Act Acting » Method Acting » Dad's rules for dating

Dad's rules for dating

Question:

I saw this one before. Very funny :)

Response:

Your dads rules for your boyfriend:    Rule One:     If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, becasue you’re sure not picking anything up.     Rule Two:   You do not touch my daughter in  front of me.  You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.  If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.   Rule Three:    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for  boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.  Please don’t take this as an insult, but  you and all of your friends are complete idiots.  Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:  YOu may come to the door with your underwear showing and  your pants ten sizes to big, and I will    not object.  However, in order to ensure that  your clothes do no, infact     come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.   Rule Four:    I’m sure you’ve been told that in > today’s world,

 sex without utilizing a   "Barrier method" of some kind can > kill you.  Let

 me elaborate, when it     comes to sex, I am the barrrier, > and I will kill

you.   Rule Five:    It is usually understood that in > order for us to

 get to know each other,    we should talk aobut sports, > politics, and other

 issues of the day.   Please do  not do this.  The only > information I > require from you is an

   indication of when you expect to > have my daughter

 safely back at my     house, and the only word I need > from you on this

 subject is: early."     Rule Six:     I have no doubt you are a popular > fellow, with

many opportunities to  date other girls.  This is fine > with me as long

as it is okay with my daughter.  Otherwise, once you > have gone out with

my little girl, you     will continue to date no one but > her until she is

 finished with you.  If  you make her cry, I will make you > cry.

Rule Seven:    As you stand in my front hallway, > waiting for my

 daughter to appear, and   more than an hour goes by, do not > sigh and

fidget.  If you want to be on  time for the movie, you should not > be dating.  My

 daughter is putting on    her makeup, a process than can > take longer than > > > > >>>>> >> painting the Golden Gate

   Bridge.  INstead of just standing > there, why

 don’t you do something   useful, like changing the oil in > my car?

  Rule Eight:     The following places are not > appropriate for a

 date with my daughter:   Places where there are beds, > sofas, or anything

 softer than a wooden    stool.  Places where there is > darkness.  PLaces

 where there is danceing,    holding hands, or happiness. > Places where the

 ambient tamperature is     warm enough to introduce my duaghter to wear  shorts, tank tops, midriff     T-shirts, or anything othere than overalls, a  sweater, and a goose down    parka – zipped up to her throat.  Movies with a  strong romantic or     sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which  features chan saws are     okay.  Hockey games are okay.  Old > folks homes

 are better.     Rule Nine:    Do not lie to me.  I may appear to > be a

 potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. > But on issues

 relating to my daughter,     I am the all-knowing, merciless > god of your

 universe.  If I ask you     where you are going and with whom, > you have one

 chance to tell me the     truth, the whole truth and nothing > but the truth.

  I have a shotgun, a     shovel, and five acres behind the > house.  Do not

 trifle with me.     Rule Ten:     Be afraid,.  Be very afraid.  It > takes very

 little for me to mistake the     sound of your car in the driveway > for a chopper

 coming in over a rice     paddy near Hanoi.  When my Agent > Orange stargts

 acting up, the voices in     my head frequently tell me to > clean the guns as I

 wait for you to bring     my daughter home.  As soon as you > pull into the

 driveways you should     exit the car with both hands in > plain sight.

Speak the perimeter     password, announce in a clear > voice that you have

 brought my daughter     home safely and early, then return > to your car –

 there is no need for   you to come inside.  The > camoflaged face at the

 window is mine.

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