Act Acting » Child Actors » ADD AND THE COMPUTER

ADD AND THE COMPUTER

Question:

: The best way to learn social skills unfortunately is to "just do it". I : I got embarassed like few have ever been because I tried to "just do it" : but couldn’t! It’s not easy, but there seems to be no other way. That’s why I put the "unfortunately" in the post in my last incarnation. : have you ever been reduced to incomprehendable babbling because your : social skills sucked? How about being a forgotten loner?

Response:

: The best way to learn social skills unfortunately is to "just do it". I : I got embarassed like few have ever been because I tried to "just do it" : but couldn’t! It’s not easy, but there seems to be no other way. That’s why I put the "unfortunately" in the post in my last incarnation. : have you ever been reduced to incomprehendable babbling because your : social skills sucked? How about being a forgotten loner?

I always noticed that my social skills were better after I’d ‘had a few’–or at least so they seemed.  I wonder if this was a form of self-medication.   I also noticed that whenever I got involved in an intimate relationship, I lost all interest in socializing.  It’s not like me to have much of a social side to begin with, so perhaps it’s just a case of all my needs being met.  On the other hand, perhaps it’s just too mentally taxing to juggle having friends and a significant other at the same time. On the subject of meeting people and forming friendships/relationships, I suggest that ADDers need to go about this a bit differently.  For one, the bar scene is probably right out; all that noise and other distraction would probably make it nearly impossible to focus on a conversation well enough to create a connection that will last beyond the initial encounter.  I think ADDers are better off in quiet settings with smaller groups of people, in situations where everyone gets to talk.  Getting involved in community organizations, special interest groups and clubs, or religious groups is probably more likely to yield results if you are patient (I know, it’s a lot to ask!).   I met my fiancee in a small group setting.  I think the relative quiet of the setting and the small group size made it easier for me to "just be myself" as they say, since I wasn’t constantly being distracted and could remember what was just said. I also managed to hone my social skills by getting into groups that all the other "losers, misfits, rejects, and loners" gravitated towards.  This had the dual benefit of allowing me to make mistakes in a social environment where all but the worst was tolerated and/or forgiven, and letting me observe and learn from the mistakes of others.  Two suggestions that come to mind are the performing cast of your local Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the Society for Creative Anachronism.                                                 Steve — Steve Conley                It’s now safe to turn off your television.   !! By sending me any unsolicited advertisements in email, you hereby consent !! to having 5 days of articles from alt.tasteless sent back to you.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I find the anti-Capitalist sentiment interesting in this context because, myself being a socialist, I’d be willing to bet that shyness and the psychological effects of it affects the way a person views society and may even sometimes lead to extremism.  Of course, I have absolutely no evidence to support this theory, but I think it would be an interesting study. Extremism being — socialism?  Capitalism?  Democracy?  Or just the belief that we live in a utopian democracy?  Or the belief that Utopia is attainable?  Or the belief that we are really pretty much destined to live in a stagnant country where old ideas die hard unless they’re cumbersome to corporations? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

See my response – earlier – on why the use of the term ‘extremism’ is so laden with subjectivity that it doesn’t impart much information.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I don’t believe I’ve ever quoted anyone’s sig before, but this one is a great descritption of this capitalist society we live in which lends all power to those who can bullshit and very little to those who seek intelligence and truth. Right you are Matthew – because intelligence and truth contravene its most precious myths – such as ‘the individual who stikes it rich’ (though they leave unspoken how many bodies – including those of the downsized, and foreclosed) they walked over. Capitalism is the biggest myth of the cosmos because it pormulgates a notion that each individual can ‘make it’ if he really wants to. However, in a zero-sum world – with finite resources, this can only be done at the expense of others. Hence- the ‘winner take all’ view of society, with only dired dog bones left for the losers. Eventually – they will arrive at the oligarchy they so deserately seek – with the few and the rich controlling everything – and all others downsized or in a perpetual state of indentured servitude. But by then its own collapse will be imminent – because the bulk of consumers will have long since been exhausted. I find the anti-Capitalist sentiment interesting in this context because, myself being a socialist, I’d be willing to bet that shyness and the psychological effects of it affects the way a person views society and may even sometimes lead to extremism.  Of course, I have absolutely no evidence to support this theory, but I think it would be an interesting study.

