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Relationships Aren't For Everyone

Question:

Over the past few days I have been reflecting over various areas of my life. I’ve come to a conclusion one part: relationships.  I am going to confess something which I probably will beat myself later for doing. I am 18 and all through high school I never dated.  One part was the fact I was so busy half of the time with school.  The other was a personal situation that lasted almost the entire time of high school ending tragically.  Like I said before I wasn’t really an outcast I was just completely invisible.  It wasn’t until senior year I was really sociable with various amounts of people. I never asked anyone out due to a. high school relationships don’t last and are superficial at best, b. feeling extremely inferior to people c. no personality Personality is a key thing.  I can turn it on and be Mr. Nice Caring Guy and bullshit with the best of them.  At the same time though I never possessed the ability to really make people laugh.  A few impressions yes but that is it.  I can make small talk and stuff but that is it. I have only now just broaden my interests which were mainly music and books.   I just don’t think I am destined to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  Friends but not a relationship.  Otherwise I would have personality and not be  invisible. I mean as hard as I try working on a sense of humor via stealing little things from other comedians acts, I still have to learn about other stuff  before I can really be interesting enough for someone to like me.  And that can take years and years. Plus most people my age are only in for short-term not long term relationships just have some fun and then it is over move on.  I really don’t want to drift from person to person just because their hormones dictate their life.  As depressed as I was about accepting the fact I am not destined for a real relationship, there are good things.  I can focus on relationships with the few friends I have and family. And also focus on getting my career off the ground.  Then work and work for years and immigrate to Europe and explore.  I think life no matter how bad it gets and it always does for me; it is an adventure regardless.  I am sorry I have been narcissitic this entire post.  I just want to get the thought I have been carrying off my mind.  Would like to know if some others feel the way I do or think I lost.  Probably think I am pathetic.  Well as I said I am an outsider amongst outsiders. Michael

Response:

Dont say that. I know u have had a tough life but so have I. I am just know getting on my feet again and I am really grateful to u for helping me through that short period in my life where i felt worthless. I know u will find someone someday but as long as u have this negative attitude u have already set ur destiny and that isnt being fair to u. Kerri

Response:

Sometimes it occurs to me that I am too…unique to be in a relationship.  I don’t mean that in a conceited way.  It’s just that it seems like things are always too fucking complex to ever invite someone else into the mix.  I’m sure that a big part of it is some kind of defense mech. against the pain that emotional intimacy can lead to… It’s difficult.  Keep looking for answers.  Good luck. JM – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Over the past few days I have been reflecting over various areas of my life. I’ve come to a conclusion one part: relationships.  I am going to confess something which I probably will beat myself later for doing. I am 18 and all through high school I never dated.  One part was the fact I was so busy half of the time with school.  The other was a personal situation that lasted almost the entire time of high school ending tragically.  Like I said before I wasn’t really an outcast I was just completely invisible. It wasn’t until senior year I was really sociable with various amounts of people. I never asked anyone out due to a. high school relationships don’t last and are superficial at best, b. feeling extremely inferior to people c. no personality Personality is a key thing.  I can turn it on and be Mr. Nice Caring Guy and bullshit with the best of them.  At the same time though I never possessed the ability to really make people laugh.  A few impressions yes but that is it.  I can make small talk and stuff but that is it. I have only now just broaden my interests which were mainly music and books. I just don’t think I am destined to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  Friends but not a relationship.  Otherwise I would have personality and not be  invisible. I mean as hard as I try working on a sense of humor via stealing little things from other comedians acts, I still have to learn about other stuff before I can really be interesting enough for someone to like me.  And that can take years and years. Plus most people my age are only in for short-term not long term relationships just have some fun and then it is over move on.  I really don’t want to drift from person to person just because their hormones dictate their life.  As depressed as I was about accepting the fact I am not destined for a real relationship, there are good things.  I can focus on relationships with the few friends I have and family. And also focus on getting my career off the ground.  Then work and work for years and immigrate to Europe and explore.  I think life no matter how bad it gets and it always does for me; it is an adventure regardless.  I am sorry I have been narcissitic this entire post.  I just want to get the thought I have been carrying off my mind.  Would like to know if some others feel the way I do or think I lost.  Probably think I am pathetic.  Well as I said I am an outsider amongst outsiders. Michael

Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

Hey. I didn’t start dating until right before I turned 19. I’ll be 28 in less than 2 months, & haven’t dated in 3 1/2 years. And haven’t missed it one bit. At one point in my life, I wanted to have a good relationship. Now I’ve accepted the fact that it’ll never happen. It sounds selfish, but I am finally beginning to get my acting career off the ground, & that’s more important to me than a relationship. Maybe I’m just bitter because the "relationships" I’ve had have all been horrible, but I’ve gotten used to not being with anyone, & don’t feel like I "have" to be with anyone else to feel more complete. I have enough friends to go out with when I want to, & I don’t have to worry about being with someone & lonely (something I see pretty often). But I’m not telling you to not date. When you’re ready, try it. It might work a lot better for you. Good luck! Take care, Mary — "Make me always a man who questions!"–Frantz Fanon "All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates."–Woody Allen Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

okay, who are you and why do you keep posting my thoughts and signing my name??!! ;-) [that's my way of saying "me too!"] Maryb <okay, all except the part about the acting career – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey. I didn’t start dating until right before I turned 19. I’ll be 28 in less than 2 months, & haven’t dated in 3 1/2 years. And haven’t missed it one bit. At one point in my life, I wanted to have a good relationship. Now I’ve accepted the fact that it’ll never happen. It sounds selfish, but I am finally beginning to get my acting career off the ground, & that’s more important to me than a relationship. Maybe I’m just bitter because the "relationships" I’ve had have all been horrible, but I’ve gotten used to not being with anyone, & don’t feel like I "have" to be with anyone else to feel more complete. I have enough friends to go out with when I want to, & I don’t have to worry about being with someone & lonely (something I see pretty often). But I’m not telling you to not date. When you’re ready, try it. It might work a lot better for you. Good luck! Take care, Mary — "Make me always a man who questions!"–Frantz Fanon "All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates."–Woody Allen Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

– For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:

Response:

..trying to maintain a LTR is the hardest thing I’ve ever attempted in my life…..makes advanced calculus look like a ‘day in the park’ for me: .clashing egos (or lack thereof), power struggles, wanting alone time & then wanting togetherness at the same time, thin-skins, thick skins, tactlessness….

Response:

Yes, we are all unique individuals with varying degrees of coping and acceptance skills…my life has always been one long, painful and tortuous ride…no bright rays of sunshine at the end of each journey let me tell you.  My tough life experiences has done nothing but successfully heightened my level of cynicism and negativity…screw being positive, my last 20 attempts to be so only resulted further kicks in the teeth…it is so sad that some of us choose to battle the world alone…and Mickey, I feel like I have been there too, hence our fine – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sometimes it occurs to me that I am too…unique to be in a relationship.  I don’t mean that in a conceited way.  It’s just that it seems like things are always too fucking complex to ever invite someone else into the mix.  I’m sure that a big part of it is some kind of defense mech. against the pain that emotional intimacy can lead to… It’s difficult.  Keep looking for answers.  Good luck. JM Over the past few days I have been reflecting over various areas of my life. I’ve come to a conclusion one part: relationships.  I am going to confess something which I probably will beat myself later for doing. I am 18 and all through high school I never dated.  One part was the fact I was so busy half of the time with school.  The other was a personal situation that lasted almost the entire time of high school ending tragically. Like I said before I wasn’t really an outcast I was just completely invisible. It wasn’t until senior year I was really sociable with various amounts of people. I never asked anyone out due to a. high school relationships don’t last and are superficial at best, b. feeling extremely inferior to people c. no personality Personality is a key thing.  I can turn it on and be Mr. Nice Caring Guy and bullshit with the best of them.  At the same time though I never possessed the ability to really make people laugh.  A few impressions yes but that is it.  I can make small talk and stuff but that is it. I have only now just broaden my interests which were mainly music and books. I just don’t think I am destined to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  Friends but not a relationship.  Otherwise I would have personality and not be  invisible. I mean as hard as I try working on a sense of humor via stealing little things from other comedians acts, I still have to learn about other stuff before I can really be interesting enough for someone to like me.  And that can take years and years. Plus most people my age are only in for short-term not long term relationships just have some fun and then it is over move on.  I really don’t want to drift from person to person just because their hormones dictate their life.  As depressed as I was about accepting the fact I am not destined for a real relationship, there are good things.  I can focus on relationships with the few friends I have and family. And also focus on getting my career off the ground.  Then work and work for years and immigrate to Europe and explore.  I think life no matter how bad it gets and it always does for me; it is an adventure regardless.  I am sorry I have been narcissitic this entire post.  I just want to get the thought I have been carrying off my mind.  Would like to know if some others feel the way I do or think I lost.  Probably think I am pathetic.  Well as I said I am an outsider amongst outsiders. Michael Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

