk in one form or another is nothing but an additional kick if not _the_ kick they’re looking for. I am sorry, but this argument is flawed. Without ‘risking’ his professional career, his business, his reputation and his family? As said above, maybe the risk is part of the kick he’s searching. Also, people, especially but not only males, tend to do a lot of really stupid, definitely not at all reasonable or ethical things when they feel a strong s*xual urge. Assuming they are acting rational is a bit like assuming you could argue rationally with an intoxicated person. (Like how rational is driving under influence? It’s a stupid risk in many ways. Yet, people who are otherwise rational still do it day in, night out, right?) Am I just trying to hide behind a mirage? Believing a lie which I’ve created – the lie that he must want more from us than simply the physical? Wanting simply the physical would be wrong, too. Also, if he truly wanted more, i.e. a real intemate relationship, if you were, say, the love of his life, well – I’d assume that would be more important than job and family. If you love someone truly, you would want them to be happy and not in such a deep hurting harmful dilemma as you are in right now, right? If you love someone deeply, you would do anything to be able to live that love out in the open – which in this case would mean to end the therapeutical relationship no matter what and also be open about this to his family and go for a divorce, right? This is what is confusing me / us. What does he want? Where can it lead? In my eyes, this is the wrong question ‘cuz it gets you stuck and has you dependant on him, on his answers, his behaviour. What is it _you_ want and need, how far do you want to go, these are muhc more relevant questions in my agenda. He states that he is worried he will hurt us….then how does he ever believe he couldn’t? So he’s making the excuses as he assumes he might make a mistake. What a coward. Where does he think it can ever go…what can the outcome ever be…… Obviously, as he states he fears it’ll hurt you, he expects he will hurt you (in fact, he is already hurting you, right? *sigh*). Also, he is being deeply unfair. The dilemma of a t’pist in love or just wanting s*x with his client is _his_ dilemma – but by telling you all this in such uncertain terms, adding secrecy to it, he makes it your dilemma and he must know what he’s doing here (I mean, how stupid would you have to be to work with traumatized clients and not see this?!). I am sorry to be blunt. I hurt for you and I am sorry someone you thought you could trust is preying on you just like a predator. It sounds to me he is doing exactly what our perps did to us as children. Don’t condemn yourself Diana– but please find the strength to run as fast and as far away from this slimy T as possible. Because he will only cause more damage to you then already has been done. Exactly my emotions & fears. *Sigh* I hope I haven’t hurt you with what I said. But I fear for you. Maeve of Mischa’s Chaos

Response:

This _seems_ to be authentic, heartfelt, honest, revealing, and true, DCR. If it is in fact complete and total bullsh*t, as you aver to Safari, then you did a very good job of it and played quite a few of us here at asd. However, I still believe that what you describe in this post is what is happening in your life and that what is happening in your life is exploitive and abusive and needs to be ended. The t needs to be held accountable. You need to take care of yourself. And please realize that we are your friends at asd. We do care about you. trill

Response:

hello sierra *gracious lil bow* we hope we find the time to reply some more to you and to other posts/posters on asdis soon. mischa’s chaos now wandering off to catch some sleep – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thank you Mischa’s Chaos for saying all that I wanted to. :o) Sierra of TN —– Original Message —– Newsgroups: alt.support.dissociation Sent: Sunday, July 01, 2001 4:16 AM hello DC’R I haven’t had anything to say about this thread, didn’t know what to say but now something struck me… I don’t know if it makes sense or if it’s just me, but I hope you don’t mind me jumping in. As I just want to comment on something you’ve said to Mel (with whom I generally agree about secrecy and revictimization) I snip everything but the part which had me think and has me now writing. [...] I completely understand what you are saying, and Storm would definately agree with the sarcastic one. Yes, he is counting on us not to tell anyone. He is also counting that none of the littles, will ever know. The reason it was stated that he is taking a risk. If it was _his_ risk and his risk _only_, why would he also have to count on the littles never knowing? Also if he had/has become emotionally so attached to Crystal or all of you or some of you that what he wants in his heart of hearts is a truely intimate relationship, the ethical thing to do in my book would be a) to tell you about his emotions, b) to refer you to another t’pist (and, of course, make the transisiton as easy and less harmful for you as he possibly can) and c) leave everything else – I.e. the decision how to continue the then _purely private_ relationship with you – to you. I know a t’pist who did fell in love with a multiple client and that’s the way they’ve dealt with it. It still felt sorta unbalanced, having weird undertones to me, but at least it was a solution, at least the t’pist took ethics serious and they both handled the situation best as they could. And the latter is something I surely can’t say about your t’pist. In my book, he’s doing a lousy job as a human being in love and even a worse job as a t’pist. If I love someone, I take the risk and don’t make it my loved one’s risk – which is what your t’pist is doing in my eyes. If it was just s*x – couldn’t he get that anywhere? People fancy all sorts of things when it comes to s*x. And for many, risk in one form or another is nothing but an additional kick if not _the_ kick they’re looking for. I am sorry, but this argument is flawed. Without ‘risking’ his professional career, his business, his reputation and his family? As said above, maybe the risk is part of the kick he’s searching. Also, people, especially but not only males, tend to do a lot of really stupid, definitely not at all reasonable or ethical things when they feel a strong s*xual urge. Assuming they are acting rational is a bit like assuming you could argue rationally with an intoxicated person. (Like how rational is driving under influence? It’s a stupid risk in many ways. Yet, people who are otherwise rational still do it day in, night out, right?) Am I just trying to hide behind a mirage? Believing a lie which I’ve created – the lie that he must want more from us than simply the physical? Wanting simply the physical would be wrong, too. Also, if he truly wanted more, I.e. a real intemate relationship, if you were, say, the love of his life, well – I’d assume that would be more important than job and family. If you love someone truly, you would want them to be happy and not in such a deep hurting harmful dilemma as you are in right now, right? If you love someone deeply, you would do anything to be able to live that love out in the open – which in this case would mean to end the therapeutical relationship no matter what and also be open about this to his family and go for a divorce, right? This is what is confusing me / us. What does he want? Where can it lead? In my eyes, this is the wrong question ‘cuz it gets you stuck and has you dependant on him, on his answers, his behaviour. What is it _you_ want and need, how far do you want to go, these are muhc more relevant questions in my agenda. He states that he is worried he will hurt us….then how does he ever believe he couldn’t? So he’s making the excuses as he assumes he might make a mistake. What a coward. Where does he think it can ever go…what can the outcome ever be…… Obviously, as he states he fears it’ll hurt you, he expects he will hurt you (in fact, he is already hurting you, right? *sigh*). Also, he is being deeply unfair. The dilemma of a t’pist in love or just wanting s*x with his client is _his_ dilemma – but by telling you all this in such uncertain terms, adding secrecy to it, he makes it your dilemma and he must know what he’s doing here (I mean, how stupid would you have to be to work with traumatized clients and not see this?!). I am sorry to be blunt. I hurt for you and I am sorry someone you thought you could trust is preying on you just like a predator. It sounds to me he is doing exactly what our perps did to us as children. Don’t condemn yourself Diana– but please find the strength to run as fast and as far away from this slimy T as possible. Because he will only cause more damage to you then already has been done. Exactly my emotions & fears. *Sigh* I hope I haven’t hurt you with what I said. But I fear for you. Maeve of Mischa’s Chaos — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: http://asarian-host.net/emailform.html

Response:

Me think you write the wright abanswe arbout why we protet others and notoursvesl – very snarmt answers that it is becasue we abmviblante about our own vulnersabitilty – this is brilliant obsvertatison thanks yopu we ponsts out that the titles is from DCR not uss I am hthinking of a seas full fo fishes and it lookseprettys beautys. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – To Beauty, frrom Ecc, We remember thinking this of someone once – we truly did think this – even though he was single, we were not, he was not emotionally needy in the ways that we were – etc. But we felt protective of him anyway – it was irrational. Why are we so quick to protect everyone but ourselves I think because we can clearly se their vulnerability. with the desire to help. When are own is so veiled., and mixed with uncertainty. and confusion.? PLease forgive me , for saying this. The title of Condemn Me. For what,? wanting to be loved , held, comforted,by another and give in return? Can their be any condemnation to such, wonderful feelings? Regardless of their response. I would be very cautious, if given and they respond in hurt.. The sea is full of fish!and so much more. This is corny I know. Yours Ecc. Beauty. He has soooo much to lose. He is risking so much. Oh all of DC’s realm – this sounds like such a selfish and dangerous game at your expense that he is playing. What has he got to lose? What have you got to lose? When you match the two up, I think it becomes clear who is playing w/whom here. Sympathy? Yes. That’s what I have. I wish it could stop. Beauty. Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

i am confused,is this her t? love c – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -This _seems_ to be authentic, heartfelt, honest, revealing, and true, DCR. If it is in fact complete and total bullsh*t, as you aver to Safari, then you did a very good job of it and played quite a few of us here at asd. However, I still believe that what you describe in this post is what is happening in your life and that what is happening in your life is exploitive and abusive and needs to be ended. The t needs to be held accountable. You need to take care of yourself. And please realize that we are your friends at asd. We do care about you. trill Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

I’ve been so depressed all weekend, that I’ve scarcely been able to move see below DCR

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – To Beauty, frrom Ecc, We remember thinking this of someone once – we truly did think this – even though he was single, we were not, he was not emotionally needy in the ways that we were – etc. But we felt protective of him anyway – it was irrational. Why are we so quick to protect everyone but ourselves I think because we can clearly se their vulnerability. with the desire to help. When are own is so veiled., and mixed with uncertainty. and confusion.? PLease forgive me , for saying this. The title of Condemn Me. For what,? wanting to be loved , held, comforted,by another and give in return? Can their be any condemnation to such, wonderful feelings? Regardless of their response. I would be very cautious, if given and they respond in hurt.. The sea is full of fish!and so much more. This is corny I know. Yours Ecc.