I think the term ‘extremism’ is very relative and highly subjective. In fact, an ‘extremist’ is a label a society tailors to fit anyone who does not cooperate in its ‘programming’ or buy into its mythologies. It certainly doesn’t mean or imply an automatic ‘bomb-thrower’ or ‘terrorist’ – though most folks today immediately misinterpret it to mean that! However, your other point must be reinforced. I am convince the reclusive temperament is an outgrowth of a particular brain architecture-configuration, and that it manifests as a radically different type of *consciousness* to what one observes in the well-socialized (by which I mean societally-socialized) ‘extro’. These points were first made, of course, by Dr. Laurence Miller in his spelndid book ‘Inner NAtures: Brains,Self and Personality’. He also gives ample evidence to support his case. The problem with our culture – which is rapidly becoming more slavishly ‘corporate’ and ‘extro’ by the day (now to the point people are willing to violate their bodies -by an abomination called ‘cosmetic surgery’) to fit in, or so their jobs are not taken by ‘younger people’) is that it doesn’t recognize variants of consciousness. Rather it assumes only one type exists – and any differences in it are therefore *deviancies* or *defects*. It then uses labels, i.e. ’shyness’ to categorize and ostracize those with the perceived deviancy/defect. (Why I deplore the term ’shyness’ – or ’shy’). Let’s be frank – that so long as this skewed situations exists, all those who do not possess the ‘acceptable’ conciousness, are doomed to get nowhere in this culture, in this life. Their only recourse, then, is to psych-chemically re-make themselves in the image of the societally acceptable – as they re-make their outward appearance. As I said, an abomination – and further evidence of the toxic death culture we inhabit.

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: I find the anti-Capitalist sentiment interesting in this context : because, myself being a socialist, I’d be willing to bet that shyness : and the psychological effects of it affects the way a person views : society and may even sometimes lead to extremism.  Of course, I have : absolutely no evidence to support this theory, but I think it would be : an interesting study. All too true. When one lacks a sales talent in a society that heavily favours it, such a person has very few options to survive, let alone get ahead. What’s funny is how the same conservatives that scream about their taxes are the first ones to slam Microsoft. The irony is that Microsoft embodies conservatism in it’s rawest form. Shyness can in some cases result in misanthropic thoughts. For example, I’m the .FAQ keeper for alt.destroy.the.earth . — Microsoft is living proof that a sales talent is vastly more useful in a capitalist society than intelligence. A person with an IQ of 1,000 could die destitute, but a cretin with a sales talent can become a billionaire

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I find the anti-Capitalist sentiment interesting in this context because, myself being a socialist, I’d be willing to bet that shyness and the psychological effects of it affects the way a person views society and may even sometimes lead to extremism.  Of course, I have absolutely no evidence to support this theory, but I think it would be an interesting study.

Extremism being — socialism?  Capitalism?  Democracy?  Or just the belief that we live in a utopian democracy?  Or the belief that Utopia is attainable?  Or the belief that we are really pretty much destined to live in a stagnant country where old ideas die hard unless they’re cumbersome to corporations? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Matthew

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… Eventually – they will arrive at the oligarchy they so deserately seek – with the few and the rich controlling everything – and all others downsized or in a perpetual state of indentured servitude. But by then its own collapse will be imminent – because the bulk of consumers will have long since been exhausted.

Not by a long shot. They don’t need a large number of consumers, they just need consumers with money. As long as the workers are there to produce goods, the rich can go on forever selling their expensive goods to each other and paying peanuts to the common workers. The only way to change the system is revolution, but fortunately it is often possible to bring about revolution with ballots rather than bullets. When it becomes obvious that the rich are taking over, then the poor will vote for candidates who promise to spread the wealth. Judging by past history, such candidates will be likely to support some equalizing measures even if they don’t honor all their campaign promises. Alex Clark P. S. If I go into politics and anyone quotes the above line about revolution against me without clearly acknowledging that I consider elections to be a form of revolution, I’ll see them in court.