okay, who are you and why do you keep posting my thoughts and signing my name??!! ;-) [that's my way of saying "me too!"] Maryb <okay, all except the part about the acting career

I’ve noticed the similarities, too. Maybe we’re evil twins! The other Mary — "Make me always a man who questions!"–Frantz Fanon "All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates."–Woody Allen Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

okay, who are you and why do you keep posting my thoughts and signing my name??!! ;-) [that's my way of saying "me too!"] Maryb <okay, all except the part about the acting career I’ve noticed the similarities, too. Maybe we’re evil twins!

Actually, I’ve had another evil twin (that I’ve known of) for some time. So if you & I turn out to be evil twins, we’ll actually be 2 of 3 evil triplets! As a lifelong only child, I’m quite fond of this "evil sibling" phenomenon… Mary (who’s really not all that evil) — "Make me always a man who questions!"–Frantz Fanon "All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates."–Woody Allen Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

..trying to maintain a LTR is the hardest thing I’ve ever attempted in my life…..makes advanced calculus look like a ‘day in the park’ for me: .clashing egos (or lack thereof), power struggles, wanting alone time & then wanting togetherness at the same time, thin-skins, thick skins, tactlessness….

And we won’t even mention the sexual frustration….. Bryan Sin Nombre, it had to be said…..

Response:

Hello Dan, and welcome to ASD! Aware1 Just to start off this post [which is my first btw], I want to say that I’m not really all that sure whether or not I am actually depressed or not, and at the moment I don’t really feel like finding out for sure…

– Toto… I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

Response:

Just to start off this post [which is my first btw], I want to say that I’m not really all that sure whether or not I am actually depressed or not, and at the moment I don’t really feel like finding out for sure… What I say is just about me, my feelings, and what you have said about your feelings towards relationships. I am 16 and I too have never dated. At 16 this may seem unusual, but I guess that it isn’t completly unheard of, but it is not that that I am concerned about. For some reason I have never had enough courage or self-confidence to feel that I deserved to be in a relationship with someone. I certainly am not perfect, [and no one is], but there are certain things about me which I am very insecure about. I have been thinking about this subject quite a lot over the past couple of months, [along with other things, such as if I am depressed or not], and I haven’t really been able to decide what to do. Over here in England, I have just finished my mandatory education, and about to spend the next 2 years at College. I don’t know what it would be best to do. I think that one of my major reservations about entering a relationship is that I haven’t got the first clue in what to do. I don’t know how you ask someone out. I don’t know how to hold hands and I have never kissed anyone. I am sure that this all seems very trivial to those who are past this, but to me it is very scary. So that’s my first reason. It’s kind of a catch 22 situation. If I don’t date, then I will never know what to do, so I will keep putting off dating. I guess that one day I will get over this part, but my second problem is slightly more concerning for me, as I don’t have any deffinate way to approach it. With the problem of experience that I was talking about above, I guess it would be simple enough to just go out there and find someone to date – all it would take would be a little courage, which I may even be able to dig out of myself after a while ;) But would that be right? Could I just date for the sake of dating? I’m sure that people do. I mean, I knew people who were never without boy/girl friends, and that never lasted more than a few weeks. It’s just that I don’t know if I should actually date at all. The whole idea of dating is to find someone to live with for the rest of your life, [or at least that's what I think], but is this really worth it? My parents [who are married] don’t *love* each other. Looking around, no one that I can think of really does. Sure, they may feel that they are in love for the first few years, but I can’t think who is in love with their partner in the same way as you see in Hollywood. Maybe that isn’t a bad thing. Maybe the film makers write of a love that is different from the love in the real world, maybe real love is better?? I just don’t know. As for what you say about being able to make everyone believe that you are Mr. Niceguy, I feel exactly the same. The me that is know to the world, [even my friends, parents, relatives] isn’t the real me – or at least I don’t think that it is. Sometimes I am even able to fool myself, but when I am not busily doing something, or around people who I feel necessary to decive, it all comes back to me. That is another thing that I want to do when I feel that I can face it – find out who I really am. But that is for another day, and not at all in the line of what this post is about. Well, I can’t do anything at the moment, as school is out, so whatever decision making that I will do can wait for the time-being. One last note – if it’s any comfort, I don’t even have any female friends. – Dan – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Over the past few days I have been reflecting over various areas of my life. I’ve come to a conclusion one part: relationships.  I am going to confess something which I probably will beat myself later for doing. I am 18 and all through high school I never dated.  One part was the fact I was so busy half of the time with school.  The other was a personal situation that lasted almost the entire time of high school ending tragically.  Like I said before I wasn’t really an outcast I was just completely invisible. It wasn’t until senior year I was really sociable with various amounts of people. I never asked anyone out due to a. high school relationships don’t last and are superficial at best, b. feeling extremely inferior to people c. no personality Personality is a key thing.  I can turn it on and be Mr. Nice Caring Guy and bullshit with the best of them.  At the same time though I never possessed the ability to really make people laugh.  A few impressions yes but that is it.  I can make small talk and stuff but that is it. I have only now just broaden my interests which were mainly music and books. I just don’t think I am destined to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  Friends but not a relationship.  Otherwise I would have personality and not be  invisible. I mean as hard as I try working on a sense of humor via stealing little things from other comedians acts, I still have to learn about other stuff before I can really be interesting enough for someone to like me.  And that can take years and years. Plus most people my age are only in for short-term not long term relationships just have some fun and then it is over move on.  I really don’t want to drift from person to person just because their hormones dictate their life.  As depressed as I was about accepting the fact I am not destined for a real relationship, there are good things.  I can focus on relationships with the few friends I have and family. And also focus on getting my career off the ground.  Then work and work for years and immigrate to Europe and explore.  I think life no matter how bad it gets and it always does for me; it is an adventure regardless.  I am sorry I have been narcissitic this entire post.  I just want to get the thought I have been carrying off my mind.  Would like to know if some others feel the way I do or think I lost.  Probably think I am pathetic.  Well as I said I am an outsider amongst outsiders. Michael

Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – okay, who are you and why do you keep posting my thoughts and signing my name??!! ;-) [that's my way of saying "me too!"] Maryb <okay, all except the part about the acting career I’ve noticed the similarities, too. Maybe we’re evil twins! Actually, I’ve had another evil twin (that I’ve known of) for some time. So if you & I turn out to be evil twins, we’ll actually be 2 of 3 evil triplets! As a lifelong only child, I’m quite fond of this "evil sibling" phenomenon… Mary (who’s really not all that evil)

gaa! I’m an only child too! or maybe that’s just what our parents "told" us…evil twins/triplets, huh? as long as we’re not like those wholesome Olsen twins. gag! I’m not all that evil either, but on the other hand no one has ever mistaken me for sugary sweet like that!! Maryb <thinking of all the things she can blame on her "evil triplets" — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:

Response:

no, they’re not. i’m too solitary, too reserved, too secretive, too shy for a relationship. most of the time i don’t even want one actually. – yacov ~~~ icq: 32531626 — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:

Response:

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