The title ‘condemn me’ – came from the fact that the situation has been going on with Crystal for a very long time now. And although, so many wonderful and caring friends here, – kept saying to move away from it….to stop seeing him – I’ve not been able to. I feel emotions intensely. My outlet, is my writing. Deep down, it wasn’t only Crystal that craved his ‘love’, but maybe more so mine. So, I feel to blame – for the inevitable pain which must come. Even now, I can’t face the thought, that it will all be over. That we..that I have to make a break. Even now, I still cling to reaching out, and taking some degree of ‘caring’ – that he offers. Although, I understand the reasons why I shouldn’t interpret what he is doing, as caring. Today, I telephoned and left a message for him. He called back. I was fearful, that he would see me as too needy – so I told him not to be alarmed…that I usually wouldn’t contact him on the weekend – as I don’t want for him to be alarmed. I told him that I was depressed because of what I had done. He asked what it was – and I told him that I hadn’t been exactly truthful with him – that I ( ME ) have a deep emotional attachment to him – but that I handle it differently than Crystal does. But now, Crystal has let him too close. I truly didn’t think that she would be interested in him, once he caved. I truly did think that it was still just a game to her. Sed*ction had always been just a game to her. As once she succeeded, the barrier would already be there, to stop her from being hurt – to stop her from seeing that s*x does not equal being cared for or being ‘loved’. Somewhere along the line, it had stopped being a game – and I didn’t know. So, the usually erect barrier, was down. I told him that I needed to know, if it was just a physical relationship for him…and he said No..not at all. But that it is all so complex and complicated. He isn’t sure exactly how strong his feelings are, but it is not simply physical. In time, both he and I will know. He said that we needed to talk….he and I ( not Crystal ) So, I said he could come over this week, after work. Even if he had said that he has deep emotional feelings – it can still lead to nowhere. The pain which I am feeling now, will not change – whatever happens in the future. My feelings for him have been constant, and remain so. The only problem now, is that I also feel the intensity of Crystals. DCR – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Beauty. He has soooo much to lose. He is risking so much. Oh all of DC’s realm – this sounds like such a selfish and dangerous game at your expense that he is playing. What has he got to lose? What have you got to lose? When you match the two up, I think it becomes clear who is playing w/whom here. Sympathy? Yes. That’s what I have. I wish it could stop. Beauty. Fearful of condemnation But full of pyschic pain I’m not expecting any sympathy or any kind words just feeling so confused and hurting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 I’m not even sure now, that i can reveal what has been happening. A LOT. But we have been so alone, and so lonely – and needing to be held. And now that he has crossed the lines, and there is no turning back – I am so confused. And we have never been more mixed up or jumbled before. So incredibly confused – and full of doubts and fears. Now that Crystal has what she wanted – she is freaking out – as she has never been with anyone like him before. Ever. She has never allowed anyone, even the slightest piece of intim*cy with her…and by this, I refer to true intim*cy. Somehow, he has broken past her defences, and now she cares too much about him. But its hurting her, as she is scard that if he sees how she feels, then he will back away. Never before, has she been treated as though she were ’special’. Its always been a case of the person, just taking what they needed from her – and not worrying about her needs. He just wants to be with her….and says to her, that he doesn’t want to leave – and won’t let her make him coffee before he leaves – coz he says that he doesn’t want to waste a single minute, when he could simply be holding her. And the way he was looking at her, and to*ching her….it was so tender – that she could almost believe that he does l*ve her….although he has never said it. Why can’t we just live a normal existance – why does everything have to be so complex and complicated. Have no idea, when we will next be able to be with him or see him. He said that he had been thinking about her far too much..and wanting to be with her. I didn’t stop to think, that Crystal would be hurt – when I told him that it would be ok. Guess that my motive was purely selfish, as I have an extremely deep emotional attachment to him. I’ve even been too scared to post this here….as I dont want to hurt him ever. NEVER. And I am worried that somehow he will know.

Response:

Permalink
In: Career Acting

You online HQ for everything ACTING

Home

Act Acting

condemn me

Question:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Response:

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Recent Posts

Categories

Popular Posts