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I don’t believe I’ve ever quoted anyone’s sig before, but this one is a great descritption of this capitalist society we live in which lends all power to those who can bullshit and very little to those who seek intelligence and truth. Right you are Matthew – because intelligence and truth contravene its most precious myths – such as ‘the individual who stikes it rich’ (though they leave unspoken how many bodies – including those of the downsized, and foreclosed) they walked over. Capitalism is the biggest myth of the cosmos because it pormulgates a notion that each individual can ‘make it’ if he really wants to.

I would presume that both Matthew and Daeron have both achieved some financial success in their lives.  Daeron, as I recall, is going to move back to an island paradise (Bahamas, Bermuda or something), if a deal goes through.  And seems like both work at a college or university at fairly good paying jobs, (as defined by comparing their household income to the US or their local averages). How did they achieve this success?  Their posts tell it all.  How do they justify their actions, because they believe everyone else achieving at the expense of others, and they are not doing anything differently than any one else. However, in a zero-sum world – with finite resources, this can only be done at the expense of others. Hence- the ‘winner take all’ view of society, with only dired dog bones left for the losers. Eventually – they will arrive at the oligarchy they so deserately seek – with the few and the rich controlling everything – and all others downsized or in a perpetual state of indentured servitude. But by then its own collapse will be imminent – because the bulk of consumers will have long since been exhausted.

– Robert Van Deren vanderen-at-bmt-dot-net

Response:

I don’t believe I’ve ever quoted anyone’s sig before, but this one is a great descritption of this capitalist society we live in which lends all power to those who can bullshit and very little to those who seek intelligence and truth.

Right you are Matthew – because intelligence and truth contravene its most precious myths – such as ‘the individual who stikes it rich’ (though they leave unspoken how many bodies – including those of the downsized, and foreclosed) they walked over. Capitalism is the biggest myth of the cosmos because it pormulgates a notion that each individual can ‘make it’ if he really wants to. However, in a zero-sum world – with finite resources, this can only be done at the expense of others. Hence- the ‘winner take all’ view of society, with only dired dog bones left for the losers. Eventually – they will arrive at the oligarchy they so deserately seek – with the few and the rich controlling everything – and all others downsized or in a perpetual state of indentured servitude. But by then its own collapse will be imminent – because the bulk of consumers will have long since been exhausted.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I don’t believe I’ve ever quoted anyone’s sig before, but this one is a great descritption of this capitalist society we live in which lends all power to those who can bullshit and very little to those who seek intelligence and truth. Right you are Matthew – because intelligence and truth contravene its most precious myths – such as ‘the individual who stikes it rich’ (though they leave unspoken how many bodies – including those of the downsized, and foreclosed) they walked over. Capitalism is the biggest myth of the cosmos because it pormulgates a notion that each individual can ‘make it’ if he really wants to. However, in a zero-sum world – with finite resources, this can only be done at the expense of others. Hence- the ‘winner take all’ view of society, with only dired dog bones left for the losers. Eventually – they will arrive at the oligarchy they so deserately seek – with the few and the rich controlling everything – and all others downsized or in a perpetual state of indentured servitude. But by then its own collapse will be imminent – because the bulk of consumers will have long since been exhausted.

I find the anti-Capitalist sentiment interesting in this context because, myself being a socialist, I’d be willing to bet that shyness and the psychological effects of it affects the way a person views society and may even sometimes lead to extremism.  Of course, I have absolutely no evidence to support this theory, but I think it would be an interesting study.

Response:

I would presume that both Matthew and Daeron have both achieved some financial success in their lives.  Daeron, as I recall, is going to move back to an island paradise (Bahamas, Bermuda or something), if a deal goes through.  And seems like both work at a college or university at fairly good paying jobs, (as defined by comparing their household income to the US or their local averages). How did they achieve this success?  Their posts tell it all.  How do they justify their actions, because they believe everyone else achieving at the expense of others, and they are not doing anything differently than any one else.

What in God’s name are you drooling about here? Are you joking?  I do not work at a university.  My pay is crap.  I have debt out the wazoo (for which only I am responsible) and you are…uh…quick to jump to really incorrect conclusions.   Or, do you believe that socio-economic background has everything to do with being upset with the "way it is?"  I suppose you are unemployed, poor and living as a squatter in a cardboard box.

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Steve,    I’m the same way in that I hyper-focus on the significant other, and friendships pale by comparison and so don’t seem as important.  Actually I believe that I see my friends as talking to me a lot less when I have an SO, but probably what happens is that my SO talks to me a lot more than my friends & I perceive a change in my friends’ behaviors when really nothing has changed.  In essence: I have to struggle to maintain a committed relationship to my friends.  Social interaction for me has always been either "LOTS OF FRIENDS & NO S.O." or "NO FRIENDS & A REALLY CLOSE INTENSE S.O."  This apparently is pretty common for ADDers, according to the books I’ve read.    Does anybody have any suggestions? Other than "just do it".  How does one purposely try to maintain friends during the typical intense ADD relationship?  Then when the relationship blows up, how do you seek your friend.This obviously is a question which extends to all types, ADD or not. – susie

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Does anybody have any suggestions? Other than "just do it".  How does one purposely try to maintain friends during the typical intense ADD relationship?  Then when the relationship blows up, how do you seek your friend.This obviously is a question which extends to all types, ADD or not.

If they’re really your friends, they won’t let a SO get in the way.  If your SO is serious about being with you, then he/she won’t let the friends get in the way.  Next, which is more important?  You can’t please everyone because then you will only alienate everyone.  You do need to set priorities which all understand. I’ve usually chosen my SO over friends, and if my friends have stuck around, then they are friends.  If they go off on my SO and they don’t wish to be around me anymore b/c of their difference in opinion with my deceision as to who to date, then they’ve obviously taken it upon themselves to tell me they are rather unfriendly. My opinions, of course.   I am posting to damned much lately, gotta quit and start being shy again…. NOT!!!!!! Matthew

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: I always noticed that my social skills were better after I’d ‘had a : few’–or at least so they seemed.  I wonder if this was a form of : self-medication.   No doubt it is. : I also managed to hone my social skills by getting into groups that all : the other "losers, misfits, rejects, and loners" gravitated towards.  This That’s one reason I like pubs. : letting me observe and learn from the mistakes of others.  Two suggestions : that come to mind are the performing cast of your local Rocky Horror : Picture Show, and the Society for Creative Anachronism. Oh, yeah, those would-be actors and actresses in the hallways in costume. I never heard of the Society for Creative Anachronism. — Microsoft is living proof that a sales talent is vastly more useful in a capitalist society than intelligence. A person with an IQ of 1,000 could die destitute, but a cretin with a sales talent can become a billionaire

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I don’t believe I’ve ever quoted anyone’s sig before, but this one is a great descritption of this capitalist society we live in which lends all power to those who can bullshit and very little to those who seek intelligence and truth: Microsoft is living proof that a sales talent is vastly more useful in a capitalist society than intelligence. A person with an IQ of 1,000 could die destitute, but a cretin with a sales talent can become a billionaire

Insectus Pentius, I don’t know who you are or where you came from, but your name sounds sort of Latin for a nasty STD! Matthew

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However, in a zero-sum world – with finite resources, this can only be done at the expense of others. Hence- the ‘winner take all’ view of society, with only dired dog bones left for the losers. Eventually – they will arrive at the oligarchy they so deserately seek – with the few and the rich controlling everything – and all others downsized or in a perpetual state of indentured servitude. But by then its own collapse will be imminent – because the bulk of consumers will have long since been exhausted.

Here is my take on the current situation: Capitalism is the true nature of this state in which we (the West) live in.  We claim, through government propaganda and corporate controlled-massmedia, to live in a democratic state (as in "place in time right now" not as in "country-state"). In the former Soviet Union, the people lived in a socialist state.  For what it’s worth, Capitalism and Socialism are completely opposite (except for tiny give-and-takes such as gas and electric company monopolies in Capitalist countries and the occasionall Keosk-operator in the former Soviet and Soviet Bloc countries).   Although we are told that our society isn’t perfect, we believe we are headed in the right direction because of our "fundamentally democratic foundations."  The same was true of the Bloc countries and the Soviet Union itself:  no, they weren’t YET Communist, but because they were founded on those beliefs and were genuinely headed towards Communism, they were headed in the right direction.  Basically, two different socio-economic paths have lead to the same end:  A few up top who have "made it" and the majority floundering in the vast bottom.   The West has been able to propogate the democracy myth so well, that whatever we do, it is good because it is for democracy.  Well, this is the same in Red China as it was in the USSR and the Bloc.  Whatever they do, whoever they kill and whoever gives their lives for the country does so because it is for a greater good.   Now, in the Middle East you have the EXACT same thing, except instead of a socio-economic "utopia" such as Communism or Democracy, it is for "God."  You have theological states. My point being thus: we are all being scammed. In order for our "perpetual state of indentured servitude" to be worth living in, we are being dummed (what Daeron indicated).  The myths, the propaganda, the lies, the BS.  It exists for us all to be worker-bees combined with consumers.  That’s about all  we are.  However, there are a few who genuinely profit.  We don’t see these nameless, faceless people because they hide.  That’s because, essentially, they are ugly.  Ugly in spirit. Two cases in point: 1) A local attorney, who used to be an assistant prosecuting attorney for St. Louis County raped my sister, is tried by the State of Missouri and pleads guilty.  Where is he?  He is still practicing law, his practice aimed at "those women who are being abused."  This is no joke.  You can look it up in the state records.  No disbarment for him, because he’s got the connections, and his family has the money.   (Not that he’ll ever see this, but if he gets wind of it I hope he sues my ass for this, maybe he’ll get the attention he craves).  Is he a loner like on TV?  No.  Is he wild-eyed and crazy like in those movies? No.  He’s the very handsome, debonnaire Italian mega-bucks guy who gives speeches at local universities speaking out against domestic abuse.  I shit you not.  THIS makes the news.  His rampages do not.  Why?   2) A friend of mine was being pursued by her boss at her work.  She worked for the local electric company — you know, the monopoly in the democracy.  Anyway, this guy’s got more connections than you can imagine.  He was not only sending her cards telling her how much he loved her (he was about 70, married and she was about 35, single), he would get irate when she dated and eventually threatened to fire her. Well, before that could happen, another female in the company decided to take his butt to court.   It was a huge ordeal where no one could say anything.  No media, no nothing.  This friend of mine had to testify at court, and was worried if she told the truth, she’d lose her job.  She had to fly in from DC to St. Louis for 3 days for this court hearing.  This all went down with absolutely no media involvement.  I work at a law firm and daily the TV News crews are at the courthouses in the City and County reporting on "really important items."  Well, it’s obvious what’s important: those items that are not reported. These are just two items I happen to know about.  I know practically nothing compared to the really big stories.  I wonder what we don’t hear?  Things like, The West sucks because we basically are one huge slave factory existing solely for the benefit of a few.   Anyway, Democracy is Utopia.  Utopia is impossible.  We live under Capitalism.  Where was I going with this?  I’m not sure…oh yeah, myths. me

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MY DOCTOR SAY’S IT IS HELPFUL TO SCATTER-BRAINS.

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commented: MY DOCTOR SAY’S IT IS HELPFUL TO SCATTER-BRAINS.

Well for me my life FINALLY got together after I got the PC. I keep my PIM up to date on the PC then I print it out for the paper version. I have all my phone numbers and notes (journal) on it also. In addition, it’s taught me some patience… (I said SOME ;-) patience). Of course when I was on AOL I used the chat rooms a lot and learned social skills that I was able to take and apply IRL.   Then of course, there is this support group.  It’s just like therapy where I go to get feedback and support and to rant and rave. (I use it in conjuction with one on one therapy since my therapist says group therapy or an ADD support group is critical) But the best reason for having a computer is meeting people. I met my husband on the internet last year. peace to all, Nessa —– It’s been said patience is a virture,  but I’m not a virtuous woman.

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: MY DOCTOR SAY’S IT IS HELPFUL TO SCATTER-BRAINS. It sounds more like your doctor is a bigoted normie, using a word like "scatterbrain". Stop giving him your hard-earned money and find someone else. — Ned Kelly Lives!!!!!!    http://www.suburbia.net/~nedkelly/Seppo_Navy.html         The Navy: It’s Not Just A Job….. It’s $cientology Lite!       "Life’s a Bitch, and Then You Die… And Death’s a Bitch Too."

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OK, WHERE DO WE SCATTER THEM? Sorry, didn’t mean to shout. I get excited when someone comes up with something new and exciting to do.                                                Ray

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(Nessa) writes: Of course when I was on AOL I used the chat rooms a lot and learned social skills that I was able to take and apply IRL.  

I’d love to hear how chat rooms helped to learn social skills.  Anyone care to talk about this? Hope

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: I’d love to hear how chat rooms helped to learn social skills.  Anyone : care to talk about this? A good quality fake accent is better than newsgroups or IRC channels. After all, newsgroups and IRC are text-only. If your social skills are lacking, you’ll end up going through a few ISP’s before you figure it out. My mileage with the Internet for learning social skills doesn’t come close to what I found out with my drinking accent. While terminal proggies or Netscape(tm) may embolden a shy person, sooner or later, a person with low social skills will end up getting flamed a lot, which is discouraging after a while. Many newsgroups are like the flame groups like alt.flame, aus.flame, alt.nuke.the.USA or the like. The major difference between alt.politics.* for example and "real" flame groups is intensity. If you have a minority position on an issue, you will get flamed up the arse. The newsgroups aren’t (in my opinion at least) a very good place to learn social skills. The best way to learn social skills unfortunately is to "just do it". I admit it’s hard to "just do it". As a result of the difficuly, some people, including myself, resort to actor-like techniques. Some people never got acceptance as a child from other children, so they give up on being "themselves" and resort to acting techniques. I admit I’m one of the most extreme cases of this, given how I use an Australian accent when I drink to start conversations. Happily, my accent is good and strong and I get a lot of compliments on it. I’m always up front about how I have it. Whether the compliments are real or fake is of little consequence. The object is to start conversations. I do like meeting actor types though, and the accent is an excellent tool for that. :) The most effective thing is to find people with interests similar to your own. This is the case with me and actor types, and this is how I realised the significance of my accent! I discovered that I have a lot of similarities with actor types. It’s just I do my acting in a pub, not (yet) on a stage. For a very long time, I simply thought that I "had a drinking accent". Now I’ve realised it’s significance, and I can control it better. I can, in advance, tell myself that I will have it up and running for a given occasion. I can often start it up before my first swig! If you like singing, you could try karaoke places, where failure is not accompanied by booooooing. I  have found that to be good for starting conversations, and would be a second choice if I didn’t have my accent. Sport is a perennial favourite among normies. I’m glad that the Chicago Bulls are good like they are, and thay have one Aussie on the team, allowing a seamless connection between sport and accents. :) Being a Chicagoan, there isn’t much to talk about with sport besides losing, with the Bulls as a major exception. In fact, Chicago teams is why I don’t like sport excep for the Bulls, at least for now. A Longley jersey makes a great prop for when you act Australian. The moral of this story is that to socialise best is to find a group of like-minded people. So far, I havn’t found that outside the pubs, although I’m working on it. Progress can be very slow or fast, depending on your interest. Put simply, if your interests are rather esoteric (like accents and acting), it will be harder to find your crowd than it would be if you’re a sport fanatic. The more unusual the interest, the harder it will be to generate "small talk". As actors say: "Break a leg"! Posted and mailed. — Ned Kelly Lives!!!!!!    http://www.suburbia.net/~nedkelly/Seppo_Navy.html         The Navy: It’s Not Just A Job….. It’s $cientology Lite!            Yes, there is hope at the bottom of a booze bottle.

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I’m exceptionally beat tonite but let me give this a shot. 1. I had to learn to follow more than one train of thought at a time and be appropriate to each different discussion. 2.  I had to learn to be clear when I typed so that others would understand what I meant not just what I said. 3. I had the equal advantage of no one else having  vocal inflection facial expresion or any other face to face clues (which tend to distract me or  are ignored by me) 4.  I had to wait my turn (for the text to scroll) 5. I had to learn to be on topic and appropriate all the time… to go with the flow. is that enough of a start. Nessa —– It’s been said patience is a virture,  but I’m not a virtuous woman. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (Nessa) writes: Of course when I was on AOL I used the chat rooms a lot and learned social skills that I was able to take and apply IRL.   I’d love to hear how chat rooms helped to learn social skills.  Anyone care to talk about this? Hope

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : I’d love to hear how chat rooms helped to learn social skills.  Anyone : care to talk about this? A good quality fake accent is better than newsgroups or IRC channels. After all, newsgroups and IRC are text-only. If your social skills are lacking, you’ll end up going through a few ISP’s before you figure it out. My mileage with the Internet for learning social skills doesn’t come close to what I found out with my drinking accent. While terminal proggies or Netscape(tm) may embolden a shy person, sooner or later, a person with low social skills will end up getting flamed a lot, which is discouraging after a while. Many newsgroups are like the flame groups like alt.flame, aus.flame, alt.nuke.the.USA or the like. The major difference between alt.politics.* for example and "real" flame groups is intensity. If you have a minority position on an issue, you will get flamed up the arse. The newsgroups aren’t (in my opinion at least) a very good place to learn social skills. The best way to learn social skills unfortunately is to "just do it". I admit it’s hard to "just do it". As a result of the difficuly, some people, including myself, resort to actor-like techniques. Some people never got acceptance as a child from other children, so they give up on being "themselves" and resort to acting techniques. I admit I’m one of the most extreme cases of this, given how I use an Australian accent when I drink to start conversations. Happily, my accent is good and strong and I get a lot of compliments on it. I’m always up front about how I have it. Whether the compliments are real or fake is of little consequence. The object is to start conversations. I do like meeting actor types though, and the accent is an excellent tool for that. :) The most effective thing is to find people with interests similar to your own. This is the case with me and actor types, and this is how I realised the significance of my accent! I discovered that I have a lot of similarities with actor types. It’s just I do my acting in a pub, not (yet) on a stage. For a very long time, I simply thought that I "had a drinking accent". Now I’ve realised it’s significance, and I can control it better. I can, in advance, tell myself that I will have it up and running for a given occasion. I can often start it up before my first swig! If you like singing, you could try karaoke places, where failure is not accompanied by booooooing. I  have found that to be good for starting conversations, and would be a second choice if I didn’t have my accent. Sport is a perennial favourite among normies. I’m glad that the Chicago Bulls are good like they are, and thay have one Aussie on the team, allowing a seamless connection between sport and accents. :) Being a Chicagoan, there isn’t much to talk about with sport besides losing, with the Bulls as a major exception. In fact, Chicago teams is why I don’t like sport excep for the Bulls, at least for now. A Longley jersey makes a great prop for when you act Australian. The moral of this story is that to socialise best is to find a group of like-minded people. So far, I havn’t found that outside the pubs, although I’m working on it. Progress can be very slow or fast, depending on your interest. Put simply, if your interests are rather esoteric (like accents and acting), it will be harder to find your crowd than it would be if you’re a sport fanatic. The more unusual the interest, the harder it will be to generate "small talk". As actors say: "Break a leg"!

I broke my wrist you fool! anyways… I got embarassed like few have ever been because I tried to "just do it" but couldn’t! have you ever been reduced to incomprehendable babbling because your social skills sucked?